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THE LINCOLN 
STORY BOOK 



A Judicious Collection of the Best Stories 

and Anecdotes of the Great President, 

Many Appearing Here for the 

First Time in Book Form 




COMPILED BY 

HENRY L. WILLIAMS 



v^ 



G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS NEW YORK 



LIBRARY of CONGRESS 
Two Copies Recelvod 
FEB 20 1907 

^ Copyrteht Entry 

/0US3 ^ XXcNo, 
eopY B. 



'lb+flH&H=4fl4OT1h 



Copyright, 1907 
By G. W. Dillingham Co. 



(Issued March, 1907) 
hiet 



[The Lincoln Story Book] 



I ^17 



37 



PREFACE. 



The ABraham Lincoln Statue at Chicago is accepted 
as the typical Westerner of the forum, the rostrum, and 
the tribune, as he stood to be inaugurated under the 
war-cloud in 1861. But there is another Lincoln as 
dear to the common people — the Lincoln of happy quota- 
tions, the speaker of household words. Instead of the 
erect, impressive, penetrative platform orator we see 
a long, gaunt figure, divided between two chairs for com- 
fort, the head bent forward, smiling broadly, the lips 
curved in laughter, the deep eyes irradiating their caves 
of wisdom; the story-telling Lincoln, enjoying the en- 
joyment he gave to others. 

This talkativeness, as Lincoln himself realized, was a 
very valuable asset. Leaving home, he found, in a ven- 
ture at "Yankee notion-pedling," that glibness meant 
three hundred per cent, in disposing of flimsy wares. In 
the camp of the lumber-jacks and of the Indian rangers 
he was regarded as the pride of the mess and the in- 
spirator of the tent. From these stages he rose to be a 
graduate of the "college" of the yarn-spinner — the vil- 
lage store, where he became clerk. 

The store we know is the township vortex where all 
assemble to "swap stories" and deal out the news. Lin- 
coln, from behind the counter — his pulpit — not merely 
repeated items of information which he had heard, but 
also recited doggerel satire of his own concoction, pun- 
ning and emitting sparks of wit. Lincoln was hailed as 
the "capper" of any "good things on the rounds." 

Even then his friends saw the germs of the statesman 
in the lank, homely, crack-voiced hobbledehoy. Their 
praise emboldened him to stand forward as the spokes- 
man at schoolhouse meetings, lectures, log-rollings, husk- 
iag& auctions, fairs, and so on — the folk-meets of our 



ii PREFACE. 

people. One watching him in 1830 said foresightedly : 
"Lincoln has touched land at last." 

In commencing electioneering, he cultivated the farm- 
ing population and their ways and diction. He learned 
by their parlance and Bible phrases to construct "short 
sentences of small words," but he had all along the idea 
that "the plain people are more easily influenced by a 
broad and humorous illustration than in any other way." 
It is the Anglo-Saxon trait, distinguishing all great 
preachers, actors, and authors of that breed. 

He acknowledged his personal defects with a frank- 
ness unique and startling; told a girl whom he was 
courting that he did not believe any woman could fancy 
him ; publicly said that he could not be in looks what was 
rated a gentleman ; carried the knife of "the homeliest 
man" ; disparaged himself like a Brutus or a Pope Sixtus. 
But the mass relished this "plain, blunt man who spoke 
right on." 

He talked himself into being the local "Eminence," 
but did not succeed in winning the election when first 
presented as "the humble" candidate for the State Sen- 
ate. He stood upon his "imperfect education," his not 
belonging "to the first families, but the seconds" ; and 
his shunning society as debarring him from the study 
he required. 

Repulsed at the polls, he turned to the law as another 
channel, supplementing forensic failings by his artful 
story-telling. Judges would suspend business till "that 
Lincoln fellow got through with his yarn-spinning" or 
underhandedly would direct the usher to get the rich bit 
Lincoln told, and repeat it at the recess. 

Mrs. Lincoln, the first to weigh this man justly, said 
proudly, that "Lincoln was the great favorite every- 
where." 

Meanwhile his fellow citizens stupidly tired of this 
Merry Andrew — they "sent him elsewhere to talk other 
folks to death" — to the State House, where he served 
several terms creditably, but was mainly the fund of 
jollity to the lobby and the chartered jester of the law- 
makers. 



PREFACE. iii 

Such loquacious witchery fitted him for the Congress, 
Elected to the House, he was immediately greeted by 
connoisseurs of the best stamp — President Martin van 
Buren, "prince of good fellows;" Webster, another in- 
tellect, saturnine in repose and mercurial in activity; the 
convivial Senator Douglas, and the like. These formed 
the rapt ring around Lincoln in his own chair in the 
snug comer of the congressional chat-room. Here he 
perceived that his rusticity and shallow skimmings placed 
him under the trained politicians. It was here, too, that 
his stereotyped prologue to his digressions — "That re- 
minds me" — became popular, and even reached England, 
where a publisher so entitled a joke-book. Lincoln dis- 
placed "Sam Slick," and opened the way to Artemus 
Ward and Mark Twain. The longing for elevation was 
fanned by the association with the notables — Buchanan, 
to be his predecessor as President; Andrew Johnson, to 
be his vice and successor; Jefferson Davis and Alex. H. 
Stephens, President and Vice-President of the C. S. A.; 
Adams, Winthrop, Sumner, and the galaxy over whom 
his solitary star was to shine dazzlingly. 

A sound authority who knew him of old pronounced 
him "as good at telling an anecdote as in the '30's." But 
the fluent chatterer reined in and became a good listener. 
He imbibed all the political ruses, and returned home 
with his quiver full of new and victorious arrows for 
the Presidential campaign, for his bosom friends urged 
him to try to gratify that ambition, preposterous when 
he first felt it attack him. He had grown out of the 
sensitiveness that once made him beg the critics not to 
put him out by laughing at his appearance. He formed 
a boundless arsenal of images and similes ; he learned 
the American humorist's art not to parade the joke with 
a discounting smile. He worked out Euclid to brace his 
fantasies, as the steel bar in a cement fence-post makes 
it irresistibly firm. But he allowed his vehement fervor 
to carry him into such flights as left the reporters un- 
able to accompany his sentences throughout. 

He was recognized as the destined national mouth- 
piece. He was not of the universities, but of the uni- 



iv PREFACE. 

verse; the Mississippi of Eloquence, uncultivated, stu- 
pendous, enriched by sweeping into the innumerable side 
bayous and creeks. 

Elected and re-elected President, he continued to be 
a surprise to those who shrank from levity. Lincoln 
was their puzzle; for he had a sweet sauce for every 
"roast," and ^owed the smile of invigoration to every 
croaking prophet. His state papers suited the war 
tragedies, but still he delighted the people with those 
tales, tagging all the events of what may be called the 
Lincoln era. The camp and the press echoed them 
though the Cabinet frowned — secretaries said that they 
exposed the illustrious speaker to charges of "clownish- 
ness and buffoonery," But this perennial good-humor 
— perfectly poised by the people — alleviated the strain of 
withstanding that terrible avalanche threatening to dis- 
member and obliterate the States and bury all the virtues 
and principles of our forefathers. 

Even his official letters were in the same vein. Re- 
garding the one to England which meant war, he asked 
of Secretary Seward if its language would be compre- 
hended by our minister at the Victorian court, and added 
dryly: "Will James, the coachman at the door — will he 
understand it ?" Receiving the answer, he nodded grimly 
and said: "Then it goes!" It went, and there was no 
war with the Bull. 

Time has refuted the purblind purists, the chilly "wet- 
blankets"; and the Lincoln stories, bright, penetrative, 
piquant, and pertinent are our classics. Hand in hand 
with "Father Abraham," the President next to Washing- 
ton in greatness, walks "Old Abe, the Story-teller." 



CONTENTS. 



PAGB 

"Abe, A Thundering Old 

Glory!" 158 

Abutment Was Dubersome, 

The 75 

"Accuse Not a Servant".... 210 

After Votes 145 

"Agin' The Government". .. 283 
"Ain't I Glad to Git Out o' 

De Wilderness!" 231 

"All a Man Wants — Twenty- 
Thousand Dollars !" 48 

All Mouth and No Hands 

Class 205 

All Staff and No Army 166 

Angels Swearing Make No 

Difference 214 

Apple of His Eye, The.. .. 127 
Argument of "The Stub- 
tailed Cow" 153 

Art of Being Paid to Eat, 

The 87 

As a Light Porter 143 

As Clear as Moonshine .... 68 

Assassination 307 

Assisting the Inevitable.... 112 
Bail the Potomac With a 

Spoon 243 

Battle of Roses, A 251 

Beginning at the Head With 

.Clothing 146 

Benevolence is Beautiful.... 186 

Best Car! The 88 

Best Let An Elephant Go . . . 298 
Best Thing to Take, The. ... 28 
Better Looking Than Ex- 
pected 92 

Better Sometimes Right Than 

All Times Wrong 99 

Beyond the Boon 56 

Blank Biography, The 90 

"Blind" Fortune 255 

"Blondin" Smile, The 237 

Blood-shedding Remits Sins . . 179 
Boating on Ground "A Leetle 

Damp" 21 

Bottling That Wasp 161 

"Bottom Will Fall Out," The 234 
"Bounteous President — If 

Anything Is Left!" A.... 87 

Bowing to the Boy of Battles 263 
"Break the Critter Where 

Slim!" 265 



PAGE 

Breaking Up the Little Game 233 
Brigadiers Cheap — Charges 

Costly 262 

"But Aaroa Got His Commis- 
sion !" 201 

"Cabinet" Talk 156 

"Call Me 'Lincoln'" 100 

Captain Challenged By His 

Men, A 61 

Carried the Post-matter In 

His Hat 138 

"Cheers Not Military — But I 

Like Them!" 240 

Chestnuts Under a Sycamore 116 

Clear Foresight, The 303 

"Close Your Eyes" 301 

Coarse Feed First ! 231 

Come One, Come All ! Ill 

Commander Should Obey Or- 
ders, The 249 

Compliments Is All They Do 

Pay 243 

Concert on "Dred Scott," The 108 

Connubial Amity 106 

Conviction Through a Thrash- 
ing 20 

Cream of the Joke, The.... 81 
Curious Combination, A . . . . 149 
"Den I Takes to de Woods !" 54 
Did She Take the Wink To 

Herself? 288 

"Discontented — About Pour 

Hundred ", The 195 

Dismembered "Yaller" Dog, 

The 286 

Displace the Thistles By 

Flowers 184 

Do It "Unbeknownst" 304 

Don't Judge By Appearances 301 
Don't Swap Horses Crossing 

a Stream 246 

Don't Waste the Plug, But 

Use It! 175 

"Down To the Raisins!".... 115 
Drinking and Swallowing Are 

Two Things 29 

Eloquent Hand, The 101 

Encourage Longing For Work 201 

Envy of ■& Humorist 122 

Even Rebels Might Be Saved 189 



CONTENTS 



PAGE 

Facts Are Stubborn Ttings.. 83 
"Family Man Wants To See 

His Family," A 188 

Fearlessness ot the God-fear- 
ing, The • •• 311 

Fight Proves Nothmg, A.. Xi» 
Fighting Out of One Coat In- 
to Another 1" ' 

Figures Will Prove Any- 

thing ••••••, i%l 

File It Away! 1^3 

Fizzle Anyhow! A ^ao 

"Fly Away, Jack!" 225 

Forget Over a Grave ! 296 

For Playing a Man Alive. . . 273 
Fox Appointed Paymaster, 

The 268 

Fruitful Speech, A 60 

"General At Last!" A 294 

General McClellan's Opinion 

of Lincoln As a Lawyer ... 62 
Georgia Colonel's Costume, 

The 230 

Get Iheir Graves Ready.... 228 
Getting the Company Colum 

Through "Endwise" 58 

Giant and Giant-killer 116 

"Gi'e Us a Good Conceit!".. 196 
Going Down With Colors 

Flying -^ 290 

"Going To Canaan ! ^oo 

Gloves Or No Gloves 9T 

"Go, Thou, And Do Like- 

wise" j,j.% 

Good Boy Gets On, The 203 

Good Enough For the Pros- 

ident • 4« 

Good Listener, A..... ..••• J-^' 

Grant Brand of Whisky, The 293 

Great National Job, The 273 

Grounds for a Financial Bs- 

timate xzu 

Hand-to-hand Encounter, The 98 
"Hang On — Not Hang!"... 306 

Hard To Beat 84 

"Hardships Strengthen Mus- 

cles" 36 

He Did Not Know His Own 

House *6 

He Used to Be "Good On the 

Chop" 87 

"He Who Fights and Runs 

Away ** .,..,....•••• Zoo 

"Help Me Let Go !" 251 

"Highest Merit to the Sol- 
dier," The 151 

Highwayman's Non Sequitur, 

The 145 

His High Mightiness 89 

His "Leg Cases" 180 

His Pen Wanted to Keep 

Their Hogs Safe 226 

History Repeats 299 

Hitching to the Moon 224 



tAGB 

"Hold On and Chaw !" 272 

"Homeliest Man Under Gov- 
ernment," The 91 

Hooking Hens Is Low 66 

Horrors For the Third Time, 

The 24 

Hot and Cold the Same 

Breath 205 

"House Divided Cannot 

Stand," A 108 

How Get Him Out? 265 

How Long Legs Should Be.. . 35 
How Many Short Breaths?.. 31 
How McCulloch Was Con- 
strained to Serve 204 

"How Sleep the Brave?".... 151 
How the Delinquent Soldier 

Paid His Debt 181 

"How to Get Men to Vote?". 146 

"Hurrah For You !" 227 

"I Can Bear Censure, But Not 

Insult!" 250 

"I Count For Something!"... 276 
"I Don't Believe There Is 

Any Danger!" 309 

I Don't Want To — But That's 

It If I Must Die 298 

"I Reckon I Took More Than 

My Share" 85 

"I Wanted to See Them 

Spread" 120 

Idlers Equaled the Effectives, 

The 249 

If All Failed. He Could Go 

Back To the Old Trade.. .. 141 
"If Good, He's Got It ! If 
'Tain't Good, He Ain't Got 

It!" 170 

If He Felt That Way — Start ! 296 
"If I Had So Much Money 
and Was As Badly Skeer- 

ed— _'• 259 

"If I Must Go Down, Let It 

Be Linked to Truth" 110 

"If It Will Do the President 

Good " 119 

"I Jinks! I Can Beat You 

Both!" 220 

"I'll Hit the Thing Hard!".. 49 

In the Inca's Position 254 

Initiator Installed, The 22 

"Is the World Going to Fol- 
low That Comet Oft?" 136 

"It Is a Poor Sermon That 

Does Not Hit Somewhere". 95 
It Is the Deed, Not the Doer. 26 
"It Occurs to Me That I Am 

Commander !" 242 

"It Pleases Her, and It Don't 

Hurt Me" 260 

"It Rests Me to Save a Life!" 188 
"It Was the Baby That Did 

It" 187 

Jumping Jim Crow 82 

Kentuckians Are Clanny 63 

Knowing When to Give In. . . 59 



CONTENTS 



FAGB 

L.et a Good Man Alone ! 236 

Let Down the Bars a Leetle. . 160 
"Let Him Squeal If He 

Works" 261 

"Let the Grass Grow Where 

It May!" 221 

"Lex Talionis" Christianized, 

The 50 

"Life Too Precious to Be 

Lost" 191 

Lightning-rod to Protect a 

Guilty Conscience, A 78 

"Lilse a Jug — The Handle All 

One Side" 146 

Lincoln and Superstition 93 

Lincoln's Book Criticism 98 

Lincoln Calendar 7 

Lincoln's Cheese-box On a 

Raft 257 

Lincoln's Dream 93 

Lincoln's First Dollar 18 

Lincoln's First Love-story.... 39 
Lincoln's First Political 

Speech 77 

Lincoln Guessed the First 

Time 171 

Lincoln's Height 32 

Lincoln's Last Wish 307 

Lincoln's Marriage 41 

Lincoln Non Sequitur, The . . . 121 
Lincoln's Opinion at Thirty.. 90 
Lincoln Plan of Campaign, 

The 248 

Lincoln's Puns On Proper 

Names 131 

Lincoln's "Sentiments" on a 

Mooted Point 116 

Lincoln the Great and Lincoln 

the Little 134 

Lincoln's Vision 93 

Lincoln's Vow . . . 53 

Lincoln Was Loaded for Bear 86 

Lincoln's Wedding-song 11 

Little David and the Stone for 

Goliath 256 

"Little For So Big a Busi- 
ness" 244 

Little Hatchet Again Turns 

Up, The 10 

Little Hatchet Did It, The ... 9 
"Little More Light and a Lit- 
tle Less Noise," A 212 

Log-rolling to Save Lives .... 16 

Long Meter 35 

"Luxury to See One Who 

Wants Nothing," A 209 

Making the Dagger Stab the 

Holder 99 

Making the Wool, Not Feath- 
ers, Fly 15 

"Man Down South," The 285 

Man Who Can Scratch His 

Shins Without Stooping, A 38 
Marrying a Man Without His 

Consent 209 



"Maryland a Good State to 

Move From !" 245 

"Master of Them Both" 235 

"Matching" Stories 124 

Mayor Is the Better Horse, 

The 277 

Measures and Men 33 

Men Have Faults, Like 

Horses 130 

Mercy Has Precedence Over 

the Rigid 192 

Meteorological Omen, The... 288 
Model Whisky-barrel, The... 106 
"Monarch of All He Surveyed, 

The" 130 

More "Shinplasters" to Heal 

the Sore 174 

More Praying and Less Swear- 
ing ! 97 

Most Afraid of a Friendly 

Shot 313 

Mr. Lincoln's Opinion of Gen- 
eral McClellan 228 

"My Part of the Ship Is An- 
chored !" 213 

My Question ! 169 

"My Speeches Have Original- 
ity as Their Merit" 163 

Negro Home, or Agitation, 

The 51 

"Nice Clothes May Make a 
Handsome Man — Even of 

You!" 73 

No Day Without a Line 100 

"No 'Dutch' Courage" 258 

"No Heaping Coals of Fire On 

That Head" 13 

No Man Is Indispensable.. .. 167 
No More Invidious Name- 
calling 305 

"No Placing Thorns On the 

Side of My Worst Enemy" 247 
No Re-lie-ance of Them I . . . . 125 
"No Royalty in Our Carriage" 103 

No Sunday Fighting 236 

No Vices — Few Virtues 126 

Not Good Offices, But a Good 

Story 199 

"Not Many Such Boys Outside 

of Sunday-school" 202 

"Not Much of a Head, But 

His Only One !" 196 

Not "Shoulder-straps," But 

Hardtack 245 

Not So Easy to Get Into 

Prison 133 

"Not the President, But the 

Old Friend" 299 

Not the Right "Clay" to Ce- 
ment a Union 285 

Not to Be Thought Of ! 64 

Not to Disappoint the People 314 
"Nothing Can Touch Him 

Further" 302 

Nothing Like Getting Used to 
Things! 313 



/ 



IV 



CONTENTS 



Nothing Like Prayer But 
Praise 315 

Numbering the Hairs of His 

Tail! 241 

Of Twenty Applicants, Nine- 
teen Are Made Enemies... 197 
Old Abe Will Look Better 
When His Hair Is Combed 148 

On the Blister-bench 158 

On the Lord's Side 267 

"One and a Half Times Big- 
ger Than Other Men" 177 

One Cannot Die Twice 305 

One Happy Day 147 

"One On 'Em Not Dead Yet!" 274 

One War at a Time 282 

One Who Dared "Pull Wool 

Over Lincoln's Eyes," The 47 
One Word He Had Learned, 

The 314 

Only Discredit, The 126 

Parallel Courses 82 

Party Gad, The 83 

Passes No Good for Rich- 
mond 277 

Paying for Whisky He Did 

Not Drink 150 

Peace - at - Any - Price Party, 

The 222 

Pegged or Sewed ? 154 

Perfect Retaliation 159 

Phantom Chase, A 171 

Pile For the Public Printer, 

A 220 

Pills to Purge Melancholy... 115 
Pioneer's Land-title, The.... 238 

Playing Cuttlefish 109 

"Pleasure to Preside, At 

Last," A 266 

Plot to Waylay the Presi- 
dent (1860), The 308 

Plowing Around a Log 284 

Poisoning Plot, The 312 

Practise Before and Behind 

"The Bar" 105 

President Lincoln Dubbed 

Them the "Wide-awakes" . . 139 
President, Not an Emperor, A 308 
Prize for Homeliness, The. . . 34 

Promising Face, The 107 

Put-up Job — or Chance? A.. 40 
"Put Your Feet Right and 

Stand Firm!" 227 

Real Thing Superior to the 

Sham Battle. The 278 

Red Flag to Him, A 224 

Religion of Feeling, The 95 

Rest! 250 

Rest Was Vile, The 12 

Rid of an Office-seeker 198 

Righting Wrong Hurts, But 

Does Good 164 

"Risk the Hogs and I Will 

Risk Myself" 11 

Risking the Dictatorship . . . , 269 
"Root, Hog, or Die!" 291 



Rule Without Exception, A.. 189 

Running Fever, The 176 

Salt Before Pepper 123 

Scale of Rebels, The 282 

Secret of the Interior, A.... 166 

Self-made 89 

Self-sacrifice ^ 113 

"Set the Trap Again !" 102 

"Ship of State" Smile, The.. 219 
"Shooting a Man Does Him 

No Good!" 186 

Shoveling Fleas 230 

"Skeered Virginian," The. . . 235 

"Skin Wright and Close!"... 65 

Slave-dealer, The 50 

Sleeping On Post Cancels a 

Commission 168 

Snake Smile, The 149 

So Slow, a Hearse Ran Over 

Him! 178 

Soldiering Apart From Poli- 
tics 155 

Something Lincolnian All 

Could Take 202 

Somewhat of a Newsman. . . . 211 
"Sooner the Fowl By Hatch- 
ing the Egg Than Smash- 
ing It" 281 

South Like an Ash-cake, The 275 

Splitting the Difference 254 

Stage in the Ceaseless March 

Onward to Victory, A 270 

Stanton's Service Was Worth 

His Sauce 165 

"State Against Mr. Whisky," 

The 67 

"Stationary" Engine, A 229 

"Statute Fixes All That," The 45 

Steel and Steal 215 

Stick to Your Business 208 

Still of Little Note 117 

Stokers as Brave as Any, The 152 
Stopper on Journalistic 

"Gas " The 123 

Struck By the Dead Hand '.'.'. 38 
Stumping the Stump-speaker. 14 
"Such a Sucker as Me, Presi- 
dent!" 147 

Suspension Is Not Execution. 194 
"Swearing Had to Be Done 

Then, or Not at AH!".. .. 183 
Swearing Like a Church- 
warden 162 

Tail of the Kite, The 100 

Taken From Rebellion and 

Given to Loyalty 193 

Talker With Nothing to Say, 

A 207 

That King Lost His Head... 162 

"That's What's the Matter".. 216 
"The Administration Can 

Stand It If the Times Can" 160 

"Them Three Fellers Ag'in !" 133 
"There Is Much in an 'If 

and a 'But' " 174 

They Went Away Sicker Still. 197 



CONTENTS 



Things Were Topsy-turvy 

Aloft, Too 223 

This Clinches It 39 

Time That Tried the Soul, A. 155 

Title No Hindrance, A 207 

"To Canaan" 267 

To Cure Singing in the Head 262 
Too Busy to Go Into Another 

Business 281 

To Think and To Do Well . . . 102 
Tool Turned On the Handle, 

The 279 

Trap to Catch a Douglas, The 104 
Tree-toad and "Timotheus," 

The 117 

Trust to the Old Blue Sock.. 140 

Truth and the People 100 

Try and Go As Far as You 

Can! 152 

Turn Out or Be Turned Out.. 28 

Two Prayers, The 95 

Unconventional Order, An. .. 241 
"United States of America, 

the Treasury of the 

World!" The 306 

Unpardonable Crime, The.... 55 

Use of Books, The 98 

Vain As the Pope's Bull 

Against the Comet 57 

Vice Not to Say "No," A... 88 

Voice From the Dead, A . . . . 109 
Volunteer Captaincy Worth 

Two Dollars, A 57 

Wanted the Jail Earnings... 206 
"Wanting to Dance the Worst 

Way" 45 

War-lord, The 172 



PAGE 

Washington's Difficult Task.. 215 
"We Shall Beat Them, My 

Son!" 244 

"We Shall See Our Friends 

in Heaven !" 96 

"Went and Returned" 302 

"What We Have We Will 

Give You" 173 

What's in a Name? 150 

When Washington Was All 

One Tavern 264 

Whetstone Story, The 129 

Whipping Around the Stump. 190 
Whiskered, to Please the 

Ladies and Get Votes 144 

Whistle That Stopped the 

Boat, The 25 

Why So Many Common 

People 122 

"Win the Fight, or Die 

A-trying" 114 

With Two Guns, Hold Off an 

Army 232 

Wolf in a Trap Must Sacri- 
fice His "Tail" to be Free, 

A 211 

Woman 102 

Word Flies, But the Writ 

Remains, The 172 

Working for a Living Makes 

One Practical 271 

Worry Till You Get Rid of 

Things 310 

Worsted In a Horse-trade ... 30 
"You Have One, and I Have 

One — That Is Right!" 185 



LINCOLN CALENDAR. 

Abraham Lincoln, born February 12, 1809, Hardin County, 
Kentucky. "Lincoln Day." 

1817 — Settled in Perry County, Indiana; father, mother, sister, 
and self. 

1818 — October 5, Mrs. Thomas Lincoln (Nancy Hanks) died; 
buried Spencer County, Indiana. In 1901, a monument erected 
to her memory, the base being the former Abraham Lincoln 
vault. Schooling, a few months, 1819, '20 and '28, about six 
months' school. 

1819 — Thomas (father of A. L.) marries again: Mrs. Johnson 
(Sally Bush) of Kentucky. 

1830 — March, Lincoln family remove into Illinois, near De- 
catur. 

1831 — Works for himself: boatbuilding and sailing, carpenter- 
ing, hog-sticking, sawmilling, blacksmithing, river-pilot, logger, 
etc., in Menard County, Indiana. 

1831 — Election clerk at New Salem. Captain and private (re^ 
enlisted) in Black Hawk War. Store clerk and merchant. New 
Salem. Studies for the law. 

1832 — First political speech. Henry Clay, Whig platform. De- 
feated through strong local vote. Deputy surveyor, at three 
dollars a day, Sangamon County. 

1834 — Elected to State legislature as Whig. (Resides in 
Springfield till 1861. Law partner with John L. Stuart till 1840.) 

1835 — Postmaster, New Salem; appointed by President Jack- 
son. 

1838 to 1840 — Reelected to State legislature. 

1840 — Partner in law with S. T. Logan. 

1842 — Married Miss Mary Todd, of Kentucky. Of the four 
sons, Edward died in infancy; William ("Willie") at twelve at 
Washington; Thomas ("Tad") at Springfield, aged twenty; 
Robert M. T., minister to Great Britain, presidential candidate, 
secretary of war to President Garfield. His only g^randson, Abra- 
ham, died in London, March, 1890. 

1844 — Proposed for Congress. 

1845 — Law partner with W. H. Herndon, for life. 

1846 — Elected to Congress, the single Whig Illinois member; 



vin LINCOLN CALENDAR. 

voted antislavery; sought abolition in the D. C. ; voted Wilmct 
Proviso. Declined reelection. 

1848 — Electioneered for General Taylor. 

1849 — Defeated by Shields for United States senator. 

1852 — Electioneered for General Scott. 

1854 — Won the State over to the Republicans, but by arrange- 
ment transferred his claim to the senatorship to Trumbull. Oc- 
tober, debated with Douglas. Declined the governorship in favor 
of Bissell. 

1856 — Organized the Republican Party and became its chief; 
nominated vice-president, but was not chosen by its first con- 
vention; worked for the Fremont-Daj^on presidential ticket. 

1858 — Lost in the legislature the senatorship to Douglas. 

1859 — Placed for the presidential candidacy. Made Eastern 
tour "to get acquainted." 

i860 — May 9, nominated for President, "shutting out" Seward, 
Chase, Cameron, Dayton, Wade, Bates, and McLean. 

1861 — March 4, inaugurated sixteenth President; succeeds 
Buchanan, and precedes his vice — Andrew Johnson, whom Gen- 
eral Grant succeeded. Civil War began by firing on Fort Sum- 
ter, April 12. 

1862 — September 22. emancipation announced. 

1863 — January i, emancipation proclaimed. November 19, 
Gettysburg Cemetery address. December 9, pardon to rebels pro- 
claimed. 

1864 — Unanimous nomination as Republican presidential can- 
didate for reelection, June 7. Reelected November 8. 

1865 — March 4, inaugurated for the second term. April 14, 
assassinated in Ford's Theater, Washington, by a mad actor, 
Wilkes Booth. April 19, body lay in state at Washington. 
April 26, Booth slain in resisting arrest, by Sergeant Boston 
Corbett, near Port Royal. April 21 to May 4, funeral-train 
through principal cities North, to Springfield, Illinois. 

1871 — Temporarily deposited in catacomb. 

1874 — In catacomb, in sarcophagus. The completed monument 
dedicated. 

1876— To frustrate repetition of body-snatchers' attempt, re- 
interred deeper. 

1900 — A fifth removal; the whole structure solidly rebuilt, con- 
taining the martyred President, his wife, and their three chil- 
dren, as well as the grandson bearing Abraham's name. 



THE LINCOLN STORY BOOK. 



CHILDISH RIME. 
In a copybook, at the age of nine or ten : 

Abraham Lincoln, 

his hand and pen. 
he will be good, but 

god knows when. 

The small "g" led a public speaker to denounce the 
sort of men — "sordid and ignorant" — who write "God 
with a small g and gold with a big one," This was a 
scrapbook in humble imitation of the albums in the East. 

Another copybook motto. (A year or so later. )^ 

Good boys who to their books apply 
Will all be great men by and by. 



THE LITTLE HATCHET DID IT. 
In 1823 Abraham Lincoln went briefly to Crawford's 
school, a log house, pleasing the teacher by his attention 
to the simple course. The boy had read but a small 
library, principally "Weems' Life of Washington," which 
had impressed him deeply. This is shown by the follow- 
ing anecdote told by Andrew Crawford, the Spencer 
County pedagogue: The latter saw that a buck's head, 
nailed on the schoolhouse, was broken in one horn, and 
asked the scholars who among them broke it. "I did it," 
answered young Lincoln promptly. "I did not mean to 



lo The Lincoln Story Book. 

do it, but I hung on it" — he was very tall and reached it 
too easily — "and it broke!" Though lean, he weighed 
fairly. "I wouldn't have done it if I had 'a' thought it 
would break." 

Other boys of that "class" would have tried to conceal 
what they did and not own up until obliged to do so. 
His immediate friends believed that the hatchet and 
cherry-tree incident in Washington's life traced this 
truthful course. 



THE LITTLE HATCHET AGAIN TURNS UP. 

In his teens Abraham Lincoln, while not considered a 
man, was able to swing an ax with full power. It was 
the borderer's multifarious tool and accompanied him 
everywhere. One time, while sauntering along Gentry- 
ville, his stepsister playfully ran at him of a sudden and 
leaped from behind upon him. Holding on to his shoul- 
ders, she dug her knees into his back — a rough trick 
called fun by these semi-savages — and brought him to the 
ground. Unfortunately, she caused him to release the ax 
in his surprise, and it cut her ankle. The boy stopped 
the wound and bandaged it, while she moaned. Through 
her cries, he reproached her, and concluded : 

"How could you disobey mother so?" for she had been 
enjoined not to follow her brother. "What are you going 
to tell her about getting hurt?" 

"Tell her I did it with the ax," she replied. "That 
will be the truth?" she questioned, with the prevarication 
of her sex inborn. 



The Lincoln Story Book. ii 

"Yes, that's the truth, but it is not all the truth. You 
tell the whole truth." 

The mother was forgiving, and nothing more came of 
the casualty. 



LINCOLN'S WEDDING-SONG. 

Abraham Lincoln's own sister Sarah married one 
Aaron Grigsby, a man in the settlers' line of life; and 
Abraham, a youth under age, composed an epithalamium 
on the occasion. The title was "Adam and Eve's Wed- 
ding-Song," and the principal verses are given to show 
what roughness pervaded the home on the frontier: 

The woman was not taken from Adam's feet, we see. 
So we must not abuse her, the meaning seems to be. 
The woman was not taken from Adam's head, we know J 
To show she must not rule him — 'tis evidently so. 
The woman, she was taken from under Adam's arm, 
So she must be protected from injuries and harm. 



"RISK THE HOGS AND I WILL RISK MYSELF P 
At the age of seventeen, Lincoln, the strongest and 
"longest" younker of the neighborhood, was let out by 
his father for six dollars a month and board to a James 
Taylor, ferryman of Anderson's Creek and the Ohio 
River. He was also expected to do the farmwork and 
other jobs, as well as the chores in and about the house. 
This included tending to the baby — the good wives uni- 
ting to pronounce Abe the best of helps as "so handy," 
as Mrs.Toodles would say. 



12 The Lincoln Story Book. 

He had attained his fixed height, exactly six feet three 
inches. (This is his own record.) He really did, with 
his unusual strength, more than any man's stint, and 
failing to gain full man's wages, whether it was his 
father or he handled it, he felt the injustice, which soured 
him on that point. He enraged his employer's son by 
sitting up late to read, so that the young man struck him 
to silence. But the young giant refused from retaliating 
in kind, whether from natural magnanimity belonging 
to giants, or from respect for the "young master," or 
from self-acknowledgment that he was in the wrong. 
He learned the craft of river boatman in this engage- 
ment. One day, on being asked to kill a hog, he replied 
like the Irishman with the violin, "that he had never 
done it, but he would try." 

"If you will risk the hog," he said, "I will risk 
myself!" 

Becoming hog-slaughterer added this branch occupa- 
tion to the many of "the man of all work." Taylor sub- 
let him out in this capacity for thirty cents a day, saying : 

"Abe will do any one thing about as well as another." 



THE REST WAS VILE. 
The Lincoln homestead in Indiana, in 1820-23, had at 
the first the primitive corn-mill in the Indian fashion — 
a burnt-out block with a pounder rigged to a well-sweep. 
A water-mill being set up ten miles off, on Anderson's 
Creek, that was superseded, as improvement marched, by 
a horse-power one. To this Lincoln, as a lad of sixteen 



The Lincoln Story Book. 13 

or seventeen, would carry the corn in a bag upon an 
old flea-bitten gray mare. One day, on unhitching the 
animal and loading it, and running his arm through the 
head-gear loop to lead, he had no sooner struck it and cried 

"Get up, you de /' when the beast whirled around, 

and, lashing out, kicked him in the forehead so that he 
fell to the ground insensible. The miller, Hoffman, ran 
out and carried the youth indoors, sending for his father, 
as he feared the victim would not revive. He did not do 
so until hours after having been carried home. When 
conscious, his faculties, as psychologically ordained, re- 
sumed operations from the instant of suspension, and he 
uttered the sequel to his outcry : 

" vil !" 

Lincoln's own explanation is thus: 

"Just before I struck the mare, my will, through the 
mind, had set the muscles of my tongue to utter the ex- 
pression, and when her heels came in contact with my 
head, the whole thing stopped half-cocked, as it were, 
and was only fired off when mental energy or force 
returned." 

His friends interpreted the occurrence as a proof of 
his always finishing what he commenced. 



"NO HEAPING COALS OF nRE ON THAT HEAD.'» 

The wantonly cruel experiment of testing the sen- 
sitiveness in reptiles armored, passed into a proverb out 
West in pioneer times. Besides carving initials and dates 
on the shell of land tortoises, boys would flying the crea- 



14 The Lincoln Story Book. 

tures against tree or rock to see it perish with its ex- 
posed and lacerated body, or literally place burning coals 
on the back. In such cases Lincoln, a boy in his teens, 
but a redoubtable young giant, would not only interfere 
vocally, but with his arms, if needed. 

"Don't terrapins have feelings?" he inquired. 

The torturer did not know the right answer, and, per- 
sisting in the treatment, had the shingle wrenched from 
his hand and the cinders stamped out, while the sufferer 
was allowed to go away. 

"Well, feelings or none, he won't be burned any more 
while I am around!" 

He did not always have to resort to force in his cor- 
rections, as he obtained the title of "Peacemaker" by 
other means, and the spell in his tongue, at that age. 



STUMPING THE STUMP-SPEAKER. 

When Lincoln became a man and, divorced from his 
father's grasping tyranny, set up as a field-hand, he 
lightened the labor in Menard County by orating to his 
mates, and they gladly suspended their tasks to listen 
to him recite what he had read and invented — or, rather, 
adapted to their circumscribed understanding. Besides 
mimicry of the itinerant preachers, he imitated the elec- 
tioneering advocates of all parties and local politics. One 
day, one such educator collected the farmers and their 
help around him to eulogize some looming-up candidate, 
when a cousin and admirer of young Lincoln cast a 
damper on him, crying out, with general approval, that 



THe Lincoln Story Book. 15 

Abe could talk him dry ! Accepting the challenge, the 
professional spellbinder allowed his place on the stump of 
the Cottonwood to be held by the raw Demosthenes. 
To his astonishment the country lad did display much 
fluency, intelligence, and talent for the craft. Frankly 
the stranger complimented him and wished him well in a 
career which he recommended him to adopt. From 
this cheering, Lincoln proceeded to speak in public — his 
limited public — "talking on all subjects till the questions 
were worn slick, greasy, and threadbare." 



MAKING THE "WOOL, NOT FEATHERS, FLY. 

The "export trade" of the Indiana farmers was with 
New Orleans, the goods being carried on flatboats. 
The traffic called for a larger number of resolute, hardy, 
and honest men, as, besides the vicissitudes of fickle 
navigation, was the peril from thieves. Abraham early 
made acquaintance with this course as he accompa- 
nied his father in such a venture down the great river. 
Then passed apprenticeship, he built a boat for Gentry — 
merchant of Gentryville — and "sailed" it, with the store- 
keeper's son Allen as bow^-hand or first officer. He and 
his crew of one started from the Ohio River landing 
and safely reached the Crescent City — safely as to cargo 
and bodies, but not without a narrow escape. At Baton 
Rouge, a little ahead of the haven, the boat was tied up 
at a plantation, and the two were asleep, when they 
became objects of an attack from a river pest — a band of 
refugee negroes and similar lawless rogues. 



l6 The Lincoln Story Book. 

Luckily their approach was heard and the two awoke. 
Having been warned that the desperadoes would not 
stand on trifles, the young men armed themselves with 
clubs and leaped ashore, after driving the pirates off the 
deck. They pursued them, too, with such an uproar 
that their number was multiplied in the runaways' mind. 
Both returned wounded — Abraham retaining a mark 
over the right eye, noticeable in after life, and not to 
his facial improvement. They immediately unhitched the 
boat and stood out in the channel. 

*T wish we had carried weapons," sighed Lincoln. 
"Going to war without shooting-irons is not what the 
Quakers hold it to be." 

"If we had been armed," returned Allen, as regret- 
fully, "we would have made the feathers fly !" 

It had not been too dark for the shade of the enemy 
to be perceived, so his skipper gave one of his earnest 
laughs, and replied : 

"You mean wool, I reckon!" 



LOG-ROLLING TO SAVE LIVES. 
It was in the spring after the deep snow of 183 1, that 
three or four lumbermen, who had built a large flatboat 
for carrying a cargo to New Orleans, were on the San- 
gamon River, trying the rowboat, or scow, to accompany 
the vessel. The river was very high and on the run. 
Two of the men leaped into the boat to get the drink 
for being the first in, and sent her out into the current. 
They were imable to stem it and row back. Lincoln 



The Lincoln Story Book. 17 

shouted for them to head up and try the sleeping, or 
dead water, along shore. But they were mastered, and 
paddled for a wrecked boat, which had a pole sticking 
up. But though the man who grabbed for it secured his 
hold, the boat was capsized and the other was flung into 
the tide. 

Lincoln, as captain, shouted out to him : 

"Carman, swim for that elm-tree down there! You 
can catch it ! Keep calm. Lay hold of a branch." 

The tree was at a convenient height, and Carman 
caught on and swung himself out; but the icy water 
chilled him to the bone. But he was safe for the present, 
seeing which the captain called out to the other to let go 
his pole and let himself be carried down to the tree, also. 
If he hung on in the open there much longer, he would 
become stiff and unable to swim. The man managed to 
reach his mate, and the two were joined at the tree. 

The manager of the rescue found a log and, attaching 
a rope, rolled it into the stream, with the help of others 
who had arrived on the scene. They towed it up some 
distance to get a good send-off, and a young daredevil 
got on it with the intention of being floated down to the 
tree, where all three would become passengers and be 
drawn home. But in his haste to do so, Jim Dorrell 
raised himself off his log by the branch he grasped and, 
along with the other unfortunates, made three men to be 
saved. 

When the riderless log was hauled up inshore, Lincoln 
mounted it to make the next cast in person. Having 
an extra rope with him, he lassoed the tree and soon 



1 8 The Lincoln Story Book. 

drew the log up. Cold as they were, the three men 
dropped down and straddled beside him. At his orders 
the men on the bank held the rope taut, so that the log, 
allowed to swing off freely, slung around with the cur- 
rent to the side, and the four were disembarked. This 
made Abraham the hero of the Sangamon River among 
the boatmen. 

(Narrated by John Rolls, of New Salem, a witness.) 



LINCOLN'S FIRST DOLLAR. 

As in all farming communities, where the only move- 
ment of currency is when the crop comes in and the 
debts accumulating during the growth are settled and 
the slight surplus spent, the Indiana pioneers little knew 
"extra" cash. To obtain it, the men used their off hours 
in guiding intending settlers, assisting surveyors and 
prospectors, felling and hewing trees, and horse-trading. 
Another source of income out of bounds was to send a 
stock of produce down the river to sell or barter for 
the Southern plantation produce. As there was talk at 
home of furnishing their house, Abraham bethought him 
of this resource. His father consented readily to any 
notion that might result in gain, and his mother, though 
believing nearly two thousand miles of water travel oner- 
ous, allowed her "yes." Besides, the young man, by 
excessive work on their place, had piled up a goodly 
stock of salable stuff. Abraham had only to make a 
boat. It was small, merely to hold the "venture" and 



The Lincoln Story Book. 19 

his hand-bundle of "plunder" for the trip and land cruise 
at New Orleans. Western country boys who had seen 
the Crescent City talked of the exploit as the Easterners 
of seeing Europe. 

Abe was maneuvering his boat on the Ohio River, at 
Rockport, when he heard the whistle announcing the 
approach of a steamboat. These craft were not enabled 
to make a landing anywhere, even with a run-out gang- 
plank — but took passengers and parcels aboard by light- 
ers. Lincoln's small boat seemed admirably placed to 
serve as a transport to a couple of gentlemen who came 
down to the shore to ship on the steamboat. Their 
trunks were taken out of their carriages, and they selected 
Lincoln's new boat among some others. In his home- 
spun, the gawky youth looked what he was — not the 
owner of the craft and about to try a speculation on the 
river, but one of the "scrubs." The "scrubs," not from 
any relation with washing — quite otherwise — were those, 
poor families on the outskirts of towns who lived in the 
scrub or dwarfed pines. Accordingly one of them asked, 
indicating the flatboat: 

"Who owns this?" 

The hero relates the story thus : 

" 'I answered, somewhat modestly : T do !' 

" 'Will you take us and our trunks out to the steam- 
boat?' 

" 'Certainly,' glad of the chance of earning something. 
I supposed that each of them would give two or three 
bits — practically the dime of nowadays." 

Lincoln carried the passengers aboard the vessel and 



20 The Lincoln Story Book. 

handed up their trunks. Each of the gentlemen drew 
out a piece of silver and threw it on the little deck. 

"Gentlemen, you may think it was a very little thing, 
and in these days it seems to me a trifle ; but it was a most 
important incident in my life. I could scarcely believe 
my eyes as I picked up the two silver half-dollars. I 
could scarcely credit that I, a poor boy, had earned a 
dollar in less than a day — that by honest work, I had 
earned a dollar!" (Lincoln's flatboatman wage was $io 
a month.) 

(Related by Frank B. Carpenter, the portrait-painter, 
as given out by President Lincoln to a party of friends 
in the White House executive chamber, Secretary Sew- 
ard, notably, being among them.) 



CONVICTION THROUGH A THRASHING. 

In 1 83 1, Abraham Lincoln, returning from a voyage to 
New Orleans, paid the usual filial visit to his father, 
living in Coles County. A famous wrestler, one Need- 
ham, hearing of the newcomer's prowess in wrestling, 
more general than pugilism on the border, called to try 
their strength. As the professional was in practise, and 
as the other, from his amiable disposition and his forbid- 
ding appearance was not so, the latter declined the 
honor of a hug and the forced repose of lying on the 
back. Nevertheless, taunted into the trial, he met the 
champion and defeated him in two goes. The beaten one 
was chagrined, and vented his vexation in this defiance : 



The Lincoln Story Book. 21 

"You have thrown me twice, Lincoln, but you cannot 
mhip me !" 

"I do not want to, and I don't want to get whipped 
myself," was the simple reply. 

"Well, I 'stump' you to lick me !" went on Needham, 
thinking he was gaining ground. "Throwing a man is 
one thing and licking him another !" 

"Look here, Needham," said the badgered man, at last, 
"if you are not satisfied that I can throw you every time, 
and want to be convinced through a thrashing, I will do 
that, too, for your sake !" 

The man "backed out." But he was ever afterward 
one of the champion's warmest friends. 



BOATING ON GROUND "A LEETLE DAMP.'' 

In a letter of August, 1862, the President alludes to 
the amphibious minor navy, which made their tracks 
"wherever the ground was a little damp." This is 
hardly an exaggeration of Western shallow-water navi- 
gation. Lincoln, as pilot on the Sangamon River in 1831, 
was engaged to run a steamboat called the Talisman, 
after Sir Walter Scott's popular romance. It was to 
test the point whether the Sangamon River was navi- 
gable or not, an important local problem on which 
Lincoln, later, got into the legislature. As he had 
"tried" the river a good deal with the flatboats, he an- 
swered, he would try and do the best he could. A large 
crowd flocked in from all sides to witness the experiment. 
Lincoln guided the bark well up to the New Salem dam. 



22 The Lincoln Story Book. 

Here a gap had been cut to let the vessel slip through. 
But at a place called Bogue's Mill, the water was rapidly 
lowering, and they had to wheel about and get back, 
or be shoaled and be held there until the spring freshets. 
The return trip was slow, as, though the stream was in 
his favor, the high prairie wind delayed the boat. The 
falling water had made the broken hole in the dam im- 
practicable. But Lincoln backed the Talisman off as 
soon as she stranded and stuck; and, by casting an 
anchor so as to act as a gigantic grapnel, to tear away 
some more of the dam, the opening sufficed for the boat 
to "coast" on the stones and get over into deep water. 
"I think," says an old boatman— J. R. ("Row") Hern- 
don — "that the captain gave Lincoln forty dollars to keep 
on to Beardstown. I am sure I got that !" 



THE INITIATOR INSTALLED. 

As a fruit of incessant study Abraham Lincoln fitted 
himself to accept the post of clerk at Offutt's store, in 
New Salem, in 1831. It was a responsible position, re- 
quiring strict honesty, intelligence, glib talk, attention, 
and courtesy to the few dames in the population of 
twenty households, "with the back settlement to hear 
from." In fact, Lincoln's gifts and cultivated acquire- 
ments made him such a favorite that the list of cus- 
tomers from out of town was extensive. This promotion 
of a newcomer nettled the bad element of the region. 
They were located from congeniality in a suburb termed 
Oary's Grove. Like the tail which undertakes to wag 



The Lincoln Story Book. 23 

the dog", this tag constituted itself the criterion and pro- 
posed "initiating" any accession to the inhabitants. To 
take the conceit out of the upstart who had leaped from 
the flatboat deck to behind the counter at the store — the 
acme of a bumpkin's ambition — they selected their bully. 
This Jack Armstrong was held so high by Bill Clary, 
"father" of the Grove boys, that he bet with Oflfutt, over- 
loud in praise of his help, that Jack could beat Abe, "and 
your Abe has got to be initiated, anyway!" 

Abraham refused under provocation to have anything 
to do with "rough-and-tumble" fighting — as also known 
as "scuffle and tussle," and "wooling and pulling" — in 
short, these agreeable features promise to include all 
brutalities save gouging, which was unfashionable so far 
to the North. But a man could not live quietly on the 
frontier without showing to such ruffians that his hands 
could shield his head. For the honor of the store, the 
clerk had to stand up to the opponent. 

The bout came off. In the first attack, Lincoln lifted 
the foe, though heavier, clean off his feet, but he was 
unable to lay him down in the orthodox manner, consist- 
ing in placing him flat on his back, with both shoulder- 
blades denting the earth. The semivictor amicably said : 
"Let's quit. Jack ! You see I cannot give you the fall — 
and you cannot give it me." 

The gang shouted for a resumption of the "sport," 
thinking this was weakness of the competitor. They 
joined again, but Armstrong, having his doubts, resorted 
to foul play — kicking or "legging," as the localism 
stands. Indignantly, Lincoln drew him up again and 



24 The Lincoln Story Book. 

shook him in mid-air as a terrier does a rat. The row- 
dies, seeing their champion bested, shouted for him to 
make a fight of it, and probably they would have "mixed 
in" and made a "fight for all" in another minute. But 
Jack had his doubts set at rest as to the prospect of 
overcoming a man who could hold him out and off at 
arm's length; and, begging to be set down, grasped his 
antagonist's hand in friendship and proclaimed him the 
best man "who had ever broke into" that section. The 
two became friends, and the gang gradually dwindled 
by this recession from their ranks of their Goliath. 



THE HORRORS FOR THE THIRD TMEl 

When Abraham Lincoln was a poor young lawyer 
from Springfield, attending the perambulatory court 
down at Lewiston, Illinois, he found the place crowded 
by a Methodist meeting as well as the court having an 
attractive case to try. He was obliged — because of ex- 
clusion from the inn — ^to put up at the sheriff's house. 
Mrs. Davidson herself could only offer him shares with 
Mr. Stephen A. Douglas, also a rising man, and Peter 
Cartwright, the noted preacher — on the floor, but on a 
feather bed. At that period the wild goose flew low. It 
may be supposed that the student of Shakespeare might 
quote "When shall we three meet again?" on rising 
between the famous border worthies in the dawn. The 
hospitality was so refreshing that the trio spent the next 
night there. They sat up by the large fireside, capping 
stories. The enmity of lawyers, and even of politicians. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 25 

is but skin-deep, and Steve and Abe clashed not at all 
to meet the minister's reproof. Lincoln rocked while 
story-telling in a cane-bottomed chair, taken from the 
steamboat celebrated in Spoon River annals as its first 
navigator. Lincoln was the more interested, as he had 
been boatman and pilot on his river, the Sangamon. In 
the 1820's, this toy boat, the Utility, struggled into the 
high water of Spoon River. It is a tributary of the 
Illinois. Now, though the county is named Fulton, none 
of the inhabitants knew anything about the inventor of 
steam navigation, and doubted that a steamboat existed 
near them. Hence the snorting, puffing, and clangor of 
the vessel as she surged against the freshet, alarmed 
all the population in hearing when she ascended the 
virgin Spoon. 

One Sam Jenkins had been on a spree for a week, and 
even he was roused by the tremendous sound. As he 
rushed from his cabin, by the terrific blaze from the 
high smoke-stack and the furnace burning pitch-pine, he 
sank onto his shaking knees and yelled : 

"Boys, I have got 'em for the third time ! It is all 
up with me!" 



THE WHISTLE THAT STOPPED THE BOAT. 

Lincoln was pitted, as a lawyer, against a brother of 
the toga who was of fat and plethoric habit, and who 
puffed and blowed when most he wished to get on with 
his speech. The wag said : 

"The gentleman reminds me of a little steamboat I 



26 The Lincoln Story Book. 

knew about on the Spoon River. She had been equipped 
with a whistle disproportionate to her capacity of steam- 
power, and every time she blew off it stopped the boat !" 



IT IS THE DEED, NOT THE DOER. 

By one of those unaccountable contradictions which 
disturb one's calculations upon women's conduct, the fair 
sex "took to" him with extraordinary kindness, though 
he always remained shy in their presence. This favor 
on their part was fortified by his striking honesty in 
little points which the close-seeing feminine eye never 
misses. To cap the climax he defended the purity of 
social order with a rarity in those quarters sufficient to 
single him out. Not that the roughest Westerner was not 
excessively gallant, but his restrictions in the ladies' 
presence did not always curb his proneness to "tall talk." 

Once in the way, a loafer hanging about in the store, 
and having paid only attention to the dram counter, the 
necessary concomitant of the village center, became gar- 
rulous, but unfortunately more than seasoned the flow 
with a profanity tolerably rich in variety if not distin- 
guished for refinement; he was of the Clary's Grove 
genus. As there was a crowd at the "ladies' department," 
that is, the dry-goods and finery, where it happened Lin- 
coln was commonly besieged, the language was resented 
by woman's weapons — tosses of the head, affected deaf- 
ness, glances into the future, and so on, but the clerk 
resented it in another way. He bade him be silent. 

Now, the fellow thought, with his kind, that he was 



The Lincoln Story Book. 27 

entitled to exhale the breath which was strengthened by 
the strong waters vended here, and expressed himself 
more foully than before. 

He had a resentment against the clod rising to be a 
flower of courtesy, and here was his opportunity to 
satisfy the grudge, and before an audience timid and not 
apt to intervene. 

Singularly, the men who most despise women are the 
ones who seek to have her applause. He wished to see 
the man who would stop him from tittering his senti- 
ments. He was answered that his business would be 
attended to, as soon as the offended ladies had with- 
drawn. 

The undesired witnesses took the hint and quitted the 
store. Thereupon the long-limbed clerk verified the 
taunt of "counter-jumper" by clearings it at a bound. 
"Will you engage not to repeat that rowdy (blackguard) 
talk in the store while I am the master, and leave in- 
stanter?" 

The bully protested in a torrent of unrepeatable words. 

"I see," said the champion of decency, "you want a 
whipping, and / may as well give it you as any other 
man." 

And he forthwith administered the correction ; not only 
did he drag him outdoors, but laid him out so senseless 
that nothing less than the border finish of a knock-down 
and drag-out encounter — the rubbing the conquered 
man's eyes with smart-weed — revived him to beg for 
mercy, and a drink. The victor allowed him to rise, 
converted his appeal into mockery by offering plain 



28 The Lincoln Story Book. 

water, which the brute appHed solely to his doubly in- 
flamed eyes, and sent him away in tears. But the shock 
had a reparative effect ; he became a good neighbor, and 
a convert to temperance. 

(This or a similar lesson to the village bully is testified 
to by an eye-witness of Sangamon, but resident of Viro- 
qua, Wisconsin ; his name is John White. He worked at 
chopping rails with the rail-splitter on more than one 
job.) 



TURN OUT OR BE TURNED OUT. 

Superintendent Tinker, of the W. U. T., says he 
heard Secretary Seward say to President Lincoln : 

"Mr. President, I hear that you turned out for a col- 
ored woman on a muddy crossing the other day?" 

"Did you?" returned the other laughingly. "Well, I 
don't remember it ; but I always make it a rule, if people 
do not turn out for me, I will for them. If I didn't, 
there would be a collision." 



THE BEST THING TO TAKE. 

When Lincoln worked in and kept a grocery-store, it 
was flanked by a groggery and he had to supply spirits, 
but from that fact he saw the evils of the saloon and 
early identified himself with the novel temperance move- 
ment. In 1843, ^^ joined the Sons of Temperance. 
While he said he was temperate on theory, it was not 
so — he was practically abstinent. Not only did he lecture 



The Lincoln Story Book. 29 

publicly, but, at one such occasion, he gave out the 
pledges. In decorating a boy, Cleophas Breckenridge, 
with a badge, after he took the pledge, he said : 
"Sonny, that is the best thing you will ever take." 



DRINKING AND SWALLOWING ARE TWO THINGS. 

It has been stated that Lincoln, after reigning at the 
village store, had become the idol of the settlement. A 
stranger to whom he was shown was not properly im- 
pressed. One of the clerk's friends, William Greene, 
bragged that his favorite was the strongest man in the 
township — this was not affecting the critic — and even 
went on: "The strongest in the country!" 

"H'm! not the strongest in the State!" denied the 
stranger. "I know a man who can lift a barrel of flour 
as easily as I can a peck of potatoes." 

"Abe, there, could lift two barrels of flour if he could 
get a hold on them." 

"You can beat me telling 'raisers,' but " 

"Taking a lift out of you or not, I am walling to bet 
that Abe will lift a barrel of spirits and drink out of 
the bunghole to prove he can hold it there !" 

"Impossible! What will you lay on the thing?" 

They made a wager of a new hat — the Sunday hat of 
beaver being still costly. 

Greene was betting unfairly — on a sure thing — as he 
had seen his friend do what he asserted, all but the 
drinking flourish. Lincoln was averse to the wagering 



30 The Lincoln Story Book. 

at all, but to help his friend to the hat, he consented to 
the feat. He passed through it, lifting the cask between 
his two hands and holding the spigot-hole to his lips while 
he imbibed a mouthful. As he was slowly lowering the 
barrel to the floor, the winner exclaimed jubilately : 

"I knew you would do it; but I never knew you to 
drink whisky before !" 

The barrel was stood on the floor, when the drinker 
calmly expelled the mouthful of its contents, and drolly 
remarked : 

"And I have not drunk that, you see !" 

As a return for his action to win the hat, he asked 
Greene not to wager any more — a. resolve which he took 
to oblige him. 



WORSTED IN A HORSE-TRADE. 

Until Lincoln — seeing that his decisions created ene- 
mies, whichever way they fell — renounced being umpire 
for horse-racing and the like events, momentous on the 
border, he officiated in many such pastimes. Before he 
found them "all wrong," he had a horsy acquaintance 
in a judge. This was at a time when he was practising 
law, which involved riding on circuit, as the court went 
round to give sittings like the ancient English justices, 
attending assizes. During such excursions, they played 
practical jokes, naturally. Among their singular contests 
was a bet of twenty-five dollars — as forfeit if, in horse- 
swapping, the loser rejected the horse offered on even 
terms with the one he "put in." Neither was to know 



The Lincoln Story Book. 31 

anything of the equine paragon until simultaneously ex- 
hibited. 

As good sport was indicated where two such arrant 
jokers were in conflict, a vast throng filled the tavern- 
yard where the pair were to draw conclusions. At the 
appointed hour the court functionary dragged upon the 
scene a most dilapidated simulacrimi of man's noblest 
conquest — blind, spavined, lean as Pharaoh's kind, creek- 
ing in every joint — at the same time that his fellow 
wagerer carried on under his long arm a carpenter's 
horse — gashed with adze and broadax, bored with the 
augur, trenched with saw and draw-knife — singed, paint, 
and tar-spotted, crazy in each leg of the three still ad- 
hering — in short, justifying Lincoln to reverse his cry 
at viewing the real animal : 

"Jedge (for judge), this is the first time I ever got the 
worst of it in a hoss-trade !" 



HOW MANY SHORT BREATHS? 

In the nearest town to the Lincolns lived a man called 
"Captain" Larkins. He was short and fat, and conse- 
quently "puffing." He was logically fond of "blowing." 
For example, if he bought any object, he would proclaim 
that it was the best article of its sort in the settlement. 
His favorite orating-ground — in fact, the only theater 
for displays was the front of the village store, where, 
among the farmers who came in to dicker and purchase 
stores, he would dilate. Lincoln did not like the pom- 
pous little fellow whose rotund and diminutive figure 



32 The Lincoln Story Book. 

was in glaring contrast to his own — a young man, but 
colossal, while his stature was augmented by his meager- 
ness. 

"Gentlemen," bawled Larkins, "I have the best horse 
in the county ! I ran him three miles in two-forty each 
and he never fetched a long breath !" 

"H'm!" interrupted Lincoln, looking down at the man 
panting with excitement; "why don't you tell us how 
many short breaths yo7i drew?" 



LINCOLN'S HEIGHT. 

One of the committee appointed to acquaint Mr, Lin- 
coln formally with the decision of the Chicago Presi- 
dential Convention of i860 was Judge Kelly, a man of 
unusual stature. At the meeting with the nominee he 
eyed the latter with admiration and the jealousy the 
exceptional cherish for rivals. This had not escaped the 
curious Lincoln; he asked him, as he singled him out: 
"What is your height?" 

"Six feet three. What is yours ?" 

"Six feet four."* 

"Then, sir, Pennsylvania bows to Illinois," responded 
the judge. "My dear sir, for years my heart has been 
aching for a President I could look up to, and I have 



*This will probably never be exactly settled now. Speaker 
Reed agreed with this statement. But Miss Emma Gurley 
Adams, in a position to know, published in the New York Press: 
"Mr. Lincoln told my father that he was exactly six feet three 
inches." This was at the end of his life. The contrariety of the 
assertions simply baffles one. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 33 

found him at last in the land where we thought there 
were none but little giants." 

( Stephen Douglas, leader of the Democratic party, was 
a pocket Daniel Webster and bearing the by-name of 
"the Little Giant.") 



MEASURES AND MEN. 

The earlier audiences at the White House were in- 
spired by ludicrous ideas, far between patriotism and 
interest in the "tall Hoosier." The habitual attendants 
and guards soon discovered that the chief was an un- 
rivaled host, adapting modes of reception to the differing 
kind of callers. He noticed once two young men who 
hung about the door, so that, sympathizing with the shy 
— for he had been wofully troubled by that feeling in his 
youth — he went over to the pair, and to make them feel 
at home, asked them to be seated while they looked on. 
But they didn't care for chairs. The shorter of the two 
stammered that he and his friend had a talk about the 
President's unusual height, and would the host kindly 
settle the matter, and see whether he were as tall as his 
excellency. 

Lincoln had been scanning the competitor and, smiling, 
returned : "He is long enough, certainly. Let us see 
about that." He went for his cane* and, placing the 



*Lincoln's cane. This was the cane he carried, instead of go- 
ing armed. But he was forever leaving it anywhere about, so 
that, nine times out of ten, he went forth without it on his 
errant "browsing" around; and it was a wonder that this time 
he knew where to find it. 



34 The Lincoln Story Book. 

ferule end to the wall, to act as a level, he bade the 
young man draw near and stand under. When the rod 
was carefully adjusted to the top of the head, Mr. 
Lincoln continued: 

"Now, step out and hold the cane while I go under." 

This comparison showed that the young man stood six 
feet three exactly. Lincoln's precise figure, too. 

"Just my height," remarked the affable President to 
the herald of the match; "he guessed with admirable 
accuracy !" 

Giving both a shake of the hand, he gave them the 
good-by warmly. He had seen that they were innocents 
and shrank from letting them know that they had un- 
sciously offended his dignity. 



THE PRIZE FOR HOMELINESS. 

In keeping with his proneness to jest at his own ex- 
pense rather than lose a laugh, Lincoln is credited with 
telling the following story upon himself: 

"In the days when I used to be on the circuit (law), 
I was accosted on the road by a stranger. He said: 
'Excuse me, sir, but I have an article in my possession 
which belongs to you.' 'How is that?' I asked, consid- 
erably astonished. 

"The stranger took a 'Barlow' from his pocket. 

" 'This knife,' said he, 'was placed in my hands some 
years ago with the injunction of the community, through 
its bearer, that I was to keep it until I struck a man 



The Lincoln Story Book. 35 

homelier than I. I have carried it from that time till 
this. Allow me to say, sir, that you are fairly entitled 
to the testimonial.' " 



HOV LONG LEGS SHOULD BE. 

A quipster, harping on Mr. Lincoln's abnormal tall- 
ness, had the mishap to draw upon himself some quiz- 
zing; the President putting the non plus on him by 
asking : 

"How long, then, ought a man's legs to be?" 

The answer was given by the sphinx : 

"Long enough to reach from his body to the ground." 



LONG METER. 

John Sherman will be remembered as originator of 
the politicians' "cover" for electioneering activity, "I am 
going home to mend my fences," He was fresh from 
Ohio, but he included in his round of duties, on visiting 
the capital, an attendance of a Lincoln reception. He 
waited in the long file for his turn to shake hands, and, 
while doing so, wondered how he would be received. 
For the informal "function" was enlivened by the most 
untoward incidents, due to the host's simplicity, spon- 
taneous acts and words, and the homelike nature of the 
scene. Truly enough, when his chance came, the meeting 
was eccentric. 

Lincoln scanned him a moment, threw out his large 
hand, and said: 



36 The Lincoln Story Book. 

" 'You're a pretty tall fellow, aren't you ? Stand up 
here to me, back to back, and let's see which of us two 
is the taller!' 

"In another moment I was standing back to back with 
the greatest man of his age. Naturally I was quite 
abashed by this unexpected evidence of democracy. 

"'You are from the West, aren't you?' inquired Lin- 
coln. 

" 'My home is in Ohio,' I replied. 

" 'I thought so,' he said ; 'that's the kind of men they 
raise out there !' " 



"HARDSHIPS STRENGTHEN MUSCLES/* 

As in the old country, kings evade the tiresome fea- 
tures of receptions, after a time, by retiring and leaving 
the ceremony to be carried out by a deputy, so the 
daintier Presidents before the sixteenth one eluded the 
handshaking when possible. But, on the contrary, "the 
man out of the West" continued to the last, and the latest 
visitor had no reason to cavil at the grip being less hearty 
to him than the first comer. On visiting the army hos- 
pital at City Point, where upward of three thousand 
patients awaited his passing with enrapt respect, he in- 
sisted on no one being neglected. A surgeon inquired 
if he did not feel lamed in the arm by the undue exertion, 
whereupon he replied smilingly: 

"Not at all. The hardships of my early life gave me 
strong muscles." 

And as there happened to be in the yard, by the door- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 37 

way, a chopping-block with the ax left stuck on the top 
as usual, he took it out, swung, and poised it to get the 
unfamiliar heft, and chopped up a stick lying handy. 
When he paused, from no more left to do, he held out 
the implement straight, forming one line with his ex- 
tended arm, and not a nerve quivered any more than the 
helve or the blade. The workers, who knew what hard 
work was, gazed with wonder at what they could not 
have done for a moment. One of them gathered up the 
chips and disposed of them for relics to the sightseers 
who welcomed such tokens of the great ruler. 

(An American visiting Mr. Gladstone's country seat, 
Hawarden, and seeing the premier chopping a tree for 
health's sake, observed humorously, having also seen 
Mr. Lincoln employed as above : "Your Grand Old Man 
is going in at the same hole ours went out!") 



HE USED TO BE "GOOD ON THE CHOP/* 

In the beginning of 1865, the President was wont to 
pay visits to the James River, not merely to inspect the 
camps and the field-hospitals, but to have a peep at "the 
promised land" — that is, Richmond, still held by the rap- 
idly melting and discouraged Southerners as the "Last 
Ditch." In one of his strolls he came upon a gang of 
lumbermen cutting up logs and putting up stockades and 
cabins for the wet weather. Joining one group he 
chatted freely with the woodmen and as one of them 
selves. Presently, he asked for the loan of an ax. The 



38 The Lincoln Story Book. 

man hesitating, since his blade had just been fine-edged, 
he explained that he was one of the Jacks and "used to 
be good on the chop." Then seizing the arm with 
familiarity he attacked a big log and, using it as a broad- 
ax, shaped the rough-hewn sides till it was a perfect slab. 
He handed back the tool and stalked off amid cheers. 



A MAN WHO CAN SCRATCH HIS SHINS WITHOUT 
STOOPING. 

One of the want-to-knows had the impertinence to 
inquire of Mr. Lincoln his opinion of General Sheridan, 
not yet known, who had come out of the West early in 
1864, to take command of the cavalry under General 
Grant as lieutenant-general. 

"Have you not seen Sheridan?" The answer was in 
the negative. "Then I will tell you just what kind of a 
chap he is : One of those long-armed fellows, with short 
legs, that can scratch their shins without having to stoop 
over to do it!" 



STRUCK BY THE DEAD HAND. 

Edwin Booth, the tragedian, brother of the regicide 
Wilkes, was at a friend's house. By the purest chance, 
<iallying over the knickknacks, he picked up a plaster-cast 
of a hand. It was something more than a paper-weight, 
"he was intuitively prompted, for he said, handling it rev- 
erently as Yorick's relict : 

"By the way, whose is this?" 



The Lincoln Story Book. 39 

Before the cue could be given to hush or utter a sub- 
terfuge, some one blurted out: 

"Abraham Lincoln's ! Don't you know ?" 
"The murder was out!" and the distinguished guest, 
who suflfered a long term for a crime wholly out of his 
ken, was silent for the evening. — (W. D. Howells.X 



THIS CLINCHES IT. 

A party accompanying the President to the ground to 
see experiments with new ordnance in the Navy Yard, 
in 1862, were diverted by his taking up a ship-carpenter's 
ax from its nick in a spar, and holding it out by the end 
of the handle; a feat that none of the group could 
imitate. 

He said that he had enough of the Dahlgreens, Colum- 
biads, and Raphael repeaters — and that this was an 
American institution, which, "I guess, I understand bet- 
ter than all other weapons !" 



LINCOLN'S FIRST LOVE-STORY. 
In 1833, when Abraham was just over twenty, he fell 
in love with Anne, or Annie Rutledge, at New Salem. 
Her father kept the tavern where Lincoln boarded. But 
the girl was engaged to a dry-goods merchant, named 
McNeil. This man, pretending to be of a high old Irish 
family, likely to discountenance union to a publican's 
daughter, shilly-shallied, but finally went East to get his 



40 The Lincoln Story Book. 

folks' consent. He acknowledged that he was parading 
under borrowed plumes, as he was a McNamara in real- 
ity. He stayed away so long that the maid-forlorn gave 
him up and listened to other suitors. Lincoln proposed, 
but waited till the apparent jilt was heard from. Then 
they were espoused. But a block to the match came in 
Lincoln having no position. Awaiting his efforts as a law 
student, the wedding was postponed ; but, meanwhile, 
death came quick where fortune lagged. She died and 
left her lover broken-hearted. He seems then to have 
been smitten with the brown study afflicting him all his 
life, and by some, like Secretary Boutwell, affirmed to 
be independent of the surrounding grounds for depres- 
sion and grief. Fears of suicide led his friends to watch 
him closely ; and he was known to go and lie on the grave 
of the maid, whose name he said would dwell ever with 
him, while his heart was buried with her. The rival, 
McNamara, returned too late to redeem his vow, but lived 
in the same State many years, "a prosperous gentleman." 



A PUT-UP JOB— OR CHANCE? 

The ways of the petitioner are deep and mysterious. 
The Virginia (Illinois) Enquirer, March i, 1879, had the 
following : 

"John McNamer (Namara?) was buried last Sunday, 
near Petersburg, Menard County. He was an early 
settler and carried on business at New Salem. Abe 
Lincoln was the postmaster there and kept a store. It 
was here that, at the tavern, dwelt the fair Annie Rut- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 41 

ledge, in whose grave Lincoln wrote that his heart was 
buried. As the story runs, the fair and gentle Annie was 
John's sweetheart, but Abe took 'a shine' to her, and 
succeeded in heading off Mac, and won her affections. 
During the war, a Kentucky lady went to Washington 
with her daughter to procure her son's pardon for being 
a guerrilla. The daughter was a musician. Sitting at the 
piano while her mother was sewing, she sang 'Gentle 
Annie.' While it was being charmingly rendered, Abe 
rose from his seat, crossed the room to a window, and 
gazed out for several minutes with that sad, 'far-away' 
look noticed as one of his particularities. When he re- 
turned to his seat he wrote a note which, as he said, was 
the pardon besought. The scene proves that Mr. Lincoln 
was a man of fine feelings, and that, if the occurrence 
was a put-up job on the lady's part, it accomplished the 
purpose all the same." 



LINCOLN'S MARRL\GE. 

In 1839, another Kentucky belle* arrived in Illinois to 
follow the steps of her sister, who had found a conquest 
there. This Mrs. Edwards introduced Miss Mary Todd, 
and she became the belle of the Sangamon bottom. 
Lincoln was pitted against another young lawyer, after- 
ward the eminent Stephen A. Douglas, but, odd as it 



♦Addressing Kentuckians in a speech made at Cincinnati, in 
1859, Lincoln said : "We mean to marry our girls when we have 
a chance ; and I have the honor to say I once did have a chance 
in that way." 



42 The Lincoln Story Book. 

appears, Miss Todd singled out the Ugly Duckling as 
the more eligible of the two. Whatever the reason — 
strange in a man knowing how to bide his time to win — 
Lincoln wrote to the lady, withdrawing from the contest, 
allowed to be hopeless by him. His friend Speed would 
not bear the letter, but pressed him to have a face-to-face 
explanation. The rogue — who was in the toils himself, 
and was shortly wedded — ^believed the parley would re- 
move the, perhaps, imaginary hindrance. But Miss Todd 
accepted the deliverance ; thereupon they parted — but im- 
mediately the reconciliation took place. The nuptials 
were settled, but here again Lincoln displayed a way- 
wardness utterly out of keeping with his subsequent 
actions. He "bolted" on the wedding-day — New-year's, 

1 84 1. Searching for him, his friends — remembering the 
fit after the Rutledge death — found him in the woods 
like the Passionate Pilgrim of ancient romance. Luckily 
he was inspirited by them with a feeling that an irrepres- 
sible desire to live till assured that the world is "a little 
better for my having lived in it." Seeing what ensued, 
one could say then "Good Speed!" to his bosom friend of 
that name. But this friend married in the next year, 
and in his cold loneliness so doubled, Lincoln harked 
back to the flame. She ought never to have forgiven 
him for the slight, but it was not possible for her to 
repay him with poetic justice by rejoicing Stephen A. 
Douglas, as that gentleman had looked elsewhere for 
matrimonial recompense. Lincoln and Miss Todd, in 

1842, renewed the old plight and never again were 
divided. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 43 

THE BURLESQUE DUEL. 

Lincoln was plunged willy-nilly into the society he 
shunned at home, on entering the legislature at Spring- 
field. A newspaper there published the account — from 
her side — of a young lady's difference with a noted 
politician, General James Shields. He married a sister of 
Lincoln's wife, and there was a feud between them. 
Shields flew to the editor to demand the name of the 
maligner, as he called the correspondent, or the editor 
must meet him with dueling weapon — or his horsewhip. 
In the Western States the whip was snapped at literary 
men as the cane was flourished in England at the date, 
1842. 

The editor consulted with Lincoln as a lawyer and a 
friend. With his enmity as to Shields, the friend promptly 
advised him to say "I did it!" This was, in fact, sheer 
justice, for it was Lincoln's wife who uttered the articles. 
And, by the way, their style and rustic humor were much 
in the vein of the "Widow Bedott" and the "Samantha" 
papers of later times. Mrs. Lincoln was not the mere 
housekeeper the scribes accuse her of being. Lincoln 
knew what was her value when he read his speeches first 
to her for an opinion, as Moliere courted his stewardess 
for opinions. Sumner heeded her counsel. 

Abraham championed the mysterious "Aunt 'Becca," 
who had characterized Shields as "a ballroom dandy 
floating around without heft or substance, just like a lot 
of cat-fur where cats have been fighting." Is not this 
quite Lincolnian? 

Thus put forward, Lincoln received a challenge. 



44 Tiie Lincoln Story Book. 

Trial by battle-personal still ruled. The politicians 
coupled with the necessity of going out with weapons to 
maintain an assertion in speech or publication were Jef- 
ferson Davis, Jackson, the President; Henry Clay, the 
amiable ; Sam Houston, Sergeant S. Prentiss, etc. 

Shields naturally challenged the lady's champion. As 
the challenged party, Lincoln, who had cooled in the 
interim, not only chose broadswords (not at all "the 
gentleman's arm in an affair of honor"), but, what is 
more, descanted on the qualities of the cutlas in such a 
droll manner and words that the second went off laugh- 
ing. He imparted his unseemly mirth to his opponent's 
seconds, and all the parties concerned took the cue to 
soften down the irritation between two persons formerly 
"chums," and relatives so close. 

The meeting took place by the river-side out of Alton, 
where the leaking out of the gallantry of Lincoln in 
taking up the cudgels for the lady led to an explana- 
tion, although no such enlightenment ought to be per- 
mitted on the ground. Besides, all was ludicrous — the 
broadswords intolerably broad. 

The principals shook hands. But the plotters were not 
content with this peaceful ending. They had determined 
that the outside spectators on the town side of the river 
should be "in at the (sham) death." They rigged up 
a log in a coat and sheet like a man wounded and re- 
clining in the bottom of a boat, and pretended it was one 
of the duelists, badly stricken, whom they were escorting 
to town for surgical assistance. The explosion of laugh- 
ter receiving the two principals when the hoax was re- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 45 

vealed caused the incident to be a sore point to both Lin- 
coln and Shields. 



)C "WANTING TO DANCE THE WORST WAY/' 

A Miss Mary Todd had come to visit a sister married 
in the neighborhood of Springfield. Lincoln was there 
as a member of the legislature sitting. He had eschewed 
society, though he liked it, in favor of study, but 
now rewarded himself for achieving this fruit of ap- 
plication by joining the movements around him. He 
made the acquaintance of Miss Todd, vivacious, sprightly, 
keenly insighted so as to divine he would prove superior 
in fate to Stephen Douglas, also courting her. Although 
unsuited by nature and his means to shine in the ball- 
room, Lincoln followed his flame thither. Using the 
vernacular, he asked for her hand, saying earnestly : 

"Miss Todd, I should like to dance with you the worst 
way." 

After he had led his partner to her seat, a friend asked 
how the clumsy partner had carried himself. 

"He kept his word. He did dance the worst way !" 



"THE STATUTE FIXES ALL THAT!» 

Even Lincoln's marriage was to be accompanied by a 
diversion of that merry imp of incongruity always with 
him — as Shakespeare's most stately heroes are attended 
by a comic servant. He married Miss Mary Todd, of 
Kentucky, at Springfield, at the age of thirty-three. It 



46 The Lincoln Story Book. 

was the first wedding performed with all the ceremonial 
of the Episcopalian sect. This was to the awe of the 
Honorable Judge Tom C. Brown, an old man, and friend 
and patron of our Abraham. He watched the ecclesias- 
tical functionary to the point of Lincoln's placing the 
ring on his bride's finger, when the irate old stager ex- 
claimed at the formula: "With this ring I thee endow 
with all my goods," etc. 

"Grace to Goshen ! Lincoln, the statute fixes all that !" 



HE DE) NOT KNOW HIS OWN HOUSE. 

In 1842 Abraham Lincoln married Miss Mary Todd, a 
Kentucky lady, at Springfield, where he took a house for 
the wedded life. Previously, while qualifying for the 
bar, he had dwelt for study over a furniture-store. 

On account of his attending the traveling court, which 
compelled a horse, since he could not afford the gig as- 
sociated with the chief lawyers' degree of respectability, 
he was frequently and for long spells away from home. 
In one of these absences his wife deemed it fit for his 
coming dignity of pleader to have a second story and 
roof of a fashionable type set upon the old foundations. 
Under a fresh coat of paint, too, this renovation per- 
plexed the home-comer when he drew up his horse before 
it. At the sound of the horse's steps he knew that some 
one was flying to the parlor window, but, affecting amaze- 
ment, he challenged a passer-by : 

"Neighbor, I feel like a stranger here. Can you tell 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 47 

me where Abraham Lincoln lives? He used to live 
here!" 



THE ONLY ONE WHO DARED *«PULL WOOL OVER 
LINCOLN'S EYES." 

While Mr. Lincoln was living in Springfield, a judge 
of the city, who was one of the leading and most influ- 
ential citizens of the place, had occasion to call upon him. 
Mr. Lincoln was not overparticular in his matter of 
dress, and was also careless in his manners. The judge 
was ushered into the parlor, where he found Mr. Lin- 
coln sprawled out across a couple of chairs, reclining at 
his ease. The judge was asked to be seated, and, with- 
out changing his position in the least, Mr. Lincoln en- 
tered into conversation with his visitor. 

While the two men were talking, Mrs. Lincoln entered 
the room. She was, of course, greatly embarrassed at 
Mr. Lincoln's offhand manner of entertaining his caller, 
and, stepping up behind her husband, she grasped him 
by the hair and twitched his head about, at the same 
time looking at him reprovingly. 

Mr. Lincoln apparently did not notice the rebuke. He 
simply looked up at his wife, then across to the judge, 
and, without rising, said : 

"Little Mary, allow me to introduce you to my friend, 
Judge So-and-so." 

It will 15e remembered that Mrs. Lincoln's maiden 
name was Mary Todd, and that she was very short in 
stature. — Leslie's Monthly. 



48 The Lincoln Story Book. 

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT. 

The contrast between the statures of the Lincolns, man 
and wife, was palpable, but this hardly substantiates the 
story of the President appearing with his wife on the 
White House porch in response to a serenade, and his 
saying : 

"Here I am, and here is Mrs. Lincohit That's the 
long and short of it !" 



"ALL A MAN VANTS— TWENTY THOUSAND 
DOLLARS r 

In one of his messages to Congress, the President fore- 
told and denounced the tendency of wealth acquired in 
masses and rapidly by the war contractors and the like as 
"approaching despotism." He saw liberty attacked in 
"the effort to place capital on an equal footing with — if 
not above — labor in the structure of government." It is 
never to be forgotten that neither he nor his Cabinet 
officers were ever upbraided for corruption;* some, like 
Secretary Stanton, though handling enormous sums, died 
poor men comparatively. It is in accordance with this 
honesty of the "Honest Old Abe" rule that he said to an 
old friend whom he met in New York in 1859 • 
" How have you fared since you left us ? " 
The merchant gleefully replied that he had made a 

*It is true that Lincoln's first war minister, Simon Cameron, 
was accused of smoothing the way to certain fat war contracts, 
a wit suggesting Simony as the term, but no charges were really 
brought. Lincoln said that if one proof were forthcoming, he 
would have the Cameronian head— but Mr. Cameron died intact. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 49 

hundred thousand dollars in business. "And — lost it 
all !" with a reflection of Lincoln's and the Western cool 
humor. "How is it on your part?" 

"Oh, very well ; I have the cottage at Springfield, and 
about eight hundred dollars. If they make me vice- 
president with Seward, as some say they will, I hope I 
shall be able to increase it to twenty thousand. That is 
as much as any man ought to want ! " 



**I»LL HIT THE THING HARD I" 

In Coffin's "Lincoln," it is stated that when Lincoln 
and Offutt, boating to New Orleans, attended a slave 
auction for the first time, the former said to his com- 
panion : 

"By the Eternal, if ever I get a chance to hit this thing, 
I'll hit it hard !" 

The oath was General-President Jackson's, and familiar 
as a household word at the day. The promise is prema^ 
ture in a youth of twenty. Herndon, twenty-five years 
associated with Lincoln, doubts, but says that Lincoln did 
allude to some such utterance. But it is Dennis Hanks, 
cousin of Lincoln, who affirms that they two saw such a 
sight, and that he knew by his companion's emotion that 
" the iron had entered into his soul." 

In 1 841 Lincoln and Speed had a tedious low-water 
trip from Louisville to St. Louis. Lincoln says : "There 
were on board ten or a dozen slaves shackled together 
with irons. That sight was a continual torment to me 



50 The Lincoln Story Book. 

. . . a thing which has and continually exercises the 
power of making me miserable." 

But his acts show that he "hit the thing hard." It 
could not recover from the telling stroke which rent the 
black oak — ^the Emancipation Act. 



THE ''LEX TALIONIS" CHRISTIANIZED. 

Frederick Douglass, the colored men's representative, 
called on the President to procure a pledge that the 
unfair treatment of negro soldiers in the Union uniform 
should cease by retaliatory measures on the captured 
Confederates. But his hearer shrank from the bare 
thought of hanging men in cold blood, even though the 
rebels should slay the negroes taken. 

"Oh, Douglass, I cannot do that ! If I could get hold 
of the actual murderers of colored prisoners, I would 
retaliate; but to hang those who have no hand in the 
atrocities, I cannot do that!" — (By F. Douglass, in 
Northwestern Advocate.) 



THE SLAVE-DEALER. 
"You have among you the class of native tyrants known 
as the slave-dealer. He watches your necessities, and 
crawls up to buy your slave at a speculating price. If 
you cannot help it, you sell to him; but, if you can help 
it, you drive him from your door. You despise him ut- 
terly; you do not recognize him for a friend, or even as 
an honest man. Your children must not play with his ; 



The Lincoln Story Book. 51 

they may rolick freely with the little negroes, but not 
with the slave-dealer's children. If you are obliged to 
deal with him, you try to go through the job without so 
much as touching him. It is common with you to join 
hands with the men you meet; but with the slave-dealer 
you avoid the ceremony — instinctively shrinking from the 
snaky contact. If he grows rich and retires from busi- 
ness, you still remember him, and still keep up the ban 
of non-intercourse with him and his family. . . . 
Those who deny the poor negro's natural right to himself 
and make mere merchandise of him deserve kickings, 
contempt, and death." — (Speech; Reply to Douglas, 
Peoria, Illinois, October 16, 1854.) 



THE NEGRO HOME, OR AGITATION I 

Lincoln was admitted to the law practise in 1837; he 
went into partnership with John F. Stuart. The latter 
elected to Congress, he united his legal talents with S. T. 
Logan's, a union severed in 1843, ^ both the associates 
were aiming to be congressmen also. Not being nom- 
inated, the consolation was in the courts, with Judge 
Herndon as partner. It was from this daily frequenta- 
tion that the latter was enabled to write a "Life of Lin- 
coln." 

An old colored woman came to them for legal aid. 
Her case was a sad one. Brought from Kentucky, Lin- 
coln's natal State, by a planter, Hinkle, he had set her 
and children free in Indiana, not fostering the waning 
oppression. Her son, growing up, had the rashness to 



52 The Lincoln Story Book. 

venture on the steamboat down to New Orleans. His 
position was as bad as that of an Americanized foreigner 
returning into a despotic land. He was arrested and 
held for sale, having crossed a Louisiana law framed for 
such intrusions : a free negro could be sold here as if 
never out of bond. There was little time to redeem him, 
and Lincoln — whose view of the institution had not been 
enchanting — seized the opportunity to hit "and hit hard!" 
as he said in the same city on beholding a slave sale. 

The office was in Springfield, the capital, and the 
State-house was over the way. While Lincoln con- 
tinued to question and console the poor sufferer, his 
partner went over to learn of the governor what he 
could do in the matter. But there was no constitutional 
or even legal right to interfere with the doings of a 
sovereign State. This omission as regards humanity 
stung Lincoln, always tender on that score, and he ex- 
citedly vowed : 

"By virtue of freedom for all, I will have that negro 
back — or a twenty years' agitation in Illinois, which will 
afford its governor a legal and constitutional right to 
interfere in such premises." 

The only way to rescue the unfortunate young man 
was to make up a purse and recompense a correspondent 
at the city below, to obtain the captive and return him 
to his mother. 

Such cases, or more often fugitive-slave matters, were 
not uncommon in the State. Lincoln was already linked 
with the ultras on the question, so that it was said by 
lawyers applied to, afraid as political aspirants: 



The Lincoln Story Book. 53 

"Go to that Lincoln, the hberator; he will defend a 
fugitive-slave case!" 



LINCOLN'S VOW. 

On the 17th of September, 1862, the Confederate in- 
road into Maryland was stopped by the decisive defeat of 
Antietam, and the raiders were sent to the retreat. Lin- 
coln called the Cabinet to a special meeting, and stated 
that the time had come at last for the proclamation of 
freedom to the slaves everywhere in the United States. 
Public sentiment would now sustain — after great vacilla- 
tion, and all his friends were bent upon it. 

"Besides, I promised my God I would do it. Yea, I 
made a solemn vow before God that, if General Lee was 
driven back from Pennsylvania, I would crown the result 
by the declaration of freedom to the slave !" 

It was remarked that the signature appeared tremulous 
and uneven, but the writer affirmed that that was not 
"because of any uncertainty or hesitation on my part." 

It was done after the public reception, and "three 
hours' handshaking is not calculated to improve a man's 
chirography." 

He said to the painter of the "Signing the Emancipa- 
tion Act," Mr. Carpenter: 

"I believe that I am about as glad over the success of 
this work as you are!" 

The original was destroyed in the great fire at Chicago, 
where it was under exhibition. The pen and the table 
concerned should be in the Lincoln Museum. The ink- 



54 The Lincoln Story Book. 

stand was a wooden one, in private hands, and bought 
at public sale when Lincoln relics were not at the current 
high price. 



"DEN I TAKES TO DE WOODS 1" 

Secretary Seward, as manager of the foreign relations, 
met much trouble from the disposition of the aristocratic 
realms of Europe to await eagerly for a breach by which 
to enter into interference without quarreling. He was 
also a great trouble-maker, having the innate repugnance 
of men of letters and voice to play second fiddle — since 
he was nominated on the trial ballot above Lincoln in the 
Presidential Convention. The black speck in the political 
horizon was San Domingo; the Abolitionists wanted to 
help her to attain liberty, in which case Mother Spain 
would assuredly come out openly against the United 
States and consequently ally with the Confederacy. 

The statement of the dilemma — side with Spain, or the 
black republic — reminded the President of a negro story, 
quite akin. 

A colored parson was addressing his hearers and drew 
a dreadful picture of the sinner in distress. He had two 
courses before him, however. But the exhorter asserted 
in a gush of novelty that: 

"Dis narrer way leads on to destruction — and dat 
broad one to damnation " 

Feeling he was overshooting the mark by the dismay 
among his congregation, he paused, when an impulsive 
brother started up with bristling wool and staring eyes, 
and, making for the door, hallooed : 



The Lincoln Story Book. 55 



"In dat case, dis chile he takes to de woods !" 

Mr. President elucidated the black prospect. 

"I am not willing to assume any new responsibilities 
at this juncture. I shall, therefore, avoid going to the 
one place with Spain or with the negro to the other— 
but shall take to the woods!" 

A strict and honest neutrality was therefore observed, 
and— San Domingo is still a bone of contention, though 
not with Spain, for it is an eye on our canal. 



THE UNPARDONABLE CRIME. 

The mass of examples of Lincoln's leniency, merciful- 
ness, and lack of rigor lead one to believe he could not 
be inexorable. But there was one crime to which he 
was unforgiving— the truckling to slavery. The smug- 
gling of slaves into the South was carried on much later 
than a guileless public imagine. Only fifty years ago, a 
slave-trader languished in a Massachusetts prison, in 
Newburyport, serving out a five years' sentence, and still 
confined from inability to procure the thousand dollars 
to pay a superimposed fine. Mr. Alley, congressman of 
Lynn, felt compassion, and busied himself to try to 
procure the wretch's release. For that he laid the unfor- 
tunate's petition before President Lincoln. It acknowl- 
edged the guilt and the justice of his condemnation; he 
was penitent and deplored his state— all had fallen away 
from him after his conviction. The chief arbiter was 
touched by the piteous and emphatic appeal. Neverthe- 
less, he felt constrained to say to the intermediary : 



56 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"My friend, this is a very touching appeal to my feel- 
ings. You know that my weakness is to be, if possible, 
too easily moved by appeals to mercy, and if this man 
were guilty of the foulest murder that the arm of man 
could perpetrate, I might forgive him on such an appeal. 
But the man who could go to Africa, and rob her of her 
children, and sell them into interminable bondage, with 
no other motive than that which is furnished by dollars 
and cents, is so, much worse than the most depraved 
murderer, that he can never receive pardon at my hands. 
No! he may rot in jail before he shall have liberty by 
any act of mine !" 



BEYOND THE BOON. 

The other slave-trade case is more tragic than the 
above. 

It roused much excitement, as the conviction for slave- 
trading was the first under the special law in any part 
of the land. The object of the unique process was 
William Gordon. Sentenced to be hanged like a pirate, 
the most prodigious effort was made to have the penalty 
relaxed with a prospect that the term of imprisonment 
would be curtailed as soon as decent. It would seem 
that merchant princes were connected with the lucrative, 
if nefarious, traffic in which he was a captain. But the 
offense was so flagrant that the New York district attor- 
ney went to Washington to block mistaken clemency. 
He was all but too late, for the President had literally 
under his hand the Gordon reprieve. The powerful 



The Lincoln Story Book. 57 

influence reached even into the executive study. Lawyer 
Delafield Smith stood firmly upon the need of making 
an example, and Mr. Lincoln gave way, but in despair 
at having to lay aside the pen and redoom the miserable 
tool to the gallows, where he was executed, at New York. 
"Mr. Smith," sighed the President, "you do not know 
how hard it is to have a human being die when you 
know a stroke of your pen may save him." 



VAIN AS THE POPE'S BULL AGAINST THE COMET. 

The potency of the Emancipation Act was so patent 
to the least politician that, long before 1863, when its 
announcement opened the memorable year for freedom, 
not only had its demonstration been implored by his 
friends, but some of his subordinates had tried to launch 
its lightning with not so impersonal a sentiment. To a 
religious body, pressing him to verify his title of Abo- 
litionist, he replied: 

"I do not want to issue a document that the whole 
world will see must necessarily be inoperative, like the 
pope's bull against the comet." 



A VOLUNTEER CAPTAINCY VORTH TWO DOLLARS. 

While he was a lumberer, Lincoln was in the employ of 
one Kirkpatrick, who "ran" a sawmill. In hiring the 
new man, the employer had promised to buy him a dog, 
or cant-hook, of sufficient size to suit a man of uncom- 
mon stature. But he failed in his pledge and would 



58 The Lincoln Story Book. 

not give him the two dollars of its value for his working 
without the necessary tool. Though far from a grudging 
disposition, Lincoln cherished this in memory. When 
the Black Hawk War broke out and the governor called 
out volunteers, Sangamon County straightway responded 
and raised a company of rangers. This Kirkpatrick 
wished and strove to be elected captain, but Lincoln 
recited his grievance to the men, and said to his friend 
William Green (or Greene) : 

"Bill, I believe I can now make even with Kirkpatrick 
for the two dollars he owes me for the cant-hook." 

Setting himself up for candidate, he won the post. 
It was a triumph of popularity which rejoiced him. As 
late as i860, he said he had not met since that success 
any to give him so much satisfaction. 



GETTING THE COMPANY COLUMN THROUGH 
*' ENDWISE/* 

Captain Lincoln was drilling his men, marching the 
twenty or so "by the front," when he found himself 
before a gap in the fence through which he wanted to go. 

He says: "I could not for the life of me remember 
the proper words of command — ("By the right flank — 
file left — march." — "Hardee's Tactics") — for getting my 
company endwise so that it could get through the gate- 
way ; as we came near the passage, I shouted : 

" 'Company, halt ! break ranks ! you are dismissed for 
two minutes, when you will fall in again on the other 
side of the gap !' " 



The Lincoln Story Book. 59 

REGULAR AND IRREGULAR, 

In the Black Hawk War, Captain Lincoln came ta 
cross-purposes with the regular army commissariat. 
The latter insisted on the fare and other service for the 
army being superior to what the Bucktail Rangers got; 
the latter, however, were empowered by the governor to 
forage rather freely, so that the settlers were said to 
fear more for their fowls through their protectors than 
from the Indians for their scalps. Once, when Lincoln's 
corps were directed to perform some duty which he did 
not think accrued to them, he did it. But he went to the 
army officer, to whom he reported, and said plainly: 

"Sir, you forget that we are not under the orders and 
regulations of the War Department at Washington, but 
are simply volunteers under those of the governor of 
Illinois. Keep in your own sphere and there will be no 
difficulty ! But resistance will be made to your unjust 
orders. Further, my men must be equal in all particulars 
to the regular army." — (William Greene, who was in 
the Rangers.) 



KNOWING WHEN TO GIVE IN. 

If you will refer to the table of the Presidents, you 
will see that Lincoln's origin is set down as "English." 
But with the noted English love of fair play is coupled 
the art of not knowing when a man is beaten. This 
descendant of John Bull differs from his ancestors on 
this head. 

During the Black Hawk War, the soldiers in camp 



6o The Lincoln Story Book. 

entertained themselves by athletic contests. The captain 
of the Sangamon company excelled all the others, regu- 
lars and volunteers, in bodily pastimes. This induced the 
men to challenge all the army, pitting Lincoln against 
the whole field, one down t'other come up ! A man of 
another regiment, named Thompson, appeared, with 
whom the preliminary tussle to feel the enemy gave 
Lincoln a belief that he had tackled more than he could 
pull off this time. He intimated as much to his backers, 
who, with true Western whole-souledness, were betting 
not only all their money, but their "possibles" and equip- 
ment. Disbelieving him, though he had never shown 
the white feather, the first bout did terminate disastrously 
for Illinois. Lincoln was clearly "downed." The next, 
or settling bout, ended the same way — only Lincoln's 
supporters would not "see," and refused to pay up their 
bets. The whole company was about to lock horns on 
the decision, when Captain Lincoln spoke up : 

"Boys, Thompson threw me fair and clean, and he did 
the same the next time, but not so clearly." 

"In peace or in war," it was always the same "Honest 
Abe" of Sangamon. 



A FRUITFUL SPEECH. 

At the age of twenty, Lincoln was studying law in 
ofif hours, and used to walk over to Boonville, ten or 
twelve miles, the county court center, to watch how law 
proceedings were conducted. He was interested in one 
murder case, ably defended by John Breckenridge ; in 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 6i 

fact, Lincoln hanging around the court-room doors to 
see the lawyers come out, was impelled by his ingenuous 
admiration to hail him, and say: 

"That was the best speech I ever heard." The advo- 
cate was naturally surprised at this frank outburst of 
the simple country lad. Years afterward, Breckenridge,* 
belonging to Texas, and having been an active Confeder- 
ate, was in the position to implore the executive's clem- 
ency. It was granted him, while the donor reminded him 
of the far-off incident — which he still insisted included 
"the best speech I ever heard !" The beneficiary might 
have retorted that the plea for his own pardon was, in 
his mind, more ejffective in sparing a life. 



A CAPTAIN CHALLENGED BY HIS MEN. 
At the outset of the Black Hawk War, an outbreak of 
Indians in Illinois, the popularity of Abraham Lincoln 
induced the young men of the Sangamon Valley, in form- 
ing a company of mounted riflemen, to vote him as their 
captain. The forces were very irregular irregulars, did 
no fighting as a body, and were insubordinate to the 
last. Once it was in an ironically amusing manner. The 
commander had saved a friendly Indian from a beating, 
that being General Cass' order, as well as what his hu- 
manity prompted, though at the same time there had been 
Indian tragedy in his own family, and he had the racial 

*Not the ex-vice-president and Confederate Cabinet officer of 
that name. 



62 The Lincoln Story Book. 

Indian hatred in his blood. The mutineers threatened 
still to shoot the captive. 

"Not unless you shoot me!" rejoined the taunted com- 
mander. 

The men recoiled; but one voiced the general senti- 
ment in: 

"This is cowardly on your part, Lincoln, presuming on 
your rank!" 

"If any of you think that, let him test it here and 
now!" was the reply, equally as oblivious of military 
decorum. 

But they flinched, for he was larger and lustier than 
anybody else. 

"You can level up," he said, guessing their reasoning ; 
"choose your own weapons." 

The more sane roared with laughter at this monstrous 
offer on the superior's part, and the good feeling was 
renewed between chief and file. 



GENERAL McCLELLAN'S OPINION OF LINCOLN AS A 
LAVYER. 

The whirligig of time brings about strange revenges, 
for a truth. General McClellan was chosen to visit the 
seat of the Crimean War to study the siege operations 
about Sebastopol. Returning and seeing no prospects in 
the air— of his professional line — he became superinten- 
dent of the Illinois Central Railroad Company. He was 
acting for its president in December, 1855, when a bill 
was laid under his eyes. It was the demand of Abraham 



The Lincoln Story Book. 63 

Lincoln, of the law firm of Lincoln & Herndon, Spring- 
field, Illinois. 

The firm had offered in October to act for the com- 
pany to defend a suit brought by McLean County. Lin- 
coln had won it. To prevent any demurrer about the 
fee of one thousand dollars, a fourth of that having been 
paid for the retainer, he had six members of the bar 
append their names to testify the charge was usual and 
just. Nevertheless Superintendent McClellan refused to 
pay, alleging that : 

"This is as much as a first-class lawyer would charge !'^ 
You see, Mr. Lincoln was still but "the one-horse 
lawyer of a one-horse town." 



KENTUCKIANS ARE CLANNY. 

Senator John C. S. Blackburn, of the United States 
Supreme Court, began his life as a lawyer at the age of 
twenty. This should have won him sympathy in his first 
case. It was before Justice McLean. Opposed to Mr. 
Blackburn was the chief of the Chicago bar, I. N. Arnold, 
afterward member of Congress, and author of the first 
biography of Abraham Lincoln. Blackburn was a Ken- 
tuckian, but the stereotyped reputation for courage does 
not include audacity in a court of law. He was nervous 
with this first attempt and made a mull of his present- 
ment, when a gentleman of the bar, rising, and extending 
a tall, ungraceful figure, intervened and laid down the 
case on the young Kentuckian's lines so feebly offered 



64 The Lincoln Story Book. 

and entangled that the hearers might be glad to be so 
disembarrassed of a feeling for the novice floundering. 
The bench sustained Blackburn's demurrer. Arnold was 
so vexed that he objected to the volunteer intervener, 
whereupon the befriended man learned it was one Abra- 
ham Lincoln, as unknown to him as he was to fame. 
Lincoln defended himself against the senior's spite, by 
saying he claimed the privilege of giving a newcomer 
the helping hand. No doubt the fellow Stateship backed 
his prompting. — (Related by Judge Isaac N. Arnold, 
member of Congress.) 



NOT TO BE THOUGHT OF I 

It has been seen that creditors treated the struggling 
Lincoln with the utmost forbearance, countering the 
adage that "forbearance is not acquittance." He was 
given the occasion to show how he was neighborly when 
the turn came. A client of his was long deferring settle- 
ment when the lawyer met him by chance on the court- 
house steps, at Springfield. 

He accosted him cordially, and remarked about an 
accident that had befallen him. 

Cogdale had been blown up by gunpowder and lost a 
hand. He began to apologize for the business delay, 
showing that he was crippled manually as well as in his 
pursuits. 

Lincoln plainly expressed his sympathy and sorrow. 

" I have been thinking about that note of yours," fal- 
tered the unhappy man. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 65 

The lawyer drew the paper in question out of his 
wallet and forced it upon him. 

"It is not to be thought of.'" replied he, laughing in his 
droll yet saturnine mode. 

Cogdale honestly added that he did not know when he 
really could pay. 

But the donee hurried away, saying: 

"If you had the money, I would not take it out of 
jour only hand !" 



**SKIN WRIGHT AND CLOSE 1" 

In more than one event the Lincolnian snappy and 
headlong manner was the fruit of study and deliberation. 
Apparently holding aloof from politics after his return 
from Washington, in 1849, Lincoln was earning a great 
name at the bar. His popularity was the wider as he did 
not disdain poor clients and often won a case without 
permitting any remuneration. There came to Lincoln 
& Herndon's office one day a poor widow. She was 
entitled to a pension of four hundred dollars, but the 
agent, one Wright, who had drawn it for her, retained 
one-half as his fee. This greed so stirred Mr. Lincoln 
that he at once went to the agent to demand disgorging 
of the money. On refusal, a suit was instituted for the 
recovery. 

At the trial, with his buoyancy, Lincoln said to his 
partner : 

"You had better stay, and hear me address the jury, 
as I am going to skin Wright and get the money back." 



66 The Lincoln Story Book. 

He pleaded that there was no contract between the 
parties; that the man was not an authorized agent; his 
charge was unreasonable ; he had never given the money 
due to the soldier's widow, but retained one-half. Next 
he expatiated on her husband, during the Revolutionary- 
War, experiencing the hardships of the old Continentals 
at Valley Forge in the winter; barefoot in the deep 
snows; ill-clad against the rigors; their feet, cut by ice 
staining the ground, and so on. 

The men in the box were also affected to tears, like 
the spectators, while the pension "shark" wriggled under 
the invectives. The verdict was in favor of the relict. 
Her advocate not only remitted his costs, but paid her 
fare home and for her stay in Springfield, so that she 
went off rejoicing. 

Lincoln's partner had the curiosity to look at his brief, 
which concluded: 

"Skin Wright! Close!"— (Related by Mr. Herndon, 
present at the trial.) 



HCXJKING HENS IS LOVl 

Mr. Lincoln had assisted in the prosecution of a fellow 
who stole some fowls. The lawyer jogged homeward in 
the company of the jury foreman. He eulogized the 
young man for his good work in the prosecution, and, 
when the other returned the compliment by speaking 
warmly of the jury's prompt and speedy deliverance of 
the verdict, the foreman replied : 

"Yaas, the vagabond ought to be locked up. Why, 



The Lincoln Story Book. 67 

when I was young and pearter than I am now, I didn't 
mind packing a sheep or two off on my back — but steal- 
ing hens — faugh ! It is low and shows what the country 
is coming to!" 



"THE STATE AGAINST MR. VHISKYr 

When Lincoln was a briefless barrister, frequenting 
the courts on their own peregrinations, to catch the eye 
of client or judge, he was at Clinton, Illinois, where a 
case came up of a very modern nature. To be sure, "the 
Shrieking Sisterhood" was then invented for the advo- 
cates of female suffrage and anti-slavery. But these 
twelve or fifteen young women presented themselves in 
custody for a novel charge. They had failed to induce 
a liquor dealer to restrict his license, and "smashed" his 
wine-parlor incontinently. Although public sympathy 
was theirs for the act, as well as for their youth, pretti- 
ness, and sex, none of the lawyers would take up their 
defense on account of the influence of the brewers' and 
distillers' agent. In this emergency, Abraham Lincoln 
stepped into the breach and volunteered to defend the 
defenseless. 

"I would suggest, first," began he, "that there be a 
change in the Indictment so as to have it read 'The State 
against Mr. Whisky !' instead of The State against these 
women.* This is the defense of these women. The man 
who has persisted in selling whisky has had no regard 
for their well-being or the welfare of their husbands and 
sons. He has had no fear of God or regard for man; 



68 THe Lincoln Story Book. 

neither has he any regard for the laws of the statute. No 
jury can fix any damages or punishment for any violation 
of the moral law. The course pursued by this liquor 
dealer has been for the demoralization of society. His 
groggery has been a nuisance. These women, finding all 
moral suasion of no avail with this fellow, oblivious to 
all, to all tender appeal and a like regardless of their 
tears and prayers, in order to protect their households 
and promote the welfare of the community, united to 
suppress the nuisance. The good of society demanded its 
suppression ! They accomplished what otherwise could 
not have been done." — {The Lincoln Magazine.) 



AS CLEAR AS MOONSHINE. 

In 1858, Lincoln was committed to the political cam- 
paign which was a passing victory, superficial, to his 
opponent, Senator Douglas, to eventuate in his accession 
to the Presidency. So he had let legal strife fall into 
abeyance, during two years. He was, therefore, vexed 
to have an appHcant for his renewing that line of busi- 
ness, but at once welcomed the suitor on learning her 
name. It was Hannah Armstrong. He was eager to 
see her. She was the wife of the bully of Clary's 
Grove, the locally noted wrestler. Jack Armstrong. 
After they had become friends, Lincoln had been har- 
bored in their cottage, in the days when poverty held 
him down so he scarcely could get his head above water. 
The good soul had repaid his doing chores about her 
house, such as minding the baby, getting in the fire- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 69 

wood, and keeping the highway cows out of her cabbage- 
patch, after her husband died, by darning his socks, filHng 
up a bowl with corn-mush, at the period when it was a 
feast to have ''cheese, bologna, and crackers," in the 
garret where he pored over law-books. Her news was 
painful. The baby, whose cradle Lincoln had rocked, 
was a man now, and was in what the vernacular phrased 
"pretty considerable of a tight fix," 

It looked as though Mr. Lincoln would have difficulty 
in loosening the fix, far more to remove it. 

At a camp-meeting, the young men had been riotous. 
Armstrong and a companion had been entangled in a 
fight for all comers, in which one man was seriously 
injured by some weapon. The companion, Norris, was 
tried and convicted for manslaughter of Metzgar, 
receiving the sentence of eight years' imprisonment. 
But Armstrong was to be indicted for murder, as the 
injuries were indicated as inflicted with a blunt instru- 
ment, and a witness affirmed that they were done by a 
slung-shot in Armstrong's hands. It was little excuse 
that he, like the rest implicated, was drunk at the time. 
Nevertheless, dissolute as was the young man of two- 
and-twenty, Lincoln did not need the woman's assurance 
that her son was incapable of murder so deliberate. 
Armstrong averred that any blow he struck was done 
with the naked fist. Furthermore, it was said that 
Metzgar was not left insensible on the field of battle, but 
was going home beside a yoke of oxen when the yoke- 
end cracked his skull ; it was this, and no slung-shot, that 
caused his death the following day. 



yo The Lincoln Story Book. 

Recognizing that the compHcation forebode a strenuous 
task-, Lincoln none the less accepted it and, assuring his 
old "Aunt Hannah" that he would not suffer her to talk 
of remuneration, he resumed the toga to contest the 
effort to take away Armstrong's life and release Norris, 
as convicted under error. 

He closeted himself with the prisoner to hear his ac- 
count, and upon that concluded he was guiltless. It 
has been said that Lincoln would never undertake a 
defense of a man he believed guilty. This held good in 
the present instance. 

As the statement about the slung-shot blow was made 
by a man who disputed the ox-yoke accident, and that the 
fatal hurts were received in the free fight at the camp- 
meeting, it was necessary that he should be explicit. He 
had seen the blow and distinguished the weapon by the 
light of the moon. 

Lincoln was accustomed from early life to relieve his 
brain when toiling or distressed, by the turning to a vein 
utterly opposed to those moods. His chief diversion 
from Blackstone and the statutes was his favorite author, 
Shakespeare. Hackett, the FcdstafF delighted in by our 
grandfathers, pronounced the President a better student 
of that dramatist than he expected to meet. 

As the ancients drew fates, as it is called, from Virgil, 
and the medievals from the Bible, so the lawyer drew 
hints from his author. The process is to open at a page 
and read as a forecast the first line meeting the eye. The 
play-book opened at "Midsummer Night's Dream." To 
refresh himself after his speeches in rehearsal, Lincoln 



The Lincoln Story Book. 71 

had been enjoying the humor of the amateur-actor 
clowns. So the Hne "leaping into sight" was on parallel 
lines with his thought. 

"Does the moon shine that night?" So the text. 
Whereupon, Nick Bottom, a weaver, cries out : "A calen- 
dar ! look in the almanack ! find out moonshine !" 

The pleader had his cue ! 

It was not necessary to postpone the trial on the 
ground that the debate upon the new charge prevented a 
fair jury in the district. Besides, the widow would grow 
mad in the long suspense, even if the prisoner bore it 
manfully, though sorrowing for her and his misspent life. 
The trial was indeed the event of the year at the court- 
house. The witnesses for the prosecution repeated about 
Armstrong much the same story as had convicted 
Norris: Armstrong had led a reprehensible career, and 
the deliberate onslaught with a weapon after the fight 
could hardly have been made by an intoxicated man. 
It was vindictiveness from being worsted by the unhappy 
Metzgar in a fair fight. In vain was it cited that he and 
Metzgar had been friends and that the accuser was a 
personal enemy of the former. 

The case looked so formidable — unanswerable, in short 
— ^that the State proctor's plea for condemnation might 
all but be taken for granted. 

However highly the prisoner had been elated by his 
father's friend, his own, having promised to deliver him 
before sundown, he must have lost the lift-up. For he 
wore the abandoned expression of one forsaken by 
his own hopes as by his friends. Norris, in his cell, 



72 The Lincoln Story Book. 

could have not been more veritably the picture of 
despair. 

Lincoln rose for the final, without eliciting any emo- 
tion from him. He dilated on the evidence, which he 
asserted boldly was proof of a plot against an innocent 
youth. He called the principal witness back to the stand, 
and caused him definitely to repeat that he had seen 
Armstrong strike the fatal stroke, with a slung-shot un- 
doubtedly, and by "the light of the moon." The proof 
that his accusation was false was in the advocate's hand — 
the almanac, which the usher handed into the jury, while 
the judge consulted one on his desk. 

The whole story was a fabrication to avenge a personal 
enmity, and the rock of the prosecution was blasted by 
the defense's fiery eloquence. 

The arbiters went out for half an hour, but the 
audience, waiting in breathless impatience, discounted the 
result. The twelve filed in to utter the alleviating "Not 
guilty !" and the liberator was able to fulfil his pledge. 

It was not sunset, and the prisoner was free to com- 
fort his mother. 

In vain did she talk of paying a fee, and the man 
supported the desire by alleging his intention to work 
the debt out. Lincoln said in the old familiar tongue : 

"Aunt Hannah, I sha'n't charge you a red — I said 
'without money or price !' And anything I can do for 
you and yours shall not cost you a cent." 

Soon after, as she wrote to him of an attempt to de- 
prive her of her land, he bade her force a case into the 
court; if adverse there, appeal to the Supreme Court, 



The Lincoln Story Book. 73 

where his law firm would act, and he would fight it 
out. 

(Regarding the rescued man, he enlisted in the war at 
the first call. He was still in the ranks two years later, 
when his mother, in her loneliness, begged for him of 
the President-commander-in-chief, for his release to 
come home. His leave was immediately written out by 
Lincoln's own hand, and the soldier went home from 
Kentucky. He remained a valuable citizen. It was Lin- 
coln's speech and the moonbeam of inspiration that saved 
him.) 



*'NICE CLOTHES MAY MAKE A HANDSOME MAN- 
EVEN OF YOUl" 

In 1832, Lincoln, elected to the Illinois legislative 
chamber, found himself in one of those anguishing em- 
barrassments besetting him in all the early stages of his 
unflagging ascent from the social slough of despond. 
Unlike eels, he never got used to skinning. For the 
new station, however well provided mentally, he had no 
means to procure dress fit for the august halls of debate. 

He was yet standing behind the counter in Offutt's 
general shop at New Salem, when an utter stranger 
strolled in, asked his name, though his exceptional 
stature and unrivaled mien revealed his identity, and 
announced his own name. Each had heard of the other. 
The newcomer was not an Adonis, perhaps, but he 
was one compared with the awkward, leaning Tower 
of Pisa "cornstalk," who carried the jack-knife as "the 



74 The Lincoln Story Book. 

homeliest man in the section." Lincoln was doubly the 
plainest speaker there and thereabouts. 

"Mr. Smoot," began the clerk, "I am disappointed in 
you, sir! I expected to see a scaly specimen of hu- 
manity !" 

"Mr. Lincoln, I am sorely disappointed in you, in 
whom I expected to see a good-looking man !" 

After this jocular exchange of greeting, the joke 
cemented friendship between them. The proof of the 
friendship is in the usefulness of it. Lincoln turned to 
this acquaintance in his dilemma. 

This future President may have divined the saying 
of the similarly martyred McKinley — about "the cheap 
clothes making a cheap man." He summed up his situa- 
tion: 

"I must certainly have decent clothes to go there 
among the celebrities." 

No doubt, the State capital had other fashions than 
those prevailing at Sangamon town, where even the shop- 
keeper's present attire, in which he had solicited suf- 
frages, was scoffed at as below the mark. It was com- 
posed of "flax and tow-linen pantaloons (one Ellis, 
storekeeper, describes from eye-witnessing), I thought, 
about five inches too short in the legs, exposing blue- 
yam socks (the original of the Farmers' Sox of our mail- 
order magazines); no vest or coat; and but one sus- 
pender. He wore a calico shirt, as he had in the Black 
Hawk War; coarse brogans, tan color." 

"As you voted for me," went on the ambitious man 
about to exchange the counter for the rostrum, "you 



The Lincoln Story Book. 75 

must want me to make a decent appearance in the state- 
house ?" 

"Certainly," was the reply, as anticipated, Lincoln was 
so sure of his wheedling ways by this time. 

And the friend in need supplied him with two hundred 
dollars currency, which, according to the budding legis- 
lator's promise, he returned out of his first pay as repre- 
sentative. 



THE ABUTMENT WAS DUBERSOME. 

President Lincoln was told that the Northern and 
Southern Democrats had at last accomplished a fusion. 

"Well, I believe you, of course," said he to the in- 
formant, "but I have my doubts of the foundation, like 
my friend Brown. Brown is a sound church member. 
He was member, too, of a township committee, having 
to receive bids for building a bridge over a deep and 
rapid river. The contractors did not seem to like the 
proposition, so Brown called in an architectural acquaint- 
ance, named — we will say, Jones. At the question 'Can 
you build this bridge ?' he was overbold, and replied : 
'Yes, sir, or any other. I could build a bridge from 
Sodom to Gomorrah with abutment below.' The com- 
mittee being good and select men were shocked at the 
strong language, and Brown was called upon to defend 
his protege. 

" T know Jones well enough,' he rejoined, 'and he is 
so honest a man and good a builder, that if he states 
positively that he can build a bridge from Sodom to 



76 The Lincoln Story Book. 

Gomorrah, why, I beHeve him! But — I feel bound to 
state that I am in some doubt as to the abutment on the 
other side !' 

"My friend, I reassert I have my doubts about the 
abutment !" 



"GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE PRESIDENT." 

It was while at the store in New Salem that Lincoln 
made the acquaintance of Richard Yates, contemporarily 
in office with him as war governor of Illinois. So proud 
were the citizens of the colloquial abilities of their rising 
young man that they used to show him to visitors as 
their liofi. Yates was introduced and stayed to hear him 
Toar. Later, Lincoln asked him to join him in his noon 
meal at the cabin where a woman boarded him. The 
latter was one of those good souls who give the best in 
the larder, but are all the time apologizing. They had 
happened upon the ordinarily plain repast of bread — 
home-made, and of the sweetest corn — and milk from the 
cow. Flurried by the unknown company, the auntie, in 
dealing out the bowls to a numerous family, somehow, 
between herself and Lincoln, let the vessel slip, and, fall- 
ing to the floor, it was smashed and the milk wasted. 
Lincoln disputed it was her fault, as she politely averred. 
She continued to argue for her guiltiness. 

"Oh, very well," said Lincoln, at last, "we will not 
wrangle on whose was the slip, or if it does not trouble 
you it will not trouble me. Anyway, what is a basin of 
pap? — ^nothing to fret about!" 



The Lincoln Story Book. 77 

"Mr. Lincoln, you are wrong" — the woman remem- 
bered the children to whom a lesson ought to be given — ■ 
"a dish of bread and milk is fit for the President of these 
United States." 

Both the guests acquiesced. The cream of a story is 
in the application. Years afterward, when the man from 
Sangamon, the unknown, occupied the curule chair, an 
elderly woman from Illinois called at the White House 
and requested an interview. It was the Aunt Lizzie 
of the above episode. Her mere mention of being "home 
folks" won her admittance, and her recognition the best 
of the Executive Mansion lard-pantry. When she had 
finished the elegant collation, and intermingled the tasty 
morsels with reminiscences, the host slyly inquired if 
now in the Presidential dwelling she stuck to the senti- 
ments about the diet enunciated in her log cabin. 

"Indeedy, I do ! I still stick to it that bread and milk 
is a good enough dish for the President." 

Lincoln smiled with his sad smile. He had been long — 
not to say a lengthy — martyr to dyspepsia, and she 
uttered a truism that struck him to the — the digestive 
apparatus ! 



LINCOLN'S FIRST POLITICAL SPEECH. 

In 1 83 1, or '32, Abraham Lincoln made his maiden 
political speech at Pappsville (or Richland), Illinois. He 
was twenty-three, and timid, and the preceding speakers 
had "rolled the sun nearly down." The speech is, there- 
fore, short and agreeable: 



78 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Gentlemen, fellow citizens: I presume you all know 
who I am. I am humble Abraham Lincoln. I have 
been solicited by my friends to become a candidate for 
the legislature. My politics are short and sweet — 
like an old woman's dance ! I am in favor of a national 
bank, the international improvement scheme, and a high 
protective tariff. These are my sentiments and political 
principles. If elected, I will be thankful. If defeated, 
it will be all the same!" — (Springfield Republican.) 



A LIGHTNING-ROD TO PROTECT A GUILTY 
CONSCIENCE! 

One term in the Illinois State legislature only whetted 
the predestined politician for a seat again at that table, 
though it was not he who won the loaves and the fishes. 
He was to speak at Springfield, the more gloriously 
welcomed as he was prominent in the movement here- 
after realized, of changing the capital from VandaUa to 
this more energetic town. 

The meeting had foreboded ill, as a serious wrangle 
between two of the preceding speakers threatened to end 
in a challenge to a duel, still a fashionable diversion. 
But Lincoln intervened with a speech so enthralling that 
the hearers forgot the dispute and heard him out with 
rapture. He had found the proper way to manage his 
voice, never musical, by controlling the nasal twang into 
a monotonous but audible sharpness, "carrying" to a 
great distance. He was followed by one George Forquer 



The Lincoln Story Book. 79 

(Farquhar or Forquier), a facing-both-ways, profit-taking 
politician, who had achieved his end by obtaining an 
ofiice. This was the land-office register at this town. 
He had been a prominent Whig representative in 1834. 
The turncoat assailed Lincoln bitterly (much as Pitt was 
derided in his beginning) and had begun his piece by 
announcing that "the young man (Lincoln) must be 
taken down." As if to live up to the lucrative berth, 
Mr. Forquer had finished a frame-house — Springfield 
still had log houses, and not only in the environs, either ! 
— and to cap the novelty, had that other new feature, a 
lightning-rod, put upon it. The object of the slur at 
youth had listened to the diatribe, flattering only so far 
as he was singled out. 

Mr. Joshua F. Speed, a bosom friend of Lincoln, re- 
ports the retort as follows : 

"The gentleman says that 'this young man must be 
taken down.' It is for you, not for me, to say whether 
I am up or down. The gentleman has alluded to my 
being a young man; I am older in years than in the 
tricks and trades of politicians. 

'T desire to live, and I desire place and distinction as 
a politician; but I would rather die now than, like the 
gentleman, live to see the day that I would have to erect 
a lightning-rod to protect a guilty conscience from an 
offended God!" 

Mr. Speed says that the reply was characterized by 
great force and dignity. The happy image of the light- 
ning-rod for a conscience has passed into the fixed-star 
stage of a household word throughout the West. 



So The Lincoln Story Book. 

FIRING ON A FLEA FOR A SQUIRREL. 

In 1 84 1, while serving a term in the Illinois legisla- 
ture, Lincoln was the longest of the Sangamon repre- 
sentatives, distinguished as the Long Nine. They were 
much hampered by an old member who tried to put a 
stopper upon any measure on the set ground that it was 
"un-con-sti-tu-tional." Lincoln was selected to "spike 
his gun." A measure was introduced benefiting the 
Sangamon district, so that its electee might befittingly 
push it, and defend it. He was warrantably its usher 
when the habitual interrupter bawled his stereotyped : 

"Unconstitutional !" 

The "quasher" is reported as follows in the local press, 
if not in the journal of the House, which one need not, 
perhaps, consult : 

"Mr. Speaker," said the son of the Sangamon Vale, 
"the attack of the member from Wabash County upon 
the un-con-sti-tu-tion-al-i-ty of this measure reminds me 
of an old friend of mine. 

"He is a peculiar-looking old fellow, with shaggy, 
overhanging eyebrows, and a pair of spectacles under 
them. (This description fitted the Wabash member, at 
whom all gaze was directed.) 

"One morning just after the old soul got up, he 
imagined he saw a gray squirrel on a tree near his house. 
So he took down his rifle, and fired at the squirrel, as he 
believed, but the squirrel paid no attention to the shot. 
He loaded and fired again and again, until, at the thir- 
teenth shot, he set down his gun impatiently, and said to 
his boy, looking on: 



The Lincoln Story Book. 8i 

" 'Boy, there's something wrong about this rifle.' 

" 'Rifle's all right — I know it is,' answered the boy ; 
'but where's your squirrel?' 

" 'Don't you see him, humped up about half-way up the 
tree?' inquired the old man, peering over his spectacles 
and getting mystified. 

'"No, I don't,' responded the boy; and then turning 
and looking into his father's face, he exclaimed: 'Yes, I 
spy your squirrel ! You have been firing at a flea on your 
own brow !' " 

This modem version of seeing the mote and not the 
beam in one's own eye smothered the member for Wa- 
bash in laughter, and he dropped the standard objection 
of "unconstitutional" as he had not his mark. 



THE CREAM OF THE JOKE. 

By reason of the distances and the lonesomeness, it 
was the pleasant habit of candidates to make their elec- 
tioneering tours together. In seeking reelection in 1838, 
Lincoln was accompanied by Mr. Ewing. They stopped 
at one country house about dark, when the good wife 
was going a-milking, while her husband was still a-field. 
Intent on securing her, as she had the repute of being 
"the gray mare," the two partizans accompanied her to 
the paddock. Ewing, to show his gallantry as well as 
his familiarity with farm work — a main point in such 
communities — offered to relieve the dame of the pail and 
fill it, while she rested. In the meantime, Lincoln chatted 



82 The Lincoln Story Book. 

with her, so that Ewing could hardly get a word in. At 
his finishing his self-chosen task, he beheld the pair 
deeply absorbed, for Lincoln had exercised his glib 
tongue to such advantage as to secure her influence over 
her man's vote. 



PARALLEL COURSES. 

In the thirteenth Congress, Jefferson Davis was in the 
Senate, while Lincoln and Alexander Stephens were in 
the House. 



JUMPING JIM CROWl 

When in Congress, he was a conscience Whig, as op- 
posed to the cotton ones — that is, for the anti-slavery 
doctrine and not "cottoning" for the South. He wrote 
home : 

"As you (at Springfield) are all so anxious for me to 
distinguish myself, I have concluded to do so before 
long." He nearly ex-tinguished himself, for suddenly 
he went right about face — according to the popular song 
— quite a political if not a politic course: 

You wheel about and jump about, and do just so! 
And ebery time you jump about, you jump Jim Crow! 

He had gone against the general tide in hindering the 
Mexican War as sure to bring Texas into the Union as 
a slave State, yet now he espoused its hero, "Rough and 
Ready" Taylor. He had to excuse himself as recog- 
nizing that the general was the Whigs' best candidate, 



The Lincoln Story Book. 83 



and as the Whig National Convention agreed with him, 
the apparent truckling was condoned. 



FACTS ARE STUBBORN THINGS. 
"Your letter on McClellan reminds me of a story that 
I (A. Lincoln) heard in Washington, when I was here 
before. There was an editor in Rhode Island noted for 
his love of fun— it came to him irresistibly— and he 
could not help saying just what came to his mind. He 
was appointed postmaster by Tyler. Some time after 
Tyler vetoed the Bank Bill, and came into disrepute with 
the Whigs, a conundrum went the round of the papers. 
It was as follows: 'Why is John Tyler like an ass?' 
This editor copied the conundrum and could not resist 
the temptation to answer it, which he did thus : 'Because 
he is an ass !' This piece of fun cost him his head — but 
it was a fact!" — (Chatauque Democrat.) 



THE PARTY GAD. 

"In 1846, General Cass was for the (Wilmot) Pro- 
viso* at once; in March, 1846, he was still for it, but not 
just then; and in December, 1847, he was against it 
altogether. When the question was raised in 1846, he 
was in a blustering hurry to take ground for it. He 
sought to be in advance, and to avoid the uninteresting 



♦Wilmot Proviso : that money to buy Mexican land should not 
go toward slave-buying. 



84 The Lincoln Story Book. 

position of a mere follower; but soon he began to see a 
glimpse of the great Democratic ox-gad waving in his 
face, and to hear indistinctly a voice saying: 

" 'Back, back, sir ; back a little !' 

"He shakes his head and bats his eyes, and blunders 
back to his position of March, 1847; ^^^ still the gad 
waves and the voice grows more distinct and sharper 
still : 

" 'Back, sir ! back, I say ! farther back !' And back he 
goes to the position of December, 1847, ^t which the gad 
is still, and the voice soothingly says : 

"'So! stand still at that !' "—(Speech by A. Lincoln, 
House of Representatives, Washington, July 27, 1848.) 



HARD TO BEAT I 

Of his Washington experience in 1848, Lincoln 
brought a pack of tales about the statesmen then promi- 
nent. He declared to have heard of Daniel Webster the 
subjoined : 

In school little Dan had been guilty of some misdoing 
for which he was called up to the teacher to be caned on 
the hand. His hands were dirty, and to save appearance 
he moistened his right hand, on his way up, and wiped it 
on his pants. Nevertheless, it looked so foul on presen- 
tation to the ferule that the teacher sharply protested : 

"Well, this is hard to beat! If you will find another 
hand in this room as filthy, I will let you off!" 

Daniel popped out his left hand, modestly kept in the 
background, and readily cried: 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 85 

"Here it is, sir!" 

(Told by Lincoln before "the Honorable Mr. Odell, 
and others." This is not the ex-governor, Mr. Odell, of 
New York, who pleads guilty to the editor of "being too 
young to have the honor of speaking with Mr. Lincoln." 
The worse luck — both would have profited by the mutual 
pleasure.) 



"I RECKON I TOOK MORE THAN MY SHARE.** 

Lincoln confessed at the outset of life that he was 
going to avoid society, as its frequentation was incom- 
patible with study. He avowed at the same time that 
he liked it, which enhanced the sacrifice. No doubt so, 
since his Washington sojourn and his legal and legislative 
company earned him the title of the prince of good fel- 
lows. To be coupled with the genial Martin van Buren 
with the same epithet was, indeed, a compliment. 

At Washington he had, in 1848, made acquaintance 
with the fashionable world. He preferred the livelier 
and less strait ways of the Congressional boarding-house 
table, the Saturday parties at Daniel Webster's, and the 
motley crowd at the bowling-alley, as well as the chat- 
terers' corner in the Congressional post-office. Still, as 
chairman of a committee, and by reason of his being a 
wonder from the hirsute West, he was invited to the 
receptions and feasts of the first families. Green to the 
niceties of the table, he committed errors — so frankly 
apologized for and humorously treated that he lost no 
standing. 



86 The Lincoln Story Book. 

At one dinner the experience was new to him of the 
dish of currant jelly being passed around for each guest 
to transfer a little to his plate. So he took it as a sweet, 
oddly accompanying the venison, and left but little on 
the general plate. But after tasting it, he perceived that 
the compote-dish was going the rounds, and suddenly 
looking pointedly at his plate and then at the hostess, 
with a troubled air, he said, with convincing simplicity: 

"It looks as though I took more than my share." — 
(Supplied by the hostess, and collected by J. R. Speed.) 



LINCOLN WAS LOADED FOR BEAR. 

An eminent man of politics has said that the similes 
of the learned which liken Abraham Lincoln to King 
Henry IV. of France and other historical notables are 
far from the mark and reveal their miscomprehension 
of the Machiavel redeemed by moral goodness. He 
thinks that without the hypocrisy being censurable he 
was more of the type of Pope Sixtus the Fifth. This 
celebrity, who, like Lincoln, was in the hog business at 
one time, pretended silliness to be elected pontiff. The 
die cast, he stood forth in all his native strength, keep- 
ing the friends who did not try to sway him, and becom- 
ing a rod of steel where he had been rated as lead.* At 
the same time as he dispraised himself — ^mocked and 
laughed — ^he let out glimpses of true ambition. When 



*Greeley stamped Lincoln as "the slowest piece of lead that 
ever crawled." 



The Lincoln Story Book. 87 

his short-sighted advisers warmly crossed his ground of 
setting himself with freedom against the pro-slavery 
party, assuring him that he would thereby lose the sena- 
torship as against Douglas, he confessed : 

"I am after larger game. The battle of i860 (for the 
chair of Washington) is worth a hundred of this." 



"A BOUNTEOUS PRESIDENT— IF ANYTHING IS LEFTl'^ 

"Mr. Speaker, we have all heard of the animal stand- 
ing in doubt between two stacks of hay and starving to 
death ; the like of that would never happen to General 
Cass. Place the stacks a thousand miles apart ; he would 
stand stock-still, midway between them, and eat both at 
once ; and the green grass along the line would be apt to 
suffer some, too, at the same time. By all means, make 
him President, gentlemen. He will feed you bounte- 
ously — if — if — there is anything left after he shall have 
helped himself." — (Speech, House of Representatives, 
July 2^, 1848.) 



THE ART OF BEING PAID TO EAT. 
"I have introduced General Cass' accounts here, chiefly 
to show the wonderful physical capacities of the man. 
They show that he not only did the labor of several men 
at the same time, but that he often did it at several places 
many hundred miles apart, at the same time! And at 
eating, too, his capacities are shown to be quite as won- 
derful. From October, 1821, to May, 1822, he ate ten 



88 The Lincoln Story Book. 

rations a day in Michigan, ten a day here in Washing- 
ton, and near five dollars' worth a day besides, partly on 
the road between the two places. And then there is an 
important discovery in his example : 'The art of being 
paid for what one eats, instead of having to pay for it.' 
Hereafter, if any nice man shall owe a bill which he 
cannot pay, he can just board it out!" — (Speech, House 
of Representatives, July 2^, 1848.) 

(A tilt at a general drawing rations for himself and 
staff.) 



A VICE NOT TO SAY "NOP 
Mr. Lincoln said to General Viele : "If I have got one 
vice, it is not being able to say 'No.' And I consider it a 
vice. Thank God for not making me a woman ! I pre- 
sume if He had, He would have made me just as homely 
as I am, and nobody would have ever tempted me !" 



THE BEST CARl 

From his previous sojourn in the capital, President 
Lincoln had a fund of good stories upon his predecessors. 
Among them was the following tale about President 
Tyler, one of the weakest chiefs the republic has ever 
known, with the exception of Franklin Pierce. Lincoln 
said that this President's son "Bob" was sent by his father 
to arrange about a special train for an excursion. The 
railroad agent happened to be a hard-shell Whig, and 
having no fear of the great, and wanting no favor. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 89 

shrank from allowing him any. He said that the road 
did not run any "specials" for Presidents. 

"Stop !" interrupted Bob, "did you not furnish a 
special for General-President Harrison?" (Died 1841.) 

"S'pose we did," answered the superintendent; "well, 
if you will bring your father here in that condition, you 
shall have the best train on the track !" 



SELF-MADE. 

"Self-made or never made," says one of the apologists 
for Lincoln's ruggedness of character and outward air; 
at an early political meeting, when asked if he were self- 
made and he answered in the affirmative, the rough 
critic remarked: "Then it is a poor job," as if it were 
by nature's apprentice. But in i860, when friends re- 
proached him for the lack of "Old Hickory" Jackson's 
sternness, he replied nobly: 

"I am just as God made me, and cannot change." 



HIS HIGH MIGHTINESS. 

The little "court" of the White House wrangling about 
a fit title for the Chief, that of "excellency" not being 
taken as sufficient, one disputant suggested that the Dutch 
one of "high mightiness" might fit. Speaker Mullen- 
berg, at the first Presidency, pronounced on the question 
at a dinner where Washington was sitting. 

"Why, general, if we were certain the office would 



90 The Lincoln Story Book. 

always be held by men as large as yourself (how cleverly 
he shunned the use of either "great" or "grand!") or 
Mr. Wynkopp there, it would be appropriate enough! 
But, if by chance a President as small as my opposite 
neighbor should be elected, his high mightiness would be 
ridiculous !" 

The quarrelers were hushed, thinking if Douglas, the 
Little Giant, had preceded or should follow their colossus 
of six feet three! 



LINCOLN'S OPINION AT THIRTY. 
Diffident, but having been twice disappointed in love- 
making, Abraham wrote in support of a Miss Owen re- 
jecting him : "I should never be satisfied with any one 
blockhead enough to have me." 



THE BLANK BIOGRAPHY. 

Lincoln had been reading from Edmund Burke's life, 
when he threw down the book with disrelish. He fell 
into his habit of musing, and on reviving, said to his 
associate, Herndon : 

"I've wondered why book publishers do not have blank 
biographies on their shelves, always ready for an emer- 
gency ; so that if a man happens to die, his heirs or his 
friends, if they wish to perpetuate his memory, can pur- 
chase one already written — but with blanks. These 
blanks they can fill up with rosy sentences full of high- 
sounding praise." 



The Lincoln Story Book. 91 

He sent the "Dictionary of Congress" his autobio- 
graphy in a single paragraph of fifty words — as an ex- 
ample ( ?). 



"THE HOMELIEST MAN UNDER GOVERNMENT." 

When General Lee surrendered to General Grant, one 
point was noticed by the spectators which, it was held, 
distinguished the Cavalier from the Puritan. Grant was 
in his fighting clothes and his every-day sword by his 
side, while General Lee, dressed faultlessly as a soldier 
should always be, carried a court sword, presented him 
as a honor by the Southerners. So, in wars, Providence 
does not flourish the showy weapon, but uses a strong 
and sharp blade without ornamental hilt. Abraham Lin- 
coln was the instrument of Heaven for work — ceaseless, 
bloody work, hard, for it was that least to his taste. 

From boyhood the looks of the wood-chopper and 
river boatman were subjects of jeering. Whether the 
budding genius spurned such adventitious aids as graces 
of person in his career, or was already a philosopher 
who believed that handsome is that handsome does is a 
winning motto, we may never know. It is enough that 
he joined in the laugh and kept the ball rolling. 

On the loss of a first love, one Annie Rutledge — a name 
he said he always loved — his friends were alarmed for 
his health and sanity. They took away the knife every 
man carried in the West, and discovered it was the 
obligatory one presented to the ugliest man and not to 
be disposed of otherwise than to one still homelier. 



92 The Lincoln Story Book. 

There is a record of the clerical gentleman to whom 
Lincoln was justified in offering it, who died with it in 
his uncontested possession, in Toronto. 

As is the custom, an office-holder going out of his seat 
calls on the President with his successor to transfer the 
seals and other tokens. The unlucky man enumerated 
the good qualities of his substitute, and was surprised 
that Mr. Lincoln should dilate upon his with excessive 
regrets that he was going to leave the service. This 
Mr. Addison was indeed a first-class servant, but uncom- 
monly ill-favored. 

"Yes, Addison," said the chief, 'T have no doubt that 
Mr. Price is a pearl of price, but — ^but nothing can com- 
pensate me for the loss of you, for, when you retire, I 
shall be the homeliest man in the government !" 



BETTER LOOKING THAN EXPECTED. 

(Related by the President to Grace Greenwood) : 
"As I recall it, the story, told very simply and tersely, 
but with inimitable drollery, ran that a certain honest 
old farmer, visiting the capital for the first time, was 
taken by the member of Congress for his 'deestrict,' to 
some large gathering or entertainment. He went in 
order to see the President. Unfortunately, Mr. Lincoln 
did not appear; and the congressman, being a bit of a 
wag, and not liking to have his constituent disappointed, 
designated Mr. R., of Minnesota. He was a gentleman 
of a particularly round and rubicund countenance. The 
worthy agriculturist, greatly astonished, exclaimed: 



The Lincoln Story Book. 93 

" 'Is that old Abe ? Well, I du declare ! He's a 
better-lookin' man than I expected to see ; but it do seem 
as how his troubles have druv him to drink !' " 



LINCOLN AND SUPERSTITION. 

Childhood's impressions are ineffaceable, though they 
may be for a time set aside. Abraham Lincoln with all 
his lofty mind, acquiesced in the vulgar belief when he 
took his son Robert to have the benefit of a "madstone," 
at a distance from where the boy was dog-bitten. He 
made the pact with the Divine Power as to the Emanci- 
pation Act, with a sincerity which robbed worldly wis- 
dom of its sting, and he had dreams and visions like a 
seer. 



LINCOLN'S DREAM. 
"Before any great national event I have always had 
the same dream. I had it the other night. It is a ship 
sailing rapidly." — (To a friend, in April, 1865. See 
"Ship of State," a pet simile.) 



LINCOLN'S VISION. 

Abraham Lincoln had been nominated for the Presi- 
dency. The consummation of his ambition had naturally 
a deep impression upon him. He came home and threw 
himself on the lounge, expressly made to let him recline 
at full-length. It was opposite a bureau on which was 



94 The Lincoln Story Book. 

a pivoted mirror happening to be so tilted that it re- 
flected him as he lay. 

"As^I reclined," he says, "my eye fell upon the glass, 
and I saw two images of myself, exactly alike, except 
that one was a little paler than the other. I arose and 
lay down again with the same result. It made me quite 
uncomfortable for a few minutes, but some friends 
coming in, the matter passed out of my mind. 

"The next day, while walking in the street, I was sud- 
denly reminded of the circumstances, and the disagreeable 
sensation produced by it returned. I determined to go 
home and place myself in the same position — as regards 
the mirror — and if the same effect was produced, I would 
make up my mind that it was the natural result of some 
principle of refraction or optics, which I did not under- 
stand, and dismiss it. I tried the experiment with the 
same result; and as I had said to myself, accounted for 
it on some principle unknown to me, and it then ceased 
to trouble me. But the God who works through the 
laws of nature, might surely give a sign to me, if one of 
His chosen servants, even through the operation of a 
principle of optics." 

This, seeing one's simulacrum, or double, was so com- 
mon, especially when looking-glasses were full of flaws, 
designedly cast faulty to give "magical" effects for con- 
jurors, that old books on the black art teem with in- 
stances. Lincoln was right to demonstrate that the 
vision was founded on fact, and no supernatural sight at 
all. His trying the repetition was like Lord Byron's 
quashing a similar illusion, but of a suit of clothes hung 



The Lincoln Story Book, 95 

up to look like a friend whom he believed he saw in 
the spirit. A more widely read man would have dis- 
missed the ''fetch" like the President-elect, but with a 
laugh. 



*'IT IS A POOR SERMON THAT DOES NOT HIT 
SOMEWHERE." 

President Lincoln was wont to carry his mother's old 
Bible about with him in the Capital City. Often he 
would be consulting it in mental plights. He said that 
the Psalms was the part he liked best. "The Psalms 
have something for every day in the week, and some- 
thing for every poor fellow like me." 



THE RELIGION OF FEELING. 

Lincoln told a friend that he heard a man named 
Glenn say at an Indiana church-meeting: 

"When I do good, I feel good ; when I do bad, I feel 
bad ; that is my religion !" 



THE TWO PRAYERS. 

In Lincoln's inaugural address will be found the 
passage about the sad singularity of the two contendants 
in the fratricidal combat being Christians alike: "Both 
read the same Bible, and pray to the same God." The 
example is forthcoming. There is plenty of evidence 



96 The Lincoln Story Book. 

that the speaker always "took counsel of God." His 

words are : "I have been driven many times to my knees 

by the overwhelming conviction that I have nowhere 

else to go."* 

(Connect with the Confederate commander, Robert E. 

Lee's avowal: "I have never seen the day wheii I did 

not pray for the people of the North.") 

"Everybody thinks better than anybody." — (Lincoln.) 
(This is also ascribed to Talleyrand. "It is only the 

rich who are robbed.") 



"WE SHALL SEE OUR FRIENDS IN HEAVEN l" 

For weeks after the death of his son Willie the in- 
consolable father mourned in particular on that day in 
each week, and even the military sights at Fortress Mon- 
roe to court a change failed to distract him. He was 
studying Shakespeare. Calling his private secretary to 
him, he read several passages, and finally that of 
Queen Constance's lament over her lost child : 

And, father cardinal, I have heard you say 

That we shall see, and know, our friends in heaven. 

(King John, III., 4.) 

"If that be true, I shall see my boy again !" He said : 
"Colonel, did you ever dream of a lost friend, and feel 
that you were holding sweet communion with that 



*No longer was Lincoln's piety held as hypocrisy, as in i860, 
when a campaign song sneers at 

How each night he seeks the closet. 
There, alone, to kneel and pray. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 97 

friend, and yet have a sad consciousness that it was not 
reality? Just so I dream of my boy Willie!" 

(Colonel Lamon, the presidential body-guard-in-chief, 
was the recipient of this spiritual confidence.) 



MORE PRAYING AND LESS SWEARING I 

On accompanying Mrs. Pomeroy, military nurse, to 
her hospital, the President discovered that the authori- 
ties of the house had forbidden praying to the patients, 
or even reading the Bible to them, as it was denomina- 
tional. He promptly removed the restriction, and fur- 
thered the visiting missionaries in holding prayer-meet- 
ings, read the Scriptures to "his boys in blue," and 
pray with them as much as they pleased. 

"If there was more praying," he said, "and less swear- 
ing, it would be far better for our country." 



GLOVES OR NO GLOVES. 

An old acquaintance of the President's visited him 
at Washington. Each man's wife insisted on the 
gentleman, her lord, donning gloves. For they were 
going as a square party out in the presidential 
carriage, and the Washingtonians would not accept a 
king as such unless he dressed as a king. Mr. Lincoln, 
as a shrewd politician, and married man, put his gloves 
in his pocket, not to don them until there was no wrig- 
gling out of the fix; the other one had his on at the 
hotel where the carriage came to take that couple up. 



98 The Lincoln Story Book. 

They went out and took seats in the vehicle, whereupon 
the newcomer, seeing that his host was ungloved, went 
on the rule of leaving the fence bars as you find them. 
He set to drawing of? his kids at the same time as Mr. 
Lincoln commenced to tug at his to get them on. 

"No, no, no!" protested the caller, fetching away his 
kids, one at a time, "it is none of my doings ! Put up 
your mittens, Lincoln!" 

And so they had their ride out without their hands be- 
ing in guards. 



THE USE OF BOOKS. 

"Books serve to show a man that those original 
thoughts of his aren't very new, after all." — (By an Il- 
linois clergyman, knowing Lincoln in the 'Fifties.) 



LINCOLN'S BOOK CRITICISM. 

"For those who like this kind of book, this is the kind 
of book they will like." — (New York Times Book Re- 
view, July 7, 1 90 1.) 



THE HAND-TO-HAND ENCOUNTER. 

Toward the evident close of the struggle an English 
nobleman came to Washington, credited to the embassy. 
This was somewhat impudent and imprudent of him, too, 
as, in early times, he was prominent among the British 
aristocrats who had supported the Confederate States. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 99 

He had assisted in their being declared belligerents — a 
sore point. He had invested in the "Cotton Loan," and 
voted in sustenance of the Lairds getting the rebel 
pirates out of the Mersey. Altogether, he must have at- 
tended the regular White House reception from thinking 
his hostility was unrecorded. But the President was 
clearly prepared for the fox-paw! He spoke to the 
Briton smoothly enough, but when the unsuspecting hand 
was placed in his grasp he gave it one of those natural 
and not formal grips which left an impression on him 
forever. The balladist's line was realized for him : "It is 
hard to give the hand where the heart can never be." 



BETTER SOMETIMES RIGHT THAN ALL TIMES 
WRONG, 

In 1832, when candidate for the Illinois legislative 
chambers, Lincoln said he held it "a sound maxim better 
only sometimes to be right than at all times wrong." 



MAKING THE DAGGER STAB THE HOLDER. 

LTpon the first debate of the Lincoln-Douglas series, an 
admirer of the former, having no doubt now "the stump 
speaker" would defeat the meretricious parliamentarian, 
said: 

"I believe, Abe, you can beat Douglas for the Senate." 
"No, Len, I can't beat him for the Senate, but I'll 
make him beat himself for the Presidency." 



lOO The Lincoln Story Book. 

Douglas did gain the prize, but he lost his chances in 
the presidential race by alienating the whole Southern 
vote. — (Related by Mr. Leonard Swett, the "Len" above, 
to Mr. Augustus C. Buell.) 



THE TAIL OF THE KITE. 
"Congress, like the poor, is always with us!" — (To 
General Grant. "Grant's Memoirs.") 



NO DAY WITHOUT A LINE. 
"I don't think much of a man not wiser to-day than 
he was yesterday." — (A. Lincoln.) 



TRUTH AND THE PEOPLE. 
"The people are always much nearer the truth than 
politicians suppose." — (A. Lincoln.) 



"CALL ME ' LINCOLN.* ♦» 

Like the Friends, Abraham Lincoln had a dislike for 
handles to a name, and at the first incurred criticism in 
fastidious Washington circles by his using the last name 
and not the Qiristian one to familiars. To an intimate 
friend he appealed: 

"Now, call me 'Lincoln,' and I'll promise not to tell of 
the breach of etiquette, if you won't (Ah, how well he 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. loi 

knew the vanity of great men's Horatios!), and I shall 
have a resting spell from Mister Lincoln !" 



THE ELOQUENT HAND. 

The colonel of the famous Massachusetts Sixth, which 
fought its way through Baltimore, risen in riot, B. F. 
Watson, led fifty men to cleave their way through "the 
Plug-uglies," vile toughs. On reporting at the capital 
he found Commanding General Scott receiving the 
mayor of Baltimore, hastening to sue for the sacred soil 
not being again trodden on by the ruthless foot of the 
Yankees. President Lincoln happened in and, recog- 
nizing Colonel Watson, who was only second in com- 
mand then, complimented him on his "saving the cap- 
ital," and introduced him to the company. Presuming 
that his quality would awe a young and amateur soldier, 
the unlucky mayor had the audacity to require his con- 
firmation of his story. He said that he had dared the 
mob, and, to shield the soldiers, marched at their head, 
etc. But the officer, still warm from his baptism of fire, 
truly replied that he could not give a certificate of charac- 
ter. He related how the rifiE-raff had assailed the volun- 
teers, wonderfully forbearing about not using their guns, 
and that the police and other officials had sworn that 
they should not pass alive, while the head and front, as 
he called himself, marched only a few yards— quitting 
on the pretext that it was too hot for him ! 

"Many times," said Colonel Watson, "have I recalled 



I02 The Lincoln Story Book. 

the mayor's look of intense disgust, the astonishing dig- 
nity of the commanding general, and the expression, half- 
sad, half-quizzical, on the face of the President at the 
evident infelicity of his introduction. If I did not leave 
that distinguished presence with my reputation for in- 
tegrity unimpaired, the pressure of Abraham Lincoln's 
honest hand, as we parted, deceived me." 



VOMAN. 
"Woman is man's best present from his Maker." — (A. 
Lincoln.) 



TO THINK AND TO DO WELL. 

"It is more than mortal to think and to do well on 
all occasions and subjects." — (To Senator James F. 
Wilson.) 



"SET THE TRAP AGAIN I'» 

To fix extreme abolition upon Abraham Lincoln, Sen- 
ator Douglas lent himself to assuring that his rival had 
taken part in a convention and helped pass a certain 
resolution. This was a fraud, as there was no such reso- 
lution passed, and Lincoln was not present. 

"The main object of that forgery was to beat Yates 
and elect Harris for Congress, object known to be ex- 
ceedingly dear to Judge Douglas at the time. . . . 
The fraud having been apparently successful, both Har- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 103 

ris and Douglas have more than once since then been 
attempting to put it to new uses. As the fisherman's 
wife, whose drowned husband was brought home with 
his body full of eels, said, when asked what was to be 
done with him: 'Take out the eels and set him again!'* 
So Harris and Douglas have shown a disposition to take 
the eels out of that stale fraud by which they gained 
Harris' election, and set the fraud again, more than 
once." — (Speech by A. Lincoln, Jonesboro, Illinois, Sep- 
tember 15, 1858.) 



'*NO ROYALTY IN OUR CARRIAGE.'* 

From August to mid-October, 1858, Lincoln and 
Douglas warred on the platform throughout Illinois, in 
a celebrated series of debates. As the senator was in a 
high position, and expected to reap yet more important 
honors, the Central Railroad corporation extended to him 
all graces. A special car, the Pullman in embryO' in 
reality, was at his beck, and a train for his numerous 
friends if he spoke. On the other hand, his rival, be- 
coming more and more democratic in his leaning to the 
grotesque, gloried in travel/ng even in the caboose of a 
freight-train. He had no brass bands and no canteen for 
all comers ; on one occasion his humble "freighter" was 
side-tracked to let the palace-cars sweep majestically by, 
a calliope playing "Hail to the Chief !" and laughter 
mingling with toasts shouted tauntingly through the open 



*See Colman's "Broad Grins." 



I04 The Lincoln Story Book. 

■windows. The oppositionist laughed to his friends, and 
said: 

"The gentleman in that decorated car evidently smelled 
no royalty in our scow !" 

He scoffed at these "fizzlegigs and fireworks," to em- 
ploy his phrase. 

But his keen sense of the ludicrous was not shared 
with his admirers. On the contrary, the women saw 
nothing absurd in drowning him with flowers and the 
men in "chairing him." Henry Villard relates that he 
saw him battling with his supporters literally, and be- 
seeching them who bore him shoulder-high, with his 
long limbs gesticulating like a spider's, for them to 
"Let me down !" 

In another place, after Douglas had been galloped to 
the platform in his carriage and pair, his antagonist was 
hauled up in a hayrack-wagon drawn by lumbering farm- 
horses. 



THE TRAP TO CATCH A DOUGLAS. 

In the course of the Lincoln-Douglas debates, the for- 
mer, among his friends, announced that at the next meet- 
ing he would put a "settler" to his contestant, and "I 
don't care a continental which way he answers it." 

As he did not explain, all awaited the evening's 
speeches for enlightenment. In the midst of Douglas* 
"piece," Lincoln begged to be allowed a leetle question. 
The Lincolnian "leetle questions" were beginning to be 
rankling darts. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 105 

Formally, the question was : "Can the people of a 
United States territory, in a lawful way, against the 
wishes of any citizen of the United States, exclude slavery 
from its limits, prior to the foundation of a State consti- 
tution ?" 

In the homely way Lincoln put it, It ran : 

"Suppose, jedge (for Judge Douglas) there was a 
new town or colony, just started in some Western ter- 
ritory; and suppose there was precisely one hundred 
householders — voters, there — and suppose, jedge, that 
ninety-nine did not want slavery and the one did. What 
would be done about it?" 

This was the argument about "Free Soil" and "squat- 
ter sovereignty" in a nutshell. 

The wily politician strove to avoid the loop, but finally 
admitted that on American principles the majority must 
rule. This caused the Charleston Convention of i860 to 
split on this point, and Douglas lost all hope of the Presi- 
dency. 



PRACTISE BEFORE AND BEHIND "THE BAR." 

The debate between Douglas and Lincoln, while 
marked by speeches severe and stately, was interspersed 
with repartees and innuendoes as might be awaited from 
former friends and become, by double rivalry, fierce 
enemies. 

The senator did not disdain to stoop to casting back at 
Lincoln's humble beginning, and taunted him with having 
kept store and waited behind the bar before waiting be- 



io6 The Lincoln Story Book. 

fore the bar judicial for his turn to practise law. His 
adversary rose amid the laughter, and rejoined: 

"What the jedge (Judge Douglas) has said, gentle- 
men, is true enough. I did keep a grocery, and some- 
times I did sell whisky; but I remember that in those 
days Mr. Douglas was one of my best customers for the 
same. But the difference between us now is that I do 
not practise behind the bar at present, while Mr. Douglas 
keeps right on before it." 



CONNUBIAL AMITY. 

"Mr. Douglas has no more thought of fighting me 
than fighting his wife." — (Said during the Lincoln- 
Douglas debates, at a rumor that the senator would chal- 
lenge him for some personality.) 



THE MODEL WHISKY- BARREL. 

During the Douglas-Lincoln series of debates, the 
former made a jest counting upon his being President 
some day. He said that his father was a cooper, yet, 
with prescience, had not taught him the paternal craft, 
but made him a cahinef-mdker . His adherents who 
counted on office if he won loudly applauded. Douglas 
was a thick-set, rotund man, whose florid gills revealed 
that he was a host for boon companions. Lincoln was 
his antithesis, as tall, long-drawn, and somber as the 
cold-water man he was rated. He rose, and at once shot 
his shaft: 



The Lincoln Story Book. 107 

"I was not aware that Mr. Douglas' father was a 
cooper, but I doubt it not, or that he was a good one. 
In fact, I am certain that he has made one of the best 
whisky-casks I have ever seen!" 



nCHTING OUT OF ONE COAT INTO THE OTHER. 

"I remember being once much amused at seeing two 
partially intoxicated men engaged in a fight, with their 
greatcoats on, which fight, after a long and rather harm- 
less contest, ended in each having fought himself out of 
his own coat and into that of the other ! If the two 
leading parties of to-day are really identical with the 
two in the days of Jefferson and Adams, they have per- 
formed the same feat as the two drunken men." — (Let- 
ter declining a Jefferson banquet invitation, Springfield, 
Illinois, April 6, 1859.) 



THE PROMISING FACE I 

"Senator Douglas is of world-wide renown. All the 
anxious politicians of his party have been looking upon 
him as certainly, at no distant day, to be the President of 
the United States. They have seen in his round, jolly, 
fruitful face post-offices, land offices, marshalships and 
cabinet appointments, charge-ships and foreign missions, 
bursting and sprouting out in wonderful exuberance, 
ready to be laid hold of by their greedy hands. . . . 
On the contrary, nobody has ever expected me to be 



io8 The Lincoln Story Book. 

President. In my poor, lean, lank face nobody has ever 
seen that any cabbages were sprouting out." — (Speech 
by A. Lincoln, Springfield, Illinois, July 17, 1858.) 



**A HOUSE DIVIDED CANNOT STAND." 
This often-quoted passage was uttered in June, 1857, 
at Springfield, Illinois, during Lincoln's congressional 
campaign : 

"A house divided against itself cannot stand. I be- 
lieve that this government cannot endure permanently, 
half-slave and half-free. I do not expect this house to 
fall : I do not expect the Union to be dissolved. But I 
do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become one 
thing or the other." 



THE CONCERT ON "DRED SCOTT." 
The Supreme Court of the United States decided in a 
fugitive-slave case, one Dred Scott, that no negro slave 
could be any State citizen; that neither Congress nor a 
territorial organization can exclude slavery; that the 
United States courts would not decide whether a slave 
in a free State becomes free, but left that to the slave- 
holding State courts. Lincoln, in debate with Senator 
Douglas, asserted that the latter, Chief Justice Taney, 
and others, were in a league to perpetuate slavery and 
extend it. 

"We cannot absolutely know, but when we see a lot 
of framed timbers, different portions of which we know. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 109 

have been gotten out at different times and places, and 
by different workmen — as Stephen, Franklin, Roger, and 
James (Douglas, President Pierce, Taney, Buchanan), 
and when we see these timbers joined together, and see 
they exactly make the frame of a house or mill . . . 
in such a case we find it impossible not to believe that 
Stephen, and Franklin, and Roger, and James all under- 
stood one another from the beginning, and all worked 
upon a common plan or draft, drawn up before the first 
blow was struck." — (The "Divided House" Speech, June 
17, 1858, Springfield, Illinois.) 



PLAYING CUTTLEFISH. 
"Judge Douglas is playing cuttlefish ! — a small species 
of fish that has no mode of defending itself when pur- 
sued except by throwing out a black fluid which makes 
the water so dark the enemy cannot see it, and thus it 
escapes." — (Lincoln in Lincoln-Douglas Debate, Illinois, 
1858.) 



A VOICE FROM THE DEAD. 

"Fellow citizens, my friend, Mr. Douglas, made the 
startling announcement to-day that the Whigs are dead. 
If that be so, you will now experience the novelty of 
hearing a speech from a dead man." With his arms 
waving like windmill-sails, and his frame vibrating in 
every one of the seventy-five inches perpendicular, he 
shrilled: "And I suppose you might properly say, or 



no Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

sing, in the language of the old hymn : 'Hark, from the 
tombs a doleful sound!'" — (Lincoln-Douglas Debate, 
1858.) 



**IF I MUST GO DOWN, LET IT BE LINKED TO 
TRUTH." 

In 1856, a red-letter day in American politics, the 
Republican party was organized at Bloomington, Illinois, 
and, after his speech at the inauguration, Abraham Lin- 
coln was hailed as the foremost of the league throughout 
the West. A civil war raged, as he had foretold, in 
Kansas, through repeal of the Missouri Compromise, 
and Douglas was forced to about face and actually vote, 
as senator in Congress against the very measures he ad- 
vocated, with the Republicans. He sought reelection, 
and so believed he would allure them over to his side. 
At the Republican State Convention in June, however, 
Lincoln was the unanimous representative for Cook 
County, and he made the celebrated speech known as 
"The House Divided Against Itself." This discourse 
had been rehearsed before his clique of friends — the men 
who afterward boasted that they made the President out 
of the "little one-horse lawyer of a little one-horse 
town !" They agreed that it was sound and energetic, 
but that it would not be politic to speak it then. The 
Republicans were cautious, and shrank from uniting with 
the advanced theorists known as the Abolitionists. 
Lincoln slowly repeated the debated passage : 
" 'A house divided against itself cannot stand.' I will 



The Lincoln Story Book. iii 

deliver it as written. I would rather be defeated with 
this expression in the speech than be victorious with- 
out it." 

Before the persistence the advisers again implored 
him to moderate the lines. "It would defeat his elec- 
tion — it will kill the embryo party !" and so on. 

But after silent reflection, he suddenly and warmly; 
said: 

"Friends, if it must be that I must go down because 
of this speech, then let me go down linked to truth — die 
in the advocacy of what is right and just." 

That famous utterance of what was fermenting in the 
great heart of the people, and which perfect oneness with 
it and his own, enabled him to be the touchstone of the 
Satan yet disguised, cleared the sky, and all saw the 
battle, if not the doom, of the black stain on the United 
States. 



COME ONE, COME ALL! 
On his road to inauguration, Lincoln held a reception 
at Chicago. The autograph fiend was not prominent in 
the thick crowd, but still several little girls were pushed 
forward by their besieging mamas and, under pretense 
of one gift deserving a return, gave flowers, and the 
spokesgirl said as she waved a sheet of paper: 
"Your name, Mr. President, please !" 

"But here are several other little girls " 

"They come with me," replied the little miss, jvitH the 
intention of gaining her end alone. 



112 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Oh, then, as my signature will be little among eight — ■ 
more paper!" 

And he wrote a sentiment on each of eight sheets and 
affixed his sign manual. 



ASSISTING THE INEVITABLE. 

In 1854, the Missouri Compromise Bill of 1820, made 
to shut out the free States from the invasion of slavery, 
was repealed. The author of this yielding on a vital 
question to the pro-slavery party was Stephen A. Doug- 
las, leader of the Democrats. He had been Lincoln's 
early friend, and they were rivals for the hand of the Miss 
Todd who wedded Lincoln, with spoken confidence, and 
woman's astonishing art of reading men and the future, 
that he would attain a loftier station in the national 
Walhalla than his brilliant and more bewitching adver- 
sary. Indignant at this revoke in the great game of 
immunity which should have been played aboveboard, 
the lawyer sprang forth from his family peace and studi- 
ous retirement to fall or fulfil his mission in the irre- 
pressible conflict. 

Lincoln delivered a speech at Springfield when the 
town was crammed by the spectators attending the State 
Fair. It was rated the greatest oratorical effort of his ca- 
reer, and demolished Douglas' political stand. The State, 
previously Democratic, slid upon and crushed out 
Douglas' Kansas-Nebraska Bill, and a Whig legislature 
was chosen. Having "the senatorship in his eye," or 
even a dearer if not a nearer object, Lincoln resigned the 



The Lincoln Story Book. 113 

seat he won in this revolutionary house. On the other 
hand, a vacancy in the State senatorship at Washington 
falHng pat, he was set up as Whig candidate. Douglas 
had selected General James Shields, who had married 
Miss Todd's sister, but was as antagonistic to his brother- 
in-law as Douglas himself. The fight was made trian- 
gular, by the Anti-Kansas-Nebraska Bill party advancing 
Lyman Trumbull. Although Shields was not strong 
enough, a substitute in Governor Mattheson, "a. dark 
horse," uncommitted to either side, came within an ace 
of election in the ballotage. 



SELF-SACRIFICE. 

Mr. Lincoln had the finished art of the politician; he 
had also a magnanimous heart, ready to sacrifice all 
personal gain to the party. He proposed withdrawing, 
and throwing all his supporters' votes over to Mattheson 
— anything to beat Douglas ! His friends resisted ; he 
had distinguished himself sufficiently as a "retiring man" 
in letting Baker get the seat over his head. But he was 
terribly bent on this stroke of victory. He gave up 
the reins and, in his great self-sacrifice, passionately 
exclaimed : 

"It must be done !" 

He was said to be, then, a fatalist, and so vented this 
command as if he believed "What must be, must be !" 
unlike the doubter who said : "No ! what must be, won't 
be!" The Douglasites could not meet this change of 



114 The Lincoln Story Book. 

base, and Trumbull became senator by the Lincolnites' 
coalition. Lincoln publicly disavowed any such formal 
compact. 



A HGHT PROVES NOTHING. 

Stung by the repetition here in the West by Horace 
Greeley's quip upon Douglas, whose trimming lost him 
supporters, "He is like the man's pig which did not 
weigh as much as he expected, and he always knew he 
wouldn't," a partizan of the senator's wanted to challenge 
Lincoln. The latter declared that he would not fight 
Judge Douglas or his second. 

"In the first place, a fight would prove nothing in issue 
in this contest. If my fighting Judge Douglas would not 
prove anything, it would prove nothing for me to fight his 
bottle-holder." 

(It is to be borne in mind that the senator had a high 
reputation as a convivial host, and the toady was believed 
to be his familiar— "the Bottle Imp.") 



"WIN THE nOHT, OR DIE A-TRYING." 

Though Douglas had his misgivings from knowing 
Lincoln is " the ablest of the Republican party," he was 
forced by his standing and the pressure of his less dubious 
followers to accept the oratorical challenge of the other. 
The trumpeteers at once boasted the Little Giant could 
make small feed of the animated fence-rail. Lincoln 



The Lincoln Story Book. 115 

said on the subject to Judge Beckwith, of Danville, on 
the eve : 

"You have seen two men about to fight? Well, one of 
them brags about what he means to do. The other fel- 
low, he says not a word. He is saving his wind for the 
fight, and as sure as it comes off, he will win it — or die 
a-trying !" 



PILLS TO PURGE MELANCHOLY. 

The Puritanic and classically sedate critics blamed 
the President for finding recreation in reading and hear- 
ing comic tales, used to illustrate grave texts. He said 
to a congressman who brought up the censure at a time 
when the country was profoundly harried: 

"Were it not for this occasional vent, I should die !" 



"DOWN TO THE RAISINS!" 
It was the regular habit of President Lincoln to read 
the day's telegrams in order in the "flimsy" triplicates. 
They were kept in a drawer at the White House tele- 
graph-office. As he handled the papers almost solely, 
each addition would come to be placed on the last lot of 
the foregoing day. When this was attained, he would 
say with a sigh: 

"There, I have got down to the raisins !" 
It was due to the story, which amused him, of the 
countryman. This tourist entered a fashionable res- 
taurant, and on viewing the long menu, and concluding 



ii6 The Lincoln Story Book. 

that all the dishes were for the customer at the fixed 
price, manfully called for each in turn. When he ar- 
rived at the last line, he sighed in relief, and cried : 
"Thanks be ! I have got down to the raisins !" 



GIANT AND GIANT-KILLER. 

As Stephen A. Douglas, from his concentrated force 
and limited height was nicknamed "the Little Giant," 
his opponent, the elongated Lincoln, was dubbed "the 
Giant-Killer." 



LINCOLN'S '* SENTIMENTS" ON A MOOTED POINT. 

The President's reply to an autograph fiend who sought 
his signature, appended to a sentiment, was : 

"Dear Madam : When you ask a stranger for that 
which is of interest only to yourself, always enclose a 
stamp." 



CHESTNUTS UNDER A SYCAMORE. 

The President, on his way to the Department of War, 
perceived a gentleman under a tree, scraping among the 
heaped leaves with his cane. He knew him, a Major 
Johnson, of the department, an old District of Columbia 
man who had never been out of the district. 

"Good morning, major!" hailed the executive officer. 
"What in the world are you doing there?" 

"Looking for a few horse-chestnuts." 



The Lincoln Story Book. 117 

"Eh? Do you expect to find them under a sycamore- 
tree ?" The President laughed freely and passed on. He 
ought to have removed the misguided botanist into the 
Department of Agriculture, where he might have learned 
something. 



STILL OF LITTLE NOTE. 

On hearing that a man had been arrested in Philadel- 
phia for trying to procure $1,500 by a forgery of Lin- 
coln's name, he humorously said: "It is surprising that 
any man could get the money !" 

The secretary pointed out that use might have been 
made of a signature given to a stranger as an autograph 
on a blank paper, the body of which had been improperly 
filled up as a note. 

"Well," answered the President, then, as to inter- 
fering, "I don't see but that he will have to sit on 'the 
blister-bench.' " 



THE TREE -TOAD AND *' TIMOTHEUS.** 
In the early days when Abraham Lincoln went with his 
pioneer father to settle in wild Indiana, the chief diver- 
sion of the rude inhabitants was from the preaching of 
the traveling pastors. They were singular devotees whose 
sincerity redeemed all their flaws of ignorance, illiteracy, 
and violence. Abraham, with his inherent proneness 
toward imitation of oratory, used to "take them off" to 
the hilarity of the laboring men who formed his first 
audiences. Out of his recollections came this tale, which 



ii8 The Lincoln Story Book. 

he liked to act out with all the quaint tones and gestures 
the subject demanded. 

The itinerant ranters held out at a schoolhouse near 
Lincoln's cabin ; but in fine weather preferred the acad- 
emy — as the Platoists would say — what was left of an 
oak grove, only one tree being spared, making a pulpit 
with leafy canopy for the exhorter. This man was a 
Hard-shell Baptist, commonly imperturbable to outside 
sights and doings when the spirit moved him. His de- 
meanor was rigid and his action angular and restricted. 
He wore the general attire, coonskin cap or beaver hat, 
hickory-dyed shirt, breeches loose and held up by plugs 
or makeshift buttons, as our ancestors attached under- 
garments to the upper ones by laces and points. The 
shirt was held by one button in the collar. 

This dress little mattered, as a leaf screen woven for 
the occasion hid the lower part of his frame and left the 
protruding head visible as he leaned forward, standing 
on a log rolled up for the platform. 

He gave out the text, from Corinthians : "Now if 
Timotheus come, see that he may be with you without 
fear ; for he worketh the work of the law." The follow- 
ing runs : "Let no man despise him," etc. 

As he began his speech, a tree-toad that had dropped 
down out of the tree thought to return to its lookout to 
see if rain were coming. As the shortest cut it took the 
man as a post. Scrambling over his yawning, untanned 
ankle jack-boots, it slipped under the equally yawning 
blue jeans. He commenced to scale the leg as the 
preacher became conscious of the invasion. So, while 



1 



The Lincoln Story Book. 119 

spooning out the text, he made a grab at the creature, 
which might be a centipede for all he knew ; and then, as 
it ascended, and his voice ascended a note or two, with 
the words "be without fear," he slapped still higher. 
Then, still speaking, but fearsomely animated, he clutched 
frantically, but always a leetle behindhand, at the un- 
known monster which now reached the imprisoning neck- 
band. Here he tore at the button — the divine, not the 
newt — and broke it free ! As he finally yelled — sticking 
to the sermon as to the hunt, "worketh the work of the 
law !" an old dame in among the amazed congregation 
rose, and shrieked out: 

"Well, if you represent Timotheus and that Is work- 
ing for the law — then I'm done with the Apostles I" 



"IF IT WILL DO THE PRESIDENT GOOD " 

G. H. Stuart, chief of the Christian Commission, was a 
Bible distributer during the war. The organization had a 
special soldiers' Bible called the Cromwell one, whose 
mixture of warrior and preacher seemed to couple him 
with Abraham Lincoln. The soldiers usually accepted a 
copy without pressing, though some said they preferred 
a cracker. But one man, a Philadelphian, like Stuart 
himself, rejected the offer. Among the colporteur's 
arguments, however, was one that overcame him. 

"I'll tell you that I commenced my tract distribution 
at the White House, and the first person I offered one 
to was Abraham Lincoln. He took it and promised to 
read it." 



I20 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"I'll take one," promptly cried the man ; "if the Presi- 
dent thought it would do him good, it won't hurt me!" 



GROUNDS FOR A FINANCIAL ESTIMATE. 

When the mercantile agencies were young, they ac- 
quired a consensus of opinion upon a business man by 
annoying his acquaintances with inquiries. One such 
house queried of Lincoln about one of his neighbors. 
His reply was a smart burlesque on the bases on which 
they rated their registered "listed." 

"1 am well acquainted with Mr. X , and know his 

circumstances. First of all, he has a wife and baby ; to- 
gether, they ought to be worth $50,000 to any man. 
Secondly, he has an office in which there is a table worth 
$1.50, and three chairs worth, say, $1. Last of all, there 
is in one corner a large rat-hole, which will bear looking 
into! Respectfully, etc." 



**l WANTED TO SEE THEM SPREAD 1" 

It is related that the ushers and secret service officials 
on duty at the Executive Mansion during the war were 
prone to congregate in a little anteroom and exchange 
reminiscences. This was directly against instructions 
by the President. 

One night the guard and ushers were gathered in 
the little room talking things over, when suddenly the 
door opened, and there stood President Lincoln, his shoes 
in his hand. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 121 

All the crowd scattered save one privileged individual, 
the Usher Pendel, of the President's own appointment, 
as he had been kind to the Lincoln children. 

The intruder shook his finger at him and, with as- 
sumed ferocity, growled: 

"Pendel, you people remind me of the boy who set a 
hen on forty-three eggs." 

"How was that, Mr. President?" asked Pendel. 

"A youngster put forty-three eggs under a hen, and 
then rushed in and told his mother what he had done. 

" 'But a hen can't set on forty-three eggs,' replied the 
mother. 

" 'No, I guess she can't, but I just wanted to see her 
spread herself.' 

"That's what I wanted to see you boys do when I 
came in," said the President, as he left for his apart- 
ments. — ^^(By Thomas Pendel, still usher, in 1900.) 



THE LINCOLN NON SEQUITUR. 
Though a Democrat, Member of Congress John Gan- 
son, of New York, supported the President, and he 
thought himself entitled to enjoy what no one had sur- 
prised or captured — the confidence of Abraham's bosom, 
as was the current phrase. He, calling, insisted that he 
ought to know the true situation of things military and 
political, so that he might justify himself among his 
friends. Ganson was bald as the egg and was the most 
clean-shaven of men. The "Northern Nero" eyed the 
presumptuous satrap fixedly, and drawled: 



122 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Ganson, how clean you shave!" 
He had escaped another inquisition by his close shave. 
(Told by Senator C. M. Depew.) 



WHY SO MANY COMMON PEOPLE. 
Like another Daniel, Lincoln interpreted dreams. He 

said that he had one in this guise : 

He imagined he was in a great assemblage like one of 

his receptions multiplied. The mass described a hedge 

to let him pass. He thought that he heard one of them 

remark : 

"That is a common-looking fellow !" 

To whom Lincoln replied — still in the dream : 

"Friend, the Lord loves common-looking people — that 

is why He made so many of them." 

(Note. — Another current saying substitutes "the poor" 

for "common.") 



ENVY OF A HUMORIST. 

It is difficult for the present generation to perceive the 
streak of fun in "the Petroleum V. Nasby Papers" 
which regaled our grandfathers, and Mr. Lincoln above 
others, who waited eagerly for the next letter in the press. 
He requested the presentation of the author, John Locke, 
and thanked him face to face — neither, like the augurs, 
able to keep his face — for such antidotes to the blues. 
He said to a friend of "the Postmaster at Confedrit 
X-rodes": 



The Lincoln Story Book. 123 

"If 'Petroleum' would impart his talent to me, I would 
swap places with him!" 



THE STOPPER ON JOURNALISTIC **GAS/* 

Having examined a model cannon devised not to allow 
the escape of gas, he quizzically glanced at the group of 
newspaper reporters, and said: 

"I really believe this does what it is represented to 
do. But do any of you know of any machine or inven- 
tion for preventing the escape of gas from newspaper 
establishments ?" 



SALT BEFORE PEPPER. 

The Cabinet being assembled in September, 1862, to 
consider the first draft of the Emancipation Act, those 
not yet familiar with the chairman's habit to supply a 
whet before the main dish, were startled that he should 
preface the business by reading the New York paper — 
Vanity FmV— continuing the series of "Artemus Ward's" 
tour with his show. This paper was the "High-handed 
Outrage at Utica." He laughed his fill over it, while 
the grave signiors frowned and yet struggled to keep 
their countenances. 

If they had more experience, they would have heard 
him read "Josh Billings," particularly "On the Mule," 
from the New York Weekly columns. It was as "good 
as a play," the stenographers said, to see the President 



124 The Lincoln Story Book. 

dart a glance over his spectacle-rims at some demure 
counselor whose molelike machinations were more than. 
suspected, and with mock solemnity declaim: 

" *I hev known a mewl to be good for six months jest 
ter git a chance to kick his owner !' " In allusion to 
those remarkable feats of arms and — legs — Early's or 
Stuart's raids and Jackson's forced rapid marches, almost 
at horse-speed, when the men carried no rations, but ate 
corn-ears taken from the shucks and roasted them "at 
their pipes," the droll ruler would bring in that "mewl" 
again : 

" 'If you want to find a mewl in a lot, you must turn 
him into the one next to it.' " 

Only the rebel "fly-by-nights" were more like the 
Irishman's flea — "when you put your hand on him, he 
was not there!" 



"MATCHING" STORIES. 

The President looking in at the telegraph-room in the 
White House, happened to find Major Eckert in. 
He saw he was counting greenbacks. So he said 
jokingly : 

"I believe you never come to business now but to 
handle money !" 

The officer pleaded that it was a mere coincidence, 
and instanced a story in point: 

"A certain tailor in Mansfield, Ohio, was very stylish in 
dress and airy in manner. Passing a storekeeper's door 
one day, the latter puffed himself up and emitted a long 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 125 

blow, expressive of the inflation to oozing-point of the 
conceited tailor, who indignantly turned and said: 'I will 
teach you to blow when I am passing!' to which the 
storekeeper replied : 'And I'll teach you not to pass when 
I am blowing !' " 

"Very good !" returned the hearer. "That is very like 
a story / heard of a man driving about the country in an 
open buggy, caught at night by a pouring rain. Passing 
a farmhouse, a man, apparently struggling with the 
effects of whisky, thrust his head out of a window, and 
shouted loudly: 

"'Hello!' 

"The traveler stopped for all of his hurry for shelter 
and asked what was wanted. 

" 'Nothing of you !' was the blunt reply. 

" 'Well, what in the infernals are you shouting 'Hello' 
for when people are passing?' angrily asked the traveler. 

" 'Well, what in the infernals are you passing for 
■when people are shouting hello ?' " 

The rival story-tellers parted "at evens." 



THE ONLY DISCREDIT. 

A backhanded compliment of the acutest nature is 
credited to Lincoln as a lawyer and gentleman. A Major 
Hill accused him of maligning Mrs. Hill, upon which 
Lincoln denied the accusation and apologized with 
"whitewash" which blacked the bystander: 

"I entertain the highest regard for Mrs. Hill, and the 



126 The Lincoln Story Book. 

only thing I know to her discredit is that she is Major 
Hill's wife!" 



NO RE-LIE-ANCE OF THEM! 

Mrs. Secretary Welles, more susceptible about press 
attacks on her idol — and everybody in Washington offi- 
cialdom's idol — the President, called attention to fresh 
quips and innuendoes. 

"Pshaw ! let pass ; the papers are not always reliable. 
That is to say, Mrs. Welles," interposed the object of 
the missiles, "they lie, and then they re-lie!" 



NO VICES-FEW VIRTUES. 

Some one was smoking in the presence of the Presi- 
dent, and had complimented him on having no vices—* 
such as drinking or smoking. 

"That is a doubtful compliment," said the host. "I 
recollect being once outside a coach in Illinois, and a 
man sitting beside me offered me a cigar. I told him I 
had no vices. He said nothing, smoked for some time, 
and then grunted out: 

" 'It's my experience that folks who have no vices have 
plaguey few virtues.' " 

(Mrs. General Lander — Miss Jean Davenport, of stage 
life, the original of Dickens' "Miss Crummies" — must 
have heard this in the presidential circle, for she would 
say: "If a man has no petty vices, he has great ones.")' 



The Lincoln Story Book. 127 

A later version ascribes the reproof to a brother Ken- 
tuckian, also a stage companion, variation sufficient to 
prove the happening. 



THE APPLES OF HIS EYE. 

"Up in the State, out my way," says the narrator, 
"there was a farmer in the days when his sort were not 
called agriculturists; he kep' an orchard, at the same 
time, without being called a horticulturist. He was just 
another kind of 'Jo^iiiriy Appleseed,' for he doted on 
apples and used to beg slips and seeds of any new variety 
until he had one hundred and eighty-two trees in his big 
orchard. I have counted them and longed for them, 
early, mid, and late harvest — he fit off the bug and the 
blight and the worm like a wizard. If there was any one 
thing save his orchard he doted upon it was a daughter 
o' his'n, her name being Rose, and all that you can 
cram of lush and bright-red and rosy-posy nicety into 
that name. An' yet he hankered much on the latest addi- 
tion to his garden — a. New York State apple as he sent 
for and 'tended to at great outlay of time, anyway. 'This 
here daughter' and 'that there apple-tree' were his de- 
lights. You might say the Rose and the Baldwin, that 
were the brand of the fruit, were the apples of his two 
eyes! 

"Well, there were two men around there, who cast 
sheep's eyes, not to say wolfish ones, at the fruit and 
the girl. They "BotK expected to have the other by getting 
the one. Well, one of those days the pair of young- 



128 The Lincoln Story Book. 

fellers lounged along and kinder propped up the old 
man's fence around the orchard. They was looking out 
of the tail of the eye more for the Rose than the other 
thing in the garden. But they could not help spying the 
Baldwin. It was the off year, anyhow, for apples, and 
this here one being first in fruiting had been spared in 
but one blossom, and so the old man cared for it with 
prodigious love. As mostly comes to pass with special 
fruit, this one being petted, throve — well, you have no 
idea how an apple tended to can thrive. It was big and 
red and meller ! Well, one of the fellers, being the 
cutest, he saw the other had his cane with him and was 
spearing a windfall every now and then, and seeing how 
close he could come to flipping the ears of a hog waller- 
ing down the lane, or mayhap a horse looking over the 
paddock fence. Then a notion struck him. 

" 'Lem,' said he, for the rival's name was Lem, for 
Lemuel; *Lem,' he says, T bet you a dollar you can't 
fire at that lone apple and knock it off the stem — a dollar 
coin!' For they were talking in coonskins them times. 
So Lem he takes the bet, and, sticking an apple on the 
switch, sends it kiting with such accuracy of aim that it 
plumps the Baldwin, ker-chung! in the plum center, and 
away fly both apples. Then, while he grabbed the dollar 
— the girl and the old soul come out, and the old soul 
see the pet apple rolling half-dented at his feet, and the 
girl ran between him and the two men. But the feller 
who was such a good shot, he sees a leetle too late what 
he had lost for a dollar and he scooted, with the old 
man invoking all the cusses of Herod agin' him. 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 129 



"The other feller he opened the gate as bold as a 
brazen calf, and said, anticipating the old man: 

" 'Oh, / don't come for apples — I want to spark your 
darter!'" 



THE WHETSTONE STORY. 

Abraham Lincoln was not given to boasting, but he did 
pride himself on his gift of memory of faces. It in- 
cluded all sorts of things. Among the soldiers calling 
at the White House was one from his section. He 
knew him at sight, used his name, and said : 

"You used to live on the Danville road. I took dinner 
with you one time I was running for the legislature. 
I recollect that we stood talking together out at the barn- 
yard gate while I sharpened my jack-knife on your whet- 
stone." 

"So you did !" drawled the volunteer, delighted. "But, 
say, whatever did you do with that stone? I looked 
for it mor'n a thousand times, but I never could find it 
after the day you used it ! We 'lowed that mebby you 
took it along with you." 

"No," replied the presumed purloiner seriously, "I sot 
it on the top of the gate-post — the high one." 

"Thunder! likely enough you did! Nobody else 
couldn't have boosted it up there ! and we never thought 
to look there for it !" 

When the soldier was allowed to go home, the first 
thing he did was to look up to that stone. Surely 
enough it was on the gate-post top! It had lain there 



i^o The Lincoln Story Book. 

fifteen years, since the electioneerer had stuck it there 
as easily as one might place it on a table. 



*«THE MONARCH OF ALL HE SURVEYED." 

Lincoln's coquetting with the science of Gunter, Jack 
of all trades that he was, empowered him to perpetrate a 
fine pun on the United States surveyor-general in Cali- 
fornia, General Beall. This official acquired in his course 
so much real estate of the first quality that on a refer- 
ence being made to it in the President's hearing, he 
observed : 

"Yes, they say Beall is 'monarch of all he surveyed.' "■ 
,(New York Herald.) 



MEN HAVE FAULTS LIKE HORSES. 

While riding between the court towns, Menard and 
Fulton Counties, Illinois, Lincoln rode knee to knee 
with an old settler who admitted that he was going to 
Lewiston to have some "lawing" out with a neighbor, 
also an old-timer. The young practitioner already 
preached, as a motto, that there would always be litiga- 
tion enough and again exerted to throw oil on the riled 
water. 

"Why, Uncle Tommy, this neighbor has been a toler- 
able neighbor to you nigh onto fifteen year and you get 
along in hunk part of the time, don't 'ee ?" 

The rancantankerous man admitted as much. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 131 

"Well, now, you see this nag of mine? He isn't as 
good a horse as I want to straddle and I sometimes get 
out of patience with him, but I know his faults as well 
as his p'ints. He goes fairly well as hosses go, and it 
might take me a long while to git used to another hoss' 
faults. For, like men, all hosses hev faults. You and 
Uncle Jimmy ought to put up with each other as man 
and his steed put up with one another; see?" 
"I reckon you are about right, Abe!" 
And he went on to town, but not to "law." 



LINCOLN'S PUNS ON PROPER NAMES. 

Though as far back as Doctor Johnson, punning was 
regarded as obsolete, it was still prevalent in the United 
States and so up to a late date. Mr. Lincoln was ad- 
dieted to it. 

Mr. Frank B. Carpenter was some six months at the 
presidential mansion engaged on the historical painting 
of "The President and the Cabinet Signing the Emanci- 
pation Act," when the joke passed that he had come in 
there a Carpenter and would go out a cabinet-maker. 
An usher repeated it as from the fountain-head of witti- 
cism there. 

At a reception, a gentleman addressed him, saying : "I 
presume, Mr. President, you have forgotten me?" 

"No ! your name is Flood. I saw you last, twelve 

years ago, at . I am glad to see that the Flood still 

goes on." 

The Draft Riots in New York, mid-July, 1863, had, 



132 The Lincoln Story Book. 

at the bottom, not reluctance to join the army, but a 
behef among the Democrats, notably the Irish-Ameri- 
cans, that the draws were manipulated in favor of letting 
off the sons of Republicans. However, the Irish were 
prominent in resistance. The President said: "General 
Kilpatrick is going to New York to put down the riots — 
but his name has nothing to do with it." 

In 1856, Lincoln was prosecuting one Spencer for 
slander, Spencer and a Portuguese, Dungee, had mar- 
ried sisters and were at odds. Spencer called the dark- 
complexioned foreigner a nigger, and, further, said he 
had married a white woman — a crime in Illinois at that 
era. On the defense were Lawrence Weldon and C. H, 
Moore. Lincoln was teasled as the court sustained a 
demurrer about his papers being deficient. So he began 
his address to the jury : 

"My client is not a negro — ^though it is no crime to 
be a negro^ — ^no crime to be born with a black skin. But 
my client is not a negro. His skin may not be as white 
as ours, but I say he is not a negro, though he may be 
a Moore !" looking at the hostile lawyer. His speech was 
so winning that he recovered heavy damages. But being 
a family quarrel, this was arranged between the two. 
Mr. Weldon says that he feared Mr. Lincoln would win, 
as he had said with unusual vehemence: 

"Now, by Jing ! I will beat you, boys !" 

By Jing • (Jingo — St. Gengulphus) , was "the extent of 
his expletives." Byron found a St. Gingo's shrine in his 
Alpine travels. 

On paying the costs, Lincoln left his fee to be fixed 



The Lincoln Story Book. 133 

by the opposing pair of lawyers, saying: "Don't you 
think I have honestly earned twenty-five dollars?" 

They expected a hundred, for he had attended two 
terms, spent two days, and the money came out of the 
enemy's coffer. 



NOT SO EASY TO GET INTO PRISON. 

William Lloyd Garrison, the premier Abolitionist, was 
imprisoned in Baltimore for his extreme utterances when 
a stronghold of the pro-slavery party. After the war, 
he visited the regenerated city, and, for curiosity, sought 
unavailingly the Jail where he had been confined. On 
hearing the fruitlessness of his quest, the President said : 

"Well, Mr. Garrison, when you first went to Balti- 
more, you could not get out of prison — but this second 
time you could not get in !" 



"THEM THREE FELLERS AGTNl" 
The gamut of possible atrocities in connection with 
fulfilment of the threats of secession being run through 
the rumors became stale and flat. Lincoln, receiving 
one deputation of alarmists with considerable calm, no 
doubt thought to excuse it by saying : 

"That reminds me of the story of the schoolboy. He 
found great difficulty in pronouncing the names of the 
three children in the fiery furnace. Yet his teacher had 
drilled him thoroughly in 'Shadrach, Meshach, and 
Abednego,' so that, one day, he purposely took the same 



134 Tli^ Lincoln Story Book. 

lesson in Bible reading, and managed to have the boy 
read the passages containing these names again. As 
the dull pupil came to them he stopped, looked up, and 
said: 
" 'Teacher, there's them three fellers ag'in !' " 



LINCOLN THE GREAT AND LINCOLN THE UTTLE, 

In 1856, the new Republican party tested its strength 
by offering a ticket : General Fremont, popular through 
his invasion of California and Rocky Mountain explora- 
tion, was selected as the presidential nominee, with 
Dayton as vice. But during the balloting, Lincoln was 
opposed to the latter, and received over a hundred votes. 
This news was despatched to Illinois as a compliment 
to her "favorite son." 

But on going to congratulate "our Lincoln," the depu- 
tation found him easy and incredulous on the felicitation. 

"You are barking up the wrong tree, neighbors," he 
said gravely; "that must be the great Lincoln — of Mas- 
sachusetts." 

There was a Levi Lincoln, to whom he had been intro- 
duced as a form and as a kinsman of the Massachusetts 
Lincolns. So the namesake's mistake in modesty was 
pardonable in one who studied the train of politics most 
thoroughly since he had said he would be President of 
these United States. It was in his teens, but the saying 
is common property of young America, and it is more 
notable that before he left Indiana, and early in his new 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 135 

and unalterable one in Illinois, his astounded admirers 
prophesied the same goal ; it is a fact that his own hand 
proves; that in 1854, he says, "I have really got it into 
my head to be United States senator."* — (Letter to 
Joseph Gillespie, preserved in Missouri Historical Society 
Library.) 



"GO, THOU, AND DO-LIKEWISE.** 
Lord Lyons was the British ambassador at Washing- 
ton when the Prince of Wales — now King Edward —was 
betrothed to the Princess Alexandra, of Denmark, since 
queen regent of England. He used the most stilted, 
ornate, and diplomatic language to carry the simple fact. 
The President replied offhand with trenchant advice to 
the bearer, who was unmarried : 
" 'Go, thou, and do likewise !' " 

This did not alter the amity existing between the two, 
for Lincoln so won upon the envoy that he notified his 
premier. Lord Russell, at a critical instant when Eng- 
land and France were expected to combine to raise the 
Southern blockade, that it was wrong to prepare the 
American Government for recognition of the Confed- 
eracy. As for the Russian alliance with the powers, that 
was a fable, since the czar had sent a fleet to New York, 
where the admiral had sealed orders to report to Presi- 
dent Lincoln in case the European allies declared war. 



*Nevertheless, a friend. Speed or Hemdon, says, a year or two 
later, that Lincoln had no more founded idea that he would be 
President than Emperor of Qiina. It may be permitted to be- 
lieve that no man is a confidant to his valet or friend. 



136 The Lincoln Story Book. 

In consequence of Lord Lyons opposing the English 
move, he had to resign. — (A later account in Malet's 
"Shifting Scenes.") 



"IS THE WORLD GOING TO FOLLOW THAT 
COMET OFF?" 

Two gentlemen going by stage-coach from Terre 
Haute to Indianapolis, in 1858, found one part of the 
vehicle occupied fully by a tall, countrified person, in a 
cheap hat and without coat or vest, but a farm round- 
about. They had to wake him up, but he was civil and 
poHte enough in his unkempt way. They thought he 
would be a good butt for play, as educated folk were 
uncommon out there in 1847, and considered the un- 
taught as their legitimate prey. So they bombarded the 
poor bumpkin with "wordy pyrotechnics," at which the 
stranger bewilderingly added his laugh and finally was 
emboldened to ask what would be the upshot of "this 
here comet business?" 

The comet was the talk, especially in the evening, of 
the world, as it was taken to forerun disasters. If the 
editor remembers aright it was sword-shaped. That 
portends war. The intelligent jesters answered him to 
confuse still more, and left him at Indianapolis. One of 
the two travelers was Judge Abram Hammond, and his 
companion, who tells the story, Thomas H. Nelson, of 
Terre Haute. The latter, coming down after preening 
up, found a brilliant group of lights of the law in the 
main room. They were judges and luminaries of the 



The Lincoln Story Book. 137 

bar — but who should be the center of the galaxy but the 
uncouth fellow traveler! All were so interested in a 
story he was telling that Mr. Nelson could, unnoticed, 
inquire of the laughing landlord as to the entertainer of 
these wits. 

"Abraham Lincoln, of Sangamonvale, our M. C. !" 

He was so stupefied that, on recovery, he hurried up- 
stairs and got Hammond to levant with him. But he 
was not to remain unpunished. Years after, when 
Hammond was governor of the State, and he to become 
minister to Chile, Nelson, was at the same hotel — Brown- 
ing's — at the capital, when looking over the party wel- 
coming and accompanying the President-elect to Wash- 
ington, he saw a long arm reached out to his shoulder; 
a shrill voice pierced his ear: 

"Hello, Nelson ! do you think, after all, the whole 
world is going to follow that darned comet* off?" 

The words were Nelson's own in reply to the supposed 
Reuben's question in the stage-coach twelve years before ! 

No joke of a memory, that — for a joke! 



A GOOD LISTENER. 

The invidious who would themselves get a word in, 
accused Lincoln of monopolizing the conversation where 
he wished to reign supreme. This is contradicted in 
several instances. Rather his confraternity describe their 
meetings as "swapping stories," the flow circulating. 



*Donati's comet. 



138 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

Mr. Bowen pictures Lincoln as getting up half-dressed, 
after a speech at Hartford, in his hotel bedroom at Air. 
Trumbull, of Stonington, rapping at the door. Trum- 
bull had just thought of "another story I want to tell 
you !" And the tired guest sat up till three in the morn- 
ing 'exchanging stories." This does not resemble 
monopoly. 

A clerk, Littlefield, in the Lincoln-Herndon office, pre- 
pared a speech, and said to his senior employer : 

"It is important that I get this speech correct, because 
I think you are going to be the presidential candidate. 
I told him I would like to read it to him. He consented, 
sitting down in one corner of the room, with his feet on a 
chair in front of him. 

" 'Now,' said he, in his hearty way, 'fire away, John ! 
I think I can stand it.' As I proceeded, he became quite 
enthusiastic, exclaiming : 'You are hitting the nail on the 
head.' He broke out several times in this way, finally 
saying : 'That is going to go.' " 

It did go, as the fellow clerk, Ellsworth, of Chicago 
Zouaves fame, borrowed it, and it disappeared — wads for 
his revolver, perhaps. 



CARRIED THE POST- MATTER IN HIS HAT. 

It is to Abraham Lincoln is fastened the joke that as 
postmaster he carried the mail in his hat. This was at 
New Salem, postmaster of which he was appointed by 
President Jackson, as he was the best qualified of any 
of the burgesses. Indeed, he often had to read letters 



The Lincoln Story Book. 



to their ignorant receivers, and habitually acted as town 
clerk in reading out newspapers for the general good, on 
the stoop. 



PRESIDENT LINCOLN DUBBED THEM THE 
"WIDE-AWAKES." 

In looking over the illustrated newspapers of the war, 
one may find drawn the processions anterior to election 
of the various political parties. Gradually the lines, at 
first only uniform in certain organizations, became regular 
as a body. The Republicans at rich Hartford, having 
funds for the purpose, formed a corps of three or four 
hundred young men. They drilled to march creditably, 
assumed a kind of uniform : a cape to shed sparks and oil 
from the torches, and swinging lamps carried; and a 
hat, proof also to fire, water, and missiles ! 

In March, i860, ]\Ir. Lincoln paid a visit to the college 
city to speak at the old City Hall. He was introduced 
as one who had "done yeoman service for the young 
party (the Republican)." The word yeoman was under 
stood in the old English sense of the small independent 
farmers. Old Tom Lincoln's boy came into this class. 
He assented to it and even lowered the level by pre- 
senting himself as a hard worker in the cause — "a dirty 
shirt" of the body. After the meeting, the marchers sur- 
rounded the speaker's "public carriage" to escort him to 
the mayor's house. His introducer was Sill, later lieuten- 
ant-governor of the State. To him the guest observed 
on the ride : 



140 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Those boys are wide-awake! Suppose (they were 
seeking a name) we call them the Wide-awakes?" 

The name was enthusiastically adopted. The wide felt 
hat, with one flap turned up, was called the Wide-awake, 
but the election marchers did not wear them at all. 
Lincoln had added a new word to the language. 



TRUST TO THE OLD BLUE SOCK. 

Several incidents in Lincoln's early career earned him 
the title of "honest," confirmed by his uncommon conduct 
as a lawyer;* but a principal event was in connection 
with his postmastership. It was in 1833. After re- 
nouncing the position, he removed to Springfield to take 
•up the study of the law. An agent from the Post-office 
Department called on him to settle his accounts ; through 
some oversight he had been left undisturbed for some 
years. He was living with a Mr. Henry, who kept a 
store, anterior to his lodging in Mr. Speed's double- 
bedded room. As he was poverty-stricken and had 
been so since quitting home. Mr. Henry, hearing 
that a matter of fifteen or twenty dollars was due the 

*The Honest Lawyer, It is said that he was amused by the 
conjunction, which he observed, to an adviser who turned him 
into the legal field, was rather a novelty. He thought of the 
story of the countryman who saw a stranger by the God's acre, 
staring at a gravestone, without however any emotion on his 
face to betray he was a mourner. On the contrary, the man 
wore a puzzled smile, which piqued him to inquire the cause. 

"Relative of yours?" asked the native. 

"No, not at all, except through Adam. But," reading the 
epitaph, " 'X., an honest man, and a lawyer.' Why, how did 
they come to bury those two men in one grave?'" 



The Lincoln Story Book. 141 

government, was about to loan it, when Lincoln, not at 
all disquieted, excused himself to the man from head- 
quarters to go over to his boarding-house. Usually 
when a debtor thus eclipses himself the official expects 
to learn he is a defaulter and has "taken French leave," 
as was said on the border. But the ex-postmaster im- 
mediately came over, and, producing an old blue woolen 
sock, such as field-hands wore, poured out coin, copper 
and silver, to the exact amount of the debit. Much as 
the poor adventurer needed cash in the interval, the 
temptation had not even struck him to use the trust — 
the government funds. He said to partner Herndon he 
had promised his mother never to use another's money. 



IF ALL FAILED, HE COULD GO BACK TO THE OLD 
TRADE I 

The Illinois Republican State Convention of i860 met 
at Decatur, in a wigwam built for the purpose, a type of 
that noted in the Lincoln annals as at Chicago. A special 
welcome was given to Abraham Lincoln as a "distin- 
guished citizen of Illinois, and one she will ever be de- 
lighted to honor." The session was suddenly interrupted 
by the chairman saying : "There is an old Democrat out- 
side who has something to present to the convention." 

The present was two old fence-rails, carried on the 
shoulder of an elderly man, recognized by Lincoln as 
his cousin John Hanks, and by the Sangamon folks as 
an old settler in the Bottoms. The rails were explained 
by a banner reading: 



142 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Two rails from a lot made by Abraham Lincoln and 
John Hanks, in the Sangamon Bottom, in the year 1830." 

Thunderous cheers for "the rail-splitter" resounded, 
for this slur on the statesman had recoiled on aspersers 
and was used as a title of honor. The call for confirma 
tion of the assertion led Lincoln to rise, and blushing — 
so recorded — said: 

"Gentlemen: I suppose you want to know something 
about those things. Well, the truth is, John and I did 
make rails in the Sangamon Bottom." He eyed the wood 
with the knowingness of an authority on "stumpage," 
and added: "I don't know whether we made those rails 
or not; the fact is, I don't think they are a credit to the 
makers !" It was John Hanks' turn to blush. "But I do 
know this : I made rails then, and, I think, I could make 
better ones now !" 

Whereupon, by acclamation, Abraham Lincoln was 
declared to be "first choice of the Republican party in 
Illinois for the Presidency." 

Riding a man in on a rail became of different and hon- 
orable meaning from that out. 

This incident was a prepared theatrical effect. Gov- 
ernor Oglesby arranged with Lincoln's stepbrother, John 
D. Johnston, to provide two rails, and, with Lincoln's 
mother's cousin, Dennis Hanks, for the latter to bring in 
the rails at the telling juncture. Lincoln's guarded man- 
ner about identifying the rails and sly slap at his ability 
to make better ones show that he was in the scheme 
through recognizing that the dodge was of value 
politically. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 143 



(Connrmed by several present, notably by Missouri 
Congressman John Davis, who was taking notes, and by 
the present Speaker, Joseph Cannon, also "a gentleman 
from Illinois." He was at this meeting and saw Lincoln 
standing on the platform, between the rails he split. He 
thought then that the orator's years of hard work and 
close study told on him and that serious illness impended. 
It may be added, as a link with the past, that on hearing 
Lincoln and Douglas in their debates, his courage and 
hopes as to advance through public speaking fell; yet 
he was State attorney.) 



AS A LIGHT PORTER. 

One morning when Lawyer Lincoln was walking from 
his house to the state-house, at Springfield, he spied a 
child weeping at a gate. The girl had been promised a 
trip by the railroad-cars for the first time; all was ar 
ranged for her to meet another little companion and 
travel with her, but she was detained from getting out 
for the station, as no one was about to carry her trunk. 
She drew the conclusion that she must lose her train, and 
she burst into fresh tears. 

The box in question was a toy casket proportionate to 
her size. Lincoln smiled, and that almost dismissed her 
tears if not her fears. They were immediately dispelled, 
however, by his cheerily crying out : 

"Is that all ? Pooh-pooh ! Dry your eyes and step 
out." 

He reached over the fence and lifted clear across to 



144 ^^6 Lincoln Story Book. 

him the trunk. He raised it on his shoulder with the 
other hand, crossing as a corn-bag is carried. He 
grabbed her by the hand just as the tooting of the train 
whistle was heard in the mid-distance. So half-lugging 
her, the pair hurried along to the depot, reaching it as 
the cars rolled in and pulled up. 

He put her on the car, kissed her, and cheered her off 
with : 

"Now, have a real good time with your auntie!" 
Always wanting to relieve somebody of a burden, you 
see! 



WHISKERED, TO PLEASE THE LADIES AND 
GET VOTES, 

As Mr. Lincoln was utterly unknown in the East, the 
"engineers" of his campaign for President planned to 
have him make himself liked by a tour of the Middle and 
Northern States. To lessen the impression from one 
unprepossessing in aspect, "some fixing up" was com- 
pulsory. The journalist, Gtephen Fiske, recites that on 
arriving at New York, Mrs. Lincoln, a sort of valet for 
the trip, had hand-bag of toilet essentials, and that she 
brushed his hair, and arranged that snaky black necktie 
of his — which would twist up and play the shoe-string in 
five minutes after adjustment. But it was not she, as 
thought, who coaxed him into making the lower part of 
his features become cavernous as strong feeling surged 
upon him. He revealed the source of the improvement. 

"Two young ladies in Buffalo wrote me that they 



The Lincoln Story Book. 145 

wanted their fathers and sweethearts to vote for me, but 
I was so homely-looking that the men refused ! The 
ladies said that if I would only grow whiskers (what 
were called "weepers," or the Lord Dundreary mode, was 
popular) it would improve my appearance, and I would 
get four more votes ! I grew the whiskers !" 

(In the Lincoln iconology, his pictures before and after 
the whiskers is a distinction.) 



AFTER VOTES. 

Lincoln had become the readiest of public speakers by 
his long experience. So it was matter for surprise that 
he, famed for rapid repartee, should have refrained from 
taking any notice of an interrupter whose shout could 
have been turned on him; so thought a friend on the 
platform. 

"Why don't you answer him?" 

"I am after votes and that man's is as good as any 
other man's !" replied Mr. Lincoln. 

"(The Honorable Mr, Palmer says of above: "Mr. Lin- 
coln told me this.") 



THE HIGHWAYMAN'S NON SEQUITUR. 
"But you will not abide the election of a Republican 
President? In that supposed event, you say you will 
destroy the Union; and then, you say, the great crime 
of having destroyed it will be upon us! That is cool! 
A highwayman holds a pistol to my ear, and mutters 



146 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

through his teeth: 'Stand and deliver, or I shall kill 
you — and then you will be a murderer!'" — (Speech, 
New York City, February 27, i860.) 



"HOW TO GET MEN TO VOTE!" 

"Let them go on with their howling! (Political op' 
ponents.) They will succeed when, by slandering women, 
you get them to love you, or by slandering men you 
get them to vote for you!" 



BEGINNING AT THE HEAD WITH CLOTHING. 

Upon Mr. Lincoln's nomination in i860, a hatter sent 
him a silk hat for the advertisement and send-off. He 
put it on before the glass, and said to his wife : 

"Well, Mary, we are going to have some new clothes 
out of this job, anyway !" 



♦♦LIKE A JUG— THE HANDLE ALL ONE SIDE." 

Lincoln's intimates thought it remarkable that he 
should keep his finger on the political pulse and show 
himself as fully cognizant of the trend of popular feeling. 
Oddly enough the professional politicians themselves 
would not own that he was a king among them, though 
Douglas affirmed him to be in his time the most able 
man in the Republican party. On clashing returns 



The Lincoln Story Book. 147 

coming in, he humorously remarked on two reports : "If 
that is the way doubtful districts are coming in, I will 
not stop to hear from the certain ones." He observed 
to Alexander H. Rice, then up for Congress in Massa- 
chusetts: "Your district is a good deal like a jug — the 
handle is all one side!" 



''SUCH A SUCKER AS ME, PRESIDENT 1»* 

When Lincoln's wife, at his prospect of being United 
States senator was on the verge of realization, reminded 
him of her prophecy, away back in the fifties, that he 
would attain the highest niche — the inevitable feminine 
"I told you so !" he clasped his knees in keen enjoyment, 
and, laughing a roar, cried out: 

"Think of such a sucker as me as President !" 
But presently, he said with his dry smile : "But I do 
not pretend I do not want to go to the Senate!" — (Henry 
yillard, then newspaper reporter.) 



ONE HAPPY DAY. 

To his friend Bowen, Lincoln avowed during the elec- 
tioneering-time that he was sure "from the word go," 
to become President, though the split of the opposition 
into three parties w^as materially helpful: Douglas, Bell, 
and Breckenridge. He thought the reward due him as 
having gone "his whole length" for the Republican party, 
almost his creation. So he franklv said on his success: 



148 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"I cannot conceal the fact that I am a very happy man. 
Who could help being so under such circumstances?" — 
(To H. C. Bowen, of the New York Independent.) 



OLD ABE WILL LOOK BETTER WHEN HIS HAIR IS 
COMBED. 

"Did I ever tell you the joke the Qiicago newsboys 
had on me? (To the War Department telegraph man- 
ager, A. B. Chandler.) A short time before my nomina- 
tion (for President), I was at Chicago attending to a 
lawsuit. A photographer asked me to sit for a picture, 
and I did so. This coarse, rough hair of mine was in 
particularly bad tousle at the time, and the picture pre- 
sented me in all its fright. After my nomination, this 
being about the only picture of me there was, copies were 
struck off to show those who had never seen me how I 
looked. The newsboys carried them around to sell, and 
had for their cry : 

"'Here's your "Old Abe"— he will look better when 
he gets his hair combed !' " 

He laughed heartily, says Mr. Chandler. 

Note. — Mrs. Lincoln seems to have perceived this bar 
to her husband's facial beauty. For the journalist, Fiske, 
relating the arrival of the Lincolns in New York for 
the Eastern tour in i860, speaks thus of the toilet to befit 
him for the reception by Mayor Fernando Wood : 

"The train stopped, and Mrs. Lincoln opened her hand- 
bag, and said: 



The Lincoln Story Book. 149 

" 'Abraham, I must fix you up a bit for these city 
folks.' 

"Mr. Lincohi gently lifted her upon the seat before 
him. (She was an undersized, stout woman.) She 
parted, combed, and brushed his hair. 

" 'Do I look nice, now, mother ?' he affectionately 
asked. 

" 'Well, you'll do, Abraham,' replied Mrs. Lincoln 
critically." 



A CURIOUS COMBINATION. 

When the names of Lincoln and Hamlin were painted 
large on the street banners, it was immediately noticed 
that a singular effect appeared, as 

ABRAHAM LINCOLN, 
One of the anagrams upon the President had, at leasts 
peculiar signification : 

Abraham Lincoln: O ba! an III. charm. 
It was Hamlin who proposed at the Lincoln Club, of 
New York, that a day should be set aside as "the Lincoln 
Day." 



THE SNAKE SIMILE. 
"If I saw a venomous snake crawling in the road, any 
man would say I might seize the nearest stick and kill it. 
But if I found that snake in bed with my children, that 
would be another question. I might hurt the children 
more than the snake, and it might bite them. Much 



150 The Lincoln Story Book. 

more if I found it abed with my neighbor's children, and 
I had bound myself by a solemn contract not to meddle 
with his children under any circumstances, it would be- 
come me to let that particular mode of getting rid of the 
gentleman alone. But — if there was a bed newly made 
up, to which the children were to be taken, and it was 
proposed to take a batch of young snakes and put them 
there with them, I take it no man would say there was 
any question how I ought to decide." — (Speech by Abra- 
ham Lincoln at New York Cooper Institute, and re- 
peated through Connecticut, i860.) 



WHAT'S EM A NAME? 
The Reverend Doctor Moore, of Richmond, derived 
Lincoln from two words, meaning: "On the precipice 
verge," and Davis as interpretable as "God with us." 



PAYING FOR WHISKY HE DID NOT DRINK. 

In 1858, Mr. Lincoln was campaigning in Ohio, and 
staying in Cincinnati at the Burnett House, it was the 
meeting-place of the party of which he was the looming 
light. Some of the younger Republicans (says Murat 
Halstead, there as a newspaper man) had refreshments 
in his rooms, and from some stupid oversight, allowed 
the whisky and cigars to be included in his bill. This 
raised a hot correspondence between them and the guest, 
ticklish about his lifelong abstinence principles. Mr. 
Halstead said that the episode rankled in the blunderers 



The Lincoln Story Book. 151 

after they had elected their pride President. He must 
have felt like the gentleman at the inn dining-room who, 
falling asleep at his meal, had the fowl consumed by some 
merry wags; then greasing his lips with the drumstick, 
they left him before the carcass so that the host naturally 
charged him with the feast. 



"THE HIGHEST MERIT TO THE SOLDIER." 

"This extraordinary war in which we are engaged falls 
heavily upon all classes of people, but the most heavily 
upon the soldier. For it has been said, 'All that a man 
hath he will give for his life;' and, while all contribute 
of their substance, the soldier puts his life at stake, and 
often yields it up in his country's cause. The highest 
merit, then, is due to the soldier." 



*^HOW SLEEP THE BRAVE?" 

If Lincoln did not possess a wide range of reading, he 
had the habit of committing to memory entire pages of 
the text he delighted in. The consequence was his in- 
variable ability to not only utter apt quotations at length, 
but to cap them, if need be. Joining a group of visitors 
to Washington, at the Soldiers' Home, during the war, 
he suddenly, but in an undertone, murmured : 

How sleep the brave who sink to rest 
By all their country's wishes blest? 

The women were affected to tears by their susceptible 



152 The Lincoln Story Book. 

nature, the surroundings of the cemetery with its graves, 
the evening dusk, and the touching voice with its appo- 
site lines. An effect he redoubled by concluding : 

And women o'er the graves shall weep, 
Where nameless heroes calmly sleep ! 



THE STOKERS AS BRAVE AS ANY. 

The first troops arriving by way of the Potomac River 
were the volunteers of the first call, ninety-day men ; the 
steamship Daylight — name of good omen! It was tor- 
rential rain, but the President and Secretary Seward 
came out to welcome them on the wharf. As he would 
give a reception then and there, four sailors held a tar- 
paulin over his head like a canopy, and he shook hands 
all around, including the firemen and stokers out of the 
coal-hole. Grasping their smutty hands, he declared that 
they were as brave as any one! — (By General Viele, 
present.) 



TRY AND GO AS FAR AS YOU CANl 

On the President, indefatigable in visiting the soldiers 
anywhere to see "how the boys are getting on," telling 
the head surgeon at City Point Hospital that he had come 
to shake hands with all the inmates, the medical authority 
demurred. There were several thousands in the wards, 
and any man would be tired before he had gone the 
grand rounds. 

"I think," protested Lincoln, with his set smile and 



The Lincoln Story Book. 153 

dogged determination to have his own way, "I am quite 
equal to the task. At any rate, I can try, and go as far 
as I can !" 

It was on this, at another time — there were many of 
them, alas ! — that it being found that the patients in one 
ward were clamoring because they had been passed over, 
he insisted on shaking off the fag and going to pay them 
respect also. 

"The brave boys must not be disappointed in their 
'Father Abraham !' " 



ARGUMENT OF *'THE STUB-TAILED COW/' 

The President had the knack of illustrating a false 
syllogism by a story from the front. Soldiers stole a cow 
from, a farmyard. It had but the stump of a tail, and 
foreseeing that there might be a requisition by the owner, 
who passed for a Union sympathizer, they disguised the 
creature by attaching a long switch from a dead bovine. 
Sure enough the man came to headquarters, and from 
his patriotic plea of having lost much by adhering to the 
old cause, his demand v^as accorded. If he could find 
his lost animal, he was entitled to it and the offenders 
would be punished. It had not been obtained by the 
regular forage, that he swore. Well, he was brought 
by the officer seeing him round to the pen where the 
beeves were secured which the commissariat duly fur- 
nished. Here the rival suppliers had stabled the creature, 
and she was lashing off the flies with the substitute for 
the detached tail with supreme felicity in the lost enjoy- 



154 The Lincoln Story Book. 

ment. The farmer scanned her with more than a merely 
suspicious eye, so that the lookers-on grew anxious, and 
the sub-officer with him, and who thought of his own. 
plate of beef, hastened to say : 

"Well, you don't see anything here anywheres like your 
ibcastie, do you, old father?" 

"I dunno. Thar suttinly is one cow the pictur' of mine 
— ^but my Lilywhite was a stump — ^had a stub-tail, you 
know !" 

"Hum !" said the corporal firmly, "but this here cow 
has a long tail ! — ain't it ?" 

"True — and mine were a stub — let us seek farther, of- 
ficer!" 



PEGGED OR SEWED? 

Shoemaking machinery not having attained the present 
development which pastes imitation-leather uppers upon 
paper soles, the soldiers of the first Union Army had to 
trudge in the boots made with wooden pegs to hold the 
portions together; in wet weather the pegs swelled and 
held tolerably, but in dryness the assimilation failed and 
the upper crust yawned off the base like a crab-shell 
divided. As for the supposed sewed ones, they went to 
the sub-officers, but the thread was so poor that parting" 
was as thorough as sudden. Mr. Lincoln wonted, as 
Walt Whitman says, to repeat this tale when the army 
contractors were swarming in his room for a bidding: 

"A soldier of the Army of the Potomac was being- 
carried to the rear among the other wounded, when he 



The Lincoln Story Book. 155 

spied one of the women following the army to vend deli- 
cacies. In her basket, no doubt, were the cookies to his 
fancy — the tarts and pies — open or covered. So he hailed 
her : 'Old lady, are them pies sewed or pegged ?' " 



SOLDIERING APART FROM POLITICS. 

In 1864, a soldier at work on the Baltimore defenses, 
an outbreak of Southern sympathizers being appre- 
hended, attended a Democratic meeting and made a 
speech there in favor of its principles and General Mc- 
Clellan as the standard-bearer. Secretary of War Stan- 
ton, fierce like all apostates, turned on this Democrat, and 
his disgrace as to the army was threatened. Captain 
Andrews went to the fountain-head with his remon- 
strance. He was right, for Lincoln said : 

"Andrews has as good a right to hold onto his De- 
mocracy, if he chooses, as Stanton had to throw his over- 
board. No ; when the military duties of a soldier are 
fully and faithfully performed, he can manage his politics 
his own way !" 



A TIME THAT TRIED THE SOUL. 

It was the Pennsylvania governor, Curtin, who brought 
the bad news from Fredericksburg battle-field, where 
Burnside was repulsed in December, 1862. 

"It was a terrible slaughter — the scene a veritable 
slaughter-pen." 

This blunt trope stirred up Lincoln, who had been a 



156 The Lincoln Story Book. 

pig-slaughterer in his day, remember. He groaned, 
wrung his hands, and "took on" with terrible agony of 
spirit. 

"I remember his saying over and over again," says 
the governor: "'What has God put me in this place for?'" 



'♦CABINET*' TALK. 

Like all persons whose early life was passed in seclu- 
sion from the exhibitions common in society eager for 
anything to animate jaded nerves, Mr. Lincoln at Wash- 
ington sought distractions in his brief intervals for them. 
One of the shows he tolerated — he called all sights so — 
was the seances of Charles E. Shockle — "Phoebus ! what 
a name !" This medium came to the capital in 1863, un- 
der eminent auspices, and the President and his wife, 
members of the Cabinet, and other first citizens were in- 
duced to patronize the illusions. The spirits were ir- 
reverent, "pinching Stanton's and plucking Welles' 
beard." As for the President, a rapping at his feet an- 
nounced an Indian eager "to communicate." 

"Well, sir," said the President, "happy to hear what 
his Indian majesty has to say. We have recently had a 
deputation of the red Indians, and it was the only depu- 
tation, black, white, or red, which did not volunteer ad- 
vice about the conduct of the war !" 

The writing-under-cover trick was played. A paper 
covered with Mr. Stanton's handkerchief was found be- 
fore the President, scrawled with marks interpreted as 



The Lincoln Story Book. 157 

advice for action, by Henry Knox — no one knew him — 
but the lecturer said he was the first secretary of war in 
the Revolution. The recipient said it was not Indian 
talk! 

He transferred it to Mr. Stanton as concerning his 
province. He asked for General Knox's forecast as to 
when the rebellion would be put down. The reply was 
a jumble of wild truisms purporting to be from great 
spirits, from Washington to Wilberforce. 

"Well," exclaimed the President, "opinions differ as 
much among the saints as among the — ahem — sinners!" 
He glanced at the cabinet whence the materialized spec- 
ters were to emerge if called upon, and added : "The ce- 
lestials' talk and advice sound very much like the talk of 
my Cabinet !" 

He called for Stephen A, Douglas, as his dearest 
friend,* to speak, if not appear. The reporter afifirms 
that a voice like the lamented "Little Giant's" was heard 
and if others thought they recognized it the President 
must have been more affected than he allowed. But the 
eloquent statesman also breathed platitudes in which the 
illustrious auditor said he believed, "whether it comes 
from spirit or human." 

Here Mr. Shockle became prostrated, and Mrs. Lin- 
coln compassionately suggested an adjournment. The 
Spiritualists did not see the sarcasm in Mr. Lincoln's re- 



*Stephen Arnold Douglas was so patriotic at the Rebellion's 
outbreak that Lincoln forgave him all the politically hostile past. 
Douglas held his new silk hat— Lincoln's abhorrence — at the first 
inauguration. Douglas left the field for home, where he assisted 
in raising the first volunteer levy by his eloquence. 



158 The Lincoln Story Book. 

marks, and claim that he was not only a convert, but 
that he was himself a medium.* 



ON THE BLISTER-BENCH. 

At the taking of Elizabeth City, North Carolina, 1862, 
the steamer Valley City was saved from blowing up by a 
gunner's-mate. This John Davis coolly sat on a powder- 
keg from which the top had been shot off, and was so 
found by an officer, who hastily censured him for his 
loafing — "bumming" during recess. But, on the reason 
for his taking his seat being pointed out, Davis was 
recommended for promotion. In countersigning the pa- 
pers entitling him to the rank of gunner, at a thousand 
a year for life, the President mock-solemnly observed : 

"Metaphorically, we occupy the same position; we are 
sitting on the powder under fire!" 



•*ABE, A THUNDERING OLD GLORY !»» 

Ex-Registrar Chittenden tells the following incident. 
It was the 14th of April, 1865. Captain Robert Lincoln, 
on General Grant's staff, had brought the details of the 
victory of Appomattox, and the gratified chief had passed 
the day with the Cabinet revolving those plans of recon- 
struction which amazed all the world by their exclusion 



*There is serious evidence for this fact; he was, at all events, 
a Spiritualist. See Was Lincoln a Spiritualist? By Mrs. Nettie 
Colburn Maynard (1891). 



The Lincoln Story Book. 159 

of all bitterness and retaliation. He was coming down 
the White House stairway to take his accustomed ride 
in the carriage when he heard a soldier in the waiting 
crowd say : 

"I would almost give my other hand (he was one- 
armed) if I could shake Abe Lincoln's hand !" 

Lincoln confronted him. "You shall do that, and it 
shall cost you nothing!" interrupted the revivified Presi- 
dent, grasping the lone hand, and, while he held it, he 
asked the man's name, regiment, etc. 

The happy soldier, in telling of this meeting, would 
end: "I tell you, boys, Abe Lincoln is a thundering Old 
Gloiyr 



PERFECT RETALIATION. 

The more apparent it was that inconsistency reigned in 
the Lincolnian Cabinet, the more earnestly the marplots 
strove to incite them individually against one another 
and their head. A speculator who had induced the latter 
to oblige him with a permit to trade in cotton reported 
with zest how Secretary Stanton had no sooner seen the 
paper than, instead of countersigning, he tore up the leaf 
without respect even for the august signature. Stanton 
was famous for irascibility. And he did not forbear to 
manifest it toward all, even to the President. But, as 
the latter observed, hot or cold, Stanton is generally 
right. This time he was not sorry at heart for the re- 
proof as to his allowing a signal favor which might work 
harm. But, affecting rage, he blurted out: 



i6o Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

"Oh, he tore my paper, did he? Go and tell Stanton 
that I will tear up a dozen of his papers before Saturday 
night!" 



LET DOWN THE BARS A LEETLE. 

One of the mischief-makers abounding in Washington, 
and doing more harm than all the rebel calumniators, 
hastened to repeat to the President that the secretary of 
war had plainly called him a "d d fool !" 

"You don't say so? This wants looking into. For, if 
Stanton called me that, it must be true ! — for he is nearly 
every time right!" He took his seat, and excused him- 
self, jerking out as he stalked forth, glad to be quit of 
the pest: 

"I will step over and see him !" 

He was going to have the bars let down "a leetle." 



*«THE ADMINISTRATION CAN STAND IT IF THE 
TIMES CAN.'' 

Mrs. Hugh McCulloch and Mrs. Dole (Indian Com- 
missioner) went to Mrs. Lincoln's reception. The host 
expressed constant gladness to see the ladies, as "they 
asked no offices." 

Mrs. McCulloch protested that she did want some- 
thing. 

"I want you to suppress the Chicago Times because it 
does nothing but abuse the Administration." 

McCulloch was in the treasury. 



The Lincoln Story Book. i6i 

"Oh, tut, tut! We must not abridge the liberties of 
the press or the people !* But never mind the Chicago 
Times f The Administration can stand it, if the Times 
can. 



BOTTLING THAT WASP. 

It was confidently forethought by the numerous ad- 
mirers of Governor Seward — who escaped being the 
President by a political combination and not want of 
supreme merit — that he would in the Cabinet, whatever 
nominally his post, be the ruling spirit. Not a man sus- 
pected that the plain man of the prairie could develop 
into the lord of the manor, and put and keep not only 
the able and cultured Seward, but the turbulent Stanton 
and the obstreperous Chase, in their places. The petti- 
fogger of the West simply expanded, like its sunflower, 
in the fierce white light around the chair, and was the lion 
among the lesser creatures. 

Seward raised his hand early. Within a month he had 
the impertinent fatuity to lay before his superior a paper 
suggesting the policy, and moving that the President 
might commit to him, the secretary, the carrying out of 
that policy ! With gentle courtesy — says General Viele— 
Lincoln took the paper from the author and popped it 
into his portfolio. He had no policy, and did not want 



*The suspension of the Habeas Corpus Act, 1863, was sorely 
against the President's sentiments, fond of liberty himself and 
fixed on constitutional rule — but he bowed to the inevitable. 
Nevertheless, he softened the rod, and many imprisoned under 
the edict were never brought to trial. 



1 62 The Lincoln Story Book. 

another's. He had bottled his wasp. Seward was obedi- 
ent as the spaniel. His powers were recognized by the 
villains who comprised him in the detestable plot. 



THAT KING LOST HIS HEAD, 
In 1865 the President and his state secretary received 
as peace commissioners Alexander Stephens, Hunter, and 
Campbell. They wanted recognition of their President, 
Davis, as head of the Confederated States — an entity. 
Without stultification, this was impossible. In the course 
of the discussion, reference was made to King Charles I. 
of England and his Parliament negotiating — so might the 
established Washington government treat with the rebel 
Davis. On Lincoln's features stole that grim smile fore- 
telling his shaft ready to shoot, and he interjected : 

"Upon questions of history I must refer you to Mr. 
Seward, for he is posted on such things, and I do not 
profess to be; but my only distinct recollection of that 
matter is that Charles I. lost his head !" 



SWEARING LIKE A CHURCHWARDEN. 

To convey the President from General Hooker's camp 
to the review of General Reynolds' corps, a ride had to 
be taken in a six-mule ambulance. Either not knowing 
the rank of his passenger, or being a teamster, which in 
our army replaces the French sapper for rudeness, the 
driver showered as many oaths of the largest caliber — • 
fire and fury signifying nothing — as snaps of the long 



The Lincoln Story Book. 163 

cowhide. Lincoln, who had known the genus in the clay of 
the West, kept his eye on him while leaning out of the 
window. In an interval when the vociferator had to take 
breath, he asked quietly : 

"Excuse me, my friend, are you an Episcopalian ?" 

"N-no, Mr. President," stammered the astonished jehu, 
"I am a Methodist." 

"Well, I thought you must be an Episcopalian, for you 
swear like Secretary Seward, a warden of that church." 

(Seward was the great man of the Republican party, 
next to Lincoln only in some essentials for political suc- 
cess. While a church member, he was man of the world 
enough to give a backing to this jest of the President.) 



**MY SPEECHES HAVE ORIGINALITY AS THEIR 
MERIT.** 

Instead of believing that Lincoln's extraordinary ex- 
periences in the multifarious West produced a factotum, 
his revilers asserted that he looked to one minister for 
financial instructions, to another for military guidance, 
etc. But it is true that by tradition, as the premier in 
fact, the secretary of state is supposed to write the first 
drafts at least of the presidential speeches to foreign min- 
isters, and, as the secretary was Seward, a man of letters 
preeminently, he had Lincoln's addresses, even to home 
delegations, fathered upon him. 

The President was chatting in his own study when a 
messenger ran in with a paper, explaining his haste with 
the words: 



164 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Compliments of the secretary with the speech your 
excellency is to make to the Swiss minister." 

Anybody else would have been abashed by the seeming 
exposure, but the executive merely cried aloud as if to 
publish the facts to the auditory : 

"Oh, this is a speech Mr. Seward has written for me. 
I guess I will try it before these gentlemen, and see how 
it goes." He read it in the burlesque manner with which 
he parodied circuit preachers in his boyhood and public 
speakers in his prime, and added at the close : 

"There, I like that. It has the merit of originality !" 



RIGHTING WRONG HURTS, BUT DOES GOOD. 

In May, 1861, all looked with anxiety to the letter by 
which the United States of America should reply to Great 
Britain furnishing the Confederated States with its first 
encouragement, the rights of belligerents. Without them 
their privateers were useless, as they could have gone 
into no ports and sold their prizes nowhere. Mr. Seward 
was in touch with the New England school. It clamored 
for war with any friend to the revolting States. But 
Lincoln corrected what was provocative in the original 
advice to our minister, Adams, at St. James'. The Eng- 
lish were no longer held to have issued a proclamation 
without due grounds in usage or the law of nations. It 
became by the modification no more a proceeding about 
which we could warrantably go to war. For instance, 
the President changed the words "wrongful" into "hurt- 
ful." According to Webster, wrongful means unjust. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 165 

injurious, dishonest; while hurtful implies that the course 
will cause injury. The original has vanished in that odd 
but certain way in which state documents disappear when 
casting odium on public men; they are mayhap "filed 
away" — in the stove! 



STANTON'S SERVICE WAS WORTH HIS SAUCE. 

Among the President's minor worries was the assiduity 
with which his generosity was cultivated by his relatives 
— not only those by his marriage, but by his father's sec- 
ond marriage. He was like the eldest son of the family 
to whom all looked for sustenance. There came to the 
seat of government that Dennis Hanks, his cousin, whc^ 
stood to reach for boons on the platform of rails which 
they had cut long ago in cohort. Dennis was seeking the 
pardon of some "Copperheads" — that is, Southern sym- 
pathizers of the North, veiled in their enmity, but dan- 
gerous. The secretary of war had pronounced against 
any leniency toward what were dubbed glaring traitors. 
All the chief could do — for he bared his head like Lear 
to let the Stanton tempest blow upon him and so spare 
others — was to say he would look at the cases the next 
day. Hanks was muttering. 

"Why, Dennis, what would you do were you Presi- 
dent?" he asked the raw backwoodsman, turning badly 
into suppliant. 

"Do? Why, Abe, if I were as big and 'ugly' — ag- 
gressively combative — as you are, I would take your Mr. 
Stanton over my knee and spank him !" 



1 66 The Lincoln Story Book. 

This caused a laugh, but the other replied severely : 
"No. Stanton is an able and valuable man for this 

nation in his station, and I am glad to have his service 

in spite of his sauce." 



A SECRET OF THE INTERIOR. 

Lincoln, the junior, "Tad," had the run of the Ex- 
ecutive Mansion, and, like all spoiled children, abused 
the license. He burst into the heart of a company listen- 
ing to his father's talk with the exclamation : 

"Ma says, come to supper!" 

It was impossible for the most diplomatic to pretend 
that he had not heard, and all looked from the intruder 
to the host. Never at a loss, Mr. Lincoln rose from the 
sofa, and blandly said as to "married folks together" : 

"You have heard, gentlemen, the announcement con- 
cerning the seductive state of things in the dining-room. 
I had intended to train up this young man in his father's 
footsteps, but, if I am elected, I must forego any inten- 
tion of making him a member of my Cabinet, as he mani- 
festly cannot be trusted with secrets of the interior!" 



ALL STAFF AND NO ARMY. 
Many of the volunteer officers developed a liking for 
the new profession, and to secure a permanency obtained 
entrance into the established army. Among these was 
one Lieutenant Ben Tappan. Secretary Stanton being 
his uncle, no difficulty oflfered but this autocrat ought to 



THe Lincoln Story Book. 167 

remove, but unfortunately Stanton was a stickler for 
forms, and the relationship looked like nepotism to the 
world. Tappan particularly wished to stay on the staff 
on account of the privileges. His stepfather, Frank 
Wright, induced their congressman, Judge Shellabarger, 
to accompany him to the presidential mansion to obtain 
the boon. Lincoln was lukewarm, and told a story about 
the army being all staff and no strength, saying that, if 
one rolled a stone in front of Willard's Hotel, the mili- 
tary rendezvous for those officers off duty and on (dress) 
parade, it must knock over a brigadier or two, but sud- 
denly wrote a paper to this novel effect : 

"Lieutenant Ben Tappan, of , etc., desires transfer 

to Regiment, regular service, and is assigned to 

staff duty with present rank. If the only objection to 
this transfer is Lieutenant Tappan's relationship to the 
secretary of war, that objection is hereby overruled. 

"A. Lincoln." 

This threw the responsibility upon the secretary. 



NO MAN IS INDISPENSABLE. 

One of the Cabinet ministers disagreed with the ma- 
jority on a vital question, and rose with a threat to resign. 
One of his friends advised the chairman to do anything 
to recover his aid, whereupon he sagely said : 

"Our secretary a national necessity? — how mistaken 
you are! Yet it is not strange — I used to have similar 
notions. No, if we should all be turned out to-morrow, 



1 68 The Lincoln Story Book. 

and could come back here in a week, we should find our 
places filled by a lot of fellows doing just as well as we 
did, and in many instances better ! It was truth that the 
Irishman uttered when he answered the speaker : 'Is not 
one man as good as another?' with 'He is, sure, and a 
deal betther !' No, sir, this government does not depend 
on the life of any man 1" 



SLEEPING ON POST CANCELS A COMMISSION. 

Nobody who met Secretary Stanton — the Carnot of the 
war — would give him credit for joking, but Mr, Lin- 
coln's example that way was infectious. The eldest son, 
Robert, was at college, but a captaincy was awaiting him 
when he could enter the army. So the war secretary for 
a pleasantry issued a mock commission to Tad, ranking 
him as a regular lieutenant. As long as he confined his 
supposed duties to arming the under servants and drilling 
the more or less fantastically, as well as he remembered, 
evolutions on the parade-grounds, where he accompanied 
his father, all was amusing. But he terminated his first 
steps in the school of "Hardee's Tactics," the standard 
text-book of the period, by bringing his awkward squad 
from the servants' hall, and, relieving the sentries, re- 
placed the genuine with these tyros. For the sake of the 
vacation they, the regulars, bowed to the commission 
with its potent Stanton and Lincoln, and United States 
Army seal. His brother, startled, intervened, but the 
cadet vowed he would put him in "the black hole," pre- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 169 

sumably the coal-shed. The President laughed, and when 
he went to check the usurpation he found the little lieu- 
tenant, overpowered by his brief authority, asleep. So 
he removed him from the service, put aside his commis- 
sion, and, when he woke to the situation, made it plain 
that, being a real soldier and officer, he had forfeited his 
title by falling asleep on post! He went then and for- 
mally discharged the sham sentinels placed by the boy's 
orders and replaced them by the "simon pures." 



MY QUESTION I 

A recent volume has undertaken the superfluous vindi- 
cation of President Lincoln from being the mere orna- 
mental figurehead of the republic during the Civil War. 
In fact, there are many instances of his incurring the 
reproach of interfering w'ith the chiefs of departments, 
but it is testified to by a leading minister that he paid 
much less attention to details than was popularly sup- 
posed and invidiously asserted in the capital. He 
"brought up with a round turn," to use river language, 
both General Fremont and other military commanders 
who tried to steal the finishing weapon he kept in store : 
to wit, the emancipation of the Southern slaves. Senator 
Cameron, as war secretary, advised in a report that the 
slaves should be armed to enable them successfully to 
rise against their masters. The President scratched out 
this recommendation, which would have spiked his gun, 
and perverted a great statesmanlike act into a fostered 
insurrection, saying: 



lyo Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

"This will never do ! Secretary Cameron must take no 
such responsibility. This question belongs exclusively to 
me!" 



"IF GOOD, HE'S GOT IT! IF nf' AIN'T GOOD, HE 
AIN'T GOT IT!" 

A revenue cutter conveyed a presidential party from 
Washington to Fortress Monroe, consisting of the chief, 
Iiis secretaries of war and of the treasury, and General 
Egbert L. Viele — who preserved this tale. On the way 
Secretary Stanton stated that he had telegraphed to Gen- 
eral Mitchell in Alabama "All right — go ahead !" though 
he did not know what emergency was thus to meet. He 
wished the executive to take the responsibility in case his 
ignorance erred. 

"I will have to get you to countermand the order." So 
he hinted. 

"Well," exclaimed the good-humored superior, "that 
is very much like a certain horse-sale in Kentucky when 
I was a boy (Lincoln was only eight when leaving Ken- 
tucky for Indiana). A particularly fine horse was to be 
sold, and the people gathered together. They had a 
small boy to ride the horse up and down while the spec- 
tators examined it for points. At last, one man whis- 
pered to the boy as he went by : 

" 'Look here, boy, ain't that boss got the splints ?' 

"The boy replied: 'Master, I don't know what the 
splints is ; but, if it is good for him, he has got it 1 If it 
ain't good for him, he ain't got it!' Now," finished the 



I 



The Lincoln Story Book. 171 

adviser, "if this was good for Mitchell, it was all right; 
but, if it was not, I have to countermand, eh?" — (Noted 
by General Viele.) 



LINCOLN GUESSED THE FIRST TIME. 

Postmaster-General James reflects a dialogue between 
Lincoln and one of his Cabinet officers, evincing how the 
iron hand in the velvet glove squeezed persons into his 
own mold. 

"Mr. President" — Secretary Stanton speaking — "I can- 
not carry out that order! It is improper, and I don't 
believe it is right." 

"Well, I reckon, Mr. Secretary" — very gently — "that 
you will hev to carry it out." 

"But I won't do it— it's all wrong !" 

"I guess you will hev to do it !" 

He guessed right, the first time. 



A PHANTOM CHASE« 

Despite Chase's political enmity to him. President Lin- 
coln said of Salmon Portland Chase : "I consider him one 
of the best, ablest, and most reliable men in the country." 
But he had to "let him slide" off upon the Supreme Court 
bench to have "knee-room" at the council-table. He ex- 
plained: "He wants to be President, and, if he does not 
give that up, it will be a great injury to him and a great 



172 The Lincoln Story Book. 

injury to me. He can never be President." — (Ex-Sec- 
retary Boutwell, the authority.) 



THE WORD FLIES, BUT THE WRIT REMAINS. 

Mr. Chase bemoaning that in leaving home he had in 
the hurry forgot to write a letter, Lincoln sagely con- 
soled : 

"Chase, never regret what you don't write — it is what 
you do write that you are often called upon to feel sorry 
for!" — (Heard by General Viele.) 



THE WAR-LORD. 

Lincoln states that the community among whom he 
was brought up would have hailed him as a wizard who 
spoke the dead tongues; and, granting his legal studies 
made him familiar with Latin as lawyers use it, he care- 
fully avoided those hurdles of the classic orator, Latin 
quotations. Nevertheless, we have an exception to what 
would have pleased Lord Byron — the poet thought we 
have had enough of the classics. The President, spying 
Secretary Stanton, of the War Department, inadvertently 
striking an imposing attitude in the doorway of the tele- 
graph-office in the Executive House, without knowing 
the President was here, at the desk, suddenly was aroused 
by hearing the jocose hail : 

"Good evening. Mars!" — (Certified by Mr. A. B. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 173 

Chandler, manager of the postal telegraph, War Depart- 
ment.) 



FILE IT AWAY I 

Stanton, as secretary of war, was bombarded with 
complaints and bickerings of the officers under him ; they 
seemed to revel in annoying one famed for being of the 
irritable genus. Once he showed his principal a letter 
written in answer to a general who had abused him and 
accused him of favoritism. Lincoln listened with his 
quizzing air, and exclaimed rapturously : 

"That's first-rate, Stanton! You've scored him well! 
Just right!" 

As the pleased writer folded up the paper for its en- 
velope, he quickly inquired : 

"Why, what are you going to do with it now ?" 

It was to be despatched. 

"No, no, that would spoil all. File it away ! that is the 
kind of filing which keeps it sharp — and don't wound the 
other fellow ! File it away." 



"WHAT WE HAVE, WE WILL GIVE YOU.»» 

It being rumored that the paper notes, "the green- 
backs," should bear a motto as the coin had, "In God 
We Trust," it was suggested to quote from the apostles : 

"Silver and gold we have not, but what we have we 
will give." 



174 THe Lincoln Story Boole, 

It was ascribed tO' Mr. Lincoln from his familiarity 
with the Scriptures and prevalent quoting from them. 



MORE ^'SHINPLASTERS'' TO HEAL THE SORE. 

In 1863 President Lincoln went out to condole with the 
teaten Unionists, whom General Hooker had led fatally 
against Lee at Chancellorsville. Lincoln took his little 
son "Tad" with him. Amid the cheering one of the sol- 
diers plainly voiced a terrible grievance — just when the 
sufferers were mostly in need of necessaries, the pay was 
behindhand. So one cried : "Send along more 'green- 
backs/ Father Abraham !" 

The boy was puzzled, but his companion explained that 
the soldiers wanted their money due. The hearer thought 
this over for a moment, and then pertly said : "Why don't 
'Governor' Chase print some more?" 



**THERE IS MUCH IN AN *IF» AND A 'BUT/** 

Mr. Tinkler, telegraph-operator of the cipher telegrams 
at Washington, in the Executive residence, took the 
despatch announcing the nomination of Andrew Jackson, 
of Tennessee, to the vice-presidency with Lincoln for the 
second term. The latter read it carefully, and thought 
aloud: 

"Well, I thought possibly that he might be the man; 
but " 

He passed out of the office, leaving the hearer im- 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 175 

pressed. Indeed, it was a prophecy of the future — poor, 
inebriate Andy — not the Handy Andy, but the Merry 
Andrew of the fag-end of the lamentably sundered sec- 
ond term. Charles A. Dana, editing the New York Sun^ 
printed this drop-line, and said it was a proof that Lin- 
coln had no hand in his Vice being proposed or nom- 
inated. 



DONT WASTE THE PLUG, BUT USE IT I 

Treasurer Chase conducted the financial course of the 
war on the principle of each day taking care of itself; 
but still he resisted plans for relief not of his own con- 
ception. So he threw cold water on the Walker sugges- 
tion that the currency should bear interest with a view 
that holders would hoard it. Walker's aid, Taylor, of 
Ohio, ran to the President for a higher hearing. But, 
though the President now espoused the scheme, the sec- 
retary still was counter on the ground that the Consti- 
tution was against it. 

"Taylor," said Lincoln, with his frankness, which re- 
sembled impiety now, "go back and tell Chase not to 
bother about the Constitution — I have that sacred in- 
strument here, and am guarding it with great care!" 
But a personal discussion with Chase was compulsory, 
during which the granite man stood on the Constitution. 

"Chase," finally said the decisive factor, "this reminds 
me of a little sea yarn. 

"A little coaster on the Mediterranean was in stress of 
storm. The Italian seamen have their own ideas of be- 



176 The Lincoln Story Book. 

havior under disaster, and fell on their knees to invoke 
the interposition of the usual stronghold — the Madonna 
— of which there was a statue in wood. But, many and 
genuine as were the invocations, all were unanswered. 
The gale continued, and more and more damage was 
done the upper works. Whereupon in a rage the skipper 
ordered the image to be hurled overboard. Strange to 
say, almost instanter the tempest lulled, and in a short 
time the bark rode steadily on the pacific waters. Come 
to examine the leak in the side, they found the wooden 
effigy thrown over, sucked into it, and so plugged up the 
cavity. The ship was saved by the castaway notion. 

"Now, we are all aboard to save the ship, by any plug* 
that is offered, since prayers don't seem to do it. Let us 
try friend Amasa Walker's proposition." 



THE RUNNING FEVER. 
"There is a malady of vulnerable heels — a species 6i 
running fever — which operates on sound-headed and 
honest-hearted creatures very much like the cork leg in 
the song did on its owner. When he had once got 
started on it, the more he tried to stop it, the more it 
would run away. A witty Irish soldier always boasting 
of his bravery when no danger was nigh, but who in- 
variably retreated without orders at the first charge of 



I 



♦Plug, in Western speech: any substitute, worthless other- 
wise; an old horse; a leaden counter, a makeshift; the plug hat, 
however, conies from the shape — a cylinder of tobacco being so 
called. 



THe Lincoln Story Book. 177 

the engagement, being asked hy his captain whjr he did 
so, replied; 

" 'Captain, I have as brave a heart as Julius Caesar ever 
had; but, somehow or other, .whenever danger ap- 
proaches, my cowardly legs will run away with me.' " — 
^(Debate, Lincoln: Springfield, Illinois, December, 1839.)^ 



••ONE AND A HALF TIMES BIGGER THAN 
OTHER MENl'* 

Most conspicuous among the host of seeming friends 
consistently and constantly plotting against their chief 
to replace him if not actually displace him, was Salmon 
P. Chase. His whole career was that of the office-seeker 
incarnate. School-teacher, lawyer, governor of his State 
of adoption, Ohio — for he was a New Hampshire man — 
he tried from 1856 all parties to nominate him for the 
Presidency, at all openings. His inability to inspire 
trust forbade his having a personal following of any 
strength. Lincoln easily saw through him, but he had a 
fellow-feeling for an indubitably honest treasurer. To 
think of the countless opportunities he had to enrich him- 
self out of the public coffers ! Like another incorruptible 
statesman, he might have said : "I wonder at my qualms 
when I had but to stretch out my hand to pocket thou- 
sands !" But he truthfully said, when a hack impudently 
hinted that he could have the nomination dearest to his 
heart if he would but use to his private ends the vast 
patronage at his command : 



178 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"I should despise myself if capable of appointing or 
removing a man for the sake of the Presidency." 

In February, 1861, the Peace Congress (Massachu- 
setts) delegation called on the President to recommend 
Salmon P. Chase for the Treasury Department. Lincoln 
was already favorable, for he said : 

"From what I know and hear, I think Mr. Chase is 
about a hundred and fifty to any other man's hundred 
for that place." 

This is why Lincoln, when compelled to remove the 
iinderminer, solaced him with the bed to fall upon of the 
Supreme Court judgeship. He said of him: "Chase is 
about one and a half times bigger than any one I ever 
knew." 



SO SLOW, A HEARSE RAN OVER HIM I 

By treachery of those in charge of our navy-yards, ar- 
senals, and treasury, the South began the bloody strife 
better provided than the simple North. But adverse fate 
seemed bent on keeping the disparity for long in favor of 
the weaker contestant. By one of those wicked dispensa- 
tions tripping up our early march, the secretary of the 
navy was selected in Gideon Welles, an estimable gentle- 
man in person, but wofully unsuited to the berth, if from 
age alone. Patriarchal in appearance, with a long face 
and longer beard, white and sere, it became proverbial 
without appearing much of a far-fetched joke that he was 
the naval constructor to Noah of Ark-aic fame. Unfor- 
tunately his "set" were antiques as well. Yet Lincoln 



The Lincoln Story Book. 179 

clung to him — or he clung to the President like the Old 
Man of the Sea — under which aspect he was presented 
by the caricaturists. One day, however, said the gossips 
of the White House, Mr. Lincoln dropped the newspaper 
in reading, and exclaimed : 

"Listen!" said he to his secretary, "a man has been 
run over by a hearse! As I saw Welles not so long ago, 
it must be one of Gideon's Band !" 

A song entitled "Gideon's Band," introduced by the 
negro minstrels in New York, was popular on the streets 
and in the camps. 



BLOOD-SHEDDING REMITS SINS. 

Judge Kellogg, having an application for condoning a 
death sentence against a soldier, urged that he had served 
well hitherto, having been badly wounded under fire. 

"Kellogg," remarked Lincoln quickly, "is there not 
something in the Bible about the shedding of blood for 
the remission of sins?" 

As the judge was not familiar with ecclesiastical law, 
he merely bowed. In fact, the blood-offerings of the 
ancients was of animals, and it was deemed profane to 
offer one's own. Still, the offering of blood is dedica- 
tion to a friend or the country. Lincoln had the idea cor- 
rectly. 

"That's a good point," he brightly said, "and there is 
no going behind it !" 

So saying, he wrote the pardon, which Kellogg trans- 
mitted to the gladdened father of the culprit. 



i8o The Lincoln Story Book. 

Mr. Lincoln had no need to go back to Scripture for 
his defense. It is martial law, unwritten but valid, that 
if a delinquent soldier, fugitive from justice, or breaking 
prison, reaches the battle-field and takes his place gal- 
lantly, no more would be said about the hanging charge, 
even though it were literally a hanging one. 



HIS ''LEG CASES.** 

The judge advocate-general, Holt, as well as the mili- 
tary chiefs, were in despair at their superior trifling with 
the laws of war by suspending mortal decrees, and, in 
short, in hunting up excuses for delaying the blow of 
justice. Once the judge brought to the President a case 
so flagrant that he did not doubt that, for a rarity, the 
chief would sign without any cavil and hesitation. A 
soldier had demoralized his regiment in the nick of a 
battle by dashing down his rifle and hiding behind a tree. 
He had not a friend or relative to sue for him. Despite 
all this, the Executive laid down the pen quivering be- 
tween his long fingers, and said : 

"Holt, I think I must, after all, file this away with 
my 'Leg Cases.' " And thrust the paper in one of a 
series of pigeonholes already crammed with the like. 

The judge was taken off his guard by the inconsistent 
levity, and demanded the meaning of the term with 
acerbity. 

"Holt, were you ever in battle?" he counter queried. 

The man of law was a man of peace ; he had seen lead, 
but in seals, not bullets. 



The Lincoln Story Book. i8r 

Secretary of War Stanton was spurring the military 
justice on, as often before. 

"Did Stanton ever march in the first line, to be shot at 
like this man?" 

Holt answered for his colleague in the negative. 

"Well, I tried it in the Black Hawk War !" proceeded 
the Illinoisian, "and I remember one time I grew awful 
weak in the legs when I heard the bullets whistle around 
me and saw the enemy in front of me. How my legs 
carried me forward I cannot now tell, for I thought 
every minute that I should sink to the ground. I am 
opposed to having soldiers shot for not facing danger 
when it is not known that their legs would carry them 
into danger ! Well, judge, you see the papers crowded 
in there? You call them cases of 'Cowardice in the face 
of the enemy,' a long title, but I call them my 'Leg 
Cases,' for short! — and I put it to you, Holt, and leave 
it to you to decide for yourself, if Almighty God gives 
a man a cowardly pair of legs, how can he help them 
■running away with him?" 



HOV THE DELINQUENT SOLDIER PAID HIS DEBT. 

There is a great similarity in the many stories of Lin- 
coln's leniency to soldiers incurring the death-penalty ac- 
cording to the code of war, and no wonder, when they 
were so numerous that he often had four-and-twenty sen- 
tences to sign or ignore in a day. 

A member of a Vermont regiment was so sentenced 



1 82 The Lincoln Story Book. 

for sleeping at his post. The more than usual interces- 
sion made for him induced Lincoln to visit the culprit 
in his cell. He found him a simple country lad, im- 
pressing him as a reminder of himself at that age. In 
the like plain and rustic vein he discoursed with him. 

"I have been put to a deal of bother on your account, 
Scott," he said paternally. "What I want to know is how 
are you going to pay my bill?" 

From a lawyer turned sword of the State, this was 
reasonable enough ; so the young man responded : 

"I hope I am as grateful to you, Mr. Lincoln, as any 
man can be for his life. But this came so sudden that 
I did not lay out for it. But I have my bounty-money 
in the savings-bank, and I guess we could raise some 
money by a mortgage on the farm; and, if we wait till 
pay-day for the regiment, I guess the boys will help 
some, and we can make it up — if it isn't more nor five or 
six hundred, eh?" 

With the same gravity, the intermediator reckoned the 
-cost would be more. 

"My son," said he, "the bill is a large one. Your 
friends cannot pay it — nor your comrades, nor the farm, 
nor the pay! If from this day William Scott does his 
duty so that, if I were there when he came to die, he 
could look me in the face as now and say : 'I have kept 
my promise and have done my duty as a soldier,' then 
fny debt will be paid." 

The boy made the promise, and was immediately re- 
stored to the regiment. He earned promotion, but re- 
fused it. At Lee's Mills, on the Warwick River, he was 



The Lincoln Story Book. 183 

wounded while distinguishing himself in a grand as- 
sault. Mortally wounded in saving three lives, he was 
enabled with his dying breath to send a message to the 
President to the effect that he had redeemed his pledge. 
On his breast was found one of the likenesses of Lin- 
coln with the motto, "God bless our President!" which 
the Grand Army men were given. He thanked the bene- 
factor for having let him fall like a soldier, in battle, and 
not like a coward, by his comrades' rifles. 



**THE SWEARING HAD TO BE DONE THEN, OR 
NOT AT ALL!" 

An old man came from Tennessee to beg the life of 
his son, death-doomed under the military code. General 
Fiske procured him admittance to the President, who took 
the petition and promised to attend to the matter. But 
the applicant, in anguish, insisted that a life was at 
stake — that to-morrow would not do, and that the de- 
cision must be made on the instant. 

Lincoln assumed his mollifying air, and in a soothing 
tone brought out his universal soothing-sirup, the little 
story : 

"It was General Fiske, who introduced you, who told 
me this. The general began his career as a colonel, and 
raised his regiment in Missouri. Having good prin- 
ciples, he made the boys promise then not to be profane, 
but let him do all the swearing for the regiment. For 
months no violation of the agreement was reported. But 



184 The Lincoln Story Book. 

one day a teamster, with the foul tongue associated with 
their calhng and mule-driving, as he drove his team 
through a longer and deeper series of mud-puddles than 
ever before, unable to restrain himself, turned himself 
inside out as a vocal Vesuvius. It happened, too, that 
this torrent was heard surging by the colonel, who called 
him to account. 

" 'Well, yes, colonel,' he acknowledged, 'I did vow to 
let you do all the swearing of the regiment ; but the cold 
fact is, that the swearing had to be done thar and then, 
or not at all, to do the 'casion justice — and you were not 
thar !' 

"Now," summed up Mr. Lincoln to the engrossed and 
semiconsoled parent, "I may not be there, so do you take 
this and do the swearing him off !" 

He furnished him with the release autograph, and sent 
another mourner on his way rejoicing. 



DISPLACE THE THISTLES BY FLOWERS. 

Two ladies called upon the President at the end of 
1864, one the wife, the other the mother of western 
Pennsylvanians imprisoned for resisting the military 
draft. A number of other men were fellows in their 
'durance on precisely the same grounds. Finding it 
meet to grant this dual relief sought, Lincoln directed 
the whole to be liberated, and signed the paper with one 
signature to cover the entire act of humanity. His old 
friend, Speed, was witness of this scene, and, knowing 



The Lincoln Story Book. 185 

only too well the sensitive nature of the President, he 
spoke his wonder that such ordeals were not killing. 

Lincoln mused, and agreed that such scenes were not 
to be wantonly undergone. 

"But they do not hurt me. That is the only thing to- 
day to make me forget my condition, or give me any 
pleasure" — he was unwell, then; his feet and hands were 
always cold, and often when about he ought to have been 
abed. "I have in that order made two persons happy, 
and alleviated the distress of many a poor soul whom I 
never expect to see. It is more than one can often say 
that, in doing right, one has made two happy in one day. 
Speed, die when I may, I want it said of me by those 
who know me best, that I always plucked a thistle and 
planted a flower when I thought a flower would grow." 
— (Vouched for by Joshua R. Speed, the first to be 
friend to Lincoln when he set out to become a lawyer, 
at Springfield, in 1837.) 



"YOU HAVE ONE, AND I HAVE ONE— THAT IS 
RIGHT!" 

An elderly woman was among the suitors of the Presi- 
dent, when the commander-in-chief by virtue of office 
was besought to release her eldest son of three, her hus- 
band and two younger sons having been slain in action. 

"Certainly," returned the chief, "if you have given us 
all, and your prop has been taken away, you are justly 
entitled to one of your boys." 



1 86 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

The woman took the discharge, and gratefully went 
away. But she was compelled to return more grieved 
than before, as she had found the son she sought dying 
in a hospital at the front. The surgeon made a note of 
the fatality, with which, unable to speak, she presented 
herself to the President. He knew what she wished this 
time, and proceeded to write out the release of the second 
son. On handing her the paper, he said — a new judg- 
ment of a kinder judge than Solomon: 

"Now, you have one, and I the other of the two left; 
that is no more than right !" 



« SHOOTING A MAN DOES HIM NO GOOD!'* 

Judge Kellogg, of New York, begged off the son of 
a voter in his district, condemned for military infraction ; 
in fact, the judge did not know much of the case, but his 
insistence prevailed over the rectifier of the law and 
articles of war. Lincoln dryly remarked, as he appended 
his signature to the pardon : 

"I do not believe that shooting a man does him any 
good !" 



BENEVOLENCE IS BEAUTIFUL. 

Thaddeus Stevens accompanied a lady of his constitu- 
ents to beg a pardon of the President, her son being un- 
der death sentence of a court-martial. The senator back- 
ing up the petition, it was granted. The grateful woman 
was choking, and was led away by her escort, without 



The Lincoln Story Book. 187 

speaking in thankfulness. But at the exit she found her 
voice, and burst forth feelingly : 

"Mr. Stevens, they told me that the President was 
homely looking ! It is a lie ! He is the handsomest man 
I ever saw !" 



"IT WAS THE BABY THAT DID IT.»» 

A young mother came to Washington to sue for the 
life of her husband, a deserter, condemned to die. Such 
was the crowd of besiegers for grace, offices, and simple 
greeting by the host of the White House that she was kept 
out in the hall. But one day, the master passing through 
the corridor "to hold the show," heard a baby's pitiful 
wail. He halted, listened again to make sure, and on 
entering his reception-parlor asked his favorite usher if 
he had not heard that odd thing — there — an infant's cry. 

The attendant promptly related that a woman with a ' 
babe was without, who had been losing her time three 
days. 

"Go at once, and send her to me," he ordered, express- 
ing regret that she should have been overlooked. 

As there were several extenuating points in her plea, 
or the benign official leaned that way, he wrote his par-^ 
don and gave it to the woman, whose still plaintive smile 
shone through tears of gratitude. 

"Take that, my poor woman, and it will bring you 
back your husband," he said, going so far as to direct 
her to what authority to apply for the action. "^ 

In showing her forth, the old usher, who knew his 



i88 The Lincoln Story Book. 

employer's tender heart where children were concerned, 
whispered : 

"It was the baby that did it !"— (Told by "Old Dan'el," 
the good-natured Irish usher.) 



( ) 

"IT RESTS ME TO SAVE A LIFE!" ' 

Schuyler Colfax, then Speaker of the House, pleaded 
with Lincoln for the life of an elector's son, sentenced 
to be shot. Though he intruded on the arbiter very late 
after a long spell of official duties, Lincoln accorded the 
boon. 

"Colfax," explained he, "it makes me rested after a 
hard day's work, if I can find some good excuse for 
saving a man's life, and I go to bed happy as I think 
how joyous the signing of my name will make him, and 
his family, and his friends." ? 



"A FAMILY MAN WANTS TO SEE HIS FAMILY." 

Superintendent Tinker, of the Western Union Tele- 
graph Company, vouches for the following: 

A woman came to the Honorable Francis Kernan, 
member of Congress, with a pitiful tale, with which he 
went to the President. Her husband was a soldier who 
had been away from home a year. He deserted in order 
to have a glance at the family, and was captured on his 
way back to the front. But the rules of war are im- 
perative, and without compassion. The President was 



The Lincoln Story Book. 189 

interested, as in all such cases where a deserving life and 
a sorrowing woman were at stake. He said: 

"Of course, this man wanted to see his family ! They 
ought not to shoot him for that!" He telegraphed for 
action in the matter to cease, and finally pardoned the 
deserter. 

"A fellow-feeling" — for all his thoughts reverted to 
his family life at Springfield. 



A RULE WITHOUT EXCEPTION. 

Lincoln's Amnesty Proclamation, issued in December, 
1863, exemplifies the perpetual attempt to infuse mercy 
into that intestine warfare, which always grows more 
fierce by oil thrown on the flames, and only once, in our 
case, terminated in the brothers becoming brothers again. 
He replied thus to a public criticizer of the document : 

"When a man is sincerely penitent for his misdeeds, 
and gives satisfactory evidence of the same, he can safely 
be pardoned, and there is no exception to the rule." 



EVEN REBELS MIGHT BE SAVED. 

A Mr. Shrigley, of Philadelphia, having been ap- 
pointed hospital chaplain,. the President sent in his name 
to the Senate, and his confirmation was imminent. A 
deputation came on to protest on the grounds that he was 
a Universalist, a large-minded man, who did not believe 
in endless punishment. Logically, he believed that "even 



igo The Lincoln Story Book, 

the rebels will be saved," concluded the opposition, hor- 
rified. 

"Well, gentlemen," determined the President gravely, 
"if that be so, and there is any way under heaven where- 
by the rebels can be saved, then, for God's sake and for 
their sakes, let the man be appointed." 



WHIPPING AROUND THE STUMP. 

On New-year's morning, 1864, President Lincoln en- 
tered the War Department building. His sensitive nature, 
more than ever strained to the utmost tension, was irri- 
tated by hearing a woman wailing over a child in her 
arms at an office door. Major Eckert requested to 
ascertain the cause of the grief brought back the painful 
but not unexampled explanation. A soldier's wife had 
come to Washington with her babe, expecting to have no 
difficulty in going on under pass to the camp where her 
husband was under the colors. But she learned, to her 
dismay, that, while an officer's wife has few obstacles to 
meet in communing with her husband under like cir- 
cumstances, the private's is dissimilarly situated. This 
poor soul, with little money anyway, was perplexed how 
to wait in the expensive city till her wish was granted. 

"Come, Eckert," blurted out the chief in his frank 
manner, "let's send the woman down there !" 

It was recited that the war office had strengthened the 
orders against women in camp. 

"H'm \" coughed the other in his dry way, ominous of 



Tile Lincoln Story Book. 191 

an alternative, "let us whip the devil around the stump 
since he will not step right over! Send the woman's 
husband leave of absence to report here — to see his wife 
and baby!" 

So the officer on duty wrote the order, and the couple 
were happily reunited. — (By A. B. Chandler, manager of 
postal telegraphs, attached to the War Department in the 
war.) 



^'LIFE TOO PREQOUS TO BE LOST.** 

Benjamin Owen, a young Vermont volunteer, was sen- 
tenced to the extremity for being asleep on post. Lin- 
coln was especially lenient in these cases, as he held that 
a farm-boy, used to going to bed early, was apt to main- 
tain the habit in later life. It came out that the youth 
had taken the place of a comrade the night before, as 
extra duty, and this overwork had fatigued him so that 
his succumbing was at least explicable. This clue being 
in a letter he wrote home, his sister journeyed to the 
capital with it and showed it to the President. 

"Oh, that fatal sleep!" he exclaimed, "thousands of 
lives might have been lost through that fatal sleep !" 

He wrote out the pardon, and said to the girl: 

"Go home, my child, and tell that father of yours, who 
could approve his country's sentence, even when it took 
the life of a youth like that, that Abraham Lincoln thinks 
the life too precious to be lost." 

He went in his carriage to deliver the pardon to the 
proper authorities for its execution — and not the sol- 



192 The Lincoln Story Book. 

dier's. Then, making out a furlough for the released 
volunteer, he saw him and the sister off on the homeward 
journey, pinning a badge on the former's arm with the 
words : 

"The shoulder which should bear a comrade's burden, 
and die for it so uncomplainingly, must wear that strap !" 



MERCY HAS PRECEDENCE OVER THE RIGID. 

On the 9th of April, 1865, Lee accepted Grant's easy 
conditions, and practically everything was completed but 
the formal signing of the capitulation. The wide re- 
joicing covered the earth, the eye-witnesses may say, with 
one smile of relief and gladness. Washington looked 
gay with bunting, like New York City on the day of 
"Show your flag!" Above all, the President, whose 
words at Springfield, in i860, to the Illinois school super- 
intendent, Newton Bateman, were justified: "I may not 
see the end, but it will come, and I shall be vindicated 
(in condemning slavery)." 

It was, therefore, in a receptive mood that he was 
found by Senator J. B. Henderson, of Missouri. This 
gentleman came for the third time on an errand of pity. 

At the close of the war, one Colonel Green, brother 
to United States Senator James S. Green, crossed into 
Mississippi with his friend and brother in arms, George 
E. Vaughan. He gave Vaughan letters for home and 
started him to carry news to his family. Captured within 
the Federal lines, he was held as a spy. Mr. Henderson 



The Lincoln Story Book. 193 

succeeded in getting a retrial, and even a third hearing, 
but still the man was under sentence of death. On thej 
afternoon of April 14, he called at the White House, and 
insisted that the pardon should be granted now if ever, 
"in the interest of peace and consideration." 

The gladsome chief agreed with him, and directed him 
to go to Secretary Stanton and have the prisoner re- 
leased. But the inflexible official, on whom the general 
glee had no softening, refused, and the man had but two 
days to live. When the intermediary hurried back to 
the Executive Mansion, the President was dressed to go 
to Ford's Theater, with his wife, his son, and a young 
couple of friends. 

Nevertheless, he stopped, went into the study, and 
wrote an unconditional release and pardon for Vaughan, 
saying : 

"I think this will have precedence over Stanton !" 

It was his last official act — one of mercy and forgive- 
ness. 



TAKEN FROM REBELLION AND GIVEN TO LOYALTY. 

A lady out of Tennessee, which was early to join 
secession, came to Washington in search of her son, a 
youth enlisted in the Confederate Army. She found 
him in the Fort Henry hospital, where, allowed to see 
him, as she was loyal, in spite of regulations about pris- 
oners of war, she learned that he would recover. She 
induced him to recant and offer his parole if he were 
allowed freedom. She called on Secretary Stanton, but 



194 The Lincoln Story Book. 

he was in one of his boorish moods — was he ever out of 
them? — and repulsed her with rudeness. She finally ap- 
pealed to the President, who seemed very often balm to 
Stanton, "a fretful corrosive applied to a deathly wound," 
and he gave her an order to receive the young man if he 
swore off his pledge to the wrong side. 

"To take the young man from the ranks of the rebel- 
lion," he said to her, "and give him to a loyal mother 
is a better investment to this government than to give 
him up to its deadly enemies." 

The young man was enabled to resume his studies, but 
in a Northern college ! 



SUSPENSION IS NOT EXECUTION. 

Among those generals — amateurs, like the President, 
themselves — who disapproved of any leniency in disci- 
pline, was Major-general Benjamin F. Butler. He wrote 
to his commander-in-chief so impudent an epistle as the 
annexed : 

"Mr. President : I pray you not to interfere with the 
court-martial of this army. (His, of course — his skill 
was discoursed upon by General Grant, who said that 
Butler had "corked himself up.") You will destroy all 
discipline among the soldiers." 

But in the teeth of this embargo, moved by the en- 
treaties of an old father whose son was under death 
sentence by this despot, he said : 

"Butler or no Butler, here goes !" and, seizing his 



The Lincoln Story Book. 195 

pen, wrote that the soldier in prison was not to be shot 
until further orders. 

The affected parent eagerly took the precious paper, 
but his jaw fell on seeing the text : he had looked for 
a full pardon. But the comforter hastened to explain : 

"Well, my old friend, I see that you are not very well 
acquainted with me. If your son never looks upon death 
till further orders from me to shoot him, he will live to be 
a great deal older than Methuselah." 



"THE DISCONTENTED . . . ABOUT FOUR 
HUNDRED " 

In 1856, Mr. Lincoln had figured prominently in the 
Fremont-Dayton presidential campaign, and ever since 
he had been partial to the "Pathfinder," though he clearly 
saw that he would be a rival for the chair at Washington 
— his long-cherished ambition. He gave, at the outset 
of the war, the most important military command, that 
of the Mountain, or Western Department, to Fremont. 
The latter attempted to "steal his thunder" by issuing 
a forerunner of the Emancipation Act, and was removed ; 
but Lincoln reinstated him till he had to repeat the 
removal. He was repaid by the incorrigible marplot set- 
ting up as candidate for the chief magistracy after it 
was settled that the retiring officer should be reelected. 
Nevertheless, the competitor's party was so small that, 
in allusion to it, Lincoln read from "Samuel," Book I : 

"And every one who was in distress, and every one 



196 The Lincoln Story Book. 

that was in debt, and every one who was discontented, 
gathered themselves unto him, and he became captain 
over them, and there were with him about four hundred 
men!" 



♦«NOT MUCH OF A HEAD, BUT HIS ONLY ONEI'» 

Although the life of a soldier sleeping on post was at 
stake, the pleader wished to forbear on finding that the 
supreme decider, the President, meant to make a per- 
sonal matter of it. He suspended the execution while 
looking into it. But it was objected that this was a 
burden not intended to impose. 

"Never mind," Lincoln answered. "This soldier's life 
is as valuable to him as any person's in the land. It 
reminds me of the old Scotch woman's saying about her 
laird going to be beheaded for participation in a Jacobite 
rebellion : 

" 'It waur na mickle of a head, but it is the only head 
the puir body ha' got.' " — (Assured, in substance, by 
L. E. Chittenden.) 



**GYE US A GOOD CONCEIT!" 

A place-hunter hastened to his old acquaintance, Lin- 
coln, when he was seated, of course, to secure a trough. 
But he aimed high — in contrast to Lincoln's adage that 
a novice should aim low ! The least he named was the 
berth of master of the mint. 

"Good gracious!" ejaculated the chief. "Why did he 



The Lincoln Story Book. 197 

not ask to be secretary of the treasury and have done 
with it ?" Reflecting, he observed : "Well, now, I never 
thought that lank had anything more than average ability 
when we were youngsters together. But, then, I suppose, 
he thought the same thing about me, and yet — here I 
am!" 



THEY VENT AVAY SICKER STILL. 

A party were pressing the claims of a solicitor for a 
consulship; his particular plea that his health would be 
benefited by residence on these Fortunate Islands. The 
Lord Bountiful terminated the interview by lightly 
saying : 

"Gentlemen, I am sorry to say that there are eight 
other applicants for the place — and all of them are sicker 
than your client !" 



OF TWENTY APPLICANTS, NINETEEN ARE 
MADE ENEMIES. 

Hampered, harassed, and hounded by office-seekers, 
the President once opened his confidence on this irri- 
tating point to a conscientious public officer. He wished 
the senators and others would start and stimulate public 
sentiment toward changes in public offices being made 
on good and sufficient cause — ^that is, plainly, never on 
party considerations. The ideal civil service, in a word. 
Nine-tenths of his vexations were due to seekers of 
sinecures. 



198 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"It seems to me that such visitors dart at me and, 
with finger and thumb, carry off a portion of my vital- 
ity," was his saying. 

His hearer laughed at the image, but the other pur- 
sued earnestly : 

"I have made up my mind to make very few changes 
in the offices in my gift for my second term. I think, 
now, that I shall not move a single man, except for de- 
linquency. To remove a man is very easy, but when I 
go to fill his place, there are twenty applicants, and of 
these I must make nineteen enemies." — (Authenticated 
by Senator Clark, of New Hampshire, to whom the con- 
fidence was imparted.) 



^^^ RID OF AN OFHCE-SEEKER. 

"There was an ignorant man," said a senator, "who 
once applied to Lincoln for the post of doorkeeper to 
the House. This man had no right to ask Lincoln for 
anything. It was necessary to repulse him. But Lin- 
coln repulsed him gently and whimsically without hurting 
his feelings, in this way : 

" 'So you want to be doorkeeper to the House, eh ?' 

'"Yes, Mr. President.' 

" 'Well, have you ever been a doorkeeper ? Have you 
ever had any experience of doorkeeping ?' 



*Secretary Blaine, out of his similar experience, reiterated the 
sentiment thus : "When I choose one out of ten applicants to fill 
an office, I find that nine have become my enemies and one is 
an ingrate." 



The Lincoln Story Book. 199 

" 'Well, no — no actual experience, sir.' 

" 'Any theoretical experience ? Any instructions in the 
duties and ethics of doorkeeping?' 

" 'Umh— no.' 

"'Have you ever attended lectures on doorkeeping?' 

" 'No, sir.' 

"'Have you read any text-book on the subject?' 

" 'No.' 

" 'Have you conversed with any one who has read such 
a book?' 

" 'No, sir. I'm afraid not, sir.' 

" 'Well, then, my friend, don't you see that you haven't 
a single qualification for this important post?' said Lin- 
coln, in a reproachful tone. 

" 'Yes, I do,' said the applicant, and he took leave 
humbly, almost gratefully." — (Chicago Record-Herald.) 



NOT GOOD OFFICES, BUT A GOOD STORY. 

When Washington and its chief guardians were 
more sorely besieged by office-seekers than by the Con- 
federates, a politician locally important and generally 
importunate was sent as a "committee of one" to head- 
quarters to secure the loaves and fishes for his congeries. 
But in about a fortnight this forager came home, full of 
emptiness. Asked if he had not seen the President — 
accounted commonly as only too accessible — and why 
he did not get the places, he replied glumly, yet with a 
tinge of bricjhtening : 



200 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Yes, I saw the old man. He heard me state my 
errand, the President did. He heard me patiently all 
right enough ; and then he said : 'I am sorry not to have 
any good offices for you, but — I can give you something 
— a. good story!' 

"And he went on with — 

" 'Once there was a certain king who kept an astrolo- 
ger to forewarn him of coming events, and especially to 
tell him whether it was going to rain when he wished to 
go on hunting expeditions. One day he had started for 
the forest with his train of lords and ladies, when he 
met a farmer'. 

" ' "Good morning, farmer," said the king. 

" ' "Good morning, king," said the farmer ; "where are 
you folks going?" 

" ' "Hunting," said the king. 

" ' "Hunting ! You'll all get wet," said the farmer. 

" 'The king trusted his astrologer and kept on, but at 
midday there came up a tremendous rain that drenched 
the king and all his party. 

" 'On getting back to the palace the king had the 
astrologer decapitated, and sent for the farmer to take 
his place. 

" ' "Law's sakes !" said the farmer, when he arrived, 
"it ain't me that knows when it's going to rain, it's my 
donkey. When it's going to be fair weather, he always 
carries his ears forward, so. When it's going to rain, 
he puts 'em backward, so." 

" ' "Make the donkey the court astrologer !" shouted 
the king. 



The Lincoln Story Book, 201 

" 'It was done ; but the king always declared that that 
appointment was the greatest mistake he ever made in 
his life.' 

"Mr. Lincoln stopped there," said the office-seeker. 

" 'Why did he call it a mistake ?" we asked him. 
'Dfdn't the donkey do his duty?' 

" 'Yes,' said the President, 'but after that every donkey 
in the country wanted an office.' " 



ENCOURAGE LONGING FOR VORK. 

In 1861, the badgered President had so novel an appli- 
cation that he wrote the annexed note to facilitate its 
harvest : 

"To Major Ramsey : The lady — bearer of this — says 
she has two sons who want to work. Set them at it, if 
possible. Wanting to work is so rare a merit that it 
should be encouraged." 



**BUT AARON GOT HIS COMMISSION I *• 

To animadversion on the President appointing to a 
post one who had zealously opposed his reelection, he 
replied : 

"Well, I allow that Judge E , having been disap- 
pointed before, did behave pretty 'ugly,' but that would 
not make him any less fit for the place; and I think 
I have scriptural authority for appointing him. You 
remember when the Lord was on Mount Sinai getting out 



202 The Lincoln Story Book. 

a commission for Aaron, said Aaron was at the foot of 
the mountain, making a false god for the people to 
worship? Yet Aaron got his commission, you know." 



SOMETHING LINCOLNIAN ALL COULD TAKE. 

When the President had an attack of spotted fever, 
and was told he must be immured, as it was catching, 
he smiled and said : 

"It is a pity to shut the public off — as while every act 
of mine is not taken to, now I have something everybody 
might take !" 



**NOT MANY SUCH BOYS OUTSIDE OF SUNDAY- 
SCHOOLS!" 

A Boston business house was deceived in an errand boy. 
Fresh from the country he succumbed to temptation 
and robbed the mails. His father tried to get him off 
the penalty — as the United States Government took up 
the case. He went to Washington and prevailed on his 
representative, Alexander H. Rice, to intercede for him. 
Rice and the President were on familiar terms. As soon 
as the pleader presented himself, Mr. Lincoln assumed 
an easy attitude, legs stretched, leaning back, and read 
the petition. 

"Well," said he, "did you meet a man going out as 
you came in? His errand was to get a man out of 
the penitentiary, and now you come to get a boy out of 
jail. I am bothered to death about these pardon cases; 



The Lincoln Story Book. 203 

but I am a little encouraged by your visit. They are 
after me on the men, but appear to be roping you in on 
the boys. What shall we do? The trouble appears to 
come from the courts. Let us abolish the courts, and I 
think that will end the difficulty. And it seems to me 
that the courts ought to be abolished, anyway, for they 
appear to pick out the very best men in the community 
and send them to the penitentiary, and now they are 
after the same kind of boys. I don't know much about 
boys in Massachusetts, but according to this petition, 
there are not many such boys as this one outside the 
Sunday-schools in other parts !" 

It was settled that if a majority of the Massachusetts 
delegates signed the paper, a pardon would be given. — 
(Testified to by Honorable Alexander H. Rice, former 
governor of Massachusetts.) 



THE GOOD BOY GETS ON. 

According to White House etiquette, as a congress- 
man and a senator, Wilson and Rice, called together 
on the President, they were admitted in company. As 
they were readmitted from the anteroom a boy of about 
twelve, on the lookout, slipped in with them. After the 
salutations the host became absorbed in the intruder, as 
he was always interested in the young. 

But the two gentlemen were unable to answer the 
natural question : 

"Who is this little boy?" 



204 The Lincoln Story Book. 

But the boy could speak for himself, and instantly 
said that he was "a good boy," come to Washington in 
the hope of becoming a page in the House of Representa- 
tives. The President began to say that Captain Goode- 
now, head doorkeeper there, was the proper person to 
make that application to, as he had nothing to do with 
such appointments. But the good little boy pulled out his 
credentials, from his folks, the squire, and the parson 
and schoolmaster, and they stated not only that he was 
good, but good to his widow mother, and wanted to help 
the needy family. The President called the boy up to 
him, studied him, and wrote on his petition : 

"If Captain Goodenow can give this good boy a place, 
it will oblige A. Lincoln." 

(Vouched for by Alexander H. Rice, member of Con- 
gress, and ex-governor of Massachusetts.) 



HOV McCULLOCH WAS CONSTRAINED TO SERVE. 

For two arduous years Hugh McCulloch, banker of 
Indianapolis, served in organizing the Currency Control. 
He was looking forward to release and repose at the 
second Administration, when the renewed incumbent 
begged him to become secretary of the treasury. He 
remonstrated. 

"But I could not help myself," he confessed to Janet 
Jennings. "Mr. Lincoln looked at me with his sad, 
weary eyes, and throwing his arm over my shoulder, 
said : 



The Lincoln Story Book. 205 

" 'You must ; the country needs you !' " 
That was a gesture worth all the elegant tones in the 
elocution-books. 



ALL MOUTH AND NO HANDS' CLASS. 

"I hold if the Almighty had ever made a set of men 
that should do all the eating, and none of the work, He 
would have made them with mouths only and no hands, 
and if He had ever made another class that He had in- 
tended should do all the work and none of the eating, 
He would have made them without mouths and with all 
hands." — (A. Lincoln.) 



HOT AND COLD THE SAME BREATH. 

Underlaying the innate frankness, there was a deep 
shrewdness in President Lincoln, which fitted him to 
cope with the most expert politicians, albeit their vanity 
would not let them always or promptly acknowledge it. 
When Chief Justice Taney died, the President had 
already planned to fill up the vacancy and at the same 
time shelve that thorn in his side, Salmon P. Chase. But 
always keeping his own counsel, he was mute on that 
head, when an important deputation attended to recom- 
mend Chase. After hearing the address, the President 
asked for the engrossed memorial to be left with him. 

"I want it, in order, if I appoint Mr. Chase, I may 
show the friends of the other persons for whom the 
office is solicited, by how powerful an influence and 



2o6 The Lincoln Story Book. 

what strong recommendations I was obliged to disregard 
in appointing him." 

This was heard with great satisfaction, and the com- 
mittee were about to depart, thinking their man sure 
of the mark, when they perceived that the chief had not 
finished all he had to say. 

"And," he continued, "I want the paper, also, in order 
that, if I should appoint any other person, I may show 
his friends how powerful an influence and what strong 
recommendations I was obliged to disregard in appoint- 
ing him." 

The committee departed mystified. 



WANTED THE JAIL EARNINGS. 

A Western senator bothered the President about a 
client of his for back pay of a dubious nature. Lincoln 
responded with one of his evasive answers — that is, "a 
little story" : 

"Years ago, when imprisonment for debt was legal, 
a poor fellow was sent to jail by his creditor, and com- 
pelled to serve out his debt at the rate of a dollar and 
a half a day. 

"When the sentence had expired, he informed the 
jailer of the fact and asked to be released. The jailer 
insisted on keeping him four days longer. Upon making 
up his statement, however, he found that the man was 
right. The prisoner then demanded not only a receipt 
in full for his debt, but also payment for four days' 



The Lincoln Story Book. 207 

extra service, amounting to six dollars, which he de- 
clared the county owed him. Now," concluded Lin- 
coln, "I think that county would be about as likely 
to pay this man's claim as this government will be to 
pay your friend's claim for back pay." — (Told before 
Colonel Noteware, of Colorado, a Western senator, and 
a congressman.) 



A TITLE NO HINDRANCE. 

A German noble and military officer wished to serve 
as volunteer under our colors. After being welcome, 
he thought it expedient to unfold his family roll, so 
to say, but the ultra-democratic ruler gently interpolated 
as if he saw an apology in the recital, and soothingly 
observed : 

"Oh, never mind that ! You will find that no hin- 
drance to your advance. You will be treated as fairly in 
spite of that!" 



A TALKER WITH NOTHING TO SAY. 

A reverend gentleman of prominence, M. F., of , 

was presented to the President, who resignedly had a 
chair placed for him, and with patient awaiting said : 

"My dear sir, I am now ready to hear what you have 
to say." 

"Why, bless you, Mr. President," stammered the other, 
with more apprehension than his host, "I have nothing 
to say. I only came to pay my respects." 



2o8 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Is that all?" exclaimed the escaped victim, springing 
up to take the minister's two hands with gladness. "It 
is a relief to find a clergyman — or any other man,* for 
that matter — who has nothing to say. I thought you 
had come to preach to me." 



STICK TO YOUR BUSINESS. 

Among the bores who assailed the President was a 
Western stranger who had another plan to end the war. 
Lincoln listened to him all the way, and then obliged 
him and the crowd with a story : 

"You may have heard of Mr. Bounce, of Chicago? 
No; well, he was a gentleman of so much leisure that 
he had no time to do anything! This superb loafer 
went to a capitalist at the time of a wheat flurry, when 
speculators reckoned to make fortunes, and he informed 
Mr. Blank Check how his project would make them 
both terribly rich. The reply came sharp as a bear-trap : 
'My advice is that you stick to your business!' 
" 'But I have no business — I am a. gentleman.' 
" 'Whatever that is, I advise you to stick to that !' 
"And now, my friend," proceeded the President, "I 



*Any other man. From this frequent expression of Mr. Lin- 
coln's, a true comedian, the "negro entertainer," Unsworth, con- 
ceived a burlesque lecture, "Or Any Other Man," with which he 
went around the world. The editor, passing through London, 
remembers his attention being called to Mr. Gladstone and other 
cabinet ministers, who came to the Oxford Music-hall nightly 
between Parliament business, to hear Unsworth, who, on such 
chances, introduced personal and pat allusions to the subjects 
debated that night. 



The Lincoln Story Book, 209 

mean nothing offensive, for I know you mean well — 
but I think you had better stick to your business and 
leave the war-threshing to those who have the respon- 
sibility." 



MARRYING A MAN WITHOUT HIS CONSENT. 

Major Hoxsey, Excelsior (N. Y.) Brigade, wounded 
in the Fighting Joe Hooker division, could not accept 
a commission in the army, but wished to be put upon 
the staff of the volunteers, as he could not walk. He 
was upheld in his desire by Adjutant-general Hamlin, 
who accompanied him to the President. They were both 
asked to sit while the authority consulted the Congres- 
sional laws. Staff appointments could not be heard by 
the President unless the general commanding the desired 
rank was approving. 

"I have no more power to appoint you without that 
request," said the President, "than I would have to 
marry a woman to any man she might desire for a hus- 
band without his consent!" — (By General Charles Ham- 
lin.) 



"A LUXURY TO SEE ONE WHO WANTS NOTHING." 

Senator Depew was secretary of New York State in 
1864, under Governor Seymour. He had to wait upon 
President Lincoln, reelected, to harmonize the calls for 
men, as his State was split on the accusation that the 
draft favored one party above the other. His official 



2IO The Lincoln Story Book. 

business finished, Secretary Depew called to bid fare- 
well. Lincoln was not holding a reception, but sitting 
in that study accessible to the public, that never was a 
public man's sanctum before — or after. He was in- 
truded upon all the time, as he let the door remain wide 
open. (Old New Yorkers may recall P. T. Barnum, 
the showman's, similar habit.) Every now and then 
some petitioners would make a desperate rush in and, 
on seeing they were not repelled by order or by the 
ushers' own initiative, others would be emboldened to 
do the same. The New Yorker no sooner took this cue 
than the besieged man perceived him. 

"Hello, Depew ! what do you want ?" was his hail. 

"Nothing, Mr. President, save to pay my respects 
to you, as I am going home." 

"Stay! it is such a luxury to see any one who does 
not want anything!" 

He had the room cleared and discussed the war, in- 
terspersing the dialogue with apposite stories. — (Told by 
Senator C. M. Depew.) 



"ACCUSE NOT A SERVANT " 

As the possibilities of rapid advancement were re- 
doubled during the war, the President, in his first term 
of office, was stormed by the office-seekers, who thought 
it the best plan to have occupiers of posts ousted to give 
them an opening; so they maligned and even accused 
chief officials with a freedom unknown in other coun- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 211 

tries where the bureaucracy is a sacred institution — as 
within a generation it has become here. Lincoln re- 
buked one of these covetous vexers by saying gravely 
to him : 

"Friend, go home and attentively read 'Proverbs,' 
chapter thirteen, verse ten." 

The rebuffed applicant found at that page in the book : 
"Accuse not a servant to his master, lest he cursa 
thee, and thou be found guilty!" — (Attested by Schuyler 
Colfax.) 



A WOLF EST A TRAP MUST SACRmCE HIS "TAIL** 
TO BE FREE. 

The presidential private secretary, Stoddard, main- 
tains that his chief sorely astonished and baffled the tribe 
of acquaintances who flocked in upon him as soon as he 
was elevated and went back home, with empty haver- 
sacks, wondering that he ignored them with heartless 
ingratitude. "He did not make even his own father a 
brigadier nor invite cousin Dennis Hanks to a seat in 
his Cabinet!" 



SOMEWHAT OF A NEWSMAN. 

Innately attached to letters, and precocious, Abraham 
Lincoln soon learned his letters and drank in all the 
learning that his few books could supply. Hence at an 
early age he became the oracle on the rude frontier, 
where even a smattering made him handy and valuable 



212 The Lincoln Story Book. 

to the illiterate backwoodsmen. Besides, as working at 
any place and at any work, he rarely abided long in 
any one spot, and had not what might be called a home 
in his teens. 

Dennis Hanks, his cousin, said of Abraham, at four- 
teen to eighteen : "Abe was a good talker, a good reader, 
and a kind of newsboy." Hence he was a sort of vol- 
unteer colporteur distributing gossip, as a notion pedler, 
before he was a store clerk where centered all the local 
news. It was on this experience that he would mingle 
with the newspaper reporters and telegraph men frater- 
nally, saying with his winning smile and undeniable 
"push"; 

"Let me in, boys, for I am somewhat of a news- 
gatherer myself." 

And then he would fix his footing by one of his stories, 
always — well, often — uttered with a view to publication. 



**A UTTLE MORE LIGHT AND A LITTLE LESS 
NOISE." 

As the President was a diligent devourer of the news- 
paper in the vexatious times (as at all others), he met 
many a torrent of criticism, incitement, and counsels 
which left him stunned rather than alleviated. To a 
special correspondent who hampered him, he said : 

"Your papers remind me of a little story. There was 
a gentleman traveling on horseback in the West where 
the roads were few and bad and no settlements. He 



The Lincoln Story Book. 213 

lost his way. To make matters worse, as night came 
on, a terrible thunder-storm arose; Hghtning dazzled the 
eye or thunder shook the earth. Frightened, he got off 
and led his horse, seeking to guide himself by the spas- 
modic and flickering electric light. All of a sudden, a 
tremendous crash brought the man in terror to his knees, 
when he stammered: 

" 'Oh, Lord ! if it be the same to Thee, give us a little 
more light and a little less noise !' " 



"MY PART OF THE SHIP IS ANCHORED.'' 

Among the first men called out was a young Massa- 
chusetts man, Burrage, who went as a private. Griev- 
ously wounded, he was sent into the hospital and then 
to his home. Recuperated, he joined his old regiment 
at the front. He was unaware that strict orders were 
out against the soldiers exchanging newspapers, and so 
performed the daily courtesy of giving a paper to the 
rebels; they had two, and he promised to give them the 
one due next time. This was held as keeping up cor- 
respondence with the Johnnies, and the authorities re- 
duced him to the ranks, as he was then a captain. Worse 
and worse, the enemy seized him when he went out to 
redeem his promise about the news, and he was impris- 
oned on their side. This regalled his wounds and he 
was a great sufferer. The Massachusetts member of 
Congress, Alexander Rice, pleaded with the President 
for his native citizen. The complication was that Bur- 



214 The Lincoln Story Book. 

rage was a captain when captured, but a private again 
soon after, and the rebels would probably hold him at 
the higher rate if an exchange was allowed, while the 
Union War Department stood for his being but a com- 
mon soldier. 

"If General Wadsworth raises that point," replied 
the President, who had allowed this pathetic case to 
break his rule to deal with classes and not individual 
offenses, "tell him if he could take care of the exchange 
part, I guess I can take care of the rank part !" 

It is clear that the President saw in this punctilio 
about a humane act, whose "offense was ranker." 

It reminded one of the story of the New England 
skipper who, with his mate — and crew of a small fisher — - 
owned the vessel. They having quarreled and the cap- 
tain bidding the other mind his part of the ship, the 
latter did so, and presently came to the stern to report: 

"Captain, I have anchored my part of the ship ! Take 
care of your own." 



ANGELS SWEARING MAKE NO DIFFERENCE. 

On the President being urged to answer some virulent 
newspaper assault, his reply was : 

"Oh, no; if I were to try to read, much less answer, 
all the attacks made on me, 'this shop might as well be 
closed for any other business, I do the very best I know 
how — the very best I can ; and I mean to keep doing so, 
until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what 
is said against me won't amount to anything; if the end 



The Lincoln Story Book. 215 

brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right 
would make no difference." 



WASHINGTON'S DIFFICULT TASK. 

Shortly after Lincoln's inauguration, a senator said 
to him: 

"You have as difficult a task as Washington's, when 
he took command of the American Army, and as little to 
do it with." 

"That is true, but I have larger resources." 

(The three thousand millions spent on the war vividly 
contrasts with the Colonies fighting rich England with 
an empty treasury and barefoot, ragged soldiers.) 



STEEL AND STEAL. 

President Lincoln asked a friend, a senator, imme- 
diately on his taking office, upon an embarrassed con- 
dition of affairs : 

"Have you seen that prophecy about my administra- 
tion in the papers? A prophet foretells that my rule 
will be one of steel! To which the wags retort: 'Well, 
Buchanan's was one of steal.' " 

The Georgian slave-holder, late secretary of the treas- 
ury, was accused of "diverting" some millions to the 
South, as that for the war office similarly "diverted" 
ordnance and munitions to the same quarter ; the head of 
the navy, with what "looked" like collusion, had scat- 



2i6 The Lincoln Story Book. 

tered the war-vessels so as to be long delayed in con- 
centrating. 



"THAT'S WHAT'S THE MATTER." 

In a Spiritualist performance at the White House, 
•which seemed to have been "edited" by the President 
himself — as often royalty revises plays — for his special 
entertainment, the Cabinet being invited, after a rigma- 
role of stilted phrases purporting to be by Washington, 
Franklin, Napoleon, and other past celebrities, Mr. 
Welles, secretary of the navy, remarked: "I will think 
this matter over, and see what conclusion to arrive at!'* 
(His set phrase.) 

There was a smile at this, as the aged minister's pro- 
longed meditations were the laughing-stock of the coun- 
try, he being the clog on the wheels of the car of state. 
Instantly raps were heard in the spirit-cabinet, and, the 
alphabet being consulted, the result was spelled out as : 

"That's what's the matter!" 

This hit at Mr. Welles' stereotyped fault aroused more 
mirth, and the crowd at the back of the room, domestics, 
petty officials, and sub-officers, laughed prodigiously, 
while the secretary stroked his long white beard musingly. 

To this cant term hangs a tale apropos of the Presi- 
dent. Its origin was low, but humorous. A benevolent 
gentleman pierced a crowd to its center to see there, on 
the pavement under a lamp-post, a poor woman, curled in 
a heap, with a satisfied grin on her flushed face, breath- 
ing brokenly. "What's the matter?" eagerly inquired 



The Lincoln Story Book. 217 

the compassionate man. A bystander removed his pipe 
from his mouth, and with it pointed to a flattened pocket- 
flask sticking out of her smashed reticule, half-under her, 
and sententiously explained : 

"That's what's the matter with Hannah!" The sen- 
tence took growth and spread all over the Union. It has 
settled down, as we know, to a fixed form at poHtical 
meetings, where the audience beguile the waiting time 
with demanding "What is the matter?" with this or 
that favorite demagogue. In the sixties, it patly an- 
swered any problem. At the presidential election-time of 
Lincoln's success, a negro minstrel, Unsworth, was a 
"star" at "444" Broadway, dressing up the daily news 
drolly under this title — that is, ending each paragraph 
with that line. 

On the 226. of February, 1861, Abraham Lincoln, 
scheduled to pass on from Harrisburg, where he made 
a speech as arranged, instead of waiting to depart by 
the morning train, sped to Philadelphia and thence by a 
special train detained for "a military messenger with a 
parcel," to Washington, by the regular midnight train. 
The news of his arrival at the capital by this unexpected 
and clandestine route, and in disguise — this was denied — 
of a Scotch cap and plaid shawl, startled everybody. 
Rumors of an attempt to make mischief, as he called it, 
were rife. But the public still took things as quake- 
proof, and Mr. Lincoln assured his audiences, as he spoke 
at every city on his way, that "the crisis was artificial." 
On the evening of the twenty-third, the writer dropped 
into the Broadway negro minstrel hall. Newspaper men 



2i8 The Lincoln Story Book. 

knew that Unsworth introduced the latest skimming of 
the press into his burlesque lecture and liked to hear his 
funny versions and perversions. The comic sheet of 
the metropolis, Vanity Fair, enframing the witty scin- 
tillations of "Artemus Ward," George Arnold, and a 
brilliant band, complained that this "nigger comedian" 
used or anticipated their best effusions. On the whole 
the public saw in the surreptitious flight of the ruler into 
his due seat only a farce, in keeping with his jesting 
humor — he was regarded as a Don Quixote in figure, but 
a Sancho Panza, for his philosophic proverbs, widely re- 
tailed and considered opportune. So the indignation 
proper toward the forced escapade was absent ; everybody 
still mocked at the "terrible plots," as so much stale 
quail, and when the blackened-face orator, coming to a 
pause after enunciation of his "That's what's the matter !" 
looked around wistfully, the audience were agog. Sud- 
denly out of the wing an attendant darted with alarmed 
manner and face. He carried on his arm a shawl, gray 
and travel-stained, and in one shaking hand a Scotch 
bonnet. Unsworth snatched them in hot haste and fright,, 
clapped on the cap, and, draping himself in the plaid> 
rushed off at the side, forgetting his own high silk hat. 
This, with the black suit, the orthodox lecturer's, now 
gave him a resemblance to Mr. Lincoln, not previously 
perceived, for they were men of opposite shapes. The 
eclipse brought home to the spectators the ludicrousness 
of the President entering his capital in secret, but, I 
repeat, no one felt any shame, and the audience went forth 
to relate the excellent finish to the parody, at home or in 



The Lincoln Story Book. 219 

the saloons, to hearers as obtuse as themselves, to the 
seriousness of the episode. Somehow, so far, the elect 
from Illinois was ever the Western buffoon. But when, 
in his inaugural address, Lincoln thundered the new 
keynote, the veil fell: 

"In your hands, my dissatisfied fellow countrymen, is 
the momentous issue of the Civil War." 

War! The crisis was no longer "artificial" — he ad- 
mitted that! What impended, what had fallen? Jest 
and earnest were still coupled, but earnest took the lead 
from that hour. Said the Chief Magistrate, in his first 
official speech : "Physically speaking, we cannot sepa- 
rate — that's what's the matter." 



"THE SHIP OF STATE" SIMILE. 

On the morning of Lincoln's arrival in Washington, 
General Logan and Mr. Lovejoy called on him at Wil- 
lard's Hotel, to urge a firm and vigorous policy. He 
replied : 

"As the country has placed me at the helm of the 
ship, I'll try to steer her through." The Sangamon 
River pilot spoke there. 

"I understand the ship to be made for the carrying 
and the preservation of the cargo, and so long as the 
ship can be saved with the cargo, it should never be 
abandoned, unless it fails in the probability of its preser- 
vation, and shall cease to exist, except at the risk of 
throwing overboard both freight and passengers." — 
(Speech, New York reception, 1861.) 



220 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"I trust that I may have the assistance of the members 
of this legislature in piloting the ship of state through 
this voyage, surrounded by perils as it is ; for, if it should 
suffer shipwreck now, there will be no pilot ever needed 
for another voyage." — (Speech, Trenton, New Jersey, 
1861.) 



A PILL FOR THE PUBLIC PRINTER. 

In Lincoln's first message to Congress, special session, 
July 4, 1861, is seen this passage: 

"With rebellion thus sugar-coated, they have been 
drugging the public mind," etc. 

Mr. Defrees, public printer, with the proofreader's 
sublime spurning of plain speech, objected to this sweet 
word, and said: "Mr. President, you are using an un- 
dignified expression! I would alter the construction if 
I were you!" 

"Defrees," was the crushing reply, "that word ex- 
presses precisely my idea, and I am not going to change 
it. The time will never come in this country when the 
people won't know exactly what 'sugar-coated' means!" 



**n JINKSI I CAN BEAT YOU BOTHI" 
One day the public printer wanted to correct a Lin- 
colnism in one of the presidential documents. 

"Go home, Defrees, and see if you can better it." The 
next day, Defrees took him his amendment. It hap- 
pened that Secretary Seward had spied the same fault as 



The Lincoln Story Book. 221 

the printer, and Lincoln confronted the two improve- 
ments. 

" 'I jinks! (by Jingo!) Seward has been rewriting the 
same paragraph. I beUeve you have beat Seward, but I 
think I can beat you both !" 

And he wrote with his firm hand "Stetl so let it 
stand!" on the proof-sheet. 



**LET THE GRASS GROW WHERE IT MAYI** 
Up to the dread day when the news of the flag of our 
Union being fired upon, in Charleston harbor, the country 
resembled the sea in one of those calms preceding a 
storm. When the placidity betrays hidden and mighty 
currents, and overhead, in the clear sky, one divines the 
coursers of the tempest gathering to race in strife like 
that beneath. Up to Lincoln's arrival in Washington, 
the nest of sedition, the pro-slavery, peace-at-any-price 
party slackened in no efforts to retain the statu quo, or 
worse, a new State of the Southern States branching off 
as suckers strike from the main stem. William E. Dodge 
had the courage to face the wrought-up Chief Magis- 
trate, chafed with his narrow escape from the assassins 
of the railroad journey from Baltimore. Said Mr. 
Dodge : 

"It is for you, Mr. President, to say whether the 
whole nation shall be plunged into bankruptcy (the 
slaves were valued as property at two thousand million 
dollars!) ; whether the grass shall grow in the streets of 



222 The Lincoln Story Book. 

our commercial cities." (The balance of trade against 
the South to the manufacturing and supplying North was 
stupendous.) 

"Then, I say, it shall not," replied Lincoln; "if it de- 
pends upon me, the grass will not grow anywhere, save 
in the fields and meadows." 

Mr. Dodge persisted in his sordid and businesslike 
errand. 

"Then you will not go to war on account of slavery ?" 

"I do not know what my acts may be in the future, 
beyond this : The Constitution will not be preserved and 
defended until it is enforced and obeyed in every part 
of every one of the United States. It must be so re- 
spected, obeyed, enforced, and defended — let the grass 
grow where it will !" 



THE PEACE-AT-ANY-PRICE PARTY". 

"If there were a class of men who, having no choice of 
sides in the contest, were anxious to have only quiet 
and comfort for themselves while it rages, and to fall in 
with the victorious side at the end of it, without loss 
to themselves, their advice as to the mode of conducting 
the contest would be precisely such as his." — (His — Mr. 
Thomas Durant, who, in 1862, wrote a letter on behalf 
of the conservatives, asking to be let alone.) 

"He speaks of no duty — ^^apparently thinks of none — 
resting upon Union men. He even thinks it injurious 
to the Union cause that they should be restrained in 
trade and passage without taking sides. They are to 



The Lincoln Story Book. 223 

touch neither a sail nor a pump — live merely as passen- 
gers (deadheads, at that!) — to be carried snug and dry 
through the storm, and safely landed right side up ! 
Nay, more — even a mutineer is to go untouched lest these 
sacred passengers receive an accidental wound." — (Let- 
ter to C. Bullitt, July 28, 1862.) 



THINGS VERE TOPSY-TURVY ALOFT, TOO. 

One evening, when Mr. Hall, astronomer, was work- 
ing in the Naval Observatory, Washington, on the great 
equatorial telescope, he was startled to have his sanctum 
invaded by the gaunt, extenuated figure of the President. 
He was made welcome, of course, and the varied mech- 
anism explained to him. As the crowning "treat," he 
was given a peer through the celebrated instrument. It 
was leveled at the moon, or, rather, arranged to have 
that orb in its focus at the time. The visitor was ap- 
palled, as well as wondering at the view, and slowly 
withdrew by the trap-door. But when the astronomer 
resumed his observations and calculations he was inter- 
rupted by the same sedate and absorbed caller. He re- 
turned, perplexed, as, on glancing up at the moon with 
unhindered vision, he saw it in another position to that 
presented in the spy-glass. 

Mr. Hall made it clear to him that, as the telescope 
■was pointed, not at the satellite but at its image in a 
mirror, he saw its reflection and consequently the re- 
verse of the face we observe. The President went away 



224 I'^s Lincoln Story Book. 

with the satisfaction of a man wanting every novelty 
demonstrated. 



HITCHING TO THE MOON. 

Lincoln came to Washington, 

To view the situation; 
And found the world all upside down, 

A rumpus in the nation. 

(Topical song, i860.)] 



A RED FLAG TO HIM. 
A most remarkable prelude to the war was the per- 
formance through the Northern States of the Qiicago 
Zouaves. The name came from the irregular regiment 
in the French Algerian service, composed of men worthy 
of being drummed out of the regular corps ; they dressed 
like the Arabs in the small bolero jacket and baggy red 
trousers familiar since. They drilled gymnastically, not 
to say theatrically. Ellsworth, a clerk in the Lincoln & 
Herndon law office, had a martial turn, and hearing daily 
in that quasi-political vortex of the impending crisis, de- 
termined to be forearmed in case of the differences 
coming to blows. He raised, uniformed a la Zou-sou, 
a score of young men like himself and proceeded to give 
exhibitions at home and then in the East. The writer 
retains a vivid memory of the odd and fantastic show, 
which, however, was regarded as "not war, though mag- 
nificent." But Captain Ellsworth was in earnest. Mus- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 225 

tered in with his company, he started the Zouave move- 
ment which led to two or more regiments being formed. 
His being the first volunteers at the fore, he claimed the 
right of the reconnoitering force sent out in May, against 
Alexandria, to break up railroads held by the rebels. 
Seeing a rebel flag on a hotel top, he entered the build- 
ing, and was shot by the landlord in coming down from 
cutting it away. He was slain instantly, and the like fate 
befell the murderer, the host, from Ellsworth's guard. 
Apart from four men killed at Sumter and two in the 
Baltimore riots, the Chicago Zouave was the first victim 
of the rebellion. But the position was regained by the 
secessionists, and the rebel flag replaced the removed one, 
to the grief of President Lincoln. He could see it from 
his residence, and Murat Halstead, without knowing the 
melancholy association of the young oflScer, being a 
familiar in his office, reports seeing him dwell with spy- 
glass bent on the flag, for hours. 

Elmer Ellsworth, in his last speech, made to the men 
he was leading out to the front, proves that he imbibed 
Lincoln's humanity with legal precepts in the office: 
"Show the enemy that I want to kill them with kindness." 



**FLY AWAY, JACK!** 
At the end of i860, South Carolina took the lead in 
seceding, and in the opening of the next year six other 
Southern States allied themselves with her. The timid 
feared hasty acting would precipitate the marshaling of 
the waverers under the same flag. To a committee 



226 The Lincoln Story Book. 

urging a pause to see "how the cats would jump," the 
President observed : 

"If there be three pigeons on the fence, and you fire 
and kill one, how many will there be left?" 

The voices said : "Two." 

"Oh, no," he corrected; "there would be none left; 
for the other two, frightened by the shot, would have 
flown away." 

As a truth, the firing on Fort Sumter welded the 
seceders into their Union ; at the same time as it likewise 
fused the Northerners into consistency. 

The President said to General Viele: "We want to 
keep all that we have of the Border States — those that 
have not seceded and the portions we have occupied." 



HIS PEN WANTED TO KEEP THEIR HOGS SAFE. 

Just after the call for seventy-five thousand ninety-day 
men to subdue the outbreak after Sumter was cannon- 
aded, a deputation of loyal Virginians waited upon the 
President. They expounded on this levy that the fair 
fields of the South would be overrun by the ragamuffins 
of the Northern cities, and the hen-roosts and pig-houses 
ravished, etc. 

"But what would you have me do?" asked Lincoln, 
who did not then foresee his having to conduct the mili- 
tary movements. 

"Mr. President, if you would only lend us your pen a 

moment " meaning, of course, that he should write a 

line to calm the rising storm. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 227 

But the other pretended to misunderstand him, saying : 
"Lend my pen ! my pen? What would you do with 
that? — keep your hogs safe with that?" 



"HURRAH FOR YOU I" 

At the Chicago reception, a little boy came into the 
room, with his father. No doubt he had been instructed 
to behave with decorum in the august presence ; but he 
no sooner saw the tall, prominent figure than he shouted : 
"Hurrah for Mist' Lincoln!" 

The crowd laughed, and still the more as the object of 
the ovation caught up the little fellow, gave him a toss 
to the ceiling, and, while he was in the air, shouted out 
lustily : 

"Hurrah for Mister You !" and, catching him, low- 
ered him, red and panting, to the floor. 



"PUT YOUR FEET RIGHT AND STAND FIRMI»* 

Giving a lift in his carriage to two ladies, to the Sol- 
diers' Home, the horses were splashing and sliding after 
a shower in the mire, when Mr. Lincoln assisted the 
frightened women to alight. He set three stones for 
stepping-stones in the mud, and assisted them to firm 
ground. He had cautioned them in making the passage : 

"All through life be sure you put your feet in the 
right place, and then stand firm !" 

Looking down on his muddy boots (Lincoln as a West- 



228 The Lincoln Story Book. 

erner always stuck to leg-boots, and was never seen in 
the effeminate "Congress gaiters," by the bye), he added; 
"I have always heard of 'Washington mud,' and now 
I shall take home some as a sample!" 



GET THEIR GRAVES READY 1 

In April, 1861, a deputation of sympathizers with 
secession had the boldness to call on President Lincoln 
and demand a cessation of hostilities until convening of 
Congress, threatening that seventy-five thousand Mary- 
landers would contest the passage of troops over their 
soil. 

"I presume," quietly replied Mr. Lincoln, "that there 
is room enough in her soil for seventy-five thousand 
graves?" — (Peterson's "Life of Lincoln.") 



MR. LINCOLN'S OPINION OF GENERAL McCLELLAN. 

In the first stage of the war, when the President was 
commander-in-chief of the forces by virtue of his office, 
he played the part of the elevated boy in "The King of 
the Castle." Every one of his colleagues, who ought to 
have been his loyal supporters, until some firm stand was 
attained under the batteries of Richmond, civil and mili- 
tary, warred against him, underhandedly and haply 
openly. All aimed, in Cabinet and on the staff, to be 
ruler. The understrappers of aged General Scott upheld 
all that concurred with warfare, set and obsolete, of the 



The Lincoln Story Book. 229 

European strategists, overthrown by the great Napoleon. 
The principal practiser of these tactics, the siimmum 
bonum, or "good thing," of the "West Pointers" was 
General McClellan, "the Little Mac" of his worshipers 
and "the Little Napoleon" of the dazzled crowd. He 
was, like Cassio, "a great arithmetician, who had never 
set a squadron in the field or the division of a battle 
knew," etc. Seeming utterly to ignore that the enemy 
was composed of men trained by their life and "genteel" 
occupations to shoot true, to ride like Comanches or 
Revolutionary Harry Lee's Light-horse, used to lying out- 
doors under skies genial to them, and subsisting on 
game and corn-cake as Marion on sweet potatoes, he 
expected to foil such guerrillas as "Jeb" Stuart, Mosby, 
and Quantrell by earthworks, which they probably would 
have leaped their horse over if they wanted to reach 
their spoil in that way. It was in allusion to this ad- 
herence to Vauban that the President, who eyed the 
aspiring Hotspur as Henry V. his heir, the sixth Henry, 
trying on his crown, observed shrewdly, when the general 
kept silence : 

"He is entrenching." 



A '^ STATIONARY" ENGINE. 

Lincoln said of the much-promising General McClel- 
lan: "He is an admirable engineer, but he seems to have 
a special talent for a stationary engine." 

He also cited him as a scholar and a gentleman. 

Nevertheless, as the education lavished on the Army 



230 The Lincoln Story Book. 

of the Potomac to make it earn foreign military critics' 
praise at reviews, was not thrown away, but made sound 
soldiers which in time were invaluable to General Grant, 
Lincoln did him justice by quaintly, but earnestly, say- 
ing: 

"I would like to borrow his arm if he has no further 
use for it." 

(General Franklin heard this.) 

But "Little Mac" had no design on the dictatorship, 
being surely a lover of the Union, too. 



SHOVELING FLEAS. 

On account of the looseness and corruption attending 
the raising of soldiers at the first, the President, noting 
the difference between the number of men forwarded to 
General McClellan for the Army of the Potomac, and 
the number reported arrived, said : 

"Sending men to that army is like shoveling fleas 
across a barn-yard — half of them never get there." 



THE GEORGIA COLONEL'S COSTUME. 

"On account of this sectional warfare," Senator Mason, 
of Virginia, announced his resolve to wear homespun, 
and dispense with Yankee manufactures altogether. That 
made Lincoln laugh, and say: "To carry out his idea, 
he ought to go barefoot. If that's the plan, they should 
begin at the foundation, and adopt the well-known Geor- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 231 

gian colonel's uniform — a shirt-collar and a pair of 
spurs!" — (In speech, New England tour, i860.) 



COARSE FEED FIRST 1 

Secretary Whitney wrote: "In July, 1861, I was in 
Washington, where I merely said to President Lincoln : 
'Everything is drifting into the war, and I guess you 
will have to put me in the army.' (He was in the Indian 
service at the time.) 

"The President looked up from his work, and said 
good-humoredly : 

" 'I'm making generals nozv! In a few days I will be 
making quartermasters, and then I'll fix you.' " 



** AIN'T I GLAD TO GIT OUT O' DE WILDERNESS I '* 

In the summer of 1862, just when the North was 
lulled to repose by the note from General McClellan's 
newsmongers, that the people would have a great sur- 
prise on the Fourth of July, Colonel J. E. B. Stuart, 
Confederate cavalrist, took about two thousand picked 
riders and performed a dash within the hostile lines, 
which achieved a world-wide admiration. It is necessary 
to premise that the country was inimical to the defenders 
of Washington, and the farmers kept the secessionists 
clearly informed on the Federal movements. Besides, 
the first duty of keeping Washington engrossed all the 
Union commanders. If, by any unexpected movement. 



232 The Lincoln Story Book. 

the rebels occupied the capital long enough to set up 
their government, Europe would have recognized the 
stars and bars, and raised the blockade on the cotton 
ports. Washington was stupefied and terror-stricken 
when the news came in from the North that rebel cavalry- 
were "cavortin" within McClellan's lines. Communica- 
tion was cut off with him, and the President was heard 
to say in the general dumbness of consternation: 

"There is no news from the Army of the Potomac. I 
do not even know that we have an army !" 

He was himself filled with the universal alarm. His 
hope was that a bright morning would follow the dark 
hour, but his faith and belief that God would safely lead 
them "out of the wilderness" was not widely shared. 

The allusion was to the popular army song, taken 
from the negro camp-meeting repertoire : "Ain't I glad 
to git out o' de Wilderness," which a clergyman had en- 
couragingly chanted awhile before. This wilderness was 
metaphorically spiritual, but all applied the figure to the 
Wilderness of Virginia, where the battles were fought. 



WITH TWO GUNS, HOLD OFF AN ARMY. 

One Irish artilleryman was left behind, with one gun 
of his battery, on the wrong bank of the Potomac, when 
the Union Army retreated before Lee. This gunner 
actually telegraphed direct to the President as his com- 
mander-in-chief that: 

"I have the whole rebel army in my front. Send me 



The Lincoln Story Book. 233 

another gun, and I assure your honor that they shall not 
come over !" 

This pleased the President greatly, who answered that 
the new Horatius was to take counsel with his officer— 
if he could find him! 



BREAKING UP THE LITTLE GAME. 

In 1862, Washington was full of talk "and no hard 
cider." There was the laugh talk of the gossips, who 
would chatter under fire, the chaff talk of the press men 
taking things farcically, and the staff talk of the officers 
envying one another and scheming for places. Too 
many were still "carrying water on both shoulders," and 
would have welcomed a speedy reconciliation. The 
President heard that some of the latter voiced the petu- 
lant complaint of those weary of the gainless military 
movements, that the intention was to shift the two armies 
about till both were exhausted, and, like the peace-at- 
any-price men, and the still sympathizing pro-slavery 
"tail," a compromise could be effected and slavery saved. 
He summoned the parties in this public unbosoming be- 
fore him. Major Turner said that Major John J. Key, 
staff-officer to General McClellan, was asked why the 
Unionists had not bagged the rebel army soon after the' 
battle of Sharpsburg, whereupon he replied : 

"That was not the game ! We should tire ourselves 
and the rebels out ; that was the only way that the Union 
could be preserved; then we would come together fra- 
ternally, and slavery will be saved." 



234 ^^^ Lincoln Story Book. 

Major Key did not deny the words, but stoutly main- 
tained his loyalty. As McClellan's staff-officer, he must 
have known his leader's policy — no confiscation, and no 
Emancipation Act — for McClellan hoped, like thousands 
of conservatives, to bring about reaction in the South. 

But the President sharply said with some of his sem- 
piternal humor: 

"Gentlemen, if there is a game even among Union 
men, to have our army not take any advantage of the 
enemy it can, it is my object to break up that game !" 



**THE BOTTOM WILL FALL OUT/' 

General McClellan's delayed advance being, in 1862, 
not upon Manassas, but on Yorktown, filled the less 
enthusiastic of his henchmen with consternation. To 
the general eye he seemed to have pitched on the very 
point where the enemy wanted to meet with all the gain 
in their favor. This direct route to Richmond they had 
tried to make impregnable. The President, whom Mc- 
Clellan openly thwarted with unconcealed scorn for the 
"civilian," was in profound distress. He called General 
Franklin into his counsel and inquired his opinion of the 
slowness of movements. 

"If something is not soon done in this dry rot, the 
bottom will fall out of the whole aflfair!" This was his 
very saying. 

The Confederates evacuated Yorktown, but a series of 
actions ensued, culminating in the massacre at Fair Oaks, 



The Lincoln Story Book. 235 

where both sides claimed the victory. Soon after, Lin- 
coln took matters in hand, relegating McClellan to one 
army, and, as commander-in-chief, ordering a general ad- 
vance. The bottom had fallen out with a vengeance I 



*« MASTER OF THEM BOTH." 
"General McClellan's attitude is such that in the very 
selfishness of his nature he cannot but wish to be suc- 
cessful, and I hope he will! And the secretary of war 
(Stanton) is in precisely the same situation. If the mili- 
tary commanders in the field cannot be successful, not 
only the secretary of war, but myself, for the time being 
master of both, cannot but be failures." — (Speech, 
August 6, 1862, at Washington.) 



"THE SKEERED VIRGINIAN." 

A reviewing-party, of which the President was the 
center, was stopped at a railroad by Harper's Ferry, to 
let a locomotive pass, and look at the old engine-house 
where John Brown, the raider, was penned in and cap- 
tured. The little switching-engine ran past with much 
noise and bustle, the engineer blowing the ludicrous 
whistle in salute to the distinguished visitors. Lincoln 
referred to the recollections of the scene, where old 
"Pottowatomie" thrilled the natives with panic lest he 
raised the negroes to revolt, and remarked, as the engine 
flew away: 



236 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

"You call that 'The Flying Dutchman,' do you? They 
ought to call that thing "The Skeered Virginian !' " — 
(By General O. O. Howard, a hearer.) 



''HE VHO HGHTS AND RUNS AWAY » 

Shortly after the scandalous rout of Bull Run, the 
participants in the panic began to try to palliate the dis- 
grace. The President, listening with revived sarcasm to 
the new perversion, remarked : 

"So it is your notion now that we licked the rebels 
and then ran away!" 



NO SUNDAY FIGHTING. 
As the first Battle of Bull Run, a sanguinary defeat 
to the Unionists, was fought on the Sabbath day, the 
President forbade in the future important movements on 
the day desecrated. But with singular inconsistency in 
a sage so clear-headed, he did not see that the Southern- 
ers chuckled, "The better the day, the better the deed," 
in their victory. 



LET A GOOD MAN ALONE I 
General Howard, in taking command before Washing- 
ton, incurred the hostility of certain officers of the con- 
vivial, plundering, swashbuckling order, who objected 
to his piety and orderliness. They tramped off to badger 
the President with their censure. But he who had 



The Lincoln Story Book. 237 

appreciated the new leader in a glance, reproved them, 
saying : 

"Howard is a good man. Let him alone; in time he 
will bring things straight." 

That was what caused the general to reverence him and 
love him. 



THE ♦^BLONDIN" SIMILE. 

One of the universal topics of the early sixties was the 
feats of the acrobat Blondin. This daring rope-walker 
crossed the waters by Niagara Falls on a slack wire. 
On one occasion he carried a man on his back, to whom 
he imparted the caution, "grappling as with hooks of 
steel" : 

"If you upset me with trembling, I shall drop you! 
I shall catch the rope and be safe! As for you, inex- 
perienced one — pfitt!" 

The chain of defeats and "flashes in the pan" attend- 
ing the opening of the campaign beginning as a march 
upon Richmond,* but eventuating in a defense of Wash- 
ington, humiliating as was this reverse, promoted all 
sorts and conditions of men, moneyed, well-grounded, 
and investing in the new government securities, fluctu- 
ating like wildcat stock, to pester the President with 
Jeremiads and counsel. To one deputation from his 
home parts he administered this caustic rebuke in such 
illustration as was habitual to him : 



*Some Northern newspapers kept a standing head: "On to 
Richmond !" 



238 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"Gentlemen, suppose all the property you were worth 
was in gold, and you had put it in the hands of Blondin, 
to carry across the Niagara River on a rope, would you 
shake the cable, or keep shouting out to him : 

" 'Blondin, stand up straighter ! Blondin, stoop a little 
more ! go a little faster ! lean a little more to the North ! 
to the South ?' 

"No; you would hold your breath as well as your 
tongue, and keep your hands off all, until he was safe 
over. 

"The government* are carrying an immense weight. 
Untold treasures are in their hands. They are doing 
the very best they can. Don't pester them! Keep 
silence, and we will get you safe across." 



THE PIONEER'S LAND-TITLE. 

Judge Weldon was appointed United States attorney, 
acting in Illinois. Being at Washington, some specula- 
tors, knowing he was an old friend of the President, en- 
gaged him for their side. They wanted to get cotton 
permits from the treasury, which was feasible, but made 
sure that the military would recognize these passes — 
no doubt, if the President would countersign them. 
Otherwise the army officers acted often without regard 
to trade desires. On broaching the subject to the poten- 
tate on whose lips so much hung at the epoch, the 



*Lincoln always used "Government" and "U. S." as nouns 
carrying a plural verb. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 239 

latter brightened up and, in his branching-off manner, 
said: 

"By the way, what has become of your friend Robert 
Lewis?" 

Lewis was the clerk of the court in Illinois, and at 
home, well and thrifty. 

"Do you remember," continued the President, "his 
story about his going to Missouri to look up some Mor- 
mon lands belonging to his father?" 

Whereupon, as Weldon said that he had forgot some 
details, the story-teller related with unction: 

"This Robert Lewis, on coming of age, found papers 
in his father's muniments, entitling him as heir to lands 
in northeastern Missouri, where the Mormons had at- 
tempted settling before their enforced exodus. There 
was no railroad, so Lewis rode out to that part and 
thought he had located the land. For the night he 
stopped at a solitary log house. A gruff voice bade him 
come in, not very hospitably. The owner was a long, 
lanky man about eleven feet high, 'Bob' thought. He 
had a rifle hanging on its hooks over the fireplace, also 
about eleven feet long, Bob also reckoned. He was 
interrupted in 'necking' bullets, for they were cast in a 
mold and left a little protuberance where the run left off. 

"This first comer had been there some time and seemed 
to know the section, but was rather indifferent to the 
stranger's inquiries about the site of his lands. Teased 
at this unconcern, so opposite to the usual feeling of 
settlers who like a neighbor in the lonesomeness, Lewis 
hastened to lay down the law : 



240 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

" 'He was looking up the paternal purchase. Here 
were the titles,' spreading out the papers. 'That is my 
title to this section. You are on it. What is yours ?' 

"The other had shown some slight interest in the topic 
by this time. He paused in his occupation and pointed 
with his long arm to the long rifle, saying: 

" 'Young man, do you see that gun ? That is my title, 
and if you do not git out o' hyar pretty quick, you will 
feel the force of itl' 

"Lewis cramriied his papers into his saddle-bags and 
rushed out to bestride his pony — but said that the man 
snapped his gun at him twice before he was out of range. 

"Now," resumed Mr. Lincoln, "the military authorities 
have the same title against the civil ones — the guns! 
The gentlemen themselves may judge what the result is 
likely to be !" 

Mr. Weldon reported to his employers, at Willard's 
Hotel, and they laughed heartily at the illustration, but 
they did not proceed with the cotton speck, understanding 
what would be the Administration's policy as well as if a 
proclamation were issued. — (By Judge Weldon.) 



''CHEERS NOT MILITARY-BUT I LIKE THEM I" 
After the disarray of the first Bull Run battle, the 
President drove out to the camps to rally the "boys in 
the blues." General Sherman was only a colonel, and 
he had the rudeness of a military man to hint to the 
visitor that he hoped the orator would not speak so as 
to encourage cheering and confusion. The President 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 241 

stood up in his carriage and prefaced his speech with 
this exordium: 

"Don't cheer, boys; I confess that I rather like it, 
myself; but Colonel Sherman, here, says it isn't mili- 
tary, and I guess we had better defer to his opinion." 
With his inimitable wink, which would have been an 
independent fortune to a stage comedian. 



NUMBERING THE HAIRS OF HIS— TAIL! 

A Congressional committee selected to examine and 
report upon a new cannon, produced so voluminous a 
tome that Lincoln, reviewing it, dropped it in disgust 
and commented : 

"I should want a new lease of life to read this through ! 
Why can't a committee of this kind occasionally exhibit 
a grain of common sense? If I send a man to buy a 
horse for me, I expect him to tell me his points, not how 
many hairs there are in his tail!" — (Authenticated by 
Mr. Hubbard, member of Congress of Connecticut, to 
whom the remark was addressed.) 



AN UNCONVENTIONAL ORDER. 
On going over the minor orders, riders, and correc- 
tions of the President, it will be seen that he never suc- 
cumbed to conforming with the stale and set phrases of 
the civil-service documents. For an instance of his 
unquenchable humor read the following discharge: 



242 The Lincoln Story Book. 

Two brothers, Smiths, of Boston, had been arrested, 
held, and persecuted for a long period by a military 
tribunal. The charge was defrauding the government. 
The hue and cry about the cheating contractors called 
for a victim. But the Chief Executive on perusing the 
testimony concluded that the defendants were guiltless. 
He wrote the subsequent release : 

"Whereas, Franklin W. and J. C. Smith had transac- 
tions with the Navy Department to the amount of one 
and a quarter millions of dollars ; and, whereas, they had 
the chance to steal a million, and were charged with steal- 
ing twenty-two hundred dollars — and the question now 
is stealing a hundred — I don't believe they stole anything 
at all ! Therefore, the record and findings are disap- 
proved — declared null and void — and the defendants are 
fully discharged." 



"IT CX:CURS TO ME THAT I AM COMMANDER I ♦* 

To the prairie man the climate of Washington would 
be almost tropical. Nevertheless, it participates of 
American meteorological variability, as- "Old Probabil- 
ity" would admit. 

One night, Lincoln, coming out of his rooms at the 
Executive Mansion to make his nocturnal round, finish- 
ing with the call for the latest despatches at garrison 
headquarters, noticed as the fierce gale shook him and 
scourged him with sleet, that a soldier was contending 
with the storm just outside the outer door. 

"Young man," said he, turning sharply to him, "you 



The Lincoln Story Book. 243 

have got a cold job to-night. Step inside and guard 
there." 

The soldier stoutly contended — for the colloquy became 
an argument by Lincoln's delight in debate. He per- 
sisted that he was posted there by orders and must 
not budge save by a superior countermand. 

"Hold on, there !" cried Lincoln, pleased at the arguer 
supplying him with a decisive weapon ; "it occurs to me 
that I am commander-in-chief ! and so, I order you to go 
inside !" 



COMPLIMENTS IS ALL THEY DO PAY! 

A paymaster introduced to the President by the United 
States district marshal, remarked with independence 
noticeable in the sect : "I have no official business with 
you, sir — I only called to pay my compliments !" 

"I understand," was the retort ; "and from the soldiers' 
complaints, I think that is all you gentlemen do pay !" 



BAIL THE POTOMAC WITH A SPOON. 

There is as pathetic a picture as the old sated Marquis 
of Queensberry (Thackeray's Steyne and history's "Old 
Q.") murmuring as he gazed from his castle window on 
the unsurpassed view of the Thames Valley, "Oh, this 
cursed river running on all the day!" in President Lin- 
coln watching the broad Potomac where all was so quiet, 
and yet the hidden and watchful enemy lined the other 
bank. A petitioner hemmed him in a corner of the room 



244 ^^^ Lincoln Story Book. 

with this sight, and poured on him the bucket of his 
woes. The at last irritated worm turned on him, and 
cried : 

"My poor man ! go away ! do go away ! I cannot med- 
dle in your case. I could as easily bail the Potomac 
with a teaspoon as attend to all the details of the army !" 



"WE SHALL BEAT THEM, MY SONl" 
George W. Curtis, New York editor, called on the 
'President in the first winter of the war, with the lUinois- 
ian's friend, Judge Arnold. He said that the official 
wore a sad, weary, and anxious look, and spoke with a 
softened, touching voice. But he added to his good-by 
at the door in shaking hands, with paternal kindness 
and profound conviction : 

".We shall beat them, my son ! we shall beat them !" 



♦♦UTTLE FOR SO BIG A BUSINESS.*' 

Before the war the museums of the Eastern States 
were regaled by an "Infant Drummer." This lad, Harry 
W. Stowman, at the age of seven or eight, was a pro- 
ficient on the drum. He was seen by this editor, exe- 
cuting solos of great difficulty, and accompanying the 
orchestra with variations on his unpromising instrument, 
which musicians praised and in which he avoided mo- 
notony with precocious talent. Grown up, still a rare 
drummer, he was attached to the Germantown Hospital 



The Lincoln Story Book. 345 

as post drummer. At the first inauguration he was with 
the band and noticed by the President. With his habit 
of applauding the young, the latter spoke to him, com- 
mended his playing, and remarked : 

"You are a very little man to be in this big business !" 
He took him up, kissed him, and paternally set him 
down, drum and all. 

Mr. Stowman lived to the age of forty with this pretty 
memory. 



NOT ** SHOULDER-STRAPS," BUT HARDTACK. 

At a military function when Lincoln presented a new 
commander to a legion, one of the soldiers burst out 
with that irreverence distinguishing the American vol- 
unteer : 

"It is not shoulder-straps (the officers' insignia), but 
hardtack that we want !" 

Hardtack was the nickname for the disused ship bread 
turned over to the army by remorseless contractors. 



''MARYLAND A GOOD STATE TO MOVE FROM!" 

Thurlow Weed, prominent "wire-puller," presented as 
a preferable puppet to Montgomery Blair his choice, 
Henry Winter Davis, upon which the President said : 

"Davis? Judge David Davis put you up to this. He 
has Davis on the brain. A Maryland man who wants to 
get out ! Maryland must be a good State to move from. 
Weed, did you ever hear, in this connection, of the 



246 The Lincoln Story Book. 

witness in court asked to state his age? He said sixty. 

As he was on the face of it much older, but persisted, 

the court admonished him, saying : 

" 'The court knows you to be older than sixty !' 

" 'Oh, I understand now,' owned up the old fellow. 

^You are thinking of the ten years I spent in Maryland; 

that was so much time lost and did not count !' " 



DON'T SWAP HORSES CROSSING A STREAM. 

The setting up and the bowling over of the generals 
-commanding the army defending Washington from Mc- 
Dowell at Bull Run to Meade at Gettysburg, resembles 
a grim game at tenpins. The President, who tried to 
find a professional captain to relieve him of his respon- 
sibility as nominally war-chief of the national forces, 
therefore smiled sarcastically when the ninety-ninth 
deputation came to suggest still another aspirant to be 
the new Napoleon, and said to it : 

"Gentlemen, your request and proposition remind me 
of two gentlemen in Kentucky. 

"The flat lands there bordering on the rivers are sub- 
ject to inundations, so the fordable creek becomes in an 
instant a broad lake, deep and rapidly running. These 
two riders were talking the common topic — in that 
famous Blue Grass region where fillies and -fill-es, as the 
voyageur from Canada said in his broken English, are 
unsurpassable for grace and beauty. Each fell to ex- 
patiating upon the good qualities of his steed, and this 
dialogue was so animated and engrossing they ap- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 247 

preached a ford without being conscious of outer matters. 
There was heavy rain in the highlands and an ominous 
sound in the dampening air. They entered the water 
still arguing. Then, at midway, while they came to 
the agreement to exchange horses, with no 'boot,' since 
each conceded the value of the animals, the river rose. 
In a twinkling the two horses were floundering, and 
the riders, taken for once off their balance, lost stirrup 
and seat, and the four creatures, separated, were strug- 
gling for a footing in the boiling stream. Away streaked 
the horses, buried in foam, three or four miles down, 
■while the men scrambled out upon the new edge. 

"Gentlemen," concluded the President, drawing his 
moral with his provoking imperturbability, "those men 
looked at each other, as they dripped, and said with the 
one voice : 'Ain't this a lesson ? Don't swap horses cross- 
ing a stream!' " — (Heard by Superintendent Tinker, war 
telegrapher.) 



"NO PLACING THORNS IN THE SIDE OF MY 
WORST ENEMY!" 

The Free Constitution of Maryland was the work of 
Lincoln. His and its supporters made a party to go 
to Washington and congratulate the President on the 
victory. They had a band and serenaded him in the 
White House until he came forth. But he said, to the 
dampening of their ardor, when the cheering had sub- 
sided : 

"My friends, I appreciate this honor very highly, but I 



248 The Lincoln Story Book. 

am very sorry to see you rejoice over the defeat of those 
opposed to us. It is furthest from my desire to place 
a thorn in any one's side, though he be my worst ene- 
my."— (Recited by Mr. Hy. G. Willis, Baltimore, in the 
Sun of that city.) 



THE LINCOLN PLAN OF CAMPAIGN. 

This historical document promised at one time to be a 
problem like the Sibilline Leaves or Czar Peter's will. 
But Secretary H. C. Whitney declares that it existed as 
he had it laid before him by the strategist. 

"Running his long forefinger down the map of Vir- 
ginia, he said : 'We must drive them away from here 
(Manassas Gap, where indeed were fights over the key- 
stone), and clear them out of this part of the State, so 
that they cannot threaten them here (Washington) and 
get into Maryland.' (Unfortunately, the rebels did 
threaten Washington right on and entered Maryland and 
Pennsylvania, as late as July, 1863, and by a cavalry 
raid, a year later.) 

" 'We must keep up a good and thorough blockade 
of their ports. We must march an army into East Ten- 
nessee and liberate the Union sentiment there. (This 
was not finally done till the end of 1864.) 

"'Finally, we must rely on the (Southern) people 
growing tired, and saying to their leaders: "We have 
had enough of this thing, and will bear it no longer." ' " 

In 1862, a year after, Lincoln says to McCIellan : "We 
have distinct and different plans for a movement of the 



The Lincoln Story Book. 249 

Army of the Potomac : yours to be down the Chesa- 
peake, etc.; mine, to move directly to the point on the 
railroads southwest of Manassas. (He hugs his original 
idea.) ... In case of disaster, would not a retreat 
be more difficult by your plan than mine?" You see 
the prudence in him esteemed ignorant and consequently 
blindly rash. All this amounted to nothing when the 
President trusted fully to Grant as his lieutenant. 



THE COMMANDER SHOULD OBEY ORDERS. 

The President at Fort Stevens was the mark for a rebel 
battery. A colonel in command was diffident about 
ordering the superior about, but he was averse to letting 
the "dare" bring on a fatality, as the sharpshooters had 
an easy butt in the Lincoln exceptional figure. So he 
took the advice of Mr. Registrar Chittenden, on the 
staff, and bade the President retire, or he would move 
him by a file of men. 

"And you would do quite right, my boy!" acquiesced 
the chief. "I should be the last man to set an example 
of disobedience." 



THE IDLERS EQUALED THE EFFECTIVES. 

During a review of General Howard's corps on the 
Rappahannock, in April, 1863, President Lincoln noticed, 
whether his eyes were "unmilitary or not," that a very 
numerous mass of men were spectators, though wearing 



250 The Lincoln Story Book. 

a semisoldierly look and clothes. They were, in fact, 
the inevitable hangers-on of an army, the more in num- 
ber, as the escaped slaves were welcomed by the soldiers,, 
as they made them do their dirty work. The command- 
ing general explained that they were "the cooks, the 
bottle-washers, and the nigger waiters." They had' come 
out to see the President. 

"That review yonder," returned Lincoln gently, as he 
smiled, "is about as big as ours !" — (By General O. O. 
Howard.) 



RESTl 

Sitting before his desk in his office, at the White 
House, Lincoln quaintly uttered : "I wish George Wash- 
ington or some of those old patriots were here in my 
place so that I could have a little rest." — (Heard by 
General Viele.) 



«I CAN BEAR CENSURE, BUT NOT INSULT I" 

An army officer appeared before the President with a 
statement of his defense against a sentence of cashiering. 
He was told that his own paper did not warrant the 
superior interference. But he showed up twice more, 
repeating the plea and the version of his own preparation. 

At the continued repulse he blurted out : 

"I see, Mr. President, that you are not disposed to do 
me justice!" 

If Lincoln was the embodiment of any one virtue it 



The Lincoln Story Book. 251 

was justice to all. At this slur he sprang up and put 
the fellow out of the door by a lift of his collar, saying- : 
"Never show yourself in this room again ! I can bear 
censure, but not insult !" 



A BATTLE OF ROSES. 

At every reverse to the Unionists, the more or less 
secret sympathizers with the seceders reiterated the cry 
that gentler measures should be used against "our erring 
brothers." To one such pleader, the President severely, 
but humorously, responded, in writing: 

"Would you have me drop the war where it is, or 
would you prosecute it in future with elder-stalk squirts 
charged with rose-water?" 

Mr. Lincoln may or may not have said this and thus— 
but he certainly wrote it, for which see his letter to 
C. Bullitt, July 28, 1862. Guns of elder squirts are men- 
tioned by his dear Shakespeare. 



"HELP ME LET GOl'* 
The year 1862 had its gold in the victories of Mur- 
freesboro and Perryville in the West, but in the neigh- 
borhood of the capital General Burnside's defeat at 
Fredericksburg, while his supporters counted on his jus- 
tifying his superseding McClellan, clouded all Washing- 
ton. The staff-officer* who brought the painful news 



*An account says it was Governor Curtin in person. 



252 The Lincoln Story Book. 

saw that the President was so saddened that he faltered 
an apology for the nature of his mission. 

"I wish, Mr. President, that I might be the bearer 
of good instead of bad news — I wish I brought the intel- 
ligence by which you could conquer or get rid of these 
rebellious States!" 

His hearer smiled at the essay to cheer him, who be- 
lieved he would "never sleep again," and related, with a 
view to enliven him also, the story of ''Help me let go." 

The version, circulating viva voce, ran as follows: 

"That reminds me of the camp where a bear suddenly 
made his appearance and scattered the party. All save 
one shinned up trees, or got behind rocks, and that one 
meeting the animal head on, before he could turn, seized 
bruin by the ears and held on 'like grim death to a dead 
nigger.' 

"Recovering from their fright the hunters came out 
of ambush and were unable to do anything but laugh 
at the fix their friend was in. 

"'You ain't mastered, are you?' asked they. 

" 'Not licked, but I want you to help me let go !' " 

Mr. Lincoln expressed himself when he said he was 
slow to learn and slow to forget; the two qualities are 
redeemed by his wonderful ease and quickness in re- 
membering. To quote well is good, but to quote fitly 
is better. His intimates noticed that he would reecho a 
story — a simile or a tag — and so neatly apply it that it 
seemed fresh on the second use. He was an admirable 
actor, though not appreciated in that light ; for he could 
reappear in the same part without palling. Hence one 



The Lincoln Story Book. 253 

often meets his stories, as, for instance, this one. His 
Hfe law partner, Herndon, tells it as used toward a petty- 
judge, in Illinois, of inferior ability to Lincoln's. It was 
a murder case, and this bully on the bench kept ruling 
against Herndon and Lincoln, A material point was 
ruled adversely just at the refreshment recess. Lincoln 
withdrew sore, as he believed that the judge was per- 
sonally controverting his positions. He avowed his own 
feelings, and announced: 

"I have determined to crowd the court to the wall and 
regain my position before night." 

As Judge Herndon was a bystander, his account of 
the further proceedings must be as faithful as veracious : 

"At the reassembling of court, Mr. Lincoln rose to 
read a few authorities in support of his position, keep- 
ing within the bounds of propriety just far enough to 
avoid a reprimand. He characterized the continuous 
rulings against him as not only unjust but foolish, and, 
figuratively speaking, peeled the court from head to 
foot. . . . Lincoln was alternately furious and elo- 
quent, and after pursuing the court with broad facts and 
pointed inquiries in rapid succession, he made use o£ 
this homely incident to clinch his argument." 

(The tale is given as about a wild boar. In either 
phrase, the point is that the judge was attached to his 
Tartar and wanted to be let go!) 

"The prosecution tried in vain to break Lincoln down," 
concludes Mr. Herndon, "and the judge, badgered efifect- 
ually by Lincoln's masterly arraignment of law and 
fact, pretended to see the error of his former position, 



254 The Lincoln Story Book. 

and finally reversed his decision in his tormentor's favor. 
Lincoln saw his triumph and surveyed a situation of 
yrhich he was master." 



SPUTTING THE DIFFERENCE. 

Upon the Western Virginia Stateship Bill passing in 
Congress, an opponent, Mr. Carlisle, ran to the President. 
He urged him to veto the bill. 

"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll split the difference 
and say nothing about it!" — (Frank Moore.) 



IN THE INCA'S POSITION. 

Long after the President reconsidered his hasty sur- 
mise that the impending war was "artificial crisis," Con- 
gress continued to waver, and no one put forward a 
definite and working policy for the head who avowed 
that he never had one. In his despondency and lone- 
someness, he welcomed an old friend from his State, 
who, however, like the rest, had his frets and rubs to 
seek solace for. 

"You know better than any man living that, from my 
boyhood up, my ambition was to be President. I am, at 
least. President of one part of the divided country; but 
look at me! With a fire in my front and one in my 
rear to contend with, and not receiving that cordial co- 
operative support from Congress, reasonably expected, 
with an active and formidable enemy in the field threat- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 255 

ening the very life-blood of the government, my position 
is anything but on a bed of roses." 



''BLIND" FORTUNE. 

A soldier shot in the head so as to be deprived of 
sight in both eyes left the Carver Hospital, Washington, 
and blundered in crossing the avenue. At that very mo- 
ment the President's carriage was coming along to the 
Soldiers' Home from the mansion. The coach alone 
would probably have not brought any casualty upon the 
unfortunate young invalid, but it was again surrounded 
by one of the cavalry detachments, which Lincoln in- 
sisted on being withdrawn, but it was replaced, for the 
time. 

The soldier hearing this double clatter of hoofs be- 
came bewildered, and stood still in the midroad, or. if 
anything, inclined toward the thundering danger. The 
cavalry chargers, trained to avoid hurting men — for a 
rider might be thrown — eluded contact, and the coach- 
man neatly pulled aside. In the next moment, in a cloud 
of dust, the President, leaning out of the window, to 
ascertain the cause of the abrupt stop, saw the poor 
young soldier by his side. Lincoln threw out a hand to 
seize him by the arm, and reassure him of safety by the 
vibrating clutch. Then, perceiving the nature of the 
affair, he asked in a voice trembling with emotion about 
the man's regiment and disablement. The man was from 
the Northwest — Michigan. Lumbermen — and they are 



256 The Lincoln Story Book. 

of the woods woody out there — and Lincoln believed in 
"the ax as the enlarger of our borders" — are brotherly. 
The next day the soldier was commissioned lieutenant 
with peipetual leave, but full pay. — (By the veteran re- 
servist, H. W. Knight, of the escort.) 



LITTLE DAVID AND THE STONE FOR GOLIATH. 

In the spring, 1862, spies and foreign officers who 
had seen the rebel ram Merrimac being built at Norfolk, 
reported her as formidable. The United States Galena, 
our first ironclad, was a failure. There was no vessel of 
the kind to deal with the monster save Ericsson's float- 
ing battery, ready for sea in March, called the Monitor, 
as a warning to Great Britain, expected to interfere on 
behalf of the South and raise the blockade over the cot- 
ton ports. This craft with a revolving turret was just as 
much of a new idea as its prototype. 

On March 8, the Merrimac came out of Norfolk 
and ran down the Ctimberland sloop of war; blew the 
Congress to splinters, and compelled her being blown 
up to save her from the enemy; the Minnesota was run 
aground to prevent being rammed. The victor returned 
to her dock to make ready for a fresh onslaught. The 
effect was profound; it seemed no exaggeration to sup- 
pose that the irresistible conqueror would pass through 
the United States fleet at Hampton Roads and, speed- 
ing along the coast, reduce New York to the most oner- 
ous terms or to ashes. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 257 

On Sunday, the ninth, the Monitor arrived after a sea 
passage, showing she rode too low for ocean navigation. 
Though in no fit state for battle, no time was allowed 
her, as the Merrimac ran out to exult over the ruins of 
the encounter. The Monitor threw herself in her way, 
bore her broadside without injury, and her shock with 
impunity, but on the other hand hurled her extremely 
heavy ball in, under her water-line. The ram backed out, 
and, wheeling and putting on full steam, returned to her 
haven. She was, it appears, too low to cross the bar 
to go up to Richmond, and was not ocean-going; she 
was blown up when Yorktown was evacuated by the Con- 
federates in May, 1862. 

The President had said of her defeater, to some naval 
officers : "I think she will be the veritable sling with 
the stone to smite the Philistine Merrimac." 



LINCOLN'S CHEESE-BOX ON A RAFT. 

There is a chapter yet to be published upon iron-clad 
war-ships, as introduced practically in the Civil War. 
To the Southerners is due the innovation on a fair scale, 
though the experiments were not at all profitably demon- 
strative. Upon rumors that the enemy were building the 
novelties of iron-cased vessels, the Federal government 
responded by voting money — and throwing it away upon 
a fiasco. Meanwhile, the others had razeed a frigate, the 
Merrimac, and upon an angular roof laid railroad-iron 
to make her shot-proof. Stories of her likelihood to be 



258 The Lincoln Story Book. 

a terror, especially as she was stated by spies to be sea- 
worthy, inspired the Americanized Swedish naval engi- 
neer, Ericsson, to build a turret-ship. The Naval Con- 
struction Board unanimously rebuffed the innovator. 
Luckily, President Lincoln became interested as a flat- 
boat builder, in his youth. He took up the inventor and 
the design. He scoffed at the idea that the man had 
not planned thoroughly, saying, as to the weight of th« 
armor sinking the hull : 

"Out West, in boat-building, we figured out the carry- 
ing power to a nicety." 

His championship earned the Monitor the name of 
Lincoln's "cheese-box on a raft." 

The assistant secretary of the navy, knowing all the 
facts, observes : 

"I withhold no credit from Captain John Ericsson, her 
inventor, but / know the country is principally indebted 
to President Lincoln for the construction of this vessel, 
and for the success of the trial to Captain Worden." — 
'(Captain Fox, Ericsson's adviser, confirms this credit.) 



NO ''DUTCH COURAGE." 

After the miraculous intervention of the Ericsson 
Monitor, the President took a party aboard to inspect the 
little champion which had saved the fleet and, perhaps, 
the capital, where the captain received them. He apolo- 
gized for the limited accommodation, and for the lack 
of the traditional lemon and necessary attributes for a 



The Lincoln Story Book. 259 

presidential visit. But the teetotaler chief merrily re- 
plied : 

"Some uncharitable persons say that old Bourbon 
valor inspires our generals in the field, but it is plain 
that Dutch courage was not needed on board of the 
Monitor !" 



*«IF I HAD AS MUCH MONEY AND WAS AS 
BADLY SKEERED " 

In March, 1862, after her terrifying exploits, the 
Merrimac ram was reported to have escaped to sea and 
was seeking fresh prey to devour. The Eastern seaports 
were in a panic. A deputation of New York's merchant 
princes, bullion barons, and plutocrats generally, repre- 
senting "a hundred millions," was the rumor heralding 
their "rush" visit to the capital, arrived at the White 
House. 

The spokesman faltered that the great metropolis was 
in peril, that treasures were involved by the apprehension, 
and that, in brief, the government ought to take measures 
to defend the Empire City from the spite of this irre- 
sistible ocean-terror. 

At the conclusion, the patient hearer responded: 

"Well, gentlemen, the government has at present no 
vessel which can sink this Merrimac. (They were not, 
for state reasons, to know what the sly fox had up his 
sleeve.) The government is pretty poor; its credit is not 
good; its legal-tender notes are worth only forty cents 
on your Wall Street; and we have to pay you a high 



26o The Lincoln Story Book. 

rate of interest on our loans. Now, if I were in your 
place, and had as much money as you represent, and was 
as badly skeered as you say you are — I'd go right back 
to New York and build some war-vessels and present 
them to the government." — (Authenticated by Schuyler 
Colfax, afterward vice-president under General Grant; 
and by Judge Davis, who presented the delegation.) 



"IT PLEASES HER, AND IT DON'T HURT ME.'* 

April, 1862, closed brilliantly for the Union, as New 
Orleans was captured. General Porter Phelps issued a 
proclamation which freed the slaves. As on previous 
occasions, when this bomb was brought out, the Presi- 
dent had directed its being stifled and reserved for his 
occasion, there was wonder that he took no official notice 
of the premature flash. Taken to task by a friendly critic 
for his odd omission, he deigned to reply : 

"Well, I feel about it a good deal like that big, burly, 
good-natured canal laborer who had a little waspy bit of 
a wife, in the habit of beating him. One day she put 
him out of the house and switched him up and down the 
street. A friend met him a day or two after, and re- 
buked him with the words : 

" 'Tom, as you know, I have always stood up for you, 
but I am not going to do so any longer. Any man 
may stand for a bullyragging by his wife, but when 
he takes a switching from her right out on the public 
highway, he deserves to be horsewhipped.' 

"Tom looked up with a wink on his broad face, and. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 261 

slapping the interferer on the back with a leg-of-mutton 
fist, rejoined : 

" 'Why, drop it ! It pleases her and it don't hurt me !' " 



'^LET HIM SQUEAL IF HE VOFOCS.** 

One of the Northern war governors was admirably 
loyal and devoted to the reunion, but he was set on doing 
things his own way, and protested every time he was 
called on for men or material. Lincoln saw that he 
was willing, and was only like the lady who "methinks 
protests too much." So he told Secretary Stanton, who 
laid before him the objections : 

"Never mind ! These despatches do not mean any- 
thing. Go right ahead. The governor reminds me of a 
boy I knew at a launching. He was a small boy, chosen 
to fit the hollow in the midst of the ways where he should 
lie down, after knocking out the king-dog, which holds 
the ship on the stocks, when all other checks are removed. 
The boy did everything right, but yelled as if he was 
being murdered every time the keel rushed over him 
in the channel. I thought the hide was being peeled 
from his back, but he wasn't hurt a mite. 

"The shipyard-master told me that the boy was always 
chosen for the job, doing his work well and never being 
hurt, but that he always squealed in that way. 

"Now, that's the way with our governor; make up 
your mind that he is not hurt and that he is doing the 
■work all right, and pay no attention to his squealing." 

To his confidant, General Viele, the President said : 



262 The Lincoln Story Book. 

"We cannot afford to quarrel with the governors of the 
loyal States about collateral issues. We want their 
soldiers." 



BRIGADIERS CHEAP— CHARGERS COSTLY. 

The news was transmitted to the Executive that a 
brigadier-general and his escort of cavalry had been 
"gobbled up," the current and expressive term, by rebel 
raiders, near Fairfax Court-house, close enough to re- 
sound the echoes of the affray. 

"I am sorry of the loss of the horses," deplored the 
President. "I mean that I can make a brigadier-general 
any day — ^but those horses cost the government a hun- 
dred and twenty-five to fifty dollars a head!" 



TO CURE SINGING IN THE HEAD. 

The key to the trammels which bore upon the several 
generals of the Army of the Potomac is found in the 
fears of the inhabitants of the capital that at the least 
weakness in its defenders, there would be a shifting of 
the two governments, and the Richmond one would re- 
place that at Washington.* But the navy was not con- 
sidered in this relation. Hence, there was a proposition 
to draw the rebel forces from the North, by threatening 



*This seems unlikely now, but General Lee and many com- 
petent judges clung to the belief that, had his General Early held 
his position at Gettysburg, Jefferson Davis, and not Abraham 
Lincoln, would have occupied Washington's seat — for a time, 
anyway! But IF — the story of the Civil War is studded with 
"Ifs." 



The Lincoln Story Book. 263 

the Southern seaports with naval attacks, and descents 
of the tars and marines. A deputation visited the Presi- 
dent with this project. He listened to its unfolding with 
his proverbial patient attention, and rejoined : 

"This reminds me of the case of a girl out our way, 
troubled with a singing in the head. All the remedies 
having been uselessly tried, a plain, common horse-sense 
sort of a fellow (he bowed to the deputation) was 
called in. 

" 'The cure is simple/ he said ; 'what is called by sym- 
pathy — make a plaster of psalm tunes and apply to the 
feet; it will draw the singing down and out!'" — (Re- 
peated by Frank Carpenter's "Recollections.") 



BOWING TO THE BOY OF BATTLES. 

Congressman W. D. Kelley wished to procure the ad- 
mittance of a youth into the Naval School. Though a 
lad he had "shown the mettle of a man" on two serious 
occasions, while belonging to the gunboat Ottawa. The 
President has the right to send three candidates to the 
school yearly, who have served a year in the naval service. 
Thrilled by the recital of the youth's heroic conduct, the 
President wrote to the secretary of the navy to have 
the boy put on the list of his appointees. But the subject 
was found short of the age required. He would not be 
fourteen until September of that year, and it was but 

July. 

Lincoln had the hero appear before him. He admired 



264 The Lincoln Story Book. 

him frankly and altered the order so as to suit the later 
date. He bade the boy go home and have "a. good time" 
during the two months, as about the last holiday he 
would get. The President had reconsidered his first im- 
pression that the "disturbance" was but "an artificial ex- 
citement." 

"And that's the boy who did so gallantly in those two 
great battles !" he mused ; "why, I feel that I should bow 
to him, and not he to me." — (Authority: Congressman 
W. D. Kelley; the person was Willie Bladen, U. S. N.) 



WHEN WASHINGTON WAS ALL ONE TAVERN. 

As men wining with Mars expect to sup with Pluto, 
the drinking at the capital during the war was horrify- 
ing. The bars were overflowing with officers, and while, 
as "Orpheus C. Kerr" was saying of the civil-service 
corps, that spilling red ink was very different from spill- 
ing red blood, the novices in uniform were staining their 
new coats with port. Coming out of the West with the 
unique recommendation, "This gentleman from Kentucky 
never drinks," President Lincoln had only the Ameri- 
can standby, the ice-water pitcher, on his sideboard. And 
up to the last, even when the jubilation upon the war's 
close made many a stopper fly out of the tabooed bottle, 
he could say: "My example never belied the position I 
took when I was a young man." So he could reply to 
a New England women's temperance deputation, proba- 
bly believing the caricaturists who pictured "Old Abe" 
mint-juleping with the eagle. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 265 

"They would be rejoiced if they only knew how much 
I have tried to remedy this great evil." Indeed, he was 
still "meddling" when he wrote and spoke against 
drunken habits in the army, especially among the officers. 



"BREAK THE CRITTER WHERE SLIM!" 

Lincoln's letters to his generals would be a revelation 
of character if it were not already famed. He warns 
"Fighting Joe" Hooker, in June, 1863, "not to get en- 
tangled on the Rappahannock, Hke an ox jumped half 
over a fence and liable to be torn by dogs, front and 
rear, without a fair chance to give one way or kick the 
other." Later : "Fight Lee, too, when opportunity offers. 
If he stays where he is, fret him — and fret him!" 
Finally : "If the head of Lee's army is at Martinsburg, 
and the tail on the plank road between Fredericksburg 
and Chancellorsville, the critter must be slim somewhere; 
could you not break him there?" 



HOW GET HIM OUT? 

During the avalanche of plans to conduct the suppres- 
sion of the rebellion, a genius proposed what afterward 
seemed a forecast for Sherman's march to the sea. But 
at the time, Lincoln saw in it merely a desperate venture 
which would detail a rescue-party much more important. 

"That reminds me," he said, with his whimsical smile, 
"of a cooper out my way, new at the trade and much 



266 The Lincoln Story Book. 

annoyed by the head falling in as he was hooping in the 
staves around it. But the bright idea occurred to him to 
put his boy in to hold up the cover. Only when the job 
was completed by this inner support, the new problem 
rose : how to get the boy out ? 

"Your plan is feasible, sir ; but how are you to get the 
boy out ?" 

(The story was originally credited to a Chinese cooper, 
to whom modern caskmaking was a mystery.) 



"A PLEASURE TO PRESIDE, AT LAST!'* 

On the 4th of March, 1863, when Congress was 
closing the session. President Lincoln gave away the 
bride at a marriage ceremony held — ^by his invitation — 
in the House of Representatives' chamber. This seems 
a singular and high honor to the couple. Their pre- 
eminence and the function being acclaimed by all the 
notables connected with the field and the forum in the 
capital, was a characteristic testimonial to the comforters 
whose service to the soldier was inestimable. The pair 
were John A. Fowle and Elida Rumsey, the man from 
Boston, the lady from New York. They were both at- 
tendants on the hospitals at the front, when their ac- 
quaintance verged into community, and this eventful 
ihatrimony. Lincoln had met both, in his continuous 
calls at the hospitals, and offered the west wing of the 
Capitol building for the wedding. He gave away the 
bride, and in the records figure his name and those of 



The Lincoln Story Book. 267 

the illustrious witnesses. He gave a huge basket of the 
finest flowers from the White House conservatory. He 
stayed to witness the dedication of the Soldier's Library,, 
founded by Mr. Fowle, who had seen the arrant want 
of reading-matter by our soldiers — so few being illiterate. 
At the President's hint, Congress granted the ground for 
the library, but the Pension Office now occupies the site. 
Sixty-three was a dark year, and the President might 
well say on this typical incident, during a time there 
yvas little marrying, it is for once a pleasure to preside. 



ON THE LORD'S SIDE. 

On a pastor assuring the President that "the Lord is 
on our side !" he replied : 

"I am not at all concerned about that, for I know 
that the Lord is always on the side of the right. But it 
is my constant anxiety and prayer that I and this nation 
should be on the Lord's side." 



*^TO CANAAN!'' 
This hymn plays quite a part in the music of the Civil 
War. There is a negro variation — "Canaan's fair and 
happy land," given to the old hymn, "Canaan's happy 
shore," which, better known by its chorus: "Say, broth- 
ers, will you meet us?" and turned by the soldiers into 
the grand "John Brown's body's moldering in the grave, 
but his soul is marching on," was paraphrased by Julia 



268 The Lincoln Story Book. 

Ward Howe into a "battle hymn." And Holmes wrote 
"To Canaan," relative to the first levy. And to top 
these, the Southerners had a parody on the "Old John 
Brown," also called "Lincoln Going to Canaan." 



"GOING TO CANAAN I" 

Although the South is a poetic country, no bard wrote 
any "Marseillaise Hymn" on that side. One of the few 
effusions bidding tolerably for publicity was "Lincoln 
Going to Canaan," a parody on the numerous negro 
camp-meeting lays in which Lincoln was hailed as the 
coming Moses. This burlesque was laid before Mr, Lin- 
coln, he taking the grim relish in hits at him, carica- 
tures and sallies, which great men never spurn. 

"Going to Canaan," he (is reported to have) said. 
"Going to cane 'em, I expect!" 



THE FOX APPOINTED PAYMASTER. 

The President came into the telegraph-ofiEice of the 
White House, laughing. He had picked up a child's 
book in his son "Tad's" room and looked at it. It was a 
story of a motherly hen, struggling to raise her brood 
to lead honest and useful lives; but in her efforts she 
was greatly annoyed by a mischievous fox. She had 
given him many lectures on his wicked ways, and— 
said the President : "I thought I would turn over to the 
finis, and see how they came out. This is what it said : 



The Lincoln Story Book. 269 

" 'And the fox became a good fox, and was appointed 
paymaster in the army.' I think it very funny that I 
should have appointed him a paymaster. I wonder who 
he is?" 

Such inabihty to distinguish one officer as "good" 
does not speak highly for the eradication of the soldiers' 
prejudice for the gentry. — (Superintendent Tinker.)^ 



RISKING THE DICTATORSHIP. 

Every one of the generals leading the Army of the 
Potomac was accused of the "longing for the Presi- 
dency," which placed the occupant in a peculiar predica- 
ment. Of General "Joe" Hooker, it was said in the 
press and in the Washington hotels that he was the 
"Man on Horseback," and would, at the final success 
of clearing out the rebel beleaguers, set up as dictator. 
Hence the letter which Lincoln wrote to him : 

"I have heard in such a way as to believe it, of your 
recently saying that both the army and the government 
needed a dictator. Of course, it was not for this, but in 
spite of it, that I have given you the command of the 
Army of the Potomac. What I now ask of you is mili- 
tary success, and I will risk the dictatorship !" 

It was April, 1863, Hooker issued the stereotyped ad- 
dress full of confidence on taking command, advanced, 
and withdrew his army after the repulse by Lee. All 
he scored was the death of "Stonewall" Jackson, Lee's 
right hand, and that was an accident. As Lee invaded 



270 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

Maryland, all hopes of Hooker's dictatorship were dis- 
persed in the battle smoke penetrating too far North to 
be pleasant incense to fallen heroes. 



A STAGE IN THE CEASELESS MARCH ONWARD 
TO VICTORY, 

Veterans will remember the peculiar effect, on a forced 
march, of the younger or less-enduring comrade falling 
asleep as to all but his eyes and the muscles employed, 
but stepping out and apparently sustained only by the 
touching of elbows in the lurching from the ruts in the 
obliterated road. On the night of the stunning news of 
the last conflict at Chancellorsville, Lincoln could derive 
no comfort from later intelligence. Late at night Gen- 
eral Halleck, commanding the capital, and Secretary 
Stanton left him unconsoled. Then his secretary, as long 
as he stayed, heard the man on whom rested the national 
hopes — her very future — pace his room without pause 
save to turn. It was like the fisher on the banks who 
must keep awake for a chance at a grab at the chains of 
the ship that may burst through the fog and crush his 
smack like a coconut-shell. At midnight the chief may 
have stopped to write, for there was a pause — but a 
breathing-spell. Then the pacing again till the attache 
left at 3 A. M. When he came in the morning, not 
unanxious himself, he found his chief eating breakfast 
alone in the unquitted room. On the table lay a sheet 
of written paper : instructions for General Hooker to 



The Lincoln Story Book. 271 

renew fighting although it only brought the slap on the 
other cheek — at Winchester — and still Lee pressed on 
into Pennsylvania till Harrisburg was menaced! But 
Meade supplanted "Fighting Joe," and Gettysburg wiped 
out the shame of the later repulses. 

(The private secretary was W. O. Stoddard.) 



n 



"WORKING FOR A LIVING MAKES ONE PRACTICAL. 

The year 1863 was black-lettered in the North by 
disaster. General Hooker had been badly beaten by 
General Lee. The Confederate advance into Pennsylva- 
nia shook the strongest faith in the triumph of the 
Federal arms, and the victory of Gettysburg was attained 
at a bloody cost. The draft riots in New York excited 
a fear that the discontent with the colossal strife was 
deep-rooted. General Thomas, at Chickamauga, saved 
the Union Army from destruction, but the call for 
300,000 three-years' men denoted that the end was not 
even glimpsed. Nevertheless, this latter feat of arms 
gladdened tremulous Washington, and among the ex- 
ploits was cited to the President the desperate victualing 
of General Thomas' exhausted troops by General Gar- 
field. He performed a dangerous ride from Rosencrantz 
to the beleagured victor and brought him craved-for 
provisions. 

"How is it," inquired President Lincoln of an officer, 
courier of the details, "that Garfield did in two weeks 
what would have taken one of your West Pointers two 
months to accomplish?" 



272 The Lincoln Story Book. 

The recollection was perfectly well understood by the 
regular, who thought the amateur commander "meddled 
too much" with the operations of the field. 

"Because he was not educated at West Point," was the 
repl)^, but half in jest. 

"No, that was not the reason," corrected the ques- 
tioner; "it was because, when a boy, he had to work for 
a living." 

He rewarded "the purveyor-general" with the rank of 
major-general. 



"HOLD ON AND CHAV!" 

While in July, 1863, General Grant was held at Vicks- 
burg by the siege which he successfully prosecuted, the 
New York draft riots broke out. Without knowing 
from experience that a riot, however portentous, must 
cease when the mob are drunk or spent, the inevitable 
contingencies, in his alarm General Halleck, at Wash- 
ington, begged General Grant to send reenforcements, 
that he might not weaken the capital defenses to any 
extent. The commander of the West declined and re- 
ferred to the President. General Horace Porter was on 
Grant's staff and saw his smiles as he read the despatch 
from headquarters. 

"The President has more nerve than any of his ad- 
visers," observed he to his officers, for Lincoln did not 
agree with his Cabinet, as to the revolution in the rear; 
and the message was sent by the staff: 

"1 have seen your despatch, expressing your unwill- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 273 

ingness to break your hold. Neither am I willing. Hold 
on with a bulldog grip, and chaw and choke as much as 
possible !" 



THE GREAT NATIONAL JOB. ' 

"The signs look better. The Father of Waters again 
goes unvexed to the sea. . . . The job was a great 
national one, and let none be banned who bore an hon- 
orable part in it. And while those who cleared the great 
river may well be proud, even that is not all. It is hard 
to say that anything has been more bravely and well done 
than at Antietam, Murfreesboro, Gettysburg, and on 
many fields of lesser note. Nor must Uncle Sam's web- 
feet be forgotten. Not only on the deep sea, the broad bay, 
and the rapid river, but also up the narrow, muddy bay, 
and wherever the ground was a little damp, they have 
been, and made their tracks ! Thanks to all — for the 
great republic!" — (Letter by President Lincoln, regret- 
ting inability to attend a meeting of unconditional Union 
men at Springfield, Illinois; dated August 26, 1863, to 
J. C. Conkling.) 



FOR FLAYING A MAN ALIVE. 

A representative of Ohio, Alexander Long, proposed' 
in the House a recognition of the Southern Confederacy. 
It must be borne in mind that, before the firing on the 
supply-steamer at Charleston, which was despatched 
surreptitiously not "to offend the sympathizers' suscepti- 



274 ^^^ Lincoln Story Book. 

bilities," many good citizens, dwelling on the silence of 
the Constitution as to secession, said openly that they 
did not see why the States chafing under the partnership 
all the original thirteen made, should not withdraw peace- 
fully. Long was not solitary in his unseemly proposition, 
which, however, could never have been otherwise than 
untimely after the first shot. 

General Garfield met the issue with indignation. He 
called the act "treason!" and denounced the author as a 
second Benedict Arnold. He entreated loyal represent- 
atives : 

"Do not believe that another such growth on the soil 
of Ohio deformed the face of nature and darkened the 
light of God's day 1" 

When this speech met the President's eye, he hastened 
to thank General Garfield for having "flayed Long alive." 



"ONE ON 'EM NOT DEAD YETl^ 

As communications were cut off with the North, in- 
tense anxiety was occasioned there by the situation in 
November, 1863, of General Burnside, packed in Knox- 
ville, Tennessee, by Longstreet's dreaded veterans. At 
last a telegram reached the War Department, vaguely 
telling of "Firing heard in the direction of Knoxville." 
The President reading, expressed gladness, in spite of the 
remaining uncertainty. 

"Why," said he to the group of officers and officials, 
*'it reminds me of a neighbor of ours, in Indiana, in the 
brush, who had a numerous family of young ones. They 



The Lincoln Story Book. 275 

were all the time wandering off into the scrub, but she 
was relieved as to their being lost by a squall every now 
and then. She would say : 'Thank the laws, there is one 
still alive !' That is, I hope one of our generals is in the 
thicket, but still alive and kicking!" 

Indeed, Burnside resisted a night storming-party, and 
Longstreet was not "a. lane that knew no turning," but 
turned and retreated! 



THE SOUTH LIKE AN ASH-CAKE. 

At the end of 1864, the Confederacy was scotched if 
not quite killed. Sherman had halved it by striking into 
Savannah. East Tennessee and southwest Virginia were 
cut by Stoneman. Alabama and Mississippi were trav- 
ersed by Grierson and Wilson. In sum, the new map 
resembled that of a territory charted off into sections. 

President Lincoln said that its face put him in mind 
of a weary traveler in the West, who came at night to 
a small log cabin. The homesteader and his wife said 
they would put him up, but had not a bite of victuals 
to offer him. He accepted the truss of litter and was 
soon asleep. But he was awakened by whispers letting 
out that in the fire ashes a hoe-cake was baking. The 
woman and her mate were merry over how they had 
defrauded the stranger of the food. Feeling mad at 
having been sent to bed supperless — uncommon mean in 
that part — he pretended to wake up and came forth to 
sit at the dying fire. He pretended, too, that he was ill 
from worry. 



276 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 

"The fact is, my father, when he died, left me a large 
farm. But I had no sooner taken possession of it than 
mortgages began to appear. My farm was situated like 
this " He took up the loggerhead poker to illus- 
trate, drawing lines in the ashes so as to enclose the ash- 
cake. "First one man got so much of it one side," he 
cut off a side of the hidden dough. "Then another 
brought in a mortgage and took off another piece there. 
Then another here, and another there ! and here and 
there" — drawing the poker through the ashes to make 
the figure plain — "until," he said, "there was nothing of 
the farm left for anybody — which, I presume is the case 
with your cake !" 

"And, I reckon," concluded Mr. Lincoln, "that the 
prospect is now very good of the South being as cut up 
as the ash-cake!" — (Telegraph Manager A, Chandler.) 



**1 COUNT FOR SOMETHING 1" 

The true lovers of the South were sorely wrung in 
1864 by the Emperor Napoleon taking advantage of the 
"lockup" of the United States, to set a puppet in the 
Austrian Archduke Maximilian on the imperial throne — 
so called — of Mexico. It was said that the Cabinet of 
Lincoln were divided on the subject; whereon the Mar- 
quis of Chambrun, having the ear of the Executive, called 
on him, and inquired on the real state — would the United 
States intervene, if only by winking at a filibustering 
expedition from the South, with Northern volunteers 
accessory, to assist the natives against the usurper? 



The Lincoln Story Book. 277 

"There has been war enough," was his rejoinder, with 
that sadness which Secretary Boutwell declares insepara- 
ble from him, but not due to the depression of public 
affairs. "I know what the American people want; but, 
thank God! I count for something, and during my sec- 
ond term there will be no more fighting!" 

It was left for his successor, with the two armies 
disbanded, but still whetted for slaughter, to expel the 
French by the mere threat of their union to restore the 
republic. 



PASSES NO GOOD FOR RICHMOND. 

A person solicited the President for a pass to Rich- 
mond. But the other replied caustically: 

"I should be happy to oblige you if my passes thither 
were respected; but I have issued two hundred and fifty 
thousand to go to Richmond, and not one man has got 
there yet !" 



THE MAYOR IS THE BETTER HORSE. 

The Lowell Citizen editor participated in a presiden- 
tial reception in 1864, just before the fall of Richmond. 
The usher giving intimation that the President would 
see his audience at once, all were ushered into the inner 
room. "Abraham Lincoln's countenance bore that open, 
benignant outline expected ; but what struck us especially 
was its cheerful, wide-awake expressiveness, never met 
with in the pictures of our beloved chief. The secret 



^78 The Lincoln Story Book. 

may have been that Secretary Stanton — middle-aged, 
well-built, stern- visaged man — had brought in his budget 
good news from Grant," After saluting his little circle 
of callers, they were seated and attended to in turn. 

First in order was a citizen of Washington, praying 
for pardon in the case of a deserter. 

"Well," said the President, after carefully reading the 
petition, "it is only natural for one to want pardon; but 
I must in that case have a responsible name that I know, 
I don't know you. Do you live in the city?" 

"Yes." 

"Do you know — h'm ! the mayor ?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, the mayor is the better horse. Bring me his 
name and I will let the boy off." 

The soldier was pardoned. 



THE REAL THING SUPERIOR TO THE SHAM 
BATTLE. 

On the 25th of March, 1864, in honor of the Presi- 
dent's renewal of office, a grand review had been fixed at 
City Point, outside the capital. 

Whatever the opinion of the old military, the volun- 
teers gave the civilian commander "the soldiers' vote." 
In imitation of the French soldiers dubbing Bonaparte 
"the Little Corporal," after his Italian victories, the 
Americans promoted Lincoln to be their "captain," as 
Walt Whitman worded it, after his repeated reinstate- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 279 

ment. He was rapturously greeted by "his boys in blue." 
But the arrangements made at Washington in the undis- 
turbed council were upset by General Lee. On that 
very morning he had attacked and taken Fort Stedman. 
To drive him out required a veritable action not ter- 
minating for several hours. Lincoln visited the scene of 
restoration after the carnage, and, on hearing regrets 
that the review — ^the chief recreation of the Washington- 
ians — he checked the light-souled attendants with: 
"This victory is better than any review." 



THE TOOL TURNED ON THE HANDLE. 

The scales having fallen from our sight and the figure 
of the greatest American standing out colossal and clean- 
cut for posterity to worship as without a blemish, it is 
hard to measure the conceit of the clique of politicians, 
pettifoggers, and office-seekers certainly assisting in the 
advancement of Abraham Lincoln from confined ob- 
scurity in the West to the choice of the Northern nation. 
That was not enough, but still gaging him with their 
tape they withheld justice from him, after he displayed 
his worth in meeting the impending crisis. 

When on the heels of the call for 300,000 men in 
'1863, came in spring, 1864, another for 500,000, to fortify 
General Grant in his finishing maneuvers, a murmur was 
heard. Chicago, gallantly having done her part, thought 
it was pumping at a void. A deputation from Cook 
County, headed by Lincolnites, departed for the capital 



28o The Lincoln Story Book. 

to object to the summons. It was thought by his friends 
and long supporters that "their own elect" could not 
resist their plea, or turn it off with a joke. This deputa- 
tion fined down to three persons, as it was not a patriotic 
quest. One of them also wished to balk, being Joseph 
Medill, editor of the Chicago Tribime. As a matter of 
course. Secretary of War Stanton refused the indulgence, 
obdurate as he was. The President was likewise averse, 
but he did consent to go over the matter with Stanton. 
The result was the same. All was left solely to Lincoln, 
since the personal argument was implied by the mediums 
selected. 

"I"_said Medill to Miss Tarbell— "I shall never for- 
get how Mr. Lincoln suddenly lifted his head and turned 
on us a black and frowning face. 

" 'Gentlemen,' said he, in a voice full of bitterness, 
'after Boston, Chicago has been the chief instrument in 
bringing this war on the country. The Northwest has 
opposed the South as New England opposed the South. 
It was you who were largely responsible for causing the 
blood to flow as it has. You called for war until we had 
it. You called for emancipation, and I have given it to 
you. Whatever you have asked, you have had. 

" 'Now you come here, begging to be let off from the 
call for men which I have made to carry out the war you 
demanded. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I 
have a right to expect better things of you ! 

" 'Go home and raise your six thousand extra men — the 
Cook County rate. And you, Medill, you are acting like 
a coward ! You and your Tribune have had more influ- 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 281 

ence than any paper in the Northwest in making this war. 
Go home and send us those men !' " 
They went home, and they raised and sent those men ! 



"SOONER THE FOVL BY HATCHING THE EGG 
THAN SMASHING IT." 

"Still the question is not whether the Louisiana Gov- 
ernment, as it stands, is quite all that is desirable. The 
question is, Will it be wiser to take it as it is, and help 
to improve it, or to reject and disperse? . . . Con- 
cede that the new government is to what it should be as 
the egg to the fowl, we shall sooner have the fowl by 
hatching the egg than by smashing it. (Laughter.)" — 
(Speech by A. Lincoln, his last! in answer to a serenade 
at the White House, nth April, 1865, amid illuminations 
for the victories.) 



TOO BUSY TO GO INTO ANOTHER BUSINESS. 

There came into the presidential hearing a man of 
French accent from New Orleans. He was evidently a 
diffident person, not knowing how precisely to state his 
case. But the burden of it was that he was a real-estate 
holder in New Orleans, and, since the advent of military- 
rulers there, he could not collect his rents, his living. 

"Your case, my friend," said the President, "may be a 
hard one, but it might be worse. If, with your musket, 
you had taken your chances with the boys before Rich- 



282 The Lincoln Story Book. 

mond, you might have found your bed and board before 
now ! But the point is, what would you have me do for 
you? I have much to do, and the courts have been 
opened to relieve me in this regard." 

The applicant, still embarrassed, said : "I am not in the 
habit of appearing before big men." 

"And for that matter," it was quickly responded, "you 
have no need to change your habit, for you are not before 
very big men now;" playfully adding: "I am too busy 
to go into the rent-collection business." 



THE SCALE OF REBELS. 

When, at the finale, Lincoln reproved his own wife 
for using the hackneyed expression of rebels, suggesting 
Confederates, as officially accepted on both sides, a wit 
commented : 

"The Southerners will be like the Jews. As a poor 
one is simply a Jew, a rich one a Hebrew, and a Roths- 
child an Israelite, so it will be rebels, Confederates, and 
our Southern brothers anew!" 



ONE WAR AT A TIME. 
When the Austrian archduke, Maximilian, was foisted 
upon Mexico as its emperor by Napoleon III., the South- 
erners, who did not have their "bellyful of fighting" by 
1864, more than hinted that they would range shoulder 
to shoulder with the Federals to try to expel him and the 



The Lincoln Story Book. 283 

mercenary Marshal Bazaine. But the President returned 
sagaciously : 

"One war at a time!" 

It was under his successor, Johnson, that the expulsion 
was effected and the upstart executed by the exasperated 
Mexicans themselves. 

(Note. — This was undoubtedly said, but Mr. Henry 
Watterson, in his lecture on Lincoln, dates it as at the 
commencement of the war, when Secretary Seward, to 
forestall possible European alliances in favor of the Con- 
federate States, proposed waging war against France 
and Spain, already allied, and challenging Russia and 
England to follow.) 



"AGIN' THE GOVERNMENT." 

In the summer of 1864, the governor-general of Canada 
paid the President a visit, with a numerous escort. 
During the late unpleasantness, as much comfort as pos- 
sible under the Neutrality Act was believed to have been 
given the raiders into the border towns, as witness the 
St. Alban's Bank steal and the outfitting of blockade-run- 
ners. But they were treated at Washington with perfect 
courtesy. The head of the British party, at the conclu- 
sion, said with some sarcasm in his genial tone : 

"I understand, Mr. President, that everybody is en- 
titled to a vote in this country. If we remain until 
November, can we vote ?" 

"You would have to make a longer residence, which I 
could desire," politely replied the host; "only, I fear we 



284 The Lincoln Story Book. 

should not gain much by that — for there was a country- 
man of your excellency, from the sister kingdom of Ire- 
land, though, who came here, and on landing wanted to 
exercise the privilege you seek — to vote early and often ! 
But the officials at Castle Garden landing-stage laughed 
at him, saying that he knew nothing about parties, to 
which he replied : 

" 'Bother the parties ! It is the same here with me as 
in the old country — I am agin' the government!' You 
see, he wanted to vote on the side of the Rebellion ! Your 
excellency would then be no more at a loss co decide on 
which side !" 



PLOWING AROUND A LOG. 

A State governor came to Washington, furious at the 
number of troops headquarters commanded of him and 
the mode of collecting them. Irate as he was, General 
Fry saw him bidding good-by to the Capitol with a placid, 
even pleased, mien. The general inquired of Lincoln 
himself how he had been so miraculously mollified. 

"I suppose you had to make large concessions to him, 
as he returns from you entirely satisfied ?" suggested the 
general. 

"Oh, no," replied the President, "I did not concede 
anything. 

"You know how that Illinois farmer managed the big 
log that lay in the middle of his field ? To the inquiries 
of his neighbors, he announced he had gotten rid of it. 

" 'How did you do it ?' they asked. Tt was too big to 



The Lincoln Story Book. 285 

haul away, too knotty to split, too wet and soggy to 
bum. Whatever did you do?' 

" 'Well, now, boys, if you won't tell the secret, I'll tell 
you how. I just plowed 'round it!' 

"Now, Fry, don't tell anybody, but I just plowed 
around the governor!" — (On the authority of General 
James B. Fry.) 



NOT THE RIGHT ^^CLAV* TO CEMENT A UNION. 
In 1864, Horace Greeley, editor of the New Yorlc 
Tribune, and a great authority among the farming class 
and the extremists, consented to attend an abortive peace 
consultation with Southern representatives, George N. 
Sanders, Beverly Tucker, and Clement C. Clay, at Ni- 
agara Falls. Clay was so set upon Jefferson Davis be- 
ing still left as a ruler in some high degree which would 
condone his action as President of the seceded States, 
the project, like others, was a "fizzle," as Lincoln would 
have said. To our President, Henry Clay was the "beau- 
ideal of a statesman" ; but it was clear that his namesake 
■was not of the Clav to cement a new Union I 



"THE MAN DOWN SOUTH" 
In August, 1864, a painful absorption was noticed in 
the President's manner, growing more and more strained 
and depressed. The ancient smile was fainter when it 
flitted over the long-drawn features, and the eyes seemed 
to bury themselves out of sight in the cavernous sockets. 



286 The Lincoln Story Book. 

too dry for tears. These withdrawing fits were not un- 
common, but they had become frequent this summer, and 
at the reception he had mechanically passed the welcome 
and given the hand-shake. But then the abstraction be- 
came so dense that he let an old friend stand before him 
without a glance, much less the usual hearty greeting 
expected. The newcomer, alarmed, ventured to arouse 
him. He shook off his absence of mind, seized the hand 
proffered him, and, while grasping it, exclaimed as though 
no others were by, also staring and pained : 

"Excuse me! I was thinking — thinking of a man — 
down South!" 

He was thinking of Sherman — that military genius who 
"burned his ships and penetrated a hostile country," like 
Cortez, and from whom no reliable news had been re- 
ceived while he was investing Savannah. Lincoln had in 
his mind been accompanying his captain on that forlorn 
march — "smashing things" — to the se_a. 



THE DISMEMBERED "YALLER" DOG. 

Toward the end of December, 1864, the news trickled 
in of the utter discomfiture of Confederate General 
Hood's army at Nashville, by General Thomas. An en- 
thusiastic friend of the President said to him : 

"There is not enough left of Hood to make a dish-rag, 
is there?" 

"Well, no, Medill ; I think Hood's army is in about the 
identical fix of Bill Sykes' dog (the application from 



The Lincoln Story Book. 287 

Dickens is noticeable as showing Lincoln's eclectic read- 
ing) down in Sangamon County. Did you never hear 
it?" 

As a Chicago man Mr. Medill might be allowed to be 
ignorant of Sangamon Valley incidents. 

"Well, this Bill Sykes had a long, hungry yaller dog, 
forever getting into the neighbors' meat smokehouses, 
and chicken-coops, and the like. They had tried to kill 
it a hundred-odd times, but the dog was always too 
smart for them. Finally, one of them got a coon's in- 
nards, and filled it up with gunpowder, and tied a piece 
of punk in the nozle. When he see this dog a-coming 
'round, he fired this punk, split open a corn-cake and 
squose the intestine inside, all nice and slab, and threw 
out the lot. The dog was always ravenous, and swallered 
the heap — kerchunk ! 

"Pretty soon along come an explosion — so the man 
said. The head of the animal lit on the stoop ; the fore 
legs caught a-straddle of the fence ; the hind legs kicked 
in the ditch, and the rest of the critter lay around loose. 
Pretty soon who should come along but Bill, and he was 
looking for his dog when he heard the supposed gun go 
off. The neighbor said, innocentlike: 'William, I guess 
that there is not much of that dog left to catch anybody's 
fowls?' 

" 'Well, no,' admitted Sykes ; 'I see plenty of pieces, 
but I guess that dog as a dog, ain't of much account.' 

"Just so, Medill, there may be fragments of Hood's 
army around, but I guess that army, as an army, ain't of 
much more account !" 



288 The Lincoln Story Book. 

(Joseph Medill was editor of the Chicago Tribune; he 
was one of the coterie who claimed to have "discovered" 
Abraham Lincoln, and surely added propulsion to the 
wave carrying him to Washington. Another version of 
this anecdote is applied to the breaking up of General 
Early's rashly advanced army in July ; but it would seem, 
by Mr. Medill's name, that this is the genuine ; the other 
is not told in the Western vernacular of Mr. William 
Sykes.) 



THE METEOROLOGICAL OMEN. 

The second inauguration day was amid the usual 
March weather in the District of Columbia, like the fickle 
April in unkinder latitudes : smile and scowl. But as the 
President kissed the book there was a sudden parting of 
the clouds, and a sunburst broke in all its splendor. This 
is testified to by the newspaper correspondents, Frank 
Moore, Noah Brooks, and others. The President said 
next day: 

"Did you notice the sun burst? It made me jump!" 



DID SHE TAKE THE WINK TO HERSELF? 

Miss Anna Dickinson, lecturing by invitation in the 
House of Representatives' Hall, alluded to the sunburst 
which came upon the President on inauguration day, just 
as he took the oath of office. The illustrious auditor sat 
directly in front of the lady, so that he also faced the 
reporters' gallery behind her. Lincoln amiably glanced 



The Lincoln Story Book. 289 

over her head, caught sight of an acquaintance among 
the newspaper men, and winked to him as she made the 
reference to the so-esteemed omen. Next day he said to 
this gentleman — Noah Brooks : 

"I wonder if Miss Dickinson saw me wink at youf" 



GOING DO^m WITH COLORS FLYING. 

All the wire-pulling of the many contestants for the 
presidential chair failed to get a prize upon it. It was 
held that there must be in excelsis no "swapping of 
horses in crossing the stream," still turbid and danger- 
ous. So the National Convention, held at Baltimore, 
purged by this time of its former treasonable activity, 
at the Soldiers' Fair, held there, the President had al- 
luded to the time when he had to be whisked through 
as past a bed of vipers, and said : 

"Blessings on the men who have wrought these 
changes !" 

All the States voted for the incumbent save Missouri, 
which stood for General Grant, but the votes transferred 
to Lincoln, the opinion was unanimous. Within two 
months he was driven by circumstances to call out five 
hundred thousand men. His partizans regretted the 
necessity, and on the old story that the people were tired 
of the war declared it would prove injurious to his re- 
election. But it is undisputed that about half the levies 
never reached their mustering-point. The arts and wiles 
of the marplots were equaled only by the prodigality and 
persistency of the parents to save their sons from "the 



290 The Lincoln Story Book. 

evils of camp life." It is but fair to the Puritans to 
accept their plea that the loss of them fighting the coun- 
try's battles did not so distress them. Lincoln replied to 
the political argument nobly : 

"Gentlemen, it is not necessary that I should be re- 
elected, but it is necessary that our brave boys in the 
front should be supported, and the country saved." (The 
hackneyed phrase had led to his party being nicknamed 
"the Union-savers.") "I shall call out the five hundred 
thousand more men, and if I go down under the measure 
I will go down like the Cumberland, with my colors 
flying!" 

(On the 8th of March, 1862, the Confederate iron-clad 
ram, Merrimac, ran into and sank the Union sloop of 
war, Cimiherland, nearly all of the latter's company per- 
ishing. Acting-captain Morris refused to strike his flag.) 



THERE MUST BE THE BELL-MULE. 

President Lincoln formally disavowed the desire er- 
roneously attributed to him by military critics that he 
wished to die "with soldiers' harness on his back." To 
quote General Grant, to whom he said in their first in- 
terview when the victor of the West was summoned to 
Washington to be made lieutenant-general, and given full 
command over all the national forces : 

"Mr. Lincoln stated to me that he had never professed 
to be a military man', or to know how campaigns should 
be conducted, and never wanted to interfere with them; 
but that procrastination on the part of his commanders, 



The Lincoln Story Book. 291 

and the pressure of people at the North, and of Congress, 
had forced him into issuing the 'executive orders.' He 
did not know but that they were all wrong, and did not 
know that some of them were." 



**RCX>T, HOG, OR DJEl" 

In February, 1865, permission was requested from the 
National Government for three appointees on a peace 
commission to confer with the Executive. It was granted, 
but the parties were not allowed to enter Washington, 
as they wanted to do, to give more luster to the course. 
The interview of the President, Mr. Seward the "bottle- 
holder" — ^as it was facetiously said about this sparring- 
match for breath — was with Alexander Stephens, Hunter, 
and Campbell, of Alabama, on board of the River Queen, 
off Fort Monroe. The discussion lasted four hours, but, 
though on friendly terms, as "between gentlemen," re- 
sulted in nothing. For the President held that the first 
step which must be taken was the recognition of the 
Union. As was his habit, he rounded off the parley with 
one of his stories apropos. 

Mr. Hunter, a Virginian, had assumed that, if the 
South consented to peace on the basis of the Emancipa- 
tion Proclamation, the slaves would precipitate ruin on 
not only themselves, but the entire Southern society. 

Mr. Lincoln said to Henry J. Raymond, of the Times, 
New York, that : 

*T waited for Seward to answer that argument, but, 



292 The Lincoln Story Book. 

as he was silent, I at length said : 'Mr. Hunter, you ought 
to know a great deal better about that than I, for you 
have always lived under the slave system. I can only 
say in reply to your statement of the case that it reminds 
me of a man out in Illinois, by the name of Case, who 
undertook to raise a very large herd of hogs. It was a 
great trouble to feed them, and how to get around this 
was a puzzle to hiin. At length he hit upon a plan of 
planting a great field of potatoes, and, when they were 
sufficiently grown, turned the whole herd into the field 
and let them have full swing, thus saving not only the 
labor of feeding the hogs, but also that of digging the 
potatoes. Charmed with his sagacity, he stood one day 
leaning against the fence, counting his hogs, when a 
neighbor came along. 

" 'Well, well,' said he ; 'this is all very fine, Mr. Case. 
Your hogs are doing very well just now, but, you know, 
out here in Illinois the frost comes early, and the ground 
freezes for a foot deep. Then, what are you going to 
do?' 

"This was a view of the matter Mr. Case had not taken 
into account. Butchering time for hogs was 'way on in 
December or January ! He scratched his head, and at 
length stammered : 

" 'Well, it may come pretty hard on their snouts, but 
I don't see but it will be "Root, hog, or die !" ' " 

The speaker had no need to draw this moral as to 
the fate of the South after the war, for black or white, 
from a Case in Illinois ; the negro minstrel song was cur- 
rent then which supplied the apt allusion, and was called 



The Lincoln Story Book. 293 

"Root, Hog, or Die." It may well be that the sailors 
conveying the baffled commissioners to Richmond, or the 
soldiers about the "other government," were chanting the 
instructive and prophetic chorus : "It doan' make a bit of 
difference to either you or I, but Big Pig or Little Pig, 
it is Root, Hog, or Die." 

Mr. Raymond, in chronicling this anecdote, tells of the 
New York Herald giving the story in a mangled and 
pointless copy. But it was current in conversation. Mr. 
Lincoln was in hopes that "it would not leak out lest 
some oversensitive people should imagine there was a 
degree of levity in the intercourse between us." 

Quite otherwise, for the majority thought the illustra- 
tion as good as any argument, and would have deemed 
the speaker prophet if they could have foreseen that the 
South would have to buckle down to hard work to re- 
deem the losses. 



THE GRANT BRAND OF VHISKY. 

Although a Kentuckian — orthodox jest — Lincoln was 
so known for his rare temperance convictions that no one 
carped at the buffet at his official house being clear of the 
decanters characterizing it in previous administrations. 
The total abstinence societies therefore hailed him as an 
apostle of their creed. Consequently, they had been 
pleased, on certain occasions, at his espousing and cheer- 
ing their counsel. When General Grant was elevating 
himself by his string of solid victories in the West, it was 
object of caviling, by the adherents of the generals 



294 ^^^ Lincoln Story Book. 

eclipsed and foreseeing his becoming lieutenant-general, 
and the slander circulated that "Philip sober" got the 
credit of "Philip drunk," perpetrating his plans with the 
dram-bottle at his elbow. 

Lincoln heard out this spiteful diatribe with his 
habitual patience, when, calmly looking at the chairman, 
he responded: 

"Gentlemen, since you are so familiar with the gen- 
eral's habits, would you oblige me with the name of Gen- 
eral Grant's favorite brand of whisky. I want so to send 
some barrels of it to my other generals !" 

The deputation withdrew in poor order. 

Major Eckert says that Mr. Lincoln told him he had 
heard this story. It was good, and would be very good 
if he had told it — ^but he did not. He supposed it was 
"charged to him to give it currency." He went on to 
say: 

"The original is back in King George's time. Bitter 
complaints were made against General Wolfe that he was 
mad. The king, who could be more justly accused of 
that, replied: T wish he would bite some of my other 
generals.' " 



"A GENERAL, AT LAST!" 
Without disparaging the Lincoln generals, it may be 
said that they will never occupy a niche in Walhalla be- 
side Napoleon's marshals and Washington's commanders. 
But Washington society liked them one with another for 
affording opportunities of outings to the grand reviews 



The Lincoln Story Book. 295 

and parades. One — that to Bull Run — turned out a 
failure, and the Southerners chasing the fugitives had 
the pickings of the iced wines, game pies, and cold 
chicken which "Brick" Pomeroy saw strewing the road 
back. Grant's negligent and war-worn uniform did not 
remind any one of the gay and brilliant period of "Old 
Fuss and Feathers," the veteran Scott. But Grant and 
the other Westerner, Lincoln, mutually pleased at their 
first meeting, the latter emerged from the interview ex- 
claiming with joy: 
"At last, we have a general!" 



A FIZZLE ANYHOW I 

American dash was, in military matters as in others, 
opposed to the engineering schemes dear to the scientific 
officers fresh from West Point Academy. Among their 
projects was the Dutch Gap Canal at City Point. When 
Grant, as his lieutenant-general, was conducted by the 
President to see the forces and their positions, the guide 
made known his opinion of the undertaking in his frank 
manner, consonant with the new commander's bluntness. 

"Grant, do you know what this reminds me of? In 
the outskirts of our Springfield, there was a blacksmith 
of an ingenious turn, who could make something of 
pretty nigh anything in his line. But he got hold of a bit 
of iron one day that he attempted to make into a corn- 
knife, but the stuff would not hold an edge, so he rea- 
soned it would be a claw-hammer; but that would be a 



296 The Lincoln Story Book. 

loss of overplus, and he tried to make an ax-head. That 
did not come out to a five-pounder; and, getting dis- 
gusted, he blew up the fire to a white heat around the 
metal mass, when, yanking it out with his tongs, he 
flung it into the water-tub hard by, and cried out : 

" 'Well, if I can't make anything of you, I'll make a 
fizzle anyhow!' 

"Well, general, I am afeared that that's what we'll 
make of the Dutch Gap Canal." 



"FORGET OVER A GRAVE!'' 
When the Chronicle, of Washington, had the noble 
courage to speak well of "Stonewall" Jackson, acci- 
dentally shot, as a brave soldier, however mistaken as an 
American, Lincoln wrote to the editor : 

"I honor you for your generosity to one who, though 
contending against us in a guilty cause, was nevertheless 
a gallant man. Let us forget his sins over a fresh-made 
grave." 



IF HE FELT THAT WAY— START! 

Although Colonel Dana, of the private branch of the 
War Office Intelligence Department, might have claimed 
exemption from active service, he never spared himself, 
though such a messenger ran not only the common mili- 
tary dangers, but of the Johnnies treating him as a spy. 
During the battles of the Wilderness, acute was the 
trepidation in Washington, where no news had come 



The Lincoln Story Book. 297 

since a couple of days — Grant having "cut loose" and 
buried himself in the midst of the foes. Nevertheless, 
Dana had a train at Maryland Avenue to take him to the 
front, and a horse and escort to see him farther ; he came 
to take the President's last orders. But the other had 
been reflecting on the perils into which he would be send- 
ing his favorite despatch-bearer. 

"You can't tell where Lee is, or what he is doing; Jeb 
Stuart is on the rampage pretty lively between the Rap- 
pahannock and the Rapidan. It is considerable risk, and 
I do not like to expose you to it." 

"But I am all ready; and we are equipped, if it comes 
to the worst, to run !" 

"Well, now, if you feel that way— start!"— (E. P. 
Mitchell, from Dana.) 



FTGUR^SJWILL PROVE ANYTHING. 

Toward the finish of the Rebellion, Lincoln was asked 
to what number the enemy might amount. He replied 
with singular readiness r 

"The Confederates have one million two hundred thou- 
sand men in the field." 

Astonishment being manifested at the precision, he 
went on, smiling: 

"Every time a Union commander gets licked, he says 
the enemy outnumbered him three or four times. We 
have three or four hundred thousand, so — logic is logic ! 
they are three times that; say, one million two hundred 
thousand." 



298 Tlie Lincoln Story Book. ' 

As a fact, at the grand review before the President 
(Johnson) the two armies of Grant and Sherman, May, 
1865, two hundred thousand veterans filed past. Lincoln 
should have lived to see that glorious march past. 



"I DONT VANT TO— BUT THAT'S IT IF I MUST 
DJEl" 

In the ferment, as the term of Lincoln's first office- 
holding was terminating, the old war fever returned by 
which "Little Mac (McCIellan), Idol of the Army" was 
hailed as "the hope of the country," Only this time the 
presage was that General Grant had only to secure that 
phantasm, the capture of Richmond, to be nominated and 
elected. This reached the President's ears through the 
"hanged good-natured friend," as Sheridan — the wit, not 
the general — calls the stinging tongue. 

"Well," drawled Mr. Lincoln, "I feel very much like 
the man who said he did not particularly want to die, but, 
if he had got to die, that was precisely the disease he 
>vanted to die of!" 



BEST LET AN ELEPHANT GOl 

A rebel emissary, the notorious Jacob Thompson, was 
reported by the secret service as slipping through the 
North and trying to get passage to Europe on the Allan 
steamship out of Portland, Maine, or Canada. Brevet- 
general Dana, confidential officer to the War Department 
and the President, inquired if the fugitive was to be de- 



The Lincoln Story Book. 299 

tained at Portland, where the provost-marshal thought he 
could capture him. Secretary Stanton wanted him ap- 
prehended. 

"H'm," said Lincoln, who was being shaved, "I don't 
know as I have any apprehension in that quarter. When 
you have an elephant on your hands, and he wants to 
run away, better let him run!" 

(Note. — The "Unbeknownst" story has been applied 
to this tolerated "escape.") 



HISTORY REPEATS. 
There is a double echo in the Lincolnian saying, "No 
surrender, though at the end of one or a hundred de- 
feats," from General-President Taylor's reply at Buena 
Vista: "General Taylor never surrenders," to its an- 
tecedent, not so well authenticated, of General Cam- 
bronne at Waterloo: "The Old Guard dies, but does not 
surrender." 



''NOT THE PRESIDENT, BUT THE OLD FRIEND." 

In February, 1865, General Grant's plans were so well 
shaped that, with the reenforcement of General Sherman 
returned from his march to Savannah, he could count on 
crushing up Richmond, as an egg under trip-hammers. 
Before this the doom was registered, for the Southerners 
were at the end of their men, as before they had been 
at that of their means. Bridges burned or blown up, the 
rebel army was pouring out of their capital with the fear 



300 The Lincoln Story Book. 

that their one or two ways of flight were already blocked 
by Sheridan or Sherman. The desperate attempt to arm 
the slaves against their coming deliverer was the "last 
kick." Lee clung to Richmond in hope that his lieuten- 
ant, Johnston, would check the oncomer, but he was com- 
pelled to notify his President and colleagues that flight 
was their only resource when he could no longer fight. 

Lincoln was at Petersburg at Grant's headquarters 
when, a few miles off, Davis received the fatal intelli- 
gence that Lee was being deserted so freely that there 
would not be a body-guard left him. He fled, to be ig- 
nominiously captured in female disguise. His lair was 
hot when Lincoln entered it, and made it his closet, 
whence he issued his orders. 

Soon after this occupation the victor heard the name 
of Pickett announced to him. The Southern general, 
George Pickett, was a protege of his, as he smoothed 
his entry upon the West Point Military Academy book 
when he was a congressman. Without either knowing it, 
the hero was lying dead on a hard-fought field close by. 
But Lincoln ordered her admittance. She was accom- 
panied by her little son. This alone would have prevailed 
over the President, but, as she formally addressed him 
as the authority, he interrupted: 

"Not the President, but George's old friend !" 

And beckoning the wondering boy to him with the 
irresistible attraction of men who love the young, and 
are intuitively loved by them, he said : 

"Tell your father, rascal, that I forgive him for the 
sake of your mother's smile, and your own bright eyes." 



The Lincoln Story Book. 301 

This reconciliation on the fall of the sword was a token 
of the forgivingness of the North toward the chastened 
foes. 



"CLOSE YOUR EYESl" 

The Marquis of Chambrun, a French volunteer, who 
entered the Lincoln circle, relates in a more elegant strain 
the above incident. He states that Thompson and San- 
ders were informed upon, and Stanton repeated the in- 
formation to the President with a view of having them 
intercepted. But the other in his tender voice responded : 

"Let us close our eyes, and leave them pass unnoticed." 



DONT JUDGE BY APPEARANCES. 
The President's recklessness seems incredible as to 
going about the capital, as far as he knew and wished, 
without escort, but his "browsing," to use his word, about 
the perilous front while the concluding actions were en- 
veloping Petersburg preliminarily to the rush at Rich- 
mond, partake of the nature of a fanatic's daring. This 
is the support to the otherwise taxing story told by Doc- 
tor J. E. Burriss, of New York, then a volunteer soldier 
at the place. He states that Lincoln, so shabbily dressed 
as to be taken for a farmer or planter, was so treated by 
soldiery before a tobacco-warehouse under guard. They 
wanted tobacco, and begged him to allow some to be 
turned out. He approached a young lieutenant com- 
manding the post, but the latter was insolent to the "old 



\ 

302 The Lincoln Story Book. 

Southerner." The latter sent a soldier to General Grant, 
who himself rode up, post-haste, at the summons. The 
soldiers were given some of the Indian weed, and the 
donor, turning to the impertinent officer, who had thought 
him a converted reb, said : 

"Young sir, do not judge by appearances ; and for the 
future treat your elders with more respect." 



'^ NOTHING CAN TOUCH HIM FURTHER/' 

Returning to Washington from Richmond, Lincoln 
read twice to friends on the journey, from his pocket 
Shakespeare : 

Treason has done his worst ; nor steel nor poison. 
Malice domestic, foreign levy, nothing. 
Can touch him further. 



**WENT AND RETURNED!" 
The last days of March, 1865, contained the three bat- 
tles, closing with that of Five Forks, signalizing the col- 
lapse of the Confederacy at Richmond. The President, 
at the front, sent the news of victories to the Cabinet at 
home. After the battles, the advance of the triumphing 
Unionists. On Monday morning Lincoln was enabled to 
telegraph the talismanic words so often dreamed of in 
the last agonizing years of fluctuating hope : 
"Richmond has fallen ! I am about to enter !" 
Secretary Stanton, of the war office, immediately im- 
plored : "Do not peril your life !" 



The Lincoln Story Book. 305 

But in the morning he received this line from the most 
independent President known since Jackson : 

"Received your despatch; went to Richmond, and re- 
turned this morning!" 

Expostulated with by Speaker Colfax on the apparent 
rashness, for he had completed "the foolhardy act" by 
occupying President Jefferson Davis' vacated house, he 
replied with the calm of a man of destiny: 

"I should have been alarmed myself if any other per- 
son had been President and gone there; but / did not 
feel in any danger whatever." 

(Note. — Mark the analogy in great men. General 
Grant says of his first emotions in war — the Mexican — 
"If some one else had been colonel, and I had been lieu- 
tenant-colonel, I do not think I would have felt any 
trepidation.") 



THE CLEAR FORESIGHT. 

On the 2d of April, 1865, the President was at 
City Point, Grant's headquarters, until he started forth 
for the culminating series of ceaseless strokes. That 
morning, attack along the whole line had been com- 
manded, and the President telegraphed to his wife, at 
the capital, during the raging battle. He knew that al- 
ready the hostile Hnes had been pierced in one or more 
places, and that Sheridan's cavalry rush was supported 
by a division of infantry. He concludes foreseeing that 
at length "pegging away" was over and slugging begun : 

"All is now favorable!" 



304 The Lincoln Story Book. 

In truth, on that same day, the rebel government at 
Richmond faded thence Uke a mirage, and, within one 
week, General Lee surrendered his enfeebled relic of a 
grand army. 



DO IT "UNBEKNOWNST." 

On April 7, 1865, General Grant had enveloped the 
enemy so that he could be assured that the rebel govern- 
ment, if it remained in Richmond as the "last ditch," 
would be trapped. He notified the President close by, at 
Petersburg, and asked what should be done in the event 
of the game being bagged. The plan was, it seems, to 
have slain the ex-President and his Cabinet officers in a 
rout, and the charge would have been described as mas- 
sacre abroad. The arbiter on this point of anguish re- 
plied in his characteristic manner: 

"I will tell you a story. There was once an Irishman, 
who signed the Father Mathew's temperance pledge. 
But a few days afterward he became terribly thirsty, and 
finally went into a familiar resort, where the barkeeper 
was, at first, startled to hear him call for a 'straight' 
soda. He related that he had taken the pledge, so he 
hinted, with an Irishman's broadness of hint, 'you might 
put in some spirits unbeknownst to me !' " 

(Note. — Another and later version — for the above was 
limitedly repeated at the time with gusto and apprecia- 
tion of the sublety — makes the hero a temperance lec- 
turer at Lincoln's father's house. This is stupid, for 
Lincoln, a fervent temperance advocate, would not have 



The Lincoln Story Book. 305 

decried the apostles of the doctrine for which he was 
also a sufferer.) 

In course of time doubt has been cast on this anecdote 
by reason that the President would not have jested at 
such a juncture. But abundant confirmation was forth- 
coming at the time. Besides, we have so grave a general 
as Sherman alluding to the "Unbeknownst" in an official 
document. 



ONE CANNOT DIE TWICE. 

In Lincoln's last interview with his rustic friends, Mrs. 
Armstrong repeated the fears many apprehended of evil 
being visited on the President-elect on his way to be in- 
augurated. 

"Hannah, if they do kill me, I shall never die another 
death!" and laughed at her. 



NO MORE INVIDIOUS NAME-CALLING. 

On returning from a carriage-drive into Washington, 
Mrs. Lincoln — who was not the Southern sympathizer 
the scandalous hinted — glanced at the city, and said aloud 
with bitterness : 

"That city is full of our enemies !" 

Had she a premonition on the fatal eve? 

Right before the Marquis of Chambrun, their com- 
panion, the President serenely said : 

"Enemies, Mary! Never speak of that!" 



3o6 The Lincoln Story Book. 

No wonder, when the dastardly taking off was bruited 
through the beaten but ever gallant South, they knew 
that they had lost "their best friend !" as General Pickett 
styled Lincoln. — (By the Marquis of Chambrun.) 



'♦THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA THE TREASURY 
OF THE WORLD." 

As Schuyler Colfax was going West, Lincoln, in bid- 
ding him the last farewell, said foresightedly : 

"I have very large ideas of the mineral wealth of our 
nation. Now that the Rebellion is overthrown, and we 
know pretty nearly the amount of our national debt, the 
more gold and silver we mine, we make the payment of 
that debt the easier. Tell the miners from me that I 
shall promote their interests to the best of my ability 
because their prosperity is the prosperity of the nation; 
and we shall prove in a few years that we are the 
treasury of the world." 



"HANG ON— NOT HANG!" 

On April li, 1865, Mr. Lincoln spoke out of his study 
window to an immense and joyous crowd. There were 
rockets, and portfire, and a huge bonfire, while the Presi- 
dent was serenaded. The finish of the Rebellion de- 
lighted all persons. His offhand speech was full of 
compassion and brotherly love. Louisiana was already 
being "reconstructed." Mr. Harlan, who followed the 



The Lincoln Story Book. 307 

chief, touched the major key: "What shall we do with 
the rebels?" To which the mob responded hoarsely: 

"Hang them !" 

Lincoln's little son, Tad, was in the room, playing with 
the quills on the table where his father made his notes. 
He looked at his father, and said, as one whose intimacy 
made him familiar with his inmost thoughts : 

"No, papa ; not hang them — ^but hang on to them !" 

The President triumphantly repeated: 

"We must hang on to them! Tad's got it!" — (By 
Mrs. H. McCulloch, present.) 



LINCOLN^ LAST WISH. 

"Springfield ! how happy four years hence will I be, 
to return there in peace and tranquillity!" — (To the Mar- 
quis of Chambrun, April, 1865.) 



ASSASSINATION. 

At Springfield, immediately upon the election for 
President, Lincoln began to receive letters with lethal 
menaces. His friends took them as serious, and two or 
more carried weapons, and escorted him closely that no 
one with a dagger might reach his side. Calling on his 
stepmother for the farewell, she reiterated the general, 
and rising, fears. At Philadelphia, detectives and others 
whispered of a plot matured at Baltimore, and in his 



3o8 The Lincoln Story Book. 

speech at raising the flag over Independence Hall he 
said pointedly: 

"If this country cannot be saved without giving up 
this principle — liberty to the vi^orld — I was about to say 
I would rather be assassinated on the spot than surrender 
it. ... I have said nothing but what I am willing 
to live by, and, if it be the pleasure of Almighty God, 
to die by." — (Speech, Philadelphia, February, 1861.) 



A PRESIDENT, NOT AN EMPEROR. 

The President said to Colonel Halpine as respected the 
life-guards, which he soon dispensed with around his 
person, often going out unawares so as to "dodge" the 
escort in waiting : 

"It will never do for the President of a republic to 
have guards with drawn swords at his door, as if he 
fancied he were, or were trying to be, or were assuming 
to be, an emperor." 



THE PLOT TO VAYLAY THE PRESIDENT (I860). 

The dispute as to whether there was a foundation to 
the supposed plot to waylay and sequester President- 
elect Lincoln between Philadelphia and Washington is 
notable. From the later light and the letter from Wilkes 
Booth to his brother-in-law, Sleeper Clarke, the 
comedian, no doubt is left that to kidnap him was a plot 
dated very early when the foresighted slave-holders were 
certain that he was a greater enemy from consistency 



Tlie Lincoln Story Book. 309 

than the louder-voiced and openly violent Abolitionists. 
While Colonel Lamon doubted, and wished he had 
not been beguiled into aiding in the ignominious 
flight in disguise and secretly by train, Secretary 
Seward and General Scott gave it credence. The fore- 
boding had touched Lincoln before he left his Illinois 
home. At Springfield his farewell speech is tinged with 
shade. At Philadelphia and Harrisburg he spoke of 
blood-spilling, and used the word "assassination" at the 
former. He took up the matter like a reasoner. Already 
the detective brothers, Pinkerton, had an inkling of the 
doings of the Knights of the Golden Circle, or some such 
secret society, designing regicide. So, as the Concord- 
ance is held as a proof from the variance of the wit- 
nesses to scenes, he argued that the story was founded. 
Otherwise he would not have heard of the criminal at- 
tempt from all sides. That was what made him yield 
his dignity to the safety of a person whom he felt was 
chosen for the crisis. The next morning he had con- 
cluded to pass through Baltimore at another than the 
arranged hour to foil the plot. 



'^I DON^T BELIEVE THERE IS ANY DANGER 1'' 

One night the President had been very late with the 
secretary of war at the latter's department. But, just 
the same, he insisted on his getting home by the short cut 
— a foot-path, lined and embowered by trees, then lead- 
ing from the war office to the White House. But 
Stanton stopped him. 



3IO The Lincoln Story Book. 

"You ought not to go that way; it is dangerous for 
you in the daytime" — it did lend itself to an ambuscade, 
and persons who knew Wilkes Booth assert having seen 
him prowling around — "it is worse at night!" 

"I do not believe there is any danger there, night or 
day !" responded the President, with Malcolm's confi- 
dence that he stood "in the great hand of God." 

"Well, Mr. President," continued Stanton, a stubborn 
man himself, "you shall not be killed returning from my 
department by that dark way while I am in it !" 

And he forced him to enter his carriage to return by 
the well-lighted avenue, 

Lincoln had previously consented to carry a cane. 
j(By Schuyler Colfax.) 



WORRY TILL YOU GET RID OF THINGS. 

On Colonel Halpine trying to make the chief see that 
even indoors there was danger, he debated about the 
two menaces — violence of "cranks" and of a political 
fanatic. He thought too well of the sense of the "people 
at Richmond," some of whom had been colleagues of his 
in his first stay in Washington as congressman. 

"Do you think that they would like to have Hannibal 
Hamlin — his first vice-president — here any better than 
myself?" 

The story is repeated with his second Vice substituted 
for the first, with the more justification, as "Andy" John- 
son was impeached for his incompetency. Detective 



The Lincoln Story Book. 311 

Baker put it this way: "As to the crazy folks, I must 
take my chances. The most crazy people being, I fear, 
some of my own too zealous adherents." 

(He had the same idea as in an ancient Qiinese 
proverb: "You may steal the captain out of his castle, 
but you cannot steal the castle.") 

"I am but a single individual, and it would not help 
their cause, or make the least difference in the progress 
of the war."* — (Cited by F. B. Carpenter.) 



THE FEARLESSNESS OF THE GOD-FEARING. 

Lincoln said that by the death of his son Willie he was 
touched; by the victory of Gettysburg made a believer. 
It is plain that, after this, a fortitude replaced the 
despondency stamping him. It may be due to this 
conviction of being one of the chosen, like Cromwell 
and Gordon, soldiers of Christ, that he met all adjura- 
tions for him to take care of his precious life with fanati- 
cal unconcern. He communicated to the Cabinet, at the 
close of the conflict, how he had appointed to confer 
alone and without guards to terrify the emissary, a 
noted Confederate. They were to discuss peace — and by 
that word, Lincoln was drawn to any one. He answered 
the cautions with the simple saying: 

"I am but an individual, and my removal will not in 
any way advance the other folks in their endeavors." 



*He might have said, as truly as his predecessor, John Tyler, 
reproached also for going about unguarded : "My body-guard is 
the people who elected me." 



312 The Lincoln Story Booki 

In fact, it was so — the misdeed was a double-edged 
blade which cut both ways. It will never be known, 
probably, how near a massacre followed the explosion of 
indignation at that maniac's murder of the Emancipator. 
Fortunately for the unsullied robe of Columbia, a hun- 
dred advocates of leaving retribution to Heaven echoed 
Garfield's appeasing address. 

Lincoln met the intermediator, but the ultimate nego- 
tiation fell through, like the others all. He came home 
from City Point with sadness, but from his seed has out- 
come the Universal Peace Tribunal of The Hague. Pro- 
fessor Martens based his original plea of the czar's on 
the Lincolnian guide for the soldiers in our war. 



THE POISONING PLOT. 

A servant at the White House testifies that he was 
approached by emissaries who offered him a sum almost 
preposterously large to put a powder in the milk for the 
Lincoln family's table. The agents knew that they 
were temperance followers, milk being as common as 
wine at previous tenants' table. This was laughed at 
before the shadow of Booth's patricide was cast ahead. 
But the Reverend Henry Ward Beecher publicly de- 
clares — and he was in the state secrets as deeply as any 
layman — that President-General Harrison, "Tippecanoe," 
was poisoned that Tyler might fulfil the plan to annex 
Texas as a slave State. "With even stronger convictions 
is it affirmed that President-General Taylor was poisoned. 



The Lincoln Story Book. 313 

that a less stern successor might give a suppler instru- 
ment to manage. Who doubts now that it was attempted 
Breckenridge in his room?" 



NOTHING LIKE GETTING USED TO THINGS I 

The more evident it grew that the President, at whom 
the stupid jeers persisted through incurable density of 
his enemies, was the vital motor of the Union cause, than 
threats of violently removing him were continually sent 
him. So many such letters accumulated that he grimly 
packeted them together and labeled the mass: "Assas- 
sination Papers." It was a Damoclesian dagger of which 
he spoke lightly, because fear of death never awed him. 
When a man walks in the manifest path traced out for 
him by Heaven, he does not tremble. But friends, more 
concerned by the strain in watching over his safety, ex- 
pressing surprise at his indifference, he tried to reassure 
them : 

"Oh, there is nothing like getting used to things !" 



MOST AFRAID OF A FRIENDLY SHOT. 

General Wadsworth, in his anxiety about the Presi- 
dent's safety in Washington, swarming with insurgent 
agents, set a cavalry guard over the President's carriage. 
He went and complained to General Halleck, in charge 
of the capital, saying only partly facetiously: 

"Why, Mrs. Lincoln and I cannot hear ourselves talk 



314 The Lincoln Story Book. 

for the clatter of their sabers and spurs; and some of 
them appear to be new hands and very awkward, so that 
I am more afraid of being shot by the accidental dis- 
charge of a carbine or revolver than of any attempt upon 
my life by a roving squad of ']eh' Stuart's cavalry." 

(Since Stuart came twenty miles within the Union 
lines, he was the criterion of rebel raiders' possibilities.) 



THE ONE WORD HE HAD LEARNED. 

A tale-bearer came to the President with a plot against 
him and the government, which was a cock-and-bull 
without any adherence, and all superficial, Lincoln 
heard him out, but then sharply returned : 

"There is one thing that I have learned, and that you 
have not. It is only one word : 'Thorough !' " Then 
bringing his huge hand down on the table-desk, to em- 
phasize his meaning, he repeated : "Thorough !" 



NOT TO DISAPPOINT THE PEOPLE. 

The strictly religious went so far as to call the Lin- 
coln assassination a judgment(!), as it happened in a 
playhouse on a Good Friday! It appears that the Presi- 
dent had compunctions, and at the last moment was dis- 
inclined to go, though a party had been made up to 
oblige a young espoused couple ; but General Grant, who 
was to be a feature of the commanded performance, was 
called away — no doubt escaping the knife the murderer 



JAN 17 1950 



The Lincoln Story Book, 315 

had in reserve to his pistol. The President said that 
he must go, not to disappoint the people on this gala 
night, as the rejoicing was wide over the dissolution of 
the Confederacy. 



NOTHING LIKE PRAYER— BUT PRAISE. 

In 1862, the President suffered "an affliction harder to 
bear than the war!" His son Willie (William, next to 
one that died in infancy) was carried off by typhoid 
fever, under the presidential roof; and another, "Tad," 
(Thomas, who actually lived to be twenty and passed 
away in Illinois) was given up by the physicians. At 
this crisis Miss Dix, daughter of the general famous for 
his order : "If any one offers to pull down the American 
flag, shoot him on the spot," recommended an army 
nurse, Mrs. Rebecca R. Pomeroy. She was a born suc- 
corer, pious and fortifying. She came reluctantly to the 
important errand, as she had to leave a wardful of 
wounded soldiers. She had lost many of her family, and 
was able to comfort from gaging the affectionate 
father's grief. She led him to pray in his double racking 
of bad war news and the domestic distress. 

On next seeing him and that he was less grieved, for 
news of the Fort Donaldson surrender to General Grant 
arrived in the meantime, she hastened to say: 

"There is nothing like prayer, Mr. President!" 

"Yes, there is: Praise! Prayer and praise must go 
together !" 

THE END. 



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